#liam shaw

TNG: what if the captain drank tea and gave speeches instead

DS9: what if the captain was a single father and religious figure trying to hold onto his morals in the face of an existential threat

Voyager: what if the captain was trying to get her unruly scout troop back home and also she had a GUN

Enterprise: what if the captain was a massive dweeb

Kelvin timeline: what if the first guy was actually a horny frat boy

Disco: what if the captain was a cryptofascist? no wait, what if he was just sooooooo handsome, like so mind-meltingly handsome that is just feels unfair? wait, what if he was a deer? no actually what if she did whatever the hell she wanted, but also felt emotions about it?

Picard: what if the captain was a secondary character driven into solitude by his PTSD, and then we suddenly replaced him with some dipshit from Chicago

Lower Decks: what if the captain was your well-meaning perfectionist mother

Prodigy: what if the captain was a purple teenager

Riker, to Picard: You’re not going alone.

Worf: And I will make that a treesome.

*everyone stares*

Riker: Do you even hear yourself?

Geordi: Hope we've got enough juice to get us there.

Data: What makes you think "there" hasn't already been destroyed?

Geordi: Data, can you try to be a little more positive?

Data: I hope we'll die quickly.

Shaw: Mr. La Forge, uh, as a former engineer, I just wanted to say what an honor it is to have you on board.

Geordi: Captain, your hull is battered, bruised, and basically paper thin. You're spewing fumes through layers of 21st century duct tape.

Shaw: Yeah, its been a weird week.

Geordi La Forge: Have you any idea, Jean-Luc, how many Federation treaties this violates?

Jean-Luc Picard: Well, I guess they'll just have to add it to my tab.

Worf: You should know that I now prefer pacifism to actual combat.

Will Riker: We're all gonna die.

Data/Lore: I apologize for the outburst, Captain. I am not in complete control of this body – nor I am in complete control of my utter revulsion at your ancient face.

Alandra: So, has Lore always been this arch?

Geordi: Six years ago, you brought a gift to my anniversary dinner on Rigel.

Picard: A Chateau Picard Bordeaux, which you said was too dry, because your taste in wine is pedestrian at best.

Geordi, to Alandra: Definitely Picard.

Troi: Raffi.

Raffi: Deanna.

Troi: Mm.

Raffi: Strange days, huh?

Troi: You're telling me.

Data: Greetings, USS Titan. This is your friendly positronic, pissed-off, security system. Back online. Unwanted guests and monologuing protoplasms, I am initiating an immediate shift change.