#lexiwrites

YOU took a deep breath looking at the huge Vought tower, looking down you saw your daughter in the stroller and it calmed you down a bit. Eleanor was the light of your life and yeah that might be a little bit of a cliche but it was true.

Her father ditched ever since he figured out you were pregnant and all you had was yourself to help fend for you and for Eleanor. He was a douchebag anyway only cared for himself and his own life, not caring what happened to you or Eleanor but you were doing okay on your own.

I mean yeah paying for all the stuff for a baby was hard but at least you didn’t need to pay for formula since you breastfeed, but you just move for a job that would hopefully work out. Luckily it was close to your sister, Ashley. You’ve been in contact but never visited since you didn’t have the funds to do so, but now you could see her all you.

Ashley was your number one supporter when you got pregnant and she was even there when you gave birth and loved Eleanor. She was also the last defining factor of moving here in the first place, you could have a job that paid decently and see your sister.

You knew she worked for some of the most popular supes in the world and that’s why you were kind of nervous to step in the building. They were superheroes though, they’re not dangerous. At least Ashely hadn’t told you anything that would imply that and she even invited you to come to her work.

So how could this go wrong.

It was just worrying, that’s something you’ve done since you were a small child and even took some anxiety medication to help.

Walking into the big building with your stroller, you would’ve thought people might’ve been ogling at you but it seemed like everyone was into their own conversations or just minding their own damn business. That was at least nice, at least.

But it was intimidating standing in the lobby of this building where the seven stayed. The supes were nowhere to be seen at least and you hoped Ashely would get down here soon because it was getting awkward. You texted her when you first arrived which was about 5 minutes ago and you were starting to worry.

Luckily Eleanor hadn’t sensed your discomfort.

“Y/N you made it,” Ashely says with a smile as she walks up to you, wearing her usual bright pantsuits.

“I was worrying you forgot about me,” You said with a smile as you hugged her. She gave you a tight squeeze before looking down and smiling at Eleanor.

“How’ve you been,” Ashely asked as the two of you walked towards the elevators. You didn’t know where you were going but it was probably to her office or some more private place so you could talk.

“It’s been hard taking care of a newborn baby but I’ve been pushing through it,” You told her vaguely not wanting to worry her. You’ve been only getting 3-4 hours asleep on a good night, but it was the normal life of a single parent, or a parent in general. “Eleanor is totally worth it though, she is the cutest thing,” You cooed at your baby as she gurgled in her stroller.

“She is, and I’m glad you brought her here because I’ve been wanting to babysit and since you’re closer it's so much easier to do,” Ashley says with a smile.

“I just don’t want to intrude on your life, you have a job that you need to do and having a baby will only make it harder,” You expressed as you picked at the skin around your finger nails.

Bad habits die hard.

“It wouldn’t be a burden trust me, I’ve been wanting to see my niece since she was born and I insist,” Ashley promised.

“Okay only if you’re okay with it,” You muttered as the elevator doors finally opened and you walked behind her, to her office which seemed totally cool to you.

“I can’t believe you got your own office that is totally badass, and it totally suits you,” You complimented as she closed the door behind her and leaned on her desk and gave you a coy smile.

“It does feel good to have an office but this job is kinda grating,” Ashley murmured looking down at the floor.

“That is totally understandable though, I mean you’re brushing shoulders with the seven, the most famous superheroes, who wouldn’t be stressed,” You reassured her sitting on the couch and placed the stroller next to you so you could keep your eye on Eleanor.

“At least somebody understands,” Ashley says, giving you a smile. Something dings on her phone which she then pulls out of her pocket and her eyes widen. You look at her worried as you move the stroller back and forth. “I’m sorry I have to go,” She rushed out.

“Wait what am I supposed to do here,” You quickly ask as your heart races against your chest.

“Don’t worry I won’t be long, just stay here playing the tv, I’ll be back as soon as possible,” Ashley says before leaving the room and slamming the door behind her.

Unfortunately for you that woke Eleanor and she started to cry as you jumped at the door slamming. You stood up and grabbed her and started to bounce her in your arms trying to calm her down.

“It’s okay,” You cooed as she continued to cry and scream in your arms and it seemed as though the bouncing didn’t help your stressed baby.

