#lifeofa30something

I was pissed as fuck this morning but as soon as I got on the road to the river I pretty much forgot about the world at large. I feel like so did everybody else there.

Mariana couldn’t get ahold of her friend and I waited but then I didn’t want to wait any longer. So finally just us two took off. My son said he was gonna be home off and on the whole day so I decided to leave the dog instead of making the extra stop to take him to my parents. I also didn’t want to stay real late cause the bbq was happening I decided. Even if it was me and Mariana only and maybe Francisco he had said probably. Seth had not replied about it. I had brought him pan dulce. Left it on his porch in case he was just in a mood. Text him to look on the porch. He replied with a joke if I fixed the trimming on the porch. I said yes I did it quietly as he was sleeping. Then I joked about how hard he can sleep sometimes. He said he was putting new rain gutters on the house which has been long time coming. I told him I was heading to the river but would be back doing the bbq he should come and if not I would bring him food.

He replied way later when I was driving down if I wanted him to bring anything. Didn’t reply until we got to the river. Ended up getting Mariana’s friend but has to wait longer than I wanted to.

Caleb and Alejandro were there and we got our favorite little spot. They had brought some friends who seemed pretty cool the lady was kinda crazy but she was fun. They had kids Mariana and her friends age. Caleb and Alejandros daughter is way younger but she is like our family we’ve known her since they got her when she was a little baby. Mariana doesn’t really associate with young kids but she does seem to like to play around with their daughter.

The day could have been warmer what made it colder was the wind. But it was still nice. When I got there I was informed my comadre Cindy was there with her sister (also my friend) but they were up river some. I wanted to say hi but first things first; blow up the floaties and prepare myself a drink. I decided moderation was the key especially since holidays are full enforcement. Oddly enough I saw absolutely no cops the whole 45 minute drive down and then back.

The day was really nice. I enjoyed it. At 530 we packed up and left. We got home around 630 and I jumped in the shower as sand was EVERHWHERE and then hit the dab and started setting up the bbq.

My neighbors on both sides had bbqs and some family over. Same family I see on the regular though. The day was beautiful and the wind was not an issue.

The bbq took me kinda a long time but Seth came over and helped me starting half way or maybe a little more. It was funny doing those things together we are both silly.

He said he was on the roof when I left the pan dulce 😂😂

It took for awhile for us to finish it but neither of us where in a hurry. I was still not hungry. I had rice before the river and didn’t eat even one thing there. Food wasn’t in my mind.

We bbq and it was still totally light and it started to sound like what I imagine some sort of war zone. Fireworks from every which way. The dog was not happy.

Seth has the big fireworks and asked if I wanted to go the the beach and let them off so we decided after dinner. We ate outside and Mariana was on the couch but the door was open so we were all close enough to talk.

We cleaned up and Seth went home for a few and I bundled up some (not nearly enough and I knew it urg) and I got the dog high. I felt the most terrible about leaving him. He was high and I gave him some carne I told him I’d be back soon. Seth didn’t have too many fireworks.

It was weird seeing the whole town dead on the 4th and I joked people were all at houses letting off the fireworks. There was definitely way more than usual.

We drove out to the beach and as soon as we crossed the bridge I seen so many cars and people. Fireworks were blasting off everywhere and along with the full moon honestly it was beautiful. Like super beautiful. I joked well they cancelled the usual celebrations so people wouldn’t gather so we all moved the party to the beaches 😂 Like I’ve said its pretty rural here so it’s still not hard to socially distance on the beach. It even was that night.

We still had to trek in a little bit because of parking. It was sooooooooooo cold. So cold. What sucked even more was that the lighter, the only one I brought would not light. It was windy so that didn’t help. Mariana and Seth kept joking with me how I ruined EVERYTHING. But we were not really angry. We decided we’d go home and let them off in the hood as everyone and their mothers were already.

We stayed at the beach like half an hour in total and watched all the fireworks being let off all around. Then we left. Many people had left it seemed. I joked as we walked out along the small side of the road in the moonlight people should come out there in the morning to see all the shit people left.

We hopped in the car and drove back home. Streets were pretty empty besides some homeless but fireworks were every where.

