#lialex

to this day, liam never really understood what happened all those years ago with alex.

would he ever know? probably not.

he'd spent so many nights running over the same situations over and over and over again just to figure it all out. did alex feel the same way as liam did? did liam misinterpret it all? he had probably just let his emotions get in the way and all his logical reasoning disappeared.

alex couldn't have possibly been in love with liam.

liam has just officially retired from formula one after four years in the sport. four years too many, he thought often. his career would never stand out, it was just like anyone else's. he'd rounded everything out with a singular win and fourteen podiums. he never made it back up to redbull after being initially dropped.

it's yet again a late night where liam lays in his bed with alex albon on his mind. when is alex not on his mind?

hannah is tucked in the left side of the bed, turned and facing the wall, sleeping soundly. liam is as far on the right side as he could possibly be. it wasn't that he didn't care for hannah, really. it was just he wanted someone else.

he left the bed eventually to walk to the balcony, clearing his mind. only, he just let the thoughts of alex, the thoughts of 2021, consume him more. they were eating away at his soul.

2021 had been a shitty year. well, the beginning had gone well. the leading up had gone well. it had all gone well to the final moment of it, that final moment that scattered liam's brain and probably the majority of his life to come.

he'd known alex before 2021, they were both juniors with redbull racing. but when they became teammates in dtm that year. it had been more than teammates, it had been close friends.

the youtube videos that liam was forced to do for social media for redbull suddenly became bearable when alex came around. mornings became less quiet, the garage less tense. having alex around grounded liam to his surroundings. he never felt so at peace as he did when he had alex.

it was a feeling he got really used to.

liam outperformed alex throughout the season, but not by a large margin, roughly 100 points. it never really got in the way of their friendship. they both were frequently on the podium and going into the last race of the season, it looked like liam was going to win the championship. by all means, he should've.

the night before that final race in germany, alex and liam threw rhe “party” of their lives in their hotel room. it wasn't really a party, speaking as it was just the two of them getting drunk off their asses and celebrating like a bunch of lunatics for what they thought was guaranteed to be liam's championship winning race the next day.

liam lets himself recall all the things that happened in that hotel room. ones he didn't like to remember and ones he wished his drunk mind would've forgotten about.

he had been on such a high that night. alex was too. it was all looking up to be the best weekend of his life and possibly the best of the future to come.

late into the night—much later than either of them should've been awake knowing that they had a very important race the next morning—things were rapidly heating up and growing more intense than they should've been. it was handsy, it was flirty, it was needy and it was hot.

"come here,” the kiwi said, sprawled across the bed with a bottle of beer in his hand. he was too far gone to know how many beers he had drank at that point, but it didn't matter. all you need to know is that he was beyond drunk, so his actions were not something he'd choose to do today. but that didn't mean he regretted it, not at all.

alex, who was eating a piece of pizza that liam ordered from room service earlier, also drunk, comes over to the bed slowly. "yeah?” he asked, sitting on the edge. liam sits up, wobbly, yet confident.

"you look cute.” liam hums, setting his beer down on the night stand as he watches alex, light from the tv dancing across his tan skin. alex blushes and puts a hand on liam's knee, then his thigh. “yeah?” it was teasing. liam knew even then it was teasing. he knew even then that alex wanted him.

a few moments pass before liam nods. "really cute. making me hard.” the words flow out and liam doesn't really know what he's saying. the innocent blush over alex's cheeks turns into something more sinister. “fuck, liam.” alex groans, pushing down liam's shoulders.

liam whines, pushing his face into alex's shoulder. there's a few swift actions where shirts and pants are removed, leaving the two of them just in boxer briefs. liam's statement was defiantly true, alex learns when he pushes his body on top of liam's.

things only escalate from there, entangled limbs become hot kisses. liam bites right above alex's collar bone and suckles like a starved animal for a little bit, leaving a dark purple mark there, and finds a few more spots to leave some more.

the night continues and soon it's more than kissing and biting and hot words. it's raw and it's real. it's liam bent over the edge of the bed with alex looming over him, taking him how he wants but also listening to liam and how he feels. letting liam enjoy it just as much as he does.

