#lightafterdark

It’s strange — this world. After years of drowning in that heavy, invisible weight, coming out feels like breathing for the first time. I ask myself, "Was I even here all along?"

My old self feels like a stranger. My likes, dislikes — all shapeshifted. The sun no longer burns — it warms me. The cold no longer numbs — it awakens me. And suddenly, even the smallest things feel like the first taste of love.

This is what they call a fresh start, right?

Where I begin again. Where I forget that there was ever a time I wanted to stop existing. Where I no longer carry the weight of being shattered by someone I trusted completely.

Dreams I had buried deep — they are resurfacing, one by one. And for the first time in years, I don’t just want to exist, I want to live.

Not just look at the ceiling and let hours disappear. Now, I want to work. To build. To chase joy like a teenager with two wings, ready to fly. Just… fly.

The me that is much more than just this body and the you that is light encapsulated in human form; how could we lie together in mutual pain, believing it was pleasure? How could we use each other’s infinite beauty like that? I see you in my d a y dreams sometimes and I shudder with both pleasure and shame. I c a n n o t believe that I was once so sad and so lost. I cannot believe that maybe you still are. And when the memories fade away, just like the clouds after a rain storm, I see that the light has come. The light has come. And I believe that everything is going to be okay, once more. I finally believe that I am under no law but God’s and for once, I feel no shame, just the sweet essence of l i b e r a t i o n. What is it that I am free of? My own attachment to hiding in the d a r k.