#leviiattacks

“i love you.” – only ever saved for the rarest of occasions. he whispers it into your hair when he believes you aren’t awake. you’ve been lucky enough to catch him in the act twice.

levi loves and cares for you quietly, he won’t spare you a glance as he hands you water, nor will he look at you when you’re hungry. he’ll simply slip some more food onto your plate wordlessly.

he gets worked up when your safety is at risk. when you make mistakes during training you often get a harsh warning but one day after a difficult training session filled with stumbling and tripping, levi loses it.

at first you’re irked, you’re covered in sweat and you want to shower but then you happen to notice the way his eyes glaze over as he speaks

“if you died do you have any idea what would happen?” his fingers dig into the flesh of your shoulders sorely

wincing a little you squirm under his grasp. soon after he realises what he’s doing and takes a step back.

levi retreats almost immediately, doesn’t say a word after that and coops himself up in his office for the next two days

he’s always been avoidant with relationship issues but you know he needs his own time to reflect and come around to a conclusion

at the end of the second day he knocks on your bedroom door without any pauses. as soon as the door is flung open he practically falls right into your shoulders. you think he might cry but all he does is groan.

“if you died everything would go to shit.”

fingers lacing into his scalp and massaging his head you will him into taking it easy. he eventually finds it in him to sigh again without sounding as stressed as before

it’s always been like that. he’s always been first to make amends with you. not because you’re unwilling to apologize but because you know he needs his space

“levi, i know why you worry. don’t say sorry.” your reassurance elicits yet another shaky yet relieved breath.

“thank you.” levi rarely says i love you. thank you happens to be his substitute for when he knows you’re listening but you’re okay with it. he only cares and loves those he’s thankful for.

you aren’t bothered if he doesn’t say i love you out loud. you still happen to remember his deeper professions of love during the nights where he foolishly assumes you’ve slept.

you feel the most loved when he holds onto you tighter, restlessly. it feels like he worries your duvet will eat you up whole and steal you away from him.

all of his daily gestures of affection which may seem unnoticeable to others keep you going

and to be honest you think those gestures are worth much more than the words that accompany them

the subtle way his eyes automatically lookout for your figure in a crowd, to the way he holds your hand under the dinner table not wanting others to notice and interfere

he wants to share his vulnerable moments with you and that specific action where he hands you all of his trust means the most

It's ironic coming from you, your entire family labelled as undesirable Eldians yourself but you, you know you're different. An honorary Marleyan is what you will become. What you are. The treacherous imps who are but an ocean away are the true evil.

Eyes flicking to Zeke he's lighting a cigar. Old habits die hard and he's yet to quit this self destructive custom of his. You couldn't care less if he chooses to cut his lifespan short by ten years, it's his own choice to make. A disgusting cowardly choice but it's a choice fit for an untamed man like him.

The Island Devils are said to be the bad apples but you can't help but stare at your fellow citizens from time to time and wonder what it is they could be hiding. If a demon slipped through the cracks you wouldn't be surprised. Sly in nature, persuasive in tone, that is how devils go about their daily lives alone The hymns they drilled into you all the way through elementary school echo and rebound in your mind.

Locking your bitter thoughts away you have to push yourself to not punt Zeke in the mouth when he teasingly blows a puff of hot smoke into your face.

Fingertips grazing with his he freezes at the sudden contact giving you the perfect opportunity to slip his cigar away and take it in between your lips. You allow for it to linger there but you aren't foolish enough to inhale its contents.

"Zeke, my dear friend. We shall soon be met with the fruits of our own labour but I assure you that discussing Marley's plan constantly will be of no benefit for you nor I."

The day you and Zeke had met had been at warrior training camp. Zeke was a miserable, unmotivated oaf. Always tripping and falling behind the rest of the warrior cadets. You felt rather bad for him, if you were born as unskilled as him you don't know what you would have made of yourself. Zeke, the only child of his parents ironically only ever ended up rising through the ranks after handing them over to the Marleyan government. His father and mother had been conspiring an escape plan but were executed immediately alongside their fellow team members once Zeke had outted them. Unexpectedly he was spared, the fact he turned on his own parents showed where his loyalties were. To his surprise, he was even allowed to continue his training with the other warriors - only this time everyone kept an increased distance away from him. The warriors weren't informed of what he had actually done but everyone had a gut feeling. Everyone apart from you stuck with that feeling. You thought strategically, If he were to become an enemy in the future you knew being close would come at your advantage.

The day you and Zeke had met your mother died, his mother passed away the same day. At least that's what he had told you.

The two of you bonded over the little things, told each other stories about your life at home. Reminisced about what it was you missed.

Then it all came crashing down the day Zeke confessed. The day he told you he killed his mother and father by handing them over to Marley. Your knees buckled underneath you, crashing the floor he tried to grab at you but you thrashed around in retaliation kicking and screaming not understanding why he did what he did. Yes, they were traitors but they were his parents and if the monster had the nerve to turn on the people who gave birth to him who's to say he wouldn't do the same to you or to Marley.

Zeke doesn't know it but ever since then you take the opportunity to sneak the occasional glance at him. Every single time you narrow your eyes in malice. If there's a man in Liberio who you don't trust in the slightest it's him, he must think the feud between the two of you from childhood has been put at rest but it hasn't.

Zeke takes another swig of his alcohol. On this occasion he downs it entirely slamming the glass down with vigour.

"ONE MORE GLASS BARTENDER!"

846, i.

Another day of extensive training is about to end, your back is layered in uncomfortable layers of sweat and the same can be said for your forehead. Kneeling down in the under layer of the forest you're hidden waiting to strike. Going up against the elites is nerve-wracking but you're sure you can pull it off so long as you stay calm during this game of hunters against prey.

It's simple enough if you can conceal yourself and stay out of sight. The robust trees that surround you act as decent enough camouflage and your green cape paired with them lets you veil yourself, keeping you further into the foreground, blending into the environment.

No one will be able to catch you if they can't see you.

All of a sudden your previous thoughts are thrown away when you sense something in the atmosphere has changed, the hissing of the wind behind you isn't natural.

Turning to your side you don't bother to cover up the sound of leaves rustling and branches cracking, your priority is slipping away fast enough to hide again, a tug can be felt at your cloak and your reaction time barely covers for you, your gear fastens itself to a low enough tree branch and the descent is mind numbing. Your breakfast churns in your stomach but you ignore the uneasy feeling, leaping and diving wherever you find a small enough gap. You believe you can outrun your huntsman.

That is until you sneak a glance back and your muscles nearly tense up in pure astonishment, you've been kicked in the teeth just by the man's presence. Captain, Levi slinks behind you weaving through the gaps with increasing speed, he's gaining momentum and all the while his face stays relaxed, this isn't even his full effort.

Terrified you dart upwards and then left, a corner comes into view - Levi should assume you've turned into it and so you rashly choose to dart back down. Much to your hard luck you find that his senses are well adapted, the direction of the wind is enough for him to trace your whereabouts.

The pursuit resumes, and he stays disturbingly relentless.

Arm shooting to the right you think perhaps making it look like you're aiming to fly somewhere else again will completely catch him off guard, he can't expect for you to pull the same trick twice.

Setting your plan into motion your finger pulls at the trigger but you startle when the cable doesn't come out, it's jammed. Panic seeps into you and to make matters worse your gas is running out.

Without warning you're thrust into the body of a nearby tree, the bark scrapes against you and scratches begin to form anywhere you've made contact with the jagged surface, you want to admit defeat but the warrior inside of you denies Levi the pleasure of seeing you beg. In its place you deliver a harsh kick to his thigh, you're aware he's injured it and you're certain there are no rules to say you can't play dirty. Your boots hammer against leg hard enough for him to give out and let go of your body, but then you realize you lost this game from the very moment your grapple hooks broke, you have nowhere to hold onto.

Before you can even let out a shriek of horror Levi's shot back to you, he frantically accelerates and by a miracle humanity's strongest is able to grab a hold of you again. This time you don't dig your heels into his leg and you allow for him to clutch you by the torso.

Within a minute the two of you descend towards the forest floor and Levi throws you into the dirt furiously.

"You could have died. Being foolhardy will only lead to an early death." He barks as he directs his blade towards your neck.

"Am I dead yet?" Whispering back your gaze isn't trained on the blade but right up at him.

His nostrils flare up, his hair sticks to his forehead haphazardly and the knuckles that hold his pointed blades are white in tangled dissatisfaction.

Grabbing you by the hips he flings you over his shoulder choosing to not continue with the confrontation.

"I know what you're up to." His voice is still rugged from the pursuit and it takes you a split second to register what he's said.

Your eyes widen and your breath hitches in your throat, no way, there's no way in hell he knows. He's sharp but he's not a mind reader.

Your position means he can't read your face seeing as you're facing his back, instantly steeling your features you let out a breathy laugh.

"And what may that be?" Silently you pray he's worded himself ambiguously to catch a slip up.

"Being gutsy, you think that makes you a good soldier. It doesn't."

Relief floods you. He doesn't know.

"Soldiers need to be brave." Your retort makes him grumble.

"If  you die with no meaning by being reckless what's the purpose of being a soldier?" His question has you stopping and thinking on what the correct answer is.

Unable to think of an answer you ask another question.

"Are you saying your previous comrades died without meaning?"

"No. Their deaths fueled me slay more titans."

"So if I died back there who wou-" He swiftly cuts you off showing no inclination of wanting to hear what it is you have to say.

"I'll cut your tongue off if it's stupid." He clearly isn't serious about the threat but he does mean it when he warns you to not overstep.

Despite the consequences you say what's on your mind. "I just wanted to ask who would give my life meaning if I ever died. I don't have siblings and my parents died long ago."

Silence follows and the crunch of his boots against the muddy leaves tells you he probably doesn't wish to answer your question.

"Sorry-"

"I would. I would give meaning to your life." He says it with such ease you almost want to admire the enemy but you know he's said it because he feels he has to.

"You barely know me but I hope one day you can stop thinking everyone has to rely on you." You say it with taunting understanding.

Another bout of silence follows. Only this time the two of you feel warmly comforted, he doesn't understand how you've seen through his facade but it's easy for you to spot another liar.

846, ii.

Brows drawn back you observe your surroundings attempting to mask your scrutiny. The place is running amok with uncontrollable Eldian folk. The stench of unadulterated sin makes itself known but you seem to be the only person able to smell it. Eren bumps against the table you're sat at and your face twitches a little but you say nothing. You're yet to get used to these people's lack of manners.

At least that's how you force yourself to think. To be truthful, you don't quite understand what it is these people have done wrong. Ever since you've arrived you've been nitpicking at every single minor inconvenience or possible issue. A girl stole a potato and broke it into uneven pieces to share and you attempted to twist the story in your head to make her look like an unfair, greedy voracious demon but... you found yourself finding very little to actually be angry at. These people are essentially normal in every way of the word, they aren't demons and you can't help but feel yourself slip away from everything you once knew as reality. You're finding it difficult to believe what years of Marleyan education taught you, the hymns that were once drilled into your brain permanently are but a vague memory.

You feel disgustingly under-dressed and out of place, you don't belong here not when you're meant to hate these people, not when you're meant to despise them. You should be fighting the urge to shove their heads onto pitchforks or to skin them alive and feed them to pigs. Everyone back in Marley told you to control your impulses but now you're here and you've settled down even having the opportunity to converse with these individuals, share their pain, share their loss, share their suffering, you wonder why you have no impulses to control. Have they brainwashed you? Or is it that you're the real demon in this situation?

Fingers mingling with each other on your lap you sit hopelessly alone. Interacting with the so called enemy is much harder than you expect. Worry consistently bubbles in the pit of your stomach and every night is spent tossing and turning evaluating then reevaluating who the bad guy really is. At first the task of daily interaction isn't a big deal, you find it easy enough to approach members of the team and fake interest in their lives until the original plan falls through. You do become invested in your team members lives and stories that it comes to the point where you don't have to force yourself to smile at their jokes or to sympathize with their tales of grief. You become one of them and you swear you're meant to feel like a traitor but eerily you feel like you belong.