liam whines and then he moans, burying his face into the pillow and arching his pale back far off the mattress. alex takes one of his hands off of liam's hip and drags it across the vertebrae that poke through liam's skin. “mm,” liam hums. “like that?" alex asks. he nods.

in twenty minutes, the situation deescalates. both boys have came and gotten cleaned up, now in new boxers and back in the bed. all the lights are finally off now.

liam is on his side, alex spooning him from behind, stroking his unslicked hair. both are taking turns drinking from a redbull water bottle in an attempt to sober up a little and not be absolutely miserable in the morning. they could get drunk again after liam won the championship.

liam sighs. not a sad sigh or angry sigh, just one of contentment. “i think im deeply in love with you.” liam breathes. “actually, i know i am.”

alex smiles and laughs ever so softly into liam's ear. “i know, baby, i know.” he speaks quietly, placing the lightest kiss against liam's neck.

he never said it back. he never would say it back.

obviously, liam didn't win the championship the next day. he got completely cheated out of it. he did get to get drunk again though, but it was a sad lonely drunk and alex wasn't there. it was easily one of the worst nights of liam's entire life, and it would stay being that. it would change a lot of things. it was beyond dtm or his career or cars.

back on the balcony all these years later, liam takes a breath, letting the night air fill his lungs. not a thing has changed with him and alex, and he has to accept that the way things ended on that third night is the truth.

so what happened on the third night?

liam's heart got broken.

it was the morning after he lost the championship and got absolutely blackout drunk. he'd been back and fourth between puking and sleeping the entire first half of the day, so when he came to his senses, he ate and tried his best to get rid of the splitting headache. then he texted alex.

the conversation was at first about how unfair the race was, alex sharing sympathy for liam but also expressing his distaste towards the winner of it all, which liam only agreed with. they spent the next two hours egging each other on, sending funny reels to each other on and sending what anyone would assume were flirtatious messages. at least liam did.

every twenty minutes, alex would sneak something in their that made liam go wild and he'd sneak off to jerk off. yeah, not his proudest moment.

but it was real. alex loved him and that much was clear. maybe clear to everyone but alex. but it was real to liam.

it was eleven at night when liam sent the big message. it wasn't anything special, really.

'this video reminds me of you babe'

babe; that word stirred something within alex. he must've not realized before the the was leading liam on and that liam thought they were in love or some sort of couple. that's not what this was.

liam remembers being heart broken when alex told him not to call him that. even more heartbroken when he asked about what happened that night then and alex claimed it was just a heat of the moment kind of thing, that it was all because of the booze.

but what about everything else before? did liam make it all up? he'd never stop wondering that, even eight years later.

liam watches the city and checks his phone. sometimes he still waits for a reel from alex. well, occasionally he'll get one, something that isn't really meaningful. just a little gag reel. just because they started speaking a bit again when liam joined f1 with alex in 2025. it was once in a month, really.

liam contemplated asking him again. asking alex what it all really meant. but he always held against it. he didn't need more drama. he was engaged and had a baby on the way. he didn't need to remember what he thought was his gay lover.

that was until tonight.

'alex i know it wasn't real but to me it was. i just want to know why you did it. that's all i ask.’

liam hesitated for what felt like a million years before sending the message into alex's instagram inbox. alex opens it three minutes later. liam swears he had a heart attack and peed himself within that time.

alex is typing for over five minutes and liam one hundred percent expects alex to send him a whole paragraph explaining that he felt a spark, some sign that there was something. but it's just something short with a lot less meaning.

'i don't know liam but we need to stop doing this, ok? you have a family now and so do i. we're not going to keep talking about that night or what you thought came with it. you were a good friend and i'm never not going to be grateful for what we had but it wasn't like that to me. have a good night'

he expected that, there was no point in asking. slowly, he makes his way back into the house and into he and hannah's bedroom, where she's sitting up now, waiting for him.

"baby..” she mutters sleepily. liam smiles at her and shimmies into the bed, pulling the blankets up around the both of them and over their shoulders.

liam wraps his arms around her from behind. he hugs her the same way that alex did to him. the same way alex did when he refused to say i love you.

his hands find hannah's stomach and the small bump that was forming. “i love you.”

liam said it, something alex couldn't do.

but alex was strong enough not to lie.