As you were about to check her diaper in case it needed to be changed, you felt something wet on your chest and you immediately knew what it was. You hadn’t breastfed Ellie since early this morning and your breasts were full, when Ellie started to cry it usually happened. Instead of checking her diaper, you would try to check and see if she’s hungry first, and since you’re already ready for it, might as well take advantage of it.

Sitting down on the couch, you lifted your blouse up and since you decided not to wear a bra that day it was a little more easy but it ruined your shirt and hopefully you could get Ashely to find one.

Settling Ellie in your arms right near your primed nipple she immediately latched, and since your breasts were full it felt like relief as she began to drink from you. You supported her head as you leaned against the comfy couch, she squeezed the fat of your breast as she suckled the milk out.

It would normally hurt due to her pinching but since you were in a relaxed state you didn’t really mind. As she began to relax, you began to as well.

You looked at your baby as your chest was filled with so much love, that you would have never felt for anyone else. You probably wouldn’t feel this amount of love for anything or anyone else that enters your life again.

And you were perfectly fine with that.

“Ashley I’ve been fucking looking for you every-,” Homelander cursed as entered the room with an angered expression on his face but it turned into a confused one when he saw you.

God this was the most embarrassing moment that would ever happen to you, you knew you shouldn’t be ashamed of breastfeeding but this was America’s most beloved supe and when he looked angry as well.

Homelander averted his eyes so they weren’t trained on you. He was angry when he was looking for Ashley and expected to find her in her office but who the fuck were you and he didn’t want those old thoughts to come back. But he couldn’t help it as he saw the scene unfold before him.

“I’m sorry Homelander-sir I was ju-,” You began to say as you stood up and turned around so he didn’t seem as uncomfortable. It was obvious due to his stature stiffening as he entered the room and you didn’t want to do that. As you were speaking though you were cut off by him.

“Who the fuck are you,” Homelander snapped as he looked at you as you turned around. Ellie was still at your nipple, and you didn’t want to remove her from it as she seemed very hungry so you did what you thought was best.

“I’m Y/N Ashley s-sister,” You muttered and stuttered as you stared at the wall and began to force your body to relax so it would freak out Ellie.

Homelanders gazed at you even more confused. He didn’t know Ashley had a sister or even a niece for that matter. But he couldn’t deny that you were pretty, beautiful even and he didn’t know if that was due to your actual look or what you were doing.

Ellie decided that she was full as she removed her mouth off of your nipple and you used one hand to pull your shirt down, so you could turn around to face Homelander.

“Like I said I’m sorry about that, I was here to see my sister and she rushed out and Ellie started crying and when she does that, this happens,” You say looking down at your shirt. “And I thought I was alone and-and she was really hungry and I’m just sorry,” You quickly said your apologies, god this day couldn’t get any worse could it.

“No worries,” Homelander waved it off and put on his smile. “It’s natural right,” He nodded and pointed to the baby.

You visibly relaxed as he said that. He wasn’t angry with you, it would’ve been horrible if America's strongest supe was angry at you for a normal bodily function. But he did seem kinda uncomfortable you would say, his smile didn’t reach his eyes but it was better than his eyes being red.

Meanwhile Homelander felt his mind swarm with thoughts about you already and he just met you. He was about to say something but Ashely walked in the room with a shocked expression on her face.

“Sir I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Ashely breathed in deep as she had a somewhat scared expression on her face as she looked between Homelander and you. She was lucky that Homelander didn’t melt your face off as he saw you there and she let out a sigh of relief.

Homelander gave you a wary look and you took that note as you put Ellie in her stroller.

“Don’t worry Ashley we can meet up later,” You gave her a reassured smile. “Nice meeting you,” You gave Homelander a quick smile as you exited the room and felt your body relax that you were out of that awkward encounter.

Although Homelander had already set his eyes on you.

Later that night Homelander found out where you live through the tech department as he could get any one of those people to give him anything.

All day he had been thinking of you, his thoughts were all surrounding you and he tried to shake it off as attraction, which was definitely a part of it but he knew a part of it was due to your milk filled breast. He couldn’t help wanting to find you and just watch you.

As he stood on the building across from your tiny apartment, he used his x-ray vision to see what you were doing. It seemed like you didn’t have an exciting night but what he saw was certainly exciting. You were using a breast pump to get the milk out for the baby. The TV was playing but he didn’t pay attention as his cock throbbed his pants.