Nevertheless you try your best to stick with what you know. You're nothing like Zeke, you're loyal, capable, faithful and trustworthy. Never will you turn your back on Marley.

Rising to excuse yourself from dinner you think you've just about made it and escaped finally able to hide away in the confines of your bedroom but your lips form into a straight uncomfortable line at the feeling of someone's hand latching at your wrist. You're halfway down the hallway just a few more steps away from your bedroom. You hope it's one of the rookies.

"Oi, come here."

Head shooting backwards your eyes land on Levi, his dark curtains fall in front of his eyes - you note that he hasn't trimmed them as he usually does. Despite his size his grip is firm and your wrist squirms around a little trying to manoeuvre out of his bruising grasp. He seems to notice he's underestimated his strength once again and loosens his hold on you. Narrowed eyes analyse your anxious form, they're grey and in this lighting almost glow appearing silver. For a brief second your mouth is left ajar by the delicate but rough manner of his face.

"Everything Okay?" He doesn't typically seem to care very much about anyone, the question activates your senses and you're on full alert but the eye contact you make with him seconds later slows down the gears in your mind, they only whir and hum in anticipation completely coming to a halt.

"Yes, yes everything is okay." You're playing around with the hem of your shirt and you silently question when you were ever this nervous around anyone. You're a Marleyan soldier for heaven's sake not an unrestrained, unsupervised child left to play in a park.

Despite your clear inability to cushion and shield yourself from your Levi's stabbing gaze you attempt to appear as nonchalant as possible.

"I'll be going I just feel a little —" At first you had thought to fake you were ill but at the feeling of a sudden strike of pain you hold onto your stomach, the ache burns into your abdomen and without permission it travels higher up towards your ribs. "A little unwell." You manage to wheeze out. Hand placed onto a nearby cement wall your thought process is hasty speeding up by the second. Have they figured you out and had you poisoned? No, you barely ate anything today.

You hunch over feeling the bile crawl up your throat, on reflex you clamp your eyes shut not wishing to anger a superior by acting insolent and disposing of your dinner in the hallway. Shaky palms reach hesitantly for your lips and you force yourself to keep it in. Levi would commit a murder if you heaved and gagged letting it all out in front of him.

You motion towards the door trying to emphasize that you can handle yourself in the privacy of your room. Tears bite at the sides of your eyes and your vision is so blurred you can only make out the faint outline of the man who was just in front of you.

"Relax. I'll clean it." Your hair is brushed away from your face securely held back and you can't hold it in any longer, the acrid storm surges through your throat, you retch at the harsh sting it leaves behind. Breathing heavy, perturbed and anxious you gasp in all the air you can get.

"I knew you looked ill." His hands hold your jaw gently, the pads of his fingers are calloused but his touch remains soft. A tissue dabs at your mouth wiping away the excess untouched sick.

Just like the sick which surged through you less than a minute ago you feel something else entirely tear into you. You can't put a finger on it but it's dangerous for you to not feel contempt.

847, i.

Your heart accepts what your mind has been ignoring for months on end when Levi looks you square in the eyes after a heart wrenching expedition. The vacant look on his face is enough for the guilt to consume you whole but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know of your sins.

The wagon of corpses reeks of death and desperation. It's rotten and the smell is sickening. Forcibly you  stop yourself from feeling any more grief. The despair isn't yours to go through.

Your first ever personal loss outside of the walls and you've learnt Paradis is not home to demons. Cheeks burning in mortification you can't formulate any thoughts on your own accord, instead they continuously emerge in bursts and finally a single thought sticks out from the rest - Are you aiding in the destruction of innocent human life?

The both of you are sat on guard duty with the corpses, half of the team has been wiped out in one sweep. Your trembling hands don't seem to want to steady any time soon and you sit there with your guilty conscience strangling you slowly, your airflow is getting shallower. Shorter, quicker breaths leave you. The imaginary gash in your chest is bottomless, and your lungs push and pull in a power struggle.

Levi's coarse hands abruptly hold onto yours and the floodgates open again, he doesn't know what you've done to him, done to his soldiers, done to his people. If he knew who you really were, would things be different?

"This was out of your control."

Do you tell him?

The question sits in your mind for a while until you shake your head. He takes it the wrong way and think you're responding to him.

"This was not your fault." For the first time in months you've heard his voice crack under pressure.

"Pe- Petra she- I could have taken one for the team and died instead of her." All that remains of your dear friend is her blood soaked cloak. Her body was one of the few that had to be hauled away earlier to decrease the carriage's load.

The fabric still smells of Petra, smells of honey and chamomile and the simple soap offered at the base, but it still smells of her.

Firm hands grab your shoulders and Levi's fingers dig sorely into your flesh.

"Don't."

"But I- I didn't contribute as much as her and she has family who are alive." Hiccuping you try to bare with the fact that you'll wake up tomorrow and not see her preparing breakfast for everyone else. You know you could have propelled her out of the way just in time if you hadn't been so taken aback by the entire situation.

"You were her comrade. She made the choice to die for you."

You want to reach out, sob into his chest and yell that you regret it all, scream and tell him about the secret you've been hiding. A sorry excuse of a comrade you are to let her die on the battlefield not knowing your true identity. The tears roll down your cheeks and Levi feels his heart constrict and squeeze as he comprehends the lack of regard you have for your life. "It should have been me." Is repeated over and over again, your eyes are raw and bloodshot, the vicious wind sinks its teeth into you.

"Then die."

"If you're willing for her life to have no meaning. Die." The words he spits out are as cutting as the bitter wind. He feels cheated and you're finally able to come to your senses.

He's faired much worse but you doubt he's ever acted out the way you have in front of another person. In this never-ending void of darkness locking away the dull ache caused by deafening loss is the best choice for everyone.

Much like the night you had been sick he takes a grip of your jaw and directs your face towards his, this time he's not as gentle as before but you conclude that it's because he's drained, completely exhausted from the battle. The eyes are the windows to the soul but Levi's window panes are shattered, completely crushed by the weight of the constant burden he has to carry.

"I'm sorry." You croak out the apology. He grits his teeth because he doesn't want you to apologize but he doesn't voice out his opinion. As a substitute he presses his arms against you, the terribly raw panic is murdering you. Levi's gruff voice is a mixture of faux irritation but mutual understanding.

"Cry." He allows for your head to loll against his shoulder.

As the dark envelopes both you and him the scent of the dead only becomes more and more pungent, recalling fond memories of Petra and the others you know your heart settles on a decision before your mind does. You're a two timing back stabbing traitor for this. What you hated Zeke for you have become yourself.

Disloyal, unfaithful and fickle.

That day you place your loyalties with Paradis.

847, ii.

Levi's wiping down one of the kitchen tables, you're kneeled on the floor scrubbing vigorously. The others have already given up, panting they've left using the excuse of fetching water from a nearby well. Your back aches but you find cleaning reassuring and somewhat of a decent distraction.

"Why do you like to clean?" You're used to Levi asking you abrupt questions by now, after all the two of you have been acquainted for well over a year now. Through that year he's learnt about you and you about him. When in the midst of what looks to be humanity's final year's, twelve simple months is enough to form a bond worth a decade.

"I'm not good at a lot but I am good at cleaning."

"You know that's not true idiot." The tone of his voice indicates that your answer doesn't please him.

"But I do think I'm good at cleaning? Maybe not as good as you but I am half decent."

"Not that. You're good at much more than half the people I've ever met." He sneers, his footsteps edge towards you. "Purely being a good person is a talent these days."

You suppress a flinch because you aren't a good person at all. Neither are you that middle ground between good and bad. Rough around the edges and uneven, you're shards of glass ready to slash and hack away at him if Marley somehow lures you back.

The confession, if you could even call it that catches you by surprise and anger fills you. You almost want for him to not trust you and call out your bluff. It's a little unnatural how badly you want for him to realize the truth.

Your head turns up to stare at the man who's a few steps away from you. "Or am I just good at acting genuine?"

You don't even mean to snap at him and you don't even realize you have until you see his eyes widen and mouth part in imperceptible surprise. Biting your tongue your attention is diverted back to the wooden floor. Driving your washcloth into the crevices and dips of the floorboards you ignore Levi's leather shoes which now stand right in front of you.

"Are you questioning my judgement of character?"

Be born in Marley, That's what you had done, trained to destroy people you thought to be devilish entities, foolishly chose to grow attached to the so called enemy. Your mind lingers onto a specific thought and you're deathly afraid to be thinking it in the first place but there's no more avoiding it.

Falling deeply in love with Levi is your worst mistake to date.

"What I did. It was out of my control." you reply, voice hard.

"Not disclosing what it was?" He asks.

Your silence is his answer. Kneeling down to where you are he disarms you, the washcloth is taken out of your hands and he places it onto a table.

"You are a good person." His voice is brusque and he states it like it's a fact, something you should know. Hot tears threaten to spill over, he's stupidly naive for not rethinking that opinion of his. Lips thinned and eyes watering you don't know how to feel.

"Levi. I'm sure you'd like to think that but I am not."

"You love the members of the corps unconditionally I can see it in the way you look at them."

"Sometimes you look a little sad when you stare." The last sentence he adds in has your pulse racing. He's right, you often feel miserable thinking about how everyone would react knowing who you really are.

"I'm not interested in bad people." He sounds distant saying such warm words and it takes a moment for them to actually sink in. You don't quite believe you've heard him correctly. The dread sinks to the bottom of your stomach and the feelings you've buried at the back of your mind hit you like a tsunami. The thought of him feeling the same way for you, is agonizing.

"Stop being ridiculous." The uncertainty is killing the both of you.

"Loving you is not ridiculous, if you don't feel the same way you can say that and I'll step away. We'll be back to normal."

"No, no, no. You don't get it. You're just saying that." Your voice quivers and the intensity of this new revelation is too large for you to cope with.

"Why would, you," He begins, voice just above a whisper, "ever think that way?"

"Why would you even look twice at me?" You reply.

"Because I worry for you."

"You worry for everyone."

"I worry for you the most."

Instead of letting you respond to him this time he carries on speaking.

"We both know we feel the same."

You already knew you were in love with Levi, you didn’t need for him to tell you. You knew you were in love when you tried to memorize his facial features, you knew you were in love when his laughter was the cause of your laughter, you knew you were in love when you threw yourself in front of that abnormal for him.

That's when you begin to understand what all his signals meant. You now knew why he'd let you stare so intently, you now knew why he laughed particularly hard when it was you who had made a joke, you now knew why he scolded you and nearly broke down at the sight of your injured arm after that specific expedition.

You know it. He knows it. You both know what this will lead to.

But you still lunge onto his lap, you still press your wobbly lips against his. You still choose to surrender yourself to him and he still reacts by taking a hold of your shaky hands which lay on his chest. He envelopes them in his warm grasp. Slowly but gradually the ice thaws and dissolves. Heartbreak, anguish and suffering when one of you loses the other will be the end of your romance, you're sure of it. Hell, the both of you are in the middle of a war but your heart flames up thinking of all of the possibilities.

Perhaps it'll play out the one way you wish for it not to.

Could your ending be in betrayal?

848, i.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded hus-"

"Cut the crap and kiss me." Levi's crude interruption isn't appreciated by Erwin but everyone knows Levi doesn't care all that much for formalities and hates being in the spotlight for too long.

Gripping him by the collar of his suit your lips are a centimetre away, he stops you tightening the hold he has on your waist. His lips gently press against your collarbone and his breath meanders towards the shell of your ear.

"Swear you won't die on me."

Gulping you look away apprehensively. You know you can't promise that.

“Oi, I’m expecting an answer.” His voice flickers slightly.

Forefinger holding your chin up you see your soon to be husband close to tears, he valiantly blinks them away. Levi has never been one to make his pain public and your heart twists in your chest as you realize just how much of a hold his feelings for you have over him.

"I can't promise that, you know it'll only hurt more." The strange bitter taste in your mouth won't let you comply with his request and by measuring his reaction you see his eyes cloud in an unidentifiable emotion, you're sure it's nothing positive.

"We may not have a happy ending Levi but we'll always have a happy middle."

Levi scoffs in derision, he has to think your attempt at being meaningful is ridiculous.

