#learning opportunities

Challenge #04912-M163: The One in the Mirror

A strange rift opens up showing a world where the powerful Wraithvine is as cruel and as arrogant as any elf could be. WITH all of hir abilities intact. The gentle one must confront, contain, and close the rift before that one enters hir world. -- Anon Guest

Always be wary of magic mirrors.

Some are useful, but most of them are traps made of vanity and narcisism. They will show a deepest desire, but that yearning is forever out of reach. The view in the frame is too captivating, and it never shows the means to reach the treasure the viewer has in mind. They will show a future, but the viewer can never be sure if it's the viewer's confirmed destiny, or a future that the mirror wants to happen. Mirrors like that one can kill the indecisive by inflicted inertia.

Mirrors of farsight might be helpful, but not often. They're extremely rare, and it's wise to test them. Fakes exist.

About a year ago, I (now 18F) had a crush on a guy who is currently my boyfriend (now 20M). When we first met, I was 17 and he was 19. We were in a Discord group with mutual friends, and I thought he was really cute. At one point during a call, he mentioned that he wouldn't date anyone who was more than two years younger than him. At the time, his exact birthday wasn't clear, but we knew he was 19. I panicked because I really liked him and didn't want to ruin my chances. So when the topic of age came up, I told him I was 18 even though I was actually 17. Looking back, I know that was immature and unnecessary. I should've just been honest instead of assuming things or trying to adjust myself to fit what he said he preferred. Now, I'm about to actually turn 18 in a few weeks, and he'll be turning 20 later this year. I'm terrified he'll realize that the timeline doesn't add up. I feel guilty for lying, especially because he's genuinely one of the greenest-flag guys I've ever met. I really see a future with him. I'm scared that if I tell him the truth, he'd be upset or even break up with me. I don't know if I should come clean now or just leave it alone since I'm turning 18 soon anyway and leaving for uni at another country. I need advice.

Okay. So you foresee a future with him.

You think your family and friends is going to go along with you lying about your birthday? He's never gonna go to a party and someone else is gonna be like "haha, you don't even know her birthday? What a bad boyfriend, haha"? You're never gonna do any important legal paperwork with him that involves giving your birth date (like, say, a marriage certificate)? You're never gonna make a medical call in front of him or go to any medical appointment with him (like, say, a fertility check), where they will ask your birthday to confirm your identity?

Even if we throw the aside the fact that lying erodes trust and is no way to start or build a relationship, just the logic of upkeeping this lie rapidly erodes when we sit down and actually think about things. There is NO way to have a relationship with him where he doesn't find out the truth. And if you never even fess up and just let him look like a fool? You've lost trust for sure, forever.

That said, the fact that you lied is just weird. It makes no sense. You two are two years apart in age. That's within his range. So...you lied for no reason??? If I were him, I just wouldn't know what to do with that. If you're willing to lie over something so stupid and meaningless for absolutely no real reason, what else are you lying about? Do you just compulsively lie all the time? I have no way of knowing now.

And your excuse is shit. You lied because you specifically did not accept his boundaries, comfort zone, or safety. You lied specifically to disrespect him and his wishes. Even though the lying was unnecessary, that was still your reason. On the off chance he'd say no, you wanted to manipulate him into saying yes.

So yeah. He may very well break up with you. Actions have consequences. Hopefully this can be a stupid, teenage mistake you learn from and leave in you past.

So my 21F girlfriend suddenly asked me if I wanted to have a poly relationship with our 21M best friend. Keep in mind that we've been together for 8 months now and I think i did my best (giving her what she wants, giving her independence, giving her love and care, making sure her problems are seen and heard, and just making sure she stays alive and well). So she suddenly asked me while we were talking about our pet hamster's new cage since we were thinking of getting a bigger one for him but thats besides the point. She suddenly asked me, "Do you wanna have a poly with our best friend Mike? (I'll put mike as a identifying name)" obviously her asking me that shocked me and I suddenly had this feeling of betrayal or I felt like i didnt do enough for her. I replied hesitantly "Sure if thats what you want.." since obviously we've been together for a while and i don't wanna lose her. She then tells me that she actually had a crush on Mike before me and her got tgt and that the poly would be the best thing to happen to her but hearing that dealt the biggest blow to my heart and that started my slow descent to losing my love for her, obviously i still did but it was just a chore now. Fast forward to this December and to no one's surprise I've been neglected by her and treated like some third wheel, I've only ever been asked to do things for her or even for Mike, and at most we only said "I love you, Good morning, Good nights" when I would say or start it. She would never say it unless it was a good day i would get an "I love you" but thats it. We barely went on dates since the start of the poly and I really felt so alone. But back to this December, we spent our first christmas together and it was okay, there was a bit of drama since I was overthinking and wasn't used to being left alone like that so i kept bothering her. But instead of the old "Don't worry it'll be okay baby" it became a break up. A stupid sudden break up. I was the main partner, the first girlfriend, the one who spent so much time with her the most and yet I was the one who was neglected and in the end left to die alone. We already broke up but I want to see if I did anything wrong, or maybe it was actually just all her fault. In the end I dont blame her, but somewhere inside me also blames her for starting the cheating in the guise of a poly. Thanks for reading.

Look, she didn't do polyam in the most ideal, suggested way, but she did not cheat. She asked, and you agreed. She did not coerce you. You are the one who decided not to speak up for yourself, hide your feelings, and go along with something you didn't want. What can you do different in the future? Speak up. Communicate with your partner. The relationship might have just ended sooner, but wouldn't it have been slightly less painful to break it off before feeling neglected and abandoned when you realized you two were incompatible? We also honestly have no idea what would have happened if you'd just been honest in the beginning. Maybe it was an incompatibility or maybe she would have been fine with no, and you pulling away because you never wanted to be polyam wouldn't have happened and your relationship would have continued for a long time. We just don't know.

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