You looked pretty tired though, must be due to that baby and you were already dozing off catching yourself multiple times. His thoughts trailed off as he wondered what it would feel like to be doted on by you. If you would praise him and let him get a taste of what he actually wanted.

Homelander knew he was becoming infatuated with and some part inside of him was perfectly fine with that. He would find a way to see you again, even if he had to scare it out of Ashley or find out where you worked and “accidentally” bumped into you. It didn’t matter what he had to do, and what lengths he would reach to get to you.

He just couldn’t wait to see you again and wondered if you’d bring the baby, he hoped not but if so that would be totally fine as long as he got to see you.

The relapsed soldier starts towards him. Dead, almost gray eyes connecting with Steve’s vibrant blue. Steve stands his ground. Refusing to run from his friend.

“Bucky, stop. It’s me, Steve Rogers. I’m your best friend. We saved yo-” Steve gets cut off as a flesh hand wraps around his throat.

“You’re my mission… You’re..”

Steve notices the grip on his throat tighten, “Stevie,” Steve chokes out, “I'm-Your-Stevie.” He says as his vision starts going dark.

Suddenly the hand is gone. Steves breaths turning to urgent gasps, making him think of his asthma attacks from the past. 

As his vision returns he hears a sobbing breath from his side, “Stevie? Stevie talk please.”

Steve could barely breathe, let alone talk, but he knew his friend needed him.

When Bucky asks someone to talk, whether its Steve or Natasha or Sam, it means just that. He needs to be grounded. Sometimes he asks after a panic attack, or just on a bad day. They typically say the same beginning, then something the two went through together. Steve’s is always the most detailed.

“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, but your friends call you Bucky. You were born March 10th, 1917 in Shelbyville Indiana. You were drafted into the United States Army, a sergeant starting in 1943. Even though you told me you enlisted, to spare my feelings. You’re the only son of George and Winifred Barnes, you have three sisters, and although you’d never admit it Becca was always your favorite. She’s still alive and is waiting for you, but knows it may take time for you to feel comfortable…     Um, when you were 12 and I was 11 you saved me from Joseph O’ Conner. He was 16. He’d been grabbing on girls, pulling up their skirts and grabbing at their chests, of course I couldn’t have that.” Steve smirked at that, and could’ve sworn he heard Bucky scoff under his heaving breaths.

Steve looks over at his friend hoping to see him coming out from his ball on the ground, but sees him still curled up tightly, staring into his knees. Seeing this, Steve knows he needs to continue his story.

“Anyway… I saw him walking towards Barbara Jones, I think she was only 14 at the time. He reached for the bottom of her skirt and I just saw red. I was more than a foot shorter than him but I ran up and grabbed him by the collar and pulled. Damn guy barely moved an inch, but it let Barb get away. Next thing I knew I was getting dragged into the alley behind the movie theater on Pennsylvania Avenue. I was already having an asthma attack from being dragged, but when the kickin’ and hittin’ started I was sure I was done for… last thing I remember thinkin’ was that you would probably be the one to find me, and how would you tell my mom…”

Bucky was still gasping, but it had gotten a little smoother, not as ragged.

“Next thing I knew, one last punch landed against my ribs before I felt him get ripped off of me. I have no clue how you found me, but you did… My guardian angel. But I was still having an asthma attack, and I could feel fluid going into my lungs and I knew something… something was wrong, something bad. I was now more worried that you would have to watch me die, I didn’t want that for you, I knew you would feel like it was your fault and I didn’t wanna die knowing you’d blame yourself. I think I heard you bang on the back door of the movie theater, and the old man working there, I think his name was Mr. Wilson, well he ran out… Turned out he was a doctor ‘in a past life’ as he said when I visited after I was better. He kept me alive till the ambulance got there… You kept me alive Buck.

Steve was stuck in a flashback, but was pulled out when he heard his best friend’s voice.

“I found you, ‘cause from the first time we met… I made a habit of looking down every alley way I walked past… Just in case.” He said in between gasps for air, his words incredibly shaky, but still coherent.

Steve looked over at Bucky, who was no longer in a ball but still unable to make eye contact with Steve.