You lean into him and it's all so heart-wrenchingly familiar yet foreign. His body sags comprehending that not everything will go the way he wants it to. One of you is guaranteed to leave first.

Hands finding purchase in the cloth of his white dress shirt Levi doesn't cringe at you creasing the fabric as he usually does. He allows for you to call the shots this time, your lips brush faintly against his before you nosedive into him. No resistance is felt and he replies almost immediately. Everyone applauds as his fingertips press into the back of your skull and you find that this is all incredibly hideous. The innate disloyalty you feel, you throwing your entire life away for this man but you find yourself not caring. To hell with that miserable life crammed with sin.

Levi smiles against your mouth, you assume you're meant to magically smile back but you can't make yourself. It's uncomfortable relishing in the undeserved happiness knowing it won't last forever.

The world you live in isn't ideal nor is it forgiving.

Momentary joy is all an antagonist can hope for.

849, i.

Jean can’t take his eyes off the newly weds.

You’re cooing into your Levi’s ear gently, his cheeks flush scarlet at the feeling of your hot breath against his skin and he scolds you for having the gall to rile him up in public.

Jean sniggers finding some sort of odd delight from the interaction - he’s never seen the Captain this content and at ease.

849, ii.

You don't know why you've dragged yourself out of bed just to stare at your husband's face but you have, despite the toll life has had on him he seems sound for once. His breathing peaceful yours is anything but that. When it's dark the weight becomes heavier, your skin tingles and your throat burns aching for release.

Eyes blurring your hands shake reaching out for him but you can't find the courage to make contact. Nothing will ever warrant plaguing him even more with your existence.

The memories become increasingly bitter.

"If we make it out of this alive we'll have children and they'll look just like you."

"I want them to look like you." had been your reply.

Levi winced not seeming to like the idea.

"No, I want them to look like you. You're beautiful."

How wrong he was for thinking that.

You, beautiful? He'd stab himself ten times over if he knew just who exactly he had said those words to.

850, i.

Zeke had betrayed you after finding out who you were to Levi but you half expected that he would tell him the truth at some point regardless of that fact.

Tear stains travel through the mud and grime on your face, Levi's eyes are indifferent as he twists his wedding ring off his finger flinging it into the surrounding rubble.

Without your permission he yanks your arm forwards intending to take your matching ring away but you hold on digging your heels into the dirt beneath you.

"You disgusting bitch. Give me it."

You scream, high and awful, he continues jerking at your arm the muscle throbs crying out for him to stop but he doesn't and no one steps in to put a halt to any of it. Levi having had enough grabs at your neck ruthlessly. In any other circumstance he'd be labelled callous or cruel but everyone on the battle field shares a similar empathy for their Captain. Neither they or Levi had expected your disloyalty.

"I said give me the ring if you know what's good for you." His fingers slide around your neck, his seemingly low words cling onto the little respect he has left for you.

"No." Your defiance has his eyes hardening in and posture tensing. "I'm not handing it over."

Levi says nothing, he only holds onto your throat tighter, if he really keeps at  it your windpipe will be crushed in no time. You know he's holding out on purpose, he's still giving you a chance. He expects for you to stand your ground, say you never deceived Paradis, say something, anything to make him let go of you.  

"Marrying you... It just happened somehow. I know it was selfish of me." He squeezes harder. "I know it was. I'm sorry Levi." Gasping and breathless you clench and unclench your fists finding it too difficult to explain.

Your mouth opens, you want to tell him you haven't seduced him like he thinks you have, tell him you dropped that plan of yours long ago but then you falter at the last second.  It's typically hard to tell when Erwin's infuriated but it's painfully obvious when you make eye contact with him over Levi's trembling shoulders. It's enough to tell you to give up. Enough to tell you that you're beyond redemption, you've ran and hid long enough.

"Hand over your titan." Levi says nothing to Erwin's proposition, the hold he has on your neck loosens but his silence is sickening. It means he agrees.

This is fate's idea of a cruel joke.

But you agree, on the basis of one condition.

"Fine but-"

Levi cuts in, all regard for you devoid from his system.

"You're in no place to be making demands." He snarls, his patience quickly running thin.

However Erwin urges you to continue speaking taking you aback.

"If it's not too much maybe we can accommodate your final wish." Erwin had always been thoughtful in nature and you thank him for even bothering to show you a sliver of benevolence.

Everyone's looking, all eyes are on you. Some are blinking away tears, others are disgusted unable to stare at you for more than a few seconds at a time. Levi falls into the latter.

Brazen with not an ounce of shame you mention the ring again. "Let me keep it." Your left hand covers your right and underneath the flesh is the last symbol left of your union with Levi.

Whispers and murmurs orbit you, none of them are kind and Levi loses it.

His reflexes are paralyzing, he's back at it clawing your neck mercilessly but you don't scream or shriek as you did previously. You take it, you let him unload his frustration.

"Levi. Let it go for the sake of humanity." Erwin says pointedly. Irritation pricks him, he wants this over and done with and your rebelliousness doesn't look as if it'll be tamed any time soon unless you're given what you want.

Levi's face is crimson, the fresh blood from the expedition still steaming. "Y/N, I'll saw your arm off if I have to." But, you know he's already given into Erwin's orders when he throws you to the ground letting you crash and wheeze for breath.

850, ii.

Levi's been appointed to guard you for your final night alive. The room feels wistful as you think back wondering if the life you lived was respectable.

"Why did you stare at me when I slept? Did you think of killing me?" Half commanding and half pleading his voice cracks. He coughs attempting to cover it up.

You jolt not expecting the interaction at all and you're not the slightest bit surprised that he had seen you all those nights staring so deeply. He'd always been a light sleeper. You turn your head up hoping he's looking at you.

He isn't.

"I wanted our children to look like you. I think you're beautiful."

It's now his turn to recoil, only he does so in repulsion remembering the familiarity of those words. They had left his own lips not too long ago.

"I'd never have children with the likes of you." He sounds tense then.

You understand. No one would want to have children with someone as hated and as despicable as you.

"I know." You whisper faintly.

850, iii.

When Erwin's eyes glaze over unable to focus on anything in particular Levi assumes it's him growing used to the titan powers. What he doesn't expect is for his Commander to bang his head against the floor unrelenting screaming your name.

Pairs of hands move to stop him but he thrusts them aside wailing. Levi stresses trying to figure out what it is you could have done in the wake of your death.

But Erwin Smith. Courageous, brave Erwin Smith, who never cracked at loss of life for the sake of humanity, who always eloquently spoke to everyone around him at all times, finds himself slumping down to his knees and weeping for you.

The warm blood from his self inflicted assault still trickles down his nose, a tremor shakes through his entire body when he thinks of breaking the news to Levi.

The edge in Erwin’s voice grows dangerous.

"We made the wrong choice."

Erwin can't word it any better than that.

But Levi understands right away, he wishes he didn’t, he wishes he was ignorant enough not to.

Hange sticks an arm out aiming for his shoulder but he stumbles away nearly falling back into the floor not wanting to be touched by anyone.

He finds that he is not human enough to cry. It’s that or he’s not human at all without your presence.

854, i.

Levi has grown old without you, lived to see months and new seasons without you by his side. Over time his eyelids have become heavier, the corners of his mouth naturally droop and he remains perpetually somber.

Sometimes you visit him in his dreams, each time you make a silly comment about how his grey eye bags make him look like he’s been punched in the face. “Levi Ackerman, I swear if you don’t sleep soon!” You cushion the blow by whispering sweet nothings, reassuring him that you still think he’s beautiful. 

Occasionally you add in that you don’t blame him for the past, but those conversations only last for a few seconds at a time.

“I don’t blame you.” It always starts off with the exact same phrase. 

“I should have listened to you.” Levi’s tone is stern and uncompromising .

“Lev, I was never going to tell you to spare my life. You tried to listen to me, I could tell you wanted me to deny it.”

Levi refuses to answer you, he still thinks he’s at fault.

Not a day goes by where he doesn’t think of that ring. He regrets throwing it away recklessly into the rubble.

Some day he’ll return to Shiganshina to find it. The idea sounds laughable but he has to find a reason to smile as he fights for his life.

That is what Levi thinks as two set’s of jaws snap shut onto his legs, a flurry of red surrounds him. His throat constricts at the feeling of his thighs being ripped away from the rest of him.

“I tried.” He whimpers to no one in particular, eyes blank and losing meaning.

“I know Levi, I know.” The same voice from his dreams soothes him.

“Do not despair. Find me again in another world.” The biting wind adds in.

Levi’s eyelids flutter shut unable to do much else.

so he really does want you to know that you are in fact different and special to him. he’s secretly very insecure about you leaving him. he thinks maybe if he doesn’t show how much you mean to him you’ll leave and he doesn’t want you to leave

that’s how the two of you have got here, levi’s been wondering when to do it all day and something kicks in when he sees you walk out of the stables. you still seem so upbeat despite the current climate of the world around you

no matter how dark everything’s become you’re an ever present light in levi’s life, your shine never dulls

and so he takes his opportunity not caring if your hair is disheveled or if sweat layers your forehead. he’s happy to do it no matter the circumstances.

midway through the kiss he cradles your face in his hands and you both just kinda stare at each other, it isn’t awkward the both of you are just in awe that levi’s the one to initiate the first kiss

usually when you hold hands you’re the one to place your palm into his, if you hug you’re the one who’s placed your arms around his frame. the only time levi’s ever initiated physical contact is when he’s adjusting the straps of your gear

so really for him to initiate something as huge as your first kiss together really is heartwarming

he pulls you back into the kiss by intertwining your fingers together and leaning in so he can continue again. for some reason he just gets emotional by it all. maybe it has something to do with the way the world stops when he kisses you. he’s resilient and doesn’t let any tears fall but he shakes trying to hold himself together

of course you sense the trembling when your hand begins to vibrate against his. you immediately stop not wanting to overwhelm him.

levi looks hurt by that, he thinks you might have not enjoyed it but then you wrap your arms around his neck to steady yourself and press a soft kiss against his forehead

“are you doing this to show me that you love me?” the question you murmur against his chest has him scowling but you can see the hint of a blush creep up his cheeks

“why would i do that? you should know i like you.” he nearly smacks himself across the face when he says like instead of love. he doesn’t mean it, he does love you he’s just too embarrassed to say it

he half expects you to be angry about that but you smile and he’s never felt more grateful to have you around

“i’m glad you like me, that means you care for me.” you tell him

he doesn’t know what to do, he completely malfunctions because you’re just so right for him. you’re so firm in your belief that he loves you that you don’t even need his reassurance to understand that.

“don’t you think i treat you like everyone else?” he asks, he’s been meaning to bring it up for a while now, he has no idea how to act around you

“no i love you. you bring me tea every day. you don’t do that for anyone else. i think i’m pretty special just for that!!! :-)”

at that levi kisses you again not because he wants to show you he loves you and so you don’t leave. he kisses you this time because he knows you won’t leave him and he knows you’re aware of his love for you

it’s even more soft and gentle than the first kiss you shared together just seconds earlier. you can practically feel the beating of your heart it thumps erratically and at this rate it may as well jump right out of your chest

levi’s holding up much better after hearing your soothing words. he has no doubt you love him. usually touching his hair is a no go for most people but he allows you to play around with it, you’re understandably fidgety and nervous and don’t know where to put your hands

by the time the both of you pull away panting he acts like it hasn’t happened for a few minutes. he sits there thinking woah so i finally did that ????

then he starts worrying what if you didn’t like it ??? what if you were pretending to enjoy it ??? what if he was a bad kisser ??? what if—

“you look worried.” you say looking right into his eyes, you’ve always been able to see right through him.

