#laylavents

i hate that im genderfluid i wish i could just be cis i hate saying that im genderfluid it makes me feel so fucking stupid it makes me feel like a fake trans person but i know that im feeling this but i don't want to because it's too out there for the majority of people who aren't online or already trans to accept and i feel like such an idiot for even calling myself genderfluid because i know that most people im close with may not accept me and i hate it i just want to be a normal woman but i can't

"but does getting a diagnosis really make a difference?" yeah i won't feel insane anymore <3

this isn't a joke anymore what the fuck is wrong with me

why do i hate the people i love

i mean im not usually jealous but she's effortlessly pretty and skinny and always has smooth silky hair and knows everything about makeup and has cute mini skirts and bikini tops and she goes to house parties and drinks jello shots with her older cousins friends and knows all the drama and has half the fucking school on snap and has like 3 different boys chatting her up constantly on discord and does a million different clubs and still has time to study but she barely ever does but she still gets amazing grades and is in all top set classes and she doesn't even care all that much about school and just wants to get it all over with

why is my mum so obsessed with making me look as young as possible

EUGHSHHS literally every1 who i have asked who knows me very well has said that im definitely neurodivergent in some way AND I HAVE DONE TONS OF RESEARCH ON THE TOPIC but since im not technically diagnosed a part of me is just constantly saying "no you don't have autism or adhd or anything else ur actually just a lazy freak weirdo loser who needs to get her shit together" im crashing out