“I’m not a guardian angel Stevie, I’m a monster… a murderer. I hurt Tony, I tried to kill you again. What if I do this to Y/n… what if she doesn’t survive? It would be my fault anyway.”

Steve wraps his arms around the shaking man. 

“You are not a monster Buck. You have saved me so so many times. I’m sure you didn’t notice, but you didn’t use your metal arm, at all during your relapse. You may not have felt in control, but you obviously were, at least subconsciously. You are getting better Bucky… And Y/n will be fine. She is strong, so strong. She is your soulmate, that means she is like you, a fighter. You need to believe in her, and believe in yourself.”

He suddenly felt arms wrap around him, tightly holding on to his friends body, face pushed into Steve’s chest.

Y/n!

He could feel the smile stretching across his face, but was pulled out of his daydream by a breathy giggle.

The most beautiful Y/E/C eyes were looking up at his. The smallest smile on her face, but he could tell it was real. He was in awe of her beauty, unsure how this could happen and waiting to wake up from this amazing dream, when suddenly her smile dropped, and she started coughing.

He could remember Steve’s coughs, whether it was from pneumonia, bronchitis, asthma, or whatever else was making him sick, but they never sounded like this. He could hear the rattle in her lungs on every inhale, her exhales were loud hacking coughs that sounded incredibly painful. He frantically tried to sit her up, his body remembering what he did with Steve in the 30s, but her whole body was tense. It was only then that he heard the alarms going off around them. He hadn’t noticed, but they each had our fair share of wires attached to them, and Y/n’s monitor was lighting up like Christmas. He was starting to panic, when the door to the room suddenly swung open and Tony, Nat and Bruce came running inside. 

Bruce came right up to the bed, and Bucky heard Tony tell FRIDAY to call Dr. Cho.

Bruce looked from him to Y/n, and then to her monitor, “What happened? You guys have both been stable since you touched, she should be fine now.”

“I- I don’t know… We woke up and she was fine. She just started coughing. What is happening!?” Bucky says, his breathing becoming frantic.

Tony looked at the pair with a weird look in his eyes, it wasn’t quite confusion, more like pondering. He looked at the panicked super soldier for a few seconds before his eyes widened.

“I think her body isn’t processing the union. You’ve been separated for so long that it is taking a toll on her.” Tony says before telling FRIDAY to run a full body scan on Y/n.

The former assassin looks at Tony with a terrified gaze, “But she was fine! I’m totally fine, if anything I feel better than ever! Tony what is happening!?”

Tony opens his mouth to reply, but was cut off by his A.I..

“Boss, I have Y/n’s results. She is in acute respiratory failure, Type 2.” Bucky’s eyes widen and his breathing hitches, but he doesn’t interrupt the voice. “ She is also in stage 2 of Multiple Organ Failure, she needs immediate medical attention.”

Tony is left speechless, but only for a few seconds before he turns to Bucky.

“You need to give her to me. Right now.”

Bucky was obviously in shock, he subconsciously gripped Y/n tighter, but he knew that Tony was the only one who could help her. 

“Where will you take her?” Bucky whispers, still holding the coughing girl, who is starting to turn blue. 

Tony looks at the man with sympathy, something Bucky has never seen from him before. “We need to take her to the ICU, FRIDAY called Cho. I’m not sure how to help her, the cradle may not do anything. We may need to put her on life support.” Tony says gently, as if speaking to a child. “We will help her, but you need to trust me… Bucky.” 

This caught Bucky’s attention. He couldn’t remember the last time Tony didn’t call him either an offensive name or just James. 

This whole situation, from the pair waking up to now was only a couple minutes, but to Bucky it felt like hours. Hours of hearing his other half coughing. Hours of feeling her tense muscles. Hours of watching her turn blue. Hours of hearing those damn alarms going off. 

He just wanted it to stop.

Stop.

STOP!

Bucky stood up abruptly. Holding the weak girl. Bruce came running over with a gurney. 

Bucky looked down at the girl, at his soulmate, the girl he had fawned over for so long. At this point she was barely breathing. Coughs turning to awful, wet wheezes. Her eyes were open, but you could tell she wasn’t present. 