“am i a bad kisser?” the question leaves his mouth so quietly it’s inaudible and you have to ask him to repeat himself again

being physically intimate has always caused worries for him and he can’t help but overthink. he refuses to repeat what he’s said but you won’t let it go

“fine...” he can’t even look up at you. “i asked if i was a bad kisser. what if you like me less because...well yeah.”

god

he’s just so

endearing????

everyone assumes he’s the type to just kiss and go for it without much thought but honestly he really does think about the importance of the action for a long time

“you can kiss very well. trust me.” your fingers curl into the fabric of his button up, you can see that there’s a still a little uneasiness left in his eyes

“and anyway if you couldn’t kiss i’d just teach you how. it’s no big deal.”

his face lights up and the ghost of a smile makes itself known – “then why don’t you teach me what i don’t know?”

and then he’s back at it, once levi starts kissing you it takes a lot to stop him and you telling him that he can actually kiss pretty well has him feeling on top of the world!!!

all in all levi is a gentle kisser for the most part. it’s a popular assumption that he’s rough and powerful with it but really he enjoys savouring the moment. he doesn’t have to go hard and fast, he’d much rather spend his time with you. he finds that going slow makes it all the more meaningful :-)

a few other random yet specific headcanons i have about levi kissing !!! :

levi prefers to kiss you on the forehead or cheek compared to the lips because your reaction is always bashful and flustered, it’s nice to see that

after your first kiss he builds his confidence up, he feels comfortable kissing you anywhere even in front of others but that doesn’t mean he will. pda isn’t really his thing, sure he’ll respond if you kiss him in front of other people but he saves kisses for when you’re alone. it’s purely because he doesn’t like having others spectate.

very bad at reading hints, if you want to initiate a kiss with him you’ll just have to go for it because no matter how much you hint at it he won’t understand

“are you going to kiss me or am i going to have to lie in my journal?”

“since when have you kept a journal??”

likes to kiss you after you’ve both had your daily cup of tea, no explanation needed it’s pretty self explanatory

once he accidentally bit your tongue and he hasn’t been able to live it down ever since. whenever you bring it up he just acts like he hasn’t heard you, it’s too embarrassing to talk about again.

“oh, that’s ok. i was just worried, have fun.” and he hangs up without letting you get another word in. if it were anyone else they’d assume he was mad but you know he’s relieved

roommate levi who does the dishes, does the laundry and fixes any and all electric or water problems

have i mentioned your landlord is an asshole who doesn’t bother with fixing the place up???

levi takes full responsibility of the lights especially after the time you nearly let one of the lighting fixtures fall on top of you

roommate levi who doesn’t even blush at the sight of your underwear in the wash. he simply throws it at your face without a care in the world

“hey?? shouldn’t you be bright red or something?? these are lace AND expensive?” you yell over your shoulder

levi spares you a short look and snorts “it’ll take a lot more than that you know.”

“what? want me to wear them and skip around the dorm?” you ask the question jokingly but levi doesn’t like the direction of the conversation at all, he knows he’ll probably accidentally overstep a line. he’s known for being far too blunt

“stop talking about your underwear.” he grumbles as he continues to fold the washing

you laugh and throw your head back, flustered levi is hilarious to you

roommate levi who always asks what you want to eat for dinner, the last thing he wants is for you to go to bed with an empty stomach. he feels full seeing you full.

roommate levi who lets you lay your head in his lap without a care in the world, sometimes he looks at your face when you fall asleep feeling a warm fondness blossom in his chest

roommate levi who doesn’t understand your obsession with specific literary texts but still listens to you read them out loud to him — he doesn’t really get what exactly little lord fauntleroy is about mainly because he’s tired but the smile that spread across your face as the words roll of your tongue is more than enough for him to maintain eye contact and nod

roommate levi who’s dormed with you for four years now. four long stressful years yet every time you remember being anxious you can recall levi not being far from you

roommate levi who has to carry you on his back because you’ve drunk far too much and he’s the only person your friends trust to look after you

roommate levi who has to deal with your friends practically flocking around him asking if the two of you are dating yet. he rolls his eyes acting unbothered. little does he know everyone sees right through the facade — the blush that creeps up his neck is a dead giveaway

roommate levi who eventually becomes sick and tired of the way you don’t notice the way he looks at you and so he tells you abruptly one day he has a girlfriend just to gauge your reaction

roommate levi who loses all hope when you smile as bright as can be wishing him luck with the new endeavour — “she’s one lucky girl and you’re one lucky guy :-)”

roommate levi who ignores you for weeks after that, you wish you could say hi or even choke out a “how are you?” when you see him on campus but you fight the urge. he doesn’t seem to want to talk to you, levi barely leaves his room now

roommate levi who’s called on yet again by your friends. it’s three weeks after the incident

“god… she’s drunk so much she’s completely out levi please help us out will you??? she wouldn’t stop blabbering about you earlier.”

another voice pipes into the line “YOU JERK JUST WAIT TILL YOU GET HER—” and then levi hangs up because he knows hitch will burn him alive either way

roommate levi who feels horrible seeing you slumped over a table with your friends surrounding you, hitch sends him a stone cold glare whilst muttering “fucking ass” under her breath

“your roomie here wouldn’t shut up about you getting a girlfriend but i know you don’t have one so whatever the hell you did, fix it.”

hitch’s strong words still ring in levi’s mind as he carries you back to his car. he realises she was right, he was an asshole

roommate levi who has a hangover drink prepared and ready to go for when you wake up. you’re shocked to even see him in the same room as you let alone attempting to talk to you right now

“i’m sorr—” he cuts you off nudging the drink into your palms, you take it as your cue to stop with any unnecessary conversation

“do you really think i got a girlfriend?” he asks five minutes later

you turn to him trying to understand why he’s asked that. “levi, i wouldn’t be surprised. everyone likes you.”

he perks up a little noticing your shoulders sag, you’re either upset thinking no one likes you (levi knows that’s bullshit because HE likes you a whole lot more than he’d like to admit) or you’re upset about him having a girlfriend…?

“i was asking to see your reaction.” he plainly states as he moves to collect the half empty glass of water on your bedside table

you grab at his wrist

“so you don’t have one?” you ask

“no, i do not have a girlfriend.”

you let go and nod “oh okay, thought you were ignoring me because of her.” you turn away in your bed clearly sounding bitter and unhappy

roommate levi who asks if you’re sober, when you reply with a yes he asks if you like him. when your eyes widen to the size of literal saucers he asks another question — “i like you back, you know that right?”

“i just, i don’t get it. i don’t understand why you’d like me??? i just can’t believe it.”

“want me to prove it?” the offer he hands out seems tempting

you gulp attempting to tame your dry throat before agreeing “prove it to me.” screwing your eyes shut you expect levi to lean in for a kiss or something along those lines yet all you hear is the click of your bedroom door, he’s left you like a damp towel

biting away at your bottom lip you want to desperately evaporate into thin air, it was a set up and now that he’s left you wallow in the embarrassment of the situation

but much to your surprise levi returns with a notebook in clutch it reads “to do list” on the front cover. you recognise it in a matter of seconds. he refuses to leave home without it

levi hands it to you, “read it, i’ve had confessing to you on my to do list for a while now.” he scratches at the back of his neck waiting for you to take the book from his hands

when you finally look down at the page eyes tracing around the words written in delicate cursive you almost can’t believe what you’re seeing

“get out of the roommate zone.” you read out loud half giggling at it

“it’s not funny.” levi deadpans but you only laugh harder at his dissatisfaction

smiling to yourself you ask levi for a pen, he’s a little confused but complies nonetheless 

snapping the lid off haphazardly you waste no time crossing it off from his list but much to levi’s dismay your way of crossing out isn’t as neat as he’d hoped

“hey, hey wait no it’s messy now.” his eyebrows furrow as he analyses the page seeing if he can possibly salvage it 

snatching the book away you narrow your eyes waiting for him to notice what it is you’ve actually done

it takes him a moment but he soon realises

he’s hesitant at first not wanting to ask if his thoughts are headed in the right direction

“... so i’m out of the roommate zone?” 

you’re glad he’s finally found the courage to ask

nodding your head you grin confirming his suspicions

the meal is filled with silence but you appreciate that levi isn’t making small talk. usually he brings up how you have to be better than your competition and you know he’s right. you need to be better but the thought of your opponents always proves to be a point of stress and anxiety

you’d think after all this time you’d be able to stomach your coach’s harsh criticism but it’s slowly become all too much for you to handle. sure, you remember asking him to work you to the bone — after all you wanted to be the very best but this was far too much

“do you know how bad that triple axel looks?”

“it’s like you’re not even trying.”

“you call that a camel spin??”

would it kill him to be nice?

you and levi unlike most coaches and students really aren’t far apart in terms of age, you remember seeing him train for competitions. perhaps it’s why you thought he’d be more understanding about the stressed of figure skating

that’s not to say levi isn’t nice or understanding with you, he’s kind when he wants to be, he allows himself to feel joy when you win but sometimes the idea that he might only value you for your achievements bothers you

if you weren’t good at skating he’d probably leave and as much as you act as if you hate him you really don’t like the idea of levi just one day disappearing from your life

who else would nag you about cleaning your skates? who else would help you patch up your scrapes and bruises?

if he left you don’t really know what you’d do

he’s always been a sort of lighthouse in the dark for you, always had your back, always comforted you when you’ve completely broke under pressure

levi may be mean occasionally but you know it’s him pushing you, he is your coach after all and you did tell him yelling was okay. yelling always worked with you it’s been the only method that’s been successful for a while now

“what you thinking about?” levi asks from across the table, one of his eyebrows is cocked upwards in expectation

“nothing.”

“that means something’s bothering you.” he counters almost immediately

it’s odd just how well he’s able to read you

“no it doesn’t??” you try to pull off your act

you’re unsure if levi buys it, he looks at you for a few seconds but doesn’t poke around any further

it’s been a day since the dinner you shared at the village. mentally you feel you’re better prepared than you were at the last olympics all you need is self control and discipline

that’s why you wake up on your own this morning instead of waiting for levi to shove you awake. it’s sounds ridiculous that he has to do that but you’ve always been a heavy sleeper and he’s never been the patient type

your plan goes according to schedule. you go to sleep early, you wake up on time and as you look down at your sport’s watch, your bpm is currently at a steady seventy five

so why is it that levi’s hand circles around your wrist right before you’re even able to step out onto the ice. it takes you a second to even register his presence.

he yanks you away from the rink without a word.

“what do you think you’re doing?” he asks, you’re honestly lucky that only the two of you are at the rink this early in the morning, having your rivals witness what looks to be a scolding is the last thing you want

“practicing… for the olympics after an injury? i’m up in less than two days?” you state it as if it’s an obvious fact and you even expect levi to nod in agreement but he only kneels down beginning to untie your skates

“i want to skate???” you move to grab at him attempting to put a stop to whatever plan he has but levi only continues

“damn you can’t tie laces for shit can you?” he sounds different today, less disturbed than usual, maybe even a little at ease

you’re confused, lost even. what reason is there for levi to stop you from practicing especially when before this he’s forced you to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to do so????

you compete in three days from now, everyone back home is cheering you on and if you fail you don’t know how you’ll ever be able to face any of the people you love

“levi, i don’t get why you don’t want me to practice on the rink? i need to prep.”

“you’re stressed, stress leads to a higher likelihood of injury. the last thing i want is an injured skater, you’ve only recently recovered.”

“i am not stressed.”

“you are.”

“am not.”

“you never wake up for morning practice unless i drag your ass out of bed myself and you left without taking me with you. you’re stressed whether you want to admit it or not.” levi’s staring up at you and you want to so badly argue and fight your case but you know he’s right

you are stressed, you are worried, yes that’s why you woke up early. your nerves wouldn’t let up

part of you feels surprised that somehow levi’s noticed, through all the harsh words and corrections he makes almost daily he notices when you’re acting out of the ordinary

“today, is a rest day. relax, go outside, eat at a nice restaurant, visit some landmarks.” at this point you’re looking at levi dumbfounded, is this even levi? the last time he forced you on a break from training had been two years back for your birthday

levi turns to you waiting for you to agree but you’re still frozen in place

“is this a trick?” you ask cautiously, that’s got to be it. there’s no other reason for this

levi’s eyes close momentarily, he slowly raises his hand showing you his palm

“i swear on my life this isn’t a joke. have a break, if it pains you that much to not train then you can train when you’re back.”

if he were ridiculing you you’re sure he would have given the act up long ago, it really does look like he’s being genuine

gnawing at your lip you nod, you think for a second what it is you want to do to take your mind off the elephant in the room but your mind remains blank

what did you do the last time you had a break?

sleep for hours on end that was all you could do after that extreme injury

the idea of seeing landmarks sounds nice until you think about how you’ll have to see them alone.

