#light shower

You are the light I've been searchin' for forever Feels like, man, I've really never felt the rain Buried in the desert, didn't think I'd push through the dirt You just cleansed me like a waterfall, you came

Nell makes several references to the boy being water, or being filled with water (“I want to reach inside him and pull out whatever cool river flows there. / Drink from it like a mountain stream.”) It’s a heavy rain that makes her reach out to Shay again after their falling out, as it feels like an emotional cleansing to Nell and gets her in the state of mind to start over honestly (“It’s this mess that makes me feel ready. / The way the soft rain / touched every spent thing. / The way it fell on everything, / kissed everything, like everything / belonged to its falling, / like everything, living and dead, / deserved not to drown / but to drink.”) It’s also worth noting that Nell buried her wasps/her anger in the garden, but the rain is still able to reach them; Shay’s refreshing acceptance of the messy parts of Nell’s life is symbolized in the rain’s refusal to let Nell (quite literally, in this case) bury her emotions.

I'm screamin' like a kettle on a stove You cranked the heat up, I was cold, my past grew mold around my heart

Nell lives in the shadow of her sister Mora and her choices, both at home and at school. She shuts out her own struggles in order to keep up appearances of being the “good” sister, leading her to feel like nobody sees her (“I hid. So I was invisible. / I was invisible. And I hid.”). Once Nell is able to be fully honest with Shay about her struggles, when he is finally able to truly see her, she compares the feeling to a shock of heat (“It’s a burn, being seen like that. / It’s unbearable, like putting your / freezing feet in a hot bath.”)

And all my anger, sadness, regret, disappeared It's madness I'm not used to all this water, love, it's true

In the beginning, before Nell admits that Shay means more to her than she initially let herself believe, she calls him “the antidote,” as whenever she’s around him she doesn’t have to feel her worst emotions. She never has to feel the wasps or stick bugs around him, only the pink and velvet butterflies, emotions she is less familiar with. Nell is the first to admit that she’s not used to the affection of the boy, going so far as to say he’s “too nice to me” and that his brother Cole “felt safer” because he is familiar to her with his brash and dominating personality. While being seen and cared for by Shay is foreign, Nell is well acquainted with being talked down to and ignored due to her home life.

But you make mе want to Plan out my last days on earth, eating you The tips of your teeth Fit perfect in me, you're the shower of light I devour, any day of the week Baby, cleanse me

Shay is a bright spot in Nell’s otherwise turbulent life. On the walk home after their candid conversation, Nell expresses that “there’s also light in us. Light that comes from us. Light between us. / That's the light / I’m living in right now.” Having someone she feels safe sharing her feelings with is as much of a relief as the act of venting itself. Refusing to continue stuffing down her emotions is in some ways like starting over with a clean slate. Another cute correlation between Shay’s shower of light and relief: Nell associates relief with white damselflies, “the cool rush of their light rinsing me.”

I was surprised to see Heaven in your eyes I never once was treated right, you're what I'm missin' in my life As bright as the sun, give me your Vitamin D, let's run into Another dimension, you make me feel like I'm on drugs