Bucky locked eyes with Tony, and Tony was rendered speechless. Bucky looked terrible. Where only a few minutes earlier he looked good, healthy, like the young soldier from the forties taking dames on dates to science fairs, he now looks sallow, weak, and like he could drop to the floor at any moment. He looked like the pictures of him as the Winter Soldier, right after being wiped or brought out from cryo.

“You can’t go with her right now, Cho and Banner will need as much room as possible to try and help her” Tony says in a soft voice, before asking FRIDAY to wake up Steve.

Bucky looks at him with weary eyes, “What do you mean try?” The soldier says with a weak voice, “She’ll be fine. She… She has to be fine.”  Bucky grips Tony’s shoulders tight, anchoring him, trying not to relapse. 

Tony stayed calm, even though he could feel his humerus bones straining under the grip of the Winter Soldier. 

“Bucky, you need to let me go. You’re hurting me” Tony says, trying to keep the other man calm. While he didn’t want two broken bones, at the moment he was more worried about keeping Bucky here and the Winter Soldier tucked away in the recesses of his mind.

Bucky gasped and tried to step backwards but tripped and fell. With frenzied eyes he quickly shuffles himself back into the corner of the room. Squeezed between a med cart and the wall, a space that didn’t look like it should fit his super-soldier frame.  

~Bucky’s POV~

He hurt Tony.

He hurt Tony.

He was in a corner, when did he get into a corner? Blood was pounding in his ears, his heart thudding in his chest. His hands shook, feet tingled. His vision was disfigured, hazy and like he was looking through a fisheye lens. He had to get away, he needed out of there, out of this room. He shoved past the man in front of him… who was he again? 

He burst through the door and looked down the hall, there was a man at the end.

Captain America.

Mission. 

Failed mission- Exterminate Captain America. 

The soldier was confused. When did he fail a mission of this capacity? Why had Hydra not captured and reset him. None of this makes sense. 

Oh well, his mission target was in front of him.

As Steve goes to stand, holding Bucky in his arms, he hears the elevator doors open and waits for the army he knows is coming to rush around the corner… And he was right, a solid two seconds pass before Sam, Nat, Wanda, and Clint come running towards them. They were all in a weird mix of their uniform and casual clothes, besides Clint who was fully dressed in pajamas, which upon closer inspection have little Black Widow symbols on them… Cute.

All were armed, holding guns or knives and Wanda’s hands were glowing. When they saw the Soldier unconscious in his best friends arms, they all lowered their weapons.

“What happened Cap?” Sam said. Looking worriedly towards Bucky, his inner therapist coming out. He knew how bad Bucky’s relapses were, and even helped coax him out of a few. 

Steve’s jaw opened and closed like a fish. Not knowing where to start, and not really knowing himself what actually set off the panic attack.

Before Steve could get a word out, he heard Tony from behind him.

“Something happened to Y/n, her whole body pretty much shut down. Bruce had to take her to the ICU and Bucky panicked when she was rolled away.” Tony looked at the floor. “He was holding on to me, and now I get that he was trying to anchor himself, but he was gonna snap my arms in half and when I told him he was hurting me it threw him head first into a relapse.” The inventor locked eyes with Steve for only a moment before he looked back down. 

“Sorry Cap, I shouldn’t have said anything. He hasn’t had a relapse in months.”

One of the nurses that works for Cho comes around the corner with a gurney for Bucky, FRIDAY must have called for it. Steve sets his friend down before turning and walking to Tony.

“It wasn’t your fault, he was hurting you and you reacted. He probably would have relapsed anyway.” The nurse speaks up then, saying Cho wanted to see Bucky. Steve tells her to go ahead, he’d be up there before Bucky woke up.

Steve turns back to Tony, “Let’s go look at your arms, and then we will go see Y/n and Bucky.” Steve says, taking Tony’s wrist and tugging him back toward the lab. “I don’t need you to mother-hen me Cap, I’ll be fine.” Tony says, trying not to wince at Steve’s tugging. 

Steve looks back at Tony, an annoyed look on his face, “I don’t care, I want to check and make sure nothing seriously injured before we go see Buck and Y/n. You aren’t going to see her before I look, and I know you see her like a daughter.” 

Tony stayed quiet and followed Steve, knowing it was futile to argue with a worried Steve Rogers. He was starting to think about fixing the wall outside the lab before he heard Steve mumbling something to himself, obviously not meaning for Tony to hear.