“what you waiting for?” you’re so engrossed in your thoughts you’ve forgot levi’s kneeling in front of you. suddenly looking down at him situated right between your legs makes you flush for an unexplainable reason

you gather yourself making sure your nerves aren’t evident. “i don’t really know what to do on my own.”

the disdain on levi’s face is clear he looks ashamed for a second, clasping his hands together he rests his chin on top of them

“you’re telling me you don’t know how to have fun?” his tone is rocky and irritable

“on my own…” you add

levi huffs and gets up to his feet. one of his gloved hands is stretched out towards you

“i guess i’ll have to join you and get you to loosen up a bit.” he sounds defeated but part of you thinks for a second that he may have sounded relieved?

you can’t really tell now with his back turned towards you

whatever, you’re still rather skeptical that levi even knows what the word fun means let alone how to have it

levi’s idea of fun is so boring you feel like you might drop dead any minute now

you’ve spent the past hour and a half walking around ikea looking at a variety of sofas and oak tables

“see anything you like?” you’re about to respond to levi’s question with “yes! the exit looks great!” but you bite your tongue before the opportunity rises again. you don’t want to annoy him

“not really. i don’t need any furniture.”

“you need a new vase for your living room. remember i broke the last one.”

oh, is that why he’s dragged you here?

winning gold at the world championships was a feat and a half but for levi it seems like it really meant the whole world. he asked as soon as you got home if he could look over the recording with you and for the first time in your life you think you’d seen your coach smile like he never had before

sure, you’d seen him smile before that but those smiles never brought butterflies to your stomach. seeing him eagerly wait for your jumps then proceed to wait some more for the camera to pan over your face, something about it seemed different

perhaps it was because levi always was critical and pessimistic but that moment left you searing with warmth

sadly all good things must come to an end, for you and levi the end came when he’d flung his arm too far and accidentally knocked over one of your glass vases

you remember the look of shock that crossed his eyes but he simply coughed and picked up the pieces to dispose of them

he did say sorry but he never said he’d replace it, it’s not like you cared much for it anyway

nevertheless currently levi’s been staring at one blue vase in particular, you have no other word to describe it apart from retro. his gaze shifts to an ombre ceramic vase, you assume green isn’t his favourite colour by the way he glares at it

“which ones do you like?” levi’s still looking through the rows of vases, from what you’ve observed he’s a fan of blue. the only vases that seem to interest him are that colour

“surprise me coach.” you wander away towards the cash register waiting for levi to follow along

“it’s a vase not a birthday cake.” he mumbles but as you expect he picks out the first blue vase, it curves outwards towards the top

when you try to pay you notice that levi’s beat you to it already

“i should pa–” but he cuts you off with no regard for what you want to say

“i broke it. i pay.”

you guess he’s right, he’s just being logical and you’re being too nice

as you walk down the crowded streets you feel tired of the growing silence, if one of you doesn’t break it the atmosphere may become incredibly awkward

“so, i guess blue’s your favourite colour right?” the question is all you have left in your brain

“no, i like black better.” is his short reply.

“oh, you were really interested with the blue vases. i guess i was wrong.”

a beat of silence skips past, you open your mouth to fill the gap but levi ends up doing so instead

“i picked blue because it reminded me of your outfit at the world championships.”

levi walks off and you’re glad he does, there would have been no way for you to hide your flushed cheeks and awestruck expression

you think you feel your heart stop for a second

levi’s hands are shoved in his pockets, the night air is cold and you’re both huddled in your jackets. yet some how you find yourself feeling warm

“wanna eat out? i don’t think i can stand another day in that unhygienic village. who knows if i’m eating off the same plate as a rival coach.”

his offer sounds tempting, you’d rather not eat off the same plate as the current world number one. what if it curses you with bad luck ??

you and levi go back and forth trying to decide on a place to eat at until you forfeit accepting that pizza is your best bet at getting close to agreement

as you sit across from him you realise this feels distinctly different from the times you ate at the olympic village’s cafeteria or when levi would buy you an egg mcmuffin before morning practice

the hammering of your heart is all you can manage to hear at this point.

this feels like a date. but it isn’t a date. it obviously isn’t. he’s your coach he wouldn’t like you that way, why would he?

you’re still deep in thought thinking of all the possible scenarios until levi kicks you lightly under the table making you jump in surprise

“you like margheritas so i’ll order one for this special occasion. take it as compensation for the vase.”

“but you already bought me a new vase?”

“well i can do this too.”

a giggle is heard from your right, turning your head you see the waitress looking at the both of you in amusement — “you’re a lovely couple.”

“i— we are not a couple. he’s my.” you stop, how can you explain he’s your coach for the olympics? that’s just unbelievable??

“friend.” levi says attempting to save you

the waitress who’s name you’ve now noticed is sasha nods her head but she still seems to be as entertained as before

“well, i’ll get you two friends your meal :-)”

as you wait the both of you discuss your routine, you explain how you’ve perfected every aspect of it and levi smiles slightly.

“i’m happy to hear that. this is a performance after a major injury, if you don’t place for a medal don’t worry.” he pushes the bread sticks that are sat in the middle of the table towards you as he talks

again, this feels different. levi normally tells you to hold yourself together and never slip up. if you don’t get first there’s no point in competing yet here he is trying to say it’s okay to not win a medal

by the end of the meal you and levi are left arguing over who will cover the bill. levi says that being the oldest at the table gives him the responsibility but you tell him you owe him one for all his training and expertise

eventually your waiter walks off deciding to wait until you both call him back

“people like that are so annoying.” he mumbles under his breath. sasha who is now working behind the front desk hears him and unbeknownst to you she subtly points at yours and levi’s table

“that short guy has a fat crush for sure. have you seen the heart eyes. it’s pretty cute if you ask me”

“is this your way of asking me to look at you with heart eyes?”

she stretches her arms over her head and groans “maybeee, or you could butter up the boss and ask him to give us a raise?”

trying on your outfit before performing has always been a routine of yours

you’re sure half of the other skaters do the same but you practically sit in front of your mirror admiring the needle work for hours before practice

maybe it’s something about acknowledging the essence of the costume or the beauty of the art, levi always says the way you explain it is “fake deep” but really you’re just not great at explaining the thrill it gives you

“still staring at yourself?” levi’s leaning against the doorframe, he’s visible from where you’re stood in front of the full length body mirror

“i’m staring at the outfit, not myself.” you correct

levi’s eyes narrow but he doesn’t add anything else on, instead he chooses to stare at you as you admire the lilac and gold ensemble

you turn around to look at him, “levi it’s hard to do this with you staring at me, y’know?”

to your surprise levi rotates immediately almost seeming flustered

“the costume looks really pretty, it suits you. i was waiting for the right time to say it… that’s all.” the confession, if you can even call it that takes your attention away from the floral patterns you’d just been admiring

you hum trying to sound as casual as possible — “well, i’m happy that you think i’ll be the best dressed person tomorrow.”

in no time at all levi is back facing you with his usual expression, eyebrows downturned he points at the sweatpants that hang from his legs

“i think i’ll be best dressed but i’m happy you’re confident.”

“you’re wearing sweats?”

“you’ll be freezing and i’ll be warm think of that.”

“and i’ll still look better than you?”

“weren’t you the one whining about me getting headlines for being this season’s youngest and most attractive coach?”

“i— WHY ARE MY FANS SWOONING OVER YOU??? it’s a VALID concern???”

levi shrugs “we’ve been over this. i’m irresistible.”

“what if i don’t place? what if i fall? what if i make myself look bad? wait, if i fall you look bad too and you can’t look bad because you’re a great coach and i can’t ruin your caree—”

levi places a firm hand over yours, the sensation tingles

“if you don’t place that’s okay. if you fall get back up. you won’t make yourself look bad, the only way to do that would be by not performing at all.”

he is correct but you still struggle to get a hold of your emotions

“and i’ve said this before, if coaching doesn’t work out i could model.”

the last sentence is an attempt at a joke you’re sure of it, although it is true levi could model if he wanted to.

but that’s besides the matter at hand. he’s a sweetheart for trying to lighten up the mood like that especially since he’s never been too fond of your personal sense of humour

yet the panic remains settled in your stomach. you’re up in five minutes and still batting the dampness away from your eyes not willing to risk ruining your makeup

“could you laugh at the joke?” levi’s thumb strokes over your knuckle and you chuckle at the confirmation. so he really did want to make you laugh

“but you’re too short to model?” you jab back

“damn, i didn’t know we were on america’s next top model.”

“is that another joke?” you ask

“yes, was it funny?”

you want to humour him and say it was but the only reason you find your lips quirking upwards is the fact that levi’s sat right next to you failing at all of his attempts

“no, but i like that you’re trying.”

“good. i taught you a valuable lesson.” he let’s go of your hand and points at the rink

“look, if at first you don’t succeed try, try again.”

he’s being cheesy right now and you know he hates being cheesy, he’s probably internally wincing at his own speech

but he’s still saying it for you, he knows it’ll work

and he’s right

you rise out of your seat when your name is called and give levi one last glance

“when i come back you better have a funny joke to tell me, i can’t be the only one to succeed.”

levi smiles — “i’ll try my best if you try your best.”

despite the unfamiliar feeling of skating in front of an audience after so long gliding across the ice has never felt as good as it does right now

it could be the way the crowd cheers after every single landing of yours.

maybe it’s the fact that you can see your own competitors wide mouthed in astonishment

or perhaps it’s the short glimpses you get of levi’s proud face, he’s elated, jumping and clapping for every move you nail

the end draws far quicker than you want it to, by the time you’re rising up and out of your sitting spin all the nerves you’d felt at the start have dissipated

arm raised above your head you pant unable to hold back the smile that spreads across your face

and through the sea of faces you search for levi’s first

it’s apparent that you’re not the only one searching, as soon as you make your exit levi’s engulfed you in a blanket and ruffling your hair

“you did good.” the simple praise is enough for you, levi will go crazy watching back the recording either way

“did you forget you need to make a joke? so we’re even?”

levi rubs at his chin for a moment thinking hard

“forget the joke. can i just tell you i love you?”

“of course you do, you are my coach.” you laugh slinging your arm over his shoulder

“i’m in love with you.” he says it again and you continue to bask in his praise, wow you’ve really got to rewatch your performance for yourself

“i mean it.” he suddenly says rather seriously

“i know you do.” you hum back happily

“i know i told you i’d make a joke after you got off the rink but i’m not joking.”

the situation suddenly turns, is the love levi speaks of something else entirely??

but he can’t, there’s no way he would. you’re messy, you roll your eyes every time he gives you clean cutlery, you have odd habits that he’s never understood and he’s never shown any signs that he likes you like that. at least you don’t think he has

“i wouldn’t decide to not like you because of cutlery usage you know?” it’s as if he’s heard everything you just thought of

oh god.

did you say all that out loud???

by the looks of levi’s amused expression you have

he reaches out for your hand as he’s done repeatedly for the past few days

“you should have known i liked you, i was throwing hints around.” he sincerely says 

you reciprocate and wrap your fingers around his. “i’m very doubtful that people like me.”

“well yeah, i do like you.” he replies simply without an ounce of shame

“you think we’ll get a headline story for the obvious pda?” you inquire as you grin from ear to ear burying your face into the crook of his neck

“for sure. coach and figure skater seen flirting? that’ll get them talking.”

and levi was correct

the girl ahead of you is flirting up a storm with him and although he’s not reciprocating it by any means you still feel deterred

levi bags the last of her groceries and looks up at her when she asks for a way to contact him. he doesn’t look mad... just bored?

