#lesbians!!

Husk- your grumpy cat, gambling, booze-breathed bartender. He didn’t care much when you first walked in. But then, he realized how calm and sincere you were. How you would support Charlie and comfort angel. How you let niffty do as she pleased with your hair(ignore that bit if you a bald bitch). The man couldn’t help but purr whenever you walked near him. 

Baxter- the precious ‘mad’ scientist of the hotel. He asked if he could study you and you just said…… yes? It was so strange. You allowed him to do as he pleased. You never belittled him. You are smart and kind of cool- AHEM- who said that?! Baxter definitely wants to study you more.

Alastor- yup. The radio demon. Most would pray for him to ignore them. But you? Oh, you caught his eye. Husk? Husk likes YOU. Are we sure you’re both talking about the same husk here. So, he decided to talk to you. And just like that, he was whooped. You made hell’s precious radio host act like a buck in heat around you.

Lucifer- mhm. Girl, the KING of hell, the DEVIL himself, acts like a high schooler around you. At the start, it was just cause he wanted to piss off Alastor. He snaked hands around your waist and charmed you. And you slapped him. Yeah. You slapped the boogeyman. But, of course, it turned the dork the fuck on to see a woman have the nerves to treat him that way.

Oh and they all fought. And hard. They’d purposely do things to make the other seem like a piece of shit in front of you. Whether it was Baxter putting a hand up your shirt when alastor was next to you only to hide and let you think Alastor did it. Or if it was Husk giving you the wrong drink after you asked Lucifer for one to make it seem like he didn’t care what you wanted and only what he wanted. 

Things started to get worse and worse…. Until-

“Hey guys! I want you to meet a special someone who also plans to stay at the hotel!” You said happily.

Charlie gasped “really?! SOMEONE WANTS TO STAY HERE?!-“ she coughs and clears her throat “sorry.”

“Where are they, my dear?” Alastor asked you.

“They’re right here. Meet: my girlfriend!!!!” A beautiful woman walks in and you happy kiss her forehead. “She’s decided to stay at the hotel- uh husk, you good?” 

Husk stares at you, his bottle filling up angels glass to the brim, making the counter wreak of alcohol. 

Baxter comes out of his lab to see what all the commotion is about. “What’s going on?” He asks niffty. 

“Y/N is introducing her new girlfriend!”

“Girlfriend?!” 

“Yup! Isn’t she pretty? I’m gonna ask her what hair products she uses!”

That night, Lucifer comes to the hotel only to see Baxter, Alastor and Husk at the bar. Seems like Baxter has went into drinking for once in his whole life.

“What’s up, gentlemen. What? Don’t tell me you’ve all given up and let the big man take his prize- wait, actually, are you?” He asked excitedly.

“She’s a lesbian.” Husk answered bluntly.

“Wha…….” Lucifer asks, not sure if he’s heard correctly.

“The chick’s a lesbian, sir.”

The woman at the back of the line, still staring at the flower, does not respond.

"Lya, c’mon," James calls. Lillia floats over gracefully despite her thin sky-blue robes weighed down by mud caked to the flowing pants, her light eyes scanning the area, then Alya, uneasily.

"What’s unusual?" she asks lightly. Alya straightens.

"I believe I am experience symptoms of heat stroke," she says, vaguely nonplussed.

"Not surprising," Aedyn chimes in.

"Wait, but on the desert planet you were just fine," Lillia says.

"I believe my time on this planet called Earth has triggered a genetic metamorphosis," she says matter-of-factly. "I am becoming more human."

Aedyn sighs. "Is that good or bad?"

"It is neither," Alya replies. "It is the same as when we visited the Cave of Norr and I ate the glow worm. James called me a glow stick, which is incorrect. I was bioluminescent."

"But, you were in a lot of pain in the cave," Lillia says, reaching out a hand to feel Alya’s skin. It’s dry and hot, and she retracts her hand with a hiss.

"You’re burning up," she mumbles, digging through her pack for something.

"How did this happen?" Aedyn groans. "You didn’t, like, eat a person… right?"

"Of course not," Alya replies, brows furrowing further. "I have been ingesting the same fish jerky and suspicious fruit as everyone else."

"Let’s not call it ‘suspicious fruit’, please," James mutters.

"It is very suspicious, they’re right," Aedyn counters.

"All of you shut up!" Lillia snaps. She brings out a canteen and hands it to Alya. "Take slow sips, okay?"

"Okay."

James trudges back towards the pair, eyes flicking between them.

"Aedyn’s right. How did this happen?" he asks.

Alya doesn’t miss a beat. "It was likely triggered by the kiss Lillia and I shared."

Lillia freezes, eyes narrowing at the ground, daring anyone to say anything.

Of course, they do.

Aedyn whistles, plucking a short melody on a turtle-shell lute. "I knew it! I knew it! James owes me five gold!"

James just stares, wide-eyed.

Lillia leans into Alya’s side, whispering, "I thought we were waiting to find the rest of the party to disclose that particular piece of information."

Alya pauses drinking the water to meet Lillia’s eyes, their noses almost touching with proximity. Lillia scrunches her nose and pulls back by only a few centimeters. Neither of them pull back any farther.

"Ah. Have I committed a faux-pas?" she asks lightly. Lillia leans her head on her shoulder, grumbling quietly.

"No, baby, you’re fine."

"Baby?" Aedyn squeaks.

"Lils seems to believe that I am a young adolescent of my species," Alya supplies helpfully.

James snorts. "Oh, that’s not—"

"It’s a term of endearment, remember?" Lillia interrupts, focused entirely on Alya.

Alya smiles slightly, nodding. It’s practically a grin. "Yes! Like how James calls you Waterlily because you fell into the pond."

Lillia shoots a look of daggers at Jay. "Yeah," she says slowly. "Like that."

"But I am two-hundred and twelve years of age, by this planet’s revolution," Alya says. "By their standards, I am elderly."

"What about by your species’ standards?" James asks.

"I am unsure. I have not met but one other of my species and they tries to kill me," Alya says.

James’ eye twitches. "You say these things with the mildest of tones. You simply must stop telling us concerning shit like you’re asking about the weather."

Lillia’s blue eyes meet Alya’s golden green ones, a helpless smile appearing on her face as she tucks a strand of hair behind their ear. Alya blushes.

"Don’t listen, Lya, you’re perfect," Lils says.

"This is gold. Literal gold," Aedyn whispers, still dancing in place. James grabs their collar and yanks them to stand still, like holding a hyper cat by the scruff.

"So, you two?" James asks. Lillia takes a swig from a small flask and screws her face up, the old dwarven whiskey burning on the way down.

"Half-elf, alien from outer space," Lillia says, linking their arms and hiking past James and Aedyn up the path. "We’re a match made in heaven."

"Not in heaven. We became a couple while camping on the beach—"

"Shh, I know," Lillia laughs.

James stares after them, lowering his shades to hide the amusement in his eyes.

"For two ex-assassins, they’re pretty smiley as a pair," Aedyn notes.

"They are, aren’t they?"

"Maybe we should—" Aedyn begins suggestively, sidling up to James and making a kissy face. James places his palm on her forehead, pushing her away as she cackles gleefully.