When we pulled up I decided to check my car for another lighter before going inside cause I knew the dog would be excited and happy just to have me going outside again and leaving him. I reached for my keys and instantly felt something not right and realized my car keys had fallen off my keychain. I had one of those key ring clip and I clip my keys to my belt buckle and it had came a little loose that day and I was gonna get a new one tomorrow. But now I was needing to go back and look. But no use to go at that point it was way too dark to find something that small. Now that I’m thinking of it if I dropped them where we tried to do the fireworks they are probably gone because of the tide. At the very least not working with the automatic door locks and shit. I have a second set of keys at my parents but if I can find those it would be great.

Seth let off the big ones in the middle of the road. Several other neighbors were doing fireworks and then all around us too. It was really fun. Even Mariana was having fun. The fireworks were pretty impressive they were illegal ones from Washington state. He also had old ass fire crackers. Luckily he kept all his fingers.

Fucking damn it I’m pissed off at myself. When I quit working in 2011 I let my credit go back to shit. Mostly because I wasn’t working and disability doesn’t pay shit. Also because I was all over emotionally and I could have cared less. I have long accepted that I will not ever be purchasing a home. I always dreamt of having a nice little house with a big yard like I had growing up. Where my kids could play for hours as I did. But that dream long died.

It has been the 7 years since I fucked up and I’ve started getting credit offers. Over the past almost year I have taken 4 credit offers. A general credit card, a card at a makeup store, amazon credit card and credit for the tires. I started with just the first two and I have been doing so well. Making payments on time and always paying more than the minimum balance. At first I paid off all the balance but now I’m hard up. I was proud of myself however because I have received credit increases (modest ones) on both those cards. The amazon one I used for the camera and I think if I use it smart it may pay off with points you can earn. The tires will hopefully be paid off sooner than later. It will come in handy to have good credit with them for the future and they guarantee their tires and work thoroughly.

Well I’ve done well until today I fucked up and discovered I am 2 days late on my FIRST PAYMENT to amazon. Ughhhh. I thought in my head it wasn’t due until the 23rd. But that is the other one. They already charged me 25 penalty. I paid that and like 4 times the minimum payment. Of course that minimum payment was ridiculously low. I feel bad about this but what can I do?? What I did was put in my calendar, with alarms, the due date of all my payments and reoccurring every month so it will keep me aware and hopefully this doesn’t happen again. I also paid my light bill so that is good. Now just leaves gas, internet... marianas braces, oil change, dogs vaccinations. I don’t see how camping could possibly fit in this being I don’t even currently know how I’m paying for all those other things. Besides Mariana’s dad said he would send the 200 first payment this Friday. That is positive although the phone call sparked anger because he was being the same idiot he always is. He doesn’t see why child support keeps saying he owes money. The reason is simple. He does not send the payments on time so they do not post until the following month. Like my last payment for May didn’t come until June 11th so that is posted June. But he’s not late for May because April posted in May. Not sure which month past with no payment at all but maybe March.

This is what he told me about my legit complaint of him never paying child support on time. He said; “it’s kind of like death. You know it’s coming but you’re not always sure when.”

Yeah, he really said that. I hung up shortly after that. After I said well it’s convenient how he manages to pay rent on time, cell phone always seems to be on, car seems to have gas. You seem to be eating. But you don’t have time to pay child support before mid month.

Shit I got to get ready to go.

Tonight is a big game. We lose, we’re done. If we win, still one more game. Can’t wait to see Seth. Funny the other day I told Seth I had missed him when I was gone. I always tell him I miss him. He’s like “you were only gone one day” (in a joking way not rude) and I was like yes... but... I still miss you. I always miss you and think about you so I tell you.

I also noticed Lindsay hasn’t been around. Seth said last time he wasn’t inviting her anymore because he kept inviting her and she didn’t come. I haven’t been disappointed lol. He says she has been working a lot. Even though she hates the job and wants to retire lol. I wonder if it has anything to do with me around.

Seth’s dad was supposed to come tomorrow but he’s not because his girlfriend is having surgery. Nothing terrible and she’s gonna be fine. We are still waiting to hear the word on dad’s biopsy. I hope he’s ok.