“ma’am. this is an ackermart i don’t think it’s appropriate you ask me for my number. the customer service line is listed on our website.”

the woman raises a brow looking completely flabbergasted. okay, if everything before this wasn’t a warning THIS sure was

she stomps off when she realises levi isn’t kidding and you think you’d feel bad for her maybe if she was more respectful about it

“next customer.” levi calls over his shoulder and you shuffle forward pretending to be engrossed in your phone

“cash or card?” he asks plainly.

you hear the BEEP of your groceries being scanned and think on it for a while before replying with “cash”

you’re clearly pretty good at your pretend to be totally into your phone act because levi tries to get your attention but you don’t hear what he has to say till the third time he repeats himself

but even then you’re still unsure what it is he’s said????

looking down you see his hand is stuck out in front of you and now you’re even more confused

faltering for a second you look at his palm and then speak

“um, i guess your hand is nice? it’s pretty big compared to the rest of you actually.”

“i was asking for your cash?” he says and now you look at his palms in mortification

gasping you yANK your hand into your purse as you laugh awkwardly fishing around to find your money

“oh, OH i knew that. just kidding!! i mean- i meant that thing about your hand?? but i thought it was- i funny? yes the joke funny? i’m-”

he leans back into his spinning chair and sighs contently. “you’re not making much sense peaches.”

“pe- peaches??” you repeat. no way you’ve heard that correct

levi lazily points at the abundance of the aforementioned fruit in your grocery bags

“you must love em.”

“i, well yeah i do like peaches but i also like...” um??? what food would make you look sophisticated and professional?

OH YEAH

“FRENCH CUISINE :-)!!!!” you say rather proudly

“...cool. i guess.” levi hands you your grocery bag which is basically an invitation asking for you to get out

he doesn’t seem mad but he’s definitely going to look back at this encounter and laugh his ass off at how stupid you are

hanging your head down low in embarrassment you make your way out towards your car

there’s always next time!! maybe you can practice in the mirror yeah that does sound like it would help!!!

okay so.

it is officially next time.

actually you never got the opportunity to practice in front of the mirror because you chickened out of looking like an idiot even if it was in the privacy of your own home

but!!! you did try to practice some cool pick up lines because who doesn’t like a good pickup line or two??

the two mini milk cartons in your hand and the pack of doughnuts you have tucked under your arm aren’t too heavy so you aren’t too worried about having to wait in the line

for some reason the guy in front of you keeps turning around and glancing at you as if you don’t even exist

you are not casper the ghost

also casper is a little boy and you definitely aren’t a little boy

finally after a good five minutes the man ahead of you is having his stuff scanned but he’s STILL doing it. even levi notices and gives him an odd look which borders annoyance and anger.

“can i pay for your groceries? maybe walk you to your car?” the stranger asks suddenly

so that’s what this is, he’s simply taken an interest in you

my god this is new but it is uncomfortable and you’d rather say no

“oh, i actually walked here and no thanks i can pay for my own. enjoy the rest of your day!!” you hope your white lie is enough to fool the man but instead of agreeing as any other person would he looks majorly deceived

“i saw you in the parking lot.” ok this is getting a bit too uncomfortable for your liking

“c’mon i’m offering to buy your shit too?”

his voice is raising and you’re not sure what exactly you can do but thankfully for you the manager steps in and takes him away before any more threats can be made

the man had taken up so much of your attention you almost forgot levi was even there until you turned back around

“do you want a member of staff to accompany you to your car? it’s getting dark out.” levi’s comment helps ease your nerves and you try to laugh off what just happened

“i’m good :-)” you say shaking a little. you’re unsure if it’s the cold or the fact you still haven’t completely calmed down

“you sure peaches?”

“i haven’t bought any peaches this time.”

“you’re still peaches to me.” your cheeks flush at his confidence

wait, maybe this is your chance. you’re the last person in his line and they’re closing up for the day so...

“could you walk me to my car?”

and to your surprise even before you can take back what you’ve said levi agrees

it stays like that for a while.

every thursday levi walks you to your car by the end of his shift, all the while the two of you exchange a few words together

like last week you asked him what his favourite colour was (he said purple) you’ve learnt about his hobbies (he’s a decent cook), you’ve even found out about some of his own personal problems. he had mentioned suffering with insomnia in passing.

to be honest each and every time he walks you to your car he has to notice that you begin to park further and further away from the front entrance. but if he does notice he doesn’t say a word about it

“is that all you’re checking out?” you ask with a cheeky grin plastered across your face

looking down at your new dress your lopsided grin is far from fading away any time soon. you especially picked this one out after asking levi what his favourite colour was last week

god. this is so embarrassing but never actually have you had a crush this huge

levi who’s sat behind the counter shoots you a look which almost seems to be on the verge of uninterested. he isn’t entertaining this at all or this is just his typical bored face, you can’t really tell

BUT..... you still have a huge crush on him and you aren’t one to give up this easily

for the record you don’t harass him or anything, just the occasional hint is thrown around but he’s either really dense or doesn’t care

his expression does you no favours, you can’t tell what he’s thinking half the time

“you’re always buying energy drinks... might want to cut down on those they’re no good for you.”

warmth blooms in your chest. he’s just saying it to make small talk but the fact he even thinks to bring that up has your heart fluttering

“i- well- yeah i will!! just have a few overdue essays to get over with :-)” twiddling your thumbs together you think that makes your nerves too obvious so you begin to scratch at the back of your neck

if anything is a dead give away it’s your constant neck scratching, thankfully levi hasn’t picked up on it

“so you wore purple today?” his eyes linger on the thin straps of your dress and you feel the goosebumps rise up onto your skin immediately

“oh yeahhhh-”

“did i tell you yellow was my favourite colour last week?” he asks holding up a neon yellow pack of crisps and for the first time you see him smile

he looks so ?!|>\€|^ pretty ?!/)/&

wait?? yellow??

“didn’t you say purple?”

“no?” he crosses his arms playfully over his chest thinking for a bit

“maybe i did but no it’s really yellow.” he says as he hands you your bag

nodding your head you smile “yeahhhh sure it is.”

damn, now you’re going to have to find a yellow dress just to make him revert back to purple because who even likes yellow?? that’s a deal breaker right there??

update

it’s been two weeks!!

and a yellow dress has been found and secured B-)

it’s been a pretty rough day at work and you need to desperately collect a pack of green tea and get going

you don’t know when exactly being a secretary meant you had to babysit your boss’ children but that’s what the last week has entailed

being made to work overtime to this extent has had an effect on you and you’re ready to head home as soon as you swing by ackermart

not seeing levi for a week made you a little :-( because to be honest he’s the highlight of your thursday evening BUT!! you’ll be able to see him today at least

walking in through the entrance you’re met with connie smiling right at you, he holds the door open for you and smile back greeting him

“so you didn’t come last week...?”

it’s weird for him to ask that, after all you don’t really speak to anyone here apart from levi, you’re surprised you’re enough of a regular to be known by name

“oh i didn’t think anyone would notice? but yeah i had to work overtime you know what boss’ are like.” groaning you crouch down and look at the pot noodles on display

“i didn’t notice it. boss man did.”

“boss man?” you ask feeling out of loop

“levi.” connie answers as he hops into the backroom

????

isn’t he just a cashier??

“you still look confused.” connie remarks as he heads back out with a cardboard box full of pringle’s tubes

“levi’s the boss man, this is his store. he literally only ever mans the cash register on thursday evening because of you.”

at that you start laughing because it makes no sense at all to you

there’s no way connie is being serious

“good one.” you say as you stand up with a chicken flavored noodle in your hand

“i’m not kidding?”

turning around you give him a skeptical look

he sighs and shakes his head.

“listen. me and the part timers are tired of making bets on when he’ll give you his number and i bet that it would happen today so if you could confess to each other that would be perfect!!!”

“who said i like-”

“anyone with a brain can tell you both like each other.” he’s rolled his eyes so far into the back of his head you begin to take him a little more seriously now

“i... did i make it that obvious??” you’re directly facing him trying to get out as much information as you can

“yeah. very. at least levi wasn’t as bold.”

“i think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick he definitely doesn’t like me.”

connie gives you an “are you fucking with me?” look and you look away trying to distract yourself with the the canned goods lining the shelves

“he was worried sick when you didn’t come in for the entire week. he even asked me if he scared you away.”

“maybe i’m just his favourite customer?”

“favourite customer my ass he has a crush on YOU. confess.”

playing around with the ends of your sleeves connie sees he’s fighting a losing battle unless he gives you definitive solid proof

“please... i’ll get free barbecue if i win the bet and i’m kinda broke rn :-(” okay, you do want connie to eat well and be treated and maybe this is a good thing. if levi doesn’t like you then you can move on!!

“i’ll think about it.”

before connie can continue talking you make a beeline towards the tea aisle whilst throwing a “see you next time!” over your shoulder.

by the time you’ve gathered all of your groceries your basket is full to the brim. you’ve been lingering as much as you can out of fear but you think you’ve collected just enough courage to ask for his number

looking at the cash register levi is sat there and your shoulders slump. he’s probably going to say no and you’re going to look like a huge loser.

right as you’re about to take a step towards him levi finally spots you and gives you one look before standing up from his seat

“hi!” you wave at him

“...hey!” he smiles wide but he bites it back pretending it was never there in the first place

placing your basket in front of him he eyes what you’ve got

“hm... lots of peaches as per usual peaches.” the nickname that rolls of his tongue makes you tremble a little. will he call you that after you fuck everything up with this stupid confession?

his tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek when he gets to the heart shaped box of chocolates

“a gift for a friend? didn’t know you had those?” he teases as he scans the barcode

“gift for a crush!” you reply back enthusiastically as you dig through your wallet looking for your card

levi doesn’t respond for a few seconds and an awkward silence fills the air. you glance up to see him looking at you open mouthed in shock

“good luck.” he murmurs under his breath he’s not even returning your gaze at this point and is hurriedly scanning through your barcodes

“you okay?” you ask worrying about his mood

“yeah, yeah. great.” he’s quieter than usual.

the rest of your encounter is the same, levi silently bags your groceries and you can’t tell if this is a good or bad response.

just as he’s about to place the heart shaped box into your plastic bag you lunge forward holding his wrist to stop him

“no i don’t need those.”

he cocks his eyebrow upwards trying to analyse your expression and gain an understanding of your thoughts

“don’t tell me you’re chickening out. whoever it is will say yes.” he scoffs as he places the chocolates into the bag handing them over to you with a warm smile

there it is again. the fear returns and you swipe your tongue over your slightly dry lips.

no way.

is he telling you to confess to someone now? so he must not like you?

taking the bag away from him you scratch your neck out of habit and huff feeling frustrated

“he keeps giving me mixed signals.” you say hoping he catches your drift

“give him the chocolates and let him put two and two together. don’t even say anything.” his advice would be great if he weren’t the guy you were trying to confess to in real time

nodding you reach into the bag and bring the box back out before gently placing it in front of levi

“are you serious?” he asks and your face drops seeing the possible displeasure in his eyes

great, connie and the part timers just over analysed he doesn’t like you, obviously he doesn’t like you, why would he like you?

without looking back you hurry out, the embarrassment is eating you away now and the thought of ever returning to ackermart isn’t even feasible in your mind

at this point you may as well change your name, identity, dye your hair, have a few children and wear sunglasses the next time you come back so you look like a soccer mum and not the foolish y/n who thought they had a chance with their cute CASHIER???

god, you probably look like a creep

the sound of footsteps can be heard behind you and labored breaths follow before levi calls out for you

“please wait up.” he grumbles. slowing down your pace you let him catch up to you. he grabs at your wrist and sighs in relief

turning you see him savour the air

is this the part where he confesses he likes you too or—

“your receipt you forgot it.” he gasps as he opens your hand for you and places it into your palm

oh.

fingers clasping shut onto the paper you feel the humiliation seep into your pores

this.

is.

the.

worst.

moment.

of.

your.

life.

“open it.” he offer you a boyish smile and your nerves don’t let you find comfort in it

you grimace as you fold it open, you’re imagining he’s charged you an extra £100 for having unwanted feelings for him and if that’s the case you’ll die on the spot

but instead your eyes light up in joy. you’re pleasantly surprised

...

inside of the receipt is his phone number haphazardly sprawled across in black biro - you even double check by comparing it to the number for the customer service helpline

hello??

HELLO.?.!/)£ HIS NUMBER???

“if you just wanted to return the chocolate this is embarrassing.” he’s the one who’s now scratching at his neck and you find that he’s endearing this way

the streetlight from above illuminates him, the shadows cast over his face and his brows aren’t furrowed as they usually are

you open your mouth to reply but connie cuts you off unintentionally. he can be heard YELLING into his phone ecstatic that his plan has worked out

“I WIN!!! HA BBQ’S ON YOU JEAN!! MUST SUCK TO BE YOU.”

you and levi look at each other and laugh, reassuring the other of what has just happened.

well...

you guess this is the start of something new? maybe??

maybe it’s his stony disposition or his unrealistically harsh grading system that makes him seem so off putting to you.

or perhaps it’s your soft and gentle approach to teaching that drives him up a wall

but to make matters simple, the two of you have never got along. nearly everything he says you disagree with and nearly everything you say he has to rebuke.

every outlandish suggestion of his at meetings is met with firm disapproval from you and every time you bring up wanting to provide the children with more time for extracurricular activities he sneers in annoyance

today he’s proposing a plan to set exams as soon as possible

???

you wonder if he’s even thinking with his head attached to his neck because it’ll be impossible for the children to handle all of the content in the form of an exam paper so soon

the workload he’s been pushing onto his math class has become far too ridiculous for your liking and you want to put an end to the man’s reign of terror

it just so happens your classes are scheduled in the blocks next to each other meaning he always sees your students an hour before you do

it’s got to the point where your pupils trudge into english class completely EXHAUSTED

the other day a boy fainted because of lack of sleep and now mr ackerman has the audacity to put forward the exam dates???

“we need to instill these children with discipline. taking them by surprise will give them a much needed reality check.”

you groan at his speech and raise a hand

“may i interject?”

professor ackerman’s tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek the irritation is painted on his face but he nods although he seems reluctant

“these children do not need standardized exams to-”

“would you like for me to completely scrap exams from the curriculum?” without even allowing for you to present your argument he has to cut you off with a mocking grin

“levi, i think-”

“that's mr ackerman to you.”

his blunt correction has you rolling your eyes because YES!! you understand the two of you aren’t exactly the best of friends but he doesn’t even want to be on a first name basis with a colleague of two years??

his pettiness has your blood boiling in searing displeasure

“you have to stop going so hard on these children.”

he’s shuffling through some paperwork not even batting an eye in your direction.

“personally, we aren’t hard enough but of course the english teacher has trouble understanding that.”

the jab he makes at your job only causes the anger inside of you to bubble up again

why does teaching english have ANYTHING to do with this???

“you teach math yet you can’t calculate the reasoning behind your subpar love life. do not insult english.”

personal insults are your favourite to throw at him because he always gets so riled up

and actually for once you have the answer to a math question.

the reason why his love life is so uneventful has to be because of this :

his personality + his obnoxious humour + his looks = a good looking but undatable man

his jaw clenches and the grip he has on the stack of papers in his hands strengthens

ok,, that is kinda hot but that is not relevant at all

you’re able to make out miss ral one of the other math teachers make a move to speak and god you fight the urge to punch her every day because she’s always gushing about mr ackerman

seeing as you don’t want to punch her or anyone for that matter you turn to give her a “if you speak right now i swear to god i will lose my shit” look

she gets the memo incredibly quickly because her mouth closes shut immediately

mr ackerman takes a sip out of the cup of black tea next to him. “i would appreciate if you just sat back and let me do what’s best.”

“children fainting in my lesson is not what’s best.” your rebuttal catches him off guard and he seems more than a little surprised

“wait- fainted??”

you eyes flick over to mr zacharias, you had told him to pass the message on but the way he’s sheepishly looking at the floor avoiding your eyes clearly tells you all you have to know

“looks like someone forgot to pass the message onto you but the other day falco fainted in english.”

“is he- is he okay?? did he say why?”

eyebrows raising you’re quite surprised to see any sort of reaction from him let alone concern

“he stayed up all night completing your homework.”

lips pressing together into a fine line it almost looks as if he’s guilty

“i’ll talk to him about it later.” his voice is back to its usually plain tone and any trace of his previous worry has been masked.

an awkward silence follows. he coughs choosing to not continue the discussion about exams.

principal smith takes the hint and moves on to discuss planned school trips

HOORAH victory!!!

yet another day where you’ve saved your students

“who is fallacy and why are they pathetic?” a few snorts and giggles are heard around the class and you force yourself to laugh at falco's miserable attempt at a joke

you’ve noticed falco’s been cracking more jokes around his new seat mate gabi.

she’s small but feisty always willing to debate and she’s really a joy to teach although she can get a little bit aggressive with the others at times

honestly it’s quite obvious that falco has a fat crush on her. well, actually it’s been obvious from the moment she step foot into your class

and... you couldn’t just ignore the way falco looked at her could you?? and there was an empty space next to him too sooooo, what harm would there be in placing the two together?

it seems as if your attempt at getting the both of them to talk has worked. gabi and falco compete desperately for the top position in the class and are two of the best students you’ve had in a while

also after the day falco fainted in class gabi has been noticeably nicer. things like asking if he’s drank water or how much he’s slept

you have a small inkling that she may like him back

and the budding romance is adorable to you because you too once had childhood crushes

it feels rather nostalgic to see the two interact

but today you notice the two aren’t in

in fact, you notice half of the class isn’t?

“where are the others?” your question sends a jolt through one of your present students but he stays silent choosing to pretend to clean his glasses as a distraction

crossing your arms over your chest you walk over towards his desk

“udo, you can tell me what it is.”

“professor ackerman said not to tell.” udo looks petrified and you’re just kinda wondering what in the hell is going on

lucky for you his resolve is thin and he quickly cracks under pressure

“okay. you can’t say i told.”

nodding in agreement he looks around making sure no one else hears what exactly it is he’s about to disclose

“he’s kept some people back to talk to them about something top secret. i don’t know what but he asked for the students who like you.”

at that you feel a little bitter because if he asked for the student who liked you why on earth is half the class still here??

but oh well, you guess you can’t please them all

“oh no, no, no. you’ve got it wrong. we all wanted to stay but he didn’t let us.”

udo looks genuine so you let it slide

either way it doesn’t really matter as long as the majority prefer you over that sick and twisted math teacher you’re alright

“he does know he’s cut into my class time right?”

“falco told him that and he whispered something about how you’re bothersome.”

you???? bothersome???

WHEN HE’S THE ONE BOTHERING EVERYONE?/!:£:!/)

you don’t even look back as you walk out frankly furious at what’s happened

english is important

ACTUALLY!!!

ENGLISH > MATH

you will stand by that till the day you die

your knuckle meets with the wooden surface of your sworn enemy’s classroom door and almost automatically you’re able to hear the shuffle of chairs and padding of numerous footsteps approach

the door swings open and you step aside to allow your missing students to pass through

they look nervous but one look at your reassuring smile lets them ease up and relax

“well.” a voice behind you snaps “look who paid me a visit.”

“we’re talking about this later.”

you try your best to sound serious but you don’t know if you pull it off as well as he does because he just ends up giving you a disappointed sort of look

“y/n. stick to being the good cop it suits you better.”

“we are not on first name basis. you said it yourself.” is your narrowed comeback

finally turning to face him you’re surprised when your eyes travel to the triangle of space behind him and you’re able to get a peek of what looks to be a list of books on his whiteboard

pride and prejudice

wuthering heights

jane eyre

ville-

before you’re able to read the rest he moves in front of your line of vision

he’s got quite the selection but,, when did he of all the people on this planet start showing any interest in literature?

“the books on the board what’s that about?”

your inquiry flies over his head and he shuts the door behind him completely

his face doesn’t move and if it does it only shows the slightest hint of confusion

“what books are you talking about?” he replies and don’t know why your knees feel a little weak when he looks you straight in the eyes

snap.

out.

of.

it.

“i saw books on the board.”

“you saw wrong.” he barks back and he’s getting agitated now

maybe you did imagine it...

and you have to get back to teach your class so okay fair enough you’ll let it go because you do know you have a habit of daydreaming randomly

however that doesn’t stop you from giving him another skeptical look before you leave because there is NO WAY you imagined it, but it is you and it really could be a possibility

the click clack of your heels against the floor sound out as you remove yourself from the conversation

you assume he’s returned to his classroom

that’s why it catches you by surprise when you hear a hesitant voice behind you

“there were no books on the board.”

you don’t know why he has to tell you that again because it only makes himself look all the more suspicious

“but if they were a list of book recommendations then what would you recommend i read?”

the question is peculiar coming from him

are you in an alternate universe?

is this a dream?

are you talking to a clone?

a robot?

because this can NOT be the same man you’ve been working with for two years

maybe he’s having a change of heart?

but that sounds unlikely

maybe he’s planning to read the book and somehow with that big brain of his formulate a calculation to score it a measly two out of ten

yeah. that sounds more likely.

nevertheless, you still want to give him a recommendation, maybe he’ll find out he’s into books this way

“you should totally check out pride and prejudice :-)”

for once you’re smiling at him and he doesn’t know what to do because the change is sudden but he doesn’t say a word after that

instead he retreats into his classroom

god.

now you’re sure he’s just asked to form a stupid calculation or whatever the hell it is math teachers do.

“he likes you.” hange has a shit eating grin on their face and you can’t help but narrow your eyes and sigh in exasperation

no he does not like you but you don’t try to correct hange because you know they’re firm in their stupid belief

“would you ever date him?” hange fiddles with the last of their potato salad absentmindedly waiting on your reply

the question literally has you choking on your lunch

“i would rather fight for survival in the wilderness. thank you for asking.”

“oh come on... he’s got a thing for you. you read romance novels all the time you should be able to tell he does.”

“yeah and that thing he has for me is wanting to shove my head onto a pitchfork. you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.” shoving a piece of pasta into your mouth you sigh dreamily at the taste. it serves as a momentary distraction

you get one lunch break and you are not!!!! in the mood to talk about him whilst you’re on that break

he’s attractive

and you have to admit he looks handsome in his crisp white button up and pristine black suit AND his cologne is really...

okay, you are digressing from the point

none of what you just said means anything!!!

at surface level he seems like a catch but it’s what’s on the inside that matters and he said he finds english stupid

that’s more than enough of a reason to dislike the guy?

he thinks stuff like the pythagorean theorem and y = mx+c are entertaining

y = mx+c ??? over literature???

you read books to teach and you read books for your own enjoyment

it would be a complete travesty if you had a crush on a book hater

and levi ackerman most certainly can be classed as a book hater.

a pessimistic book hater if the specifics are needed

“OH! SORRY Y/N GOTTA BLAST MOB’S OVER THERE!!!!!”

you don’t even get the chance to say goodbye because hange makes an eager run towards moblit

hange and moblit are inseparable, both are the shared heads of the science department and since he’s been off on sick leave recently you understand why hange’s rushed off to greet him

you wish you had a teacher friend like that but the sad truth is you’re pretty much a lone wolf. the other english teachers are wrinkly old pickles and talk about antiques or quiz shows :-(

“this seat free?”

no way.

it’s not him

it can't be

what does he even want??

“um, well yeah it is free b-.”

“good.” he takes the seat without you even inviting him and now you’re stuck in an awkward situation you didn’t even expect to be in today

you're about to burst into tears because is it too much to ask for a peaceful lunch period???

mr ackerman clears his throat and places a book in the center of the table. “pride and prejudice although not my cup of tea was... mildly enjoyable.”

wait...

is this him...

admitting defeat!??

HELLLOOOOO

you are over the moon right now because you know he really had to have enjoyed it a lot and is simply choosing to withhold that information for his own reputation

“i’m happy to hear you took a liking to it.” you’re munching away at your pasta a little more upbeat now

“okay but the start of the book assuming all single men want a wife? no, all i want is a good night’s rest for once. also mrs bennet needs to calm down, elizabeth can marry who the hell she wa-”

“someone’s a little passionate aren’t they?” you giggle into your glass of water and you catch mr ackerman frowning

“i liked it okay.”

“i thought you said it was only mildly enjoyable just now?” grinning and looking at him through your lashes his cheeks become red

you guess he’s angry or something but that’s the usual with him

“yeah, whatever. i just wanted to play fair and apologise.”

“apologise?” oh wow, now your interest has really peaked because never in the past two years has he apologised to ANYONE

not even principal smith for the one time he flipped out and nearly cursed at a mouthy student at parent's evening

grimacing a little before he does it he finally speaks again.

“english is important. i’m sorry.”

your lips tug up into a bright smile

well???

this is a great interaction??

an apology coming out of levi ackerman of all people

“apology accepted! i’m glad to know you liked the book but now that we’re a tad bit friendlier with each other i wanted to ask for a favour.” your eyes gleam and he swears he can see specks of shining stars in them

“...okay, it depends.”

he’s warming up to you so he considers it

“please don’t cut into my lesson time levi.” his name slips out of your mouth but it’s so natural you don’t even care to correct yourself

“i’m sorry about that too y/n.” your name now ventures out of his mouth too as it tests the waters

wordlessly the two of you agree to first name basis

BUT more important matters are at hand such as how he’s issued you yet another apology?

this is satire surely

because why is he so willing all of a sudden...?

well, that's the power of pride and prejudice, wow you’re really thanking the heavens for blessing this world with jane austen’s existence

jane austen. a woman capable of remarkable things, she's even managed to make an unmoving book hater somehow become a lover

poking at your tuna pasta you and levi are now quiet.

“soooooo, any opinions on mr wickham?” you ask the question hoping to initiate a longer conversation than before

and luckily for you your attempt works

SUCCESS!!

levi pinches the bridge of his nose and the creases on his forehead show he clearly isn't particularly fond of wickham

“don’t get me started he’s so indescribably annoying?”

ok, ok, ok

you don’t even know how it happens but you and levi really hit it off

weeks have passed and you and him have even become lunch buddies

it was so shocking to moblit at first that he dropped his lunch on the floor when he saw you and levi enthusiastically exchanging words

then again, two mr wickham haters are bound to get along

you’re seriously wondering how the two of you ever survived as mortal enemies

yeah, you still disagree a lot but you’re getting there!!

sometimes he helps you out when your computer stops running and in exchange you’re willing to offer him book recommendations

he swears he doesn't want any recommendations from you but you know he enjoys it

yesterday he got microsoft excel out and showed you how useful it really was and you went :O because you never really understood the need for it at all

you’re a little bit of a granny when it comes to tech...

and just today at lunch you recommended he checks some plays out but his nose wrinkled at the mention of shakespeare so the both of you went through a long list of dramas and eventually you were able to interest him in j.b. priestely's an inspector calls

another victory for you!!

anyway, right now the two of you are sitting inside of the staff room seeing as it's that time of the month again.

time for the monthly staff meeting

it's the first one you've had since you and levi became friends and you're worried the both of you will be back at it butting heads

wait, are you friends?

well, you wouldn't mind if that were the case but to be honest you would like to be a little bit more than friends mayb-

no!!! no!!! no!!! stupid thought!!! you retract that statement immediately

no you do not want to be more than friends with levi ackerman, yes he's lovely to a degree but you are not going to elaborate on why it's a terrible idea to fancy him

okay wait, let's elaborate for the sake of elaborating

he's surprisingly charming and wittier than you thought he would be. the fun conversations are making your days now and to be honest it is nice to have someone to spend lunch with (hange usually skips out on lunch all together to tinker in the science labs and set up experiments)

wait... weren't you suppose to explain why you don't want to get with him?

you're an idiot and you don't notice how dumb you really are until everyone just kinda gawks at the both of you because it's so odd seeing you in the same room let alone within a three feet radius of each other.

fuck, you completely forgot you and levi sat at opposite ends of the room

principal smith enters and even he looks visibly shocked at the change in seats but he doesn't mention it and you're grateful he doesn't because you didn't purposefully sit here it just happened on accident

erwin turns in your direction and smiles

"would you like to start off with your proposition for extracurriculars?"

nodding your head you begin passionately.

"well, i'd like to say i don't think we offer the children enough. we have spare funding so why not open another club? cooking perhaps? i understand many of you may not understand the importance of teaching them how to cook but-"

"do you have an obsession for setting these children up for failure?" tensing up you notice it's levi who's spoke and he doesn't sound remotely happy

blinking once and then twice he realizes his tone isn't the best and he mutters an apology "sorry, go ahead i'll add in when you're done."

whispers travel through the room straight away

"did he just say sorry?"

"actually why are those two sitting together?"

"do you think they're you know...?"

miss ral who's sat a little further away is the next person to disagree with you

"i understand the intention but would it not be better to let them have extra math lessons?"

"oh, so you can get a pay rise?" the comeback you make is aggressive and dripping in displeasure

she sits up face burning up

"no- no- absolutely not i take pleasure in teaching all of my classes." flustered and trying to hide her nerves she takes a sip out of her water bottle

you want to pour all of the water out onto that ginger hair of hers

the reason why her interjection is getting on your nerves is due to the fact you overheard her and another one of the math teachers plan to bring this specific point up

and you are well aware that her reasoning behind it has nothing to do with the children

she couldn't care less about them

"do not make me repeat what you and mr bozado were chit chatting about earlier today."

the threat is enough to silence her and just when you think you've handled the situation levi has to give his input

"let's ignore petra's motivations and talk about how teaching these kids how to cook means nothing if they have no tradable skills to offer in the real world." levi's not looking at you. he's either too annoyed or too preoccupied with his thought process

at that moment you feel naive, you thought maybe he would try to understand your opinion seeing as he's been spending so much time with you as of recent but that looks to not be the case

murmurs of agreement fill the room at his statement and you feel pathetic

it's practically the entire room against you now

genuinely how is it these people can manage to be such spoiled sports about everything?

"recently, i asked all of my classes to write an essay about school stress. maybe you won't understand my views because you haven't read their pieces but they need a fucking break." the expletive flies out of your mouth without warning and you flush in embarrassment

that

was

not

professional.

"oh god, i'm sorry i got worked up i shouldn't hav-" fumbling over all of your words you feel even more mortified

the principal raises his hand signalling you stop and you clamp your mouth shut. you're in huge trouble that's for sure

but,,, in spite of the clear difference in opinion between you and the other teachers, soft and well spoken principal smith says the unthinkable

"i have the final say and i believe you are coming from a good place after reading your student's work. how would you feel about running the new cooking club?"

scanning his face for a second you can tell his question is legitimate and the wave of relief that washes over you has never felt better than ever

sighing contently you agree and as the topic of conversation shifts to something else entirely you sense your heart rate picking up

you feel like you're back to square one with levi.

it's yet another day where you’ve saved your students and you should be feeling overjoyed but if anything you feel a little deflated

you wish he would have come around and understood but you can't teach and old dog new tricks

again, the feeling of disappointment wears you down

two weeks have passed since then and your favourite time of year has come. it’s spring term meaning MACBETH

the english curriculum includes plays and it just so happens that today is your first lesson covering shakespeare

and you LOVE shakespeare

something about all the intricate foreshadowing always has you excited

but some children are missing

and it’s way too many to blame on sickness

so you wait for a few minutes but it's consistently radio silent

the last time this happened the culprit had been levi and he promised to never cut into your lesson time

but you could count on him to break his promise after the fiasco that was the monthly meeting

is he back to hating you and hating literature?

well, that's his loss if that's the case!! and no!! you will not upset yourself over the loss of the budding friendship

sighing you get to your feet making a beeline to the door but gabi and falco rush to stop you

awkward chuckles activated they wave their hands to get your attention “OH NO, they’ll only be five minutes!!” their sentence comes out as one big blur of words but you manage to understand them

now you’re doubtful because you know falco and gabi would usually ignore you and allow you to walk out

giving them a knowing glance the pair look between each other

their eyes are clearly communicating and asking if it’s alright to tell you

“i promise i won’t be mad.” you sigh

perhaps if you reassure them they’ll be more likely to spill the beans

“it’s not that you... i don't know. you might be upset.” gabi isn't one to care much for other's feelings so you're slightly anxious even though you shouldn't be

but you’re a tough nut to crack. so, absolutely not. you are not going to upset yourself over whatever it is

“i won’t be hurt. i’ve suffered through reading some of the most emotional classics to ever exist.” hitting your chest with your fist you wince a little because you hit yourself a little too hard

falco’s seems to be too shy to come out with it so gabi takes the lead as she normally does

“some students were talking badly about you so mr ackerman kept them behind to have a talk.”

oh.

yeah, actually you are a teeny weeny bit disheartened because you think you’re nice to all of your pupils but it’s nothing too bad, not everyone will like you

“if that’s all i’ll go get them. thank you for letting me know.” giving them two thumbs up you leave the class immediately

levi is probably scolding them to hell and back

not because he cares for you but because he hates disrespect in general

as you’re nearing the open door of his classroom you hear something you never thought would emerge from levi’s room

“final question. why does mr darcy say he doesn’t want to dance with elizabeth at first?” oh yeah, that’s levi’s voice for sure

an english question?

is he quizzing them on pride and prejudice?

you wait hoping your students don't fail you and are able to provide the correct answer.

“ummm... she’s not pretty enough!!”

levi hums “you answered all five questions right. do you all know why?”

you can’t see the children’s faces but they have to be confused if there’s no immediate response

he grunts in agitation “because your english teacher works hard to teach you every single day. have some respect because that teacher of yours is one in a million.”

taking your bottom lip in between your teeth you fight the urge to smile

“do you know how at every single staff meeting there’s only ever one teacher fighting for you all and what you want. i can assure you that teacher isn’t me, but i believe you can all guess who i'm talking about.”

your heart does a back flip in your chest and you feel jittery but in that really fuzzy good way

like that super duper fuzzy and hazy good way

he’s really very sweet for saying all of this and you're now smiling like an idiot

one pupil takes a chance to make amends “we’re sorry mr ackerman.”

but before levi can give them a response you clap your hands together and walk in unannounced 

“apology accepted, now if you want to all be forgiven forever please return to class and answer the questions on the board!” directing them to the door with your hands you make sure they're conscious fo the fact you aren't mad at them

still, never have you seen them so eager to run off to analyze macbeth. you guess levi's deathly stare is the cause for it

holding back a laugh you clear your throat after the last student leaves

“thank you levi :-)”

it’s quiet for a second and you think to ask him about what has been gnawing at your mind

“you didn’t have to do that. you disagreed with me before so... why did you?”

“i say this at every meeting and you never listen but children need to be disciplined.” his unchangeable tone is unwelcoming

again it’s awkwardly silent and you sorta regret even coming over to see what was going on because now you and levi are just having an uncomfortable staring contest

then he scratches the back of his neck and heaves a heavy breath

“it may also be because i really fucking like you, but i look like an idiot saying that when we’ve been at each other's necks for two years.”

oh.

the sudden and brutally honest confession has the wind knocked out of you, you’re stunned

and then you get hit by it too. the realization hits you like rain hits umbrellas on stormy days. you like him too.

you like him for his witty sense of humour, his pure honesty and his hatred for mr wickham only serves as a bonus

yes, you have your differences. many of them. but you like him

he’s no longer a book hater and so by default you can fancy him. he goes against none of your guidelines essentially

you like him, he likes you back?’//’.;

[SCREAMS]

“well, what do you say? will you be this mr darcy's elizabeth bennet?” hearing the cheesy pickup line from him of all people has the butterflies in your stomach exploding in delight 

“you sound weird, where's the grumpy math teacher from before?" now you and him are simply shamelessly flirting but HEY!! you have no complaints at all

he scoffs at your sarcastic question

"do you want the equation for a two dimensional heart on a graph beca-"

"can i just kiss you?"

wOWIE are you being bold today y/n???

thankfully you don't have to wait for his answer. levi’s right hand pulls your face in and he slams his lips against yours. he gives your waist a squeeze and you hold him tighter by the neck in response. he has a way of somehow making it all feel gentle and relaxed in the same breath

and... you know what? maybe you should have recommended pride and prejudice to him earlier

but oh well.

what matters the most right now is that you're kissing your mr darcy!!

and he’s kissing his elizabeth bennet