#latinecreators

alt. i wasted my summer wanting you

last night i guzzled down all my strawberry liquor to wash away the thoughts of you.

for the first time in my life

i find myself longing for summer

so that i may lose myself in the daisies and sunflowers

just to keep you from planting your carnations in my mind.

i can only hope my cacti and weeds keep you at bay.

i'll bury myself under eden

so that one day

you'll unearth me and recognize my rot,

you'll see what lack of tending can do.

on nights like these i can only forget you

at the hands of my own vices.

only at the hands of things you would never do.

things that remind me of how different

my filth looks

in the reflection of your holy light.

please forgive me

when i mistake you leaving the bedroom light on

while i howl from the doghouse,

as a sign i do not belong here.

please forgive me

when the hole under the fence is just big enough on both sides

for me to signal a return i hope never comes.

and please forgive me

when i leave a mess in your flower bed

from digging myself up,

i hope only to show you the fool i've become.

i promise to leave everything the way it was before

which is to say it had changed at all.

that morning, i finished your bottle of strawberry liquor just to steal a hint of your taste,

you kissed him on my couch right after.

i scavenged the ocean floor and came back as someone new

you longed for someone with a heart of aquamarine, not just for someone blue

years of diving has left my topaz skin brittle, cracked, and raw, yet no pearl nor diamond nor ruby will do my love has always been precious, but not precious enough for you.

pull the leash tighter,

nourish me with Your empty words

and praise me for my silent hunger.

when i howl as it storms,

focus on keeping Your bed warm.

the feral lightning stands no chance against my soul's ravenous state.

i am not the type of dog You are used to caring for,

but i find myself deeply devoted to You all the same.

and although my barking prayers sound like hail

and my begging roars sway the house,

the Goddess' hound is nothing

but expendable,

just another dutiful follower,

just another mumbling devotee in the crowd,

another bleeding, wounded hand to command.

and yet, no matter how intense or often my pleas are,

She receives the worship all the same.

maybe She knows,

and maybe there is sick enjoyment to be found

in glancing at me from the bedroom window,

in keeping me distant

while i wait on Her words.

or maybe,

i pray that

just maybe,

this is the only way She knows

how to treat me like the mutt i am.

You keep me chained to the lawn,

but the lawn keeps me closer to You.

some days

i catch myself tossing coins into the well

where i laid you to rest

in the back of my mind,

and though i wish

that in another world

i am not always evil

and you are not always leaving,

i know these are things that wishing cannot fix.

you will always be a coward

and i will always be perceived,

and i find my wishes have changed.

i have begun to collect my coins,

and i have enough to ensure all is granted

when i wish

you gone,

when i wish

to move on,

when i wish

nothing but the worst for you,

when i wish

to stay with those i know love me,

when i wish

you never forget,

when i wish

to spend my life in peace.

aka ((it's been five years))

dear You,

a friend recently told me

that you giggle the same way

you used to.

however,

my dreams have tainted your image,

and in place of laughter

a sick silhouette whispers:

"i am not who you remember or want me to be,

and i will never be again.

you keep lingering on words

i will never speak to you,

but my eyes will tell you

i wish i had

when i could."

and though i recognize you from here,

you do not look like yourself anymore.

a stranger has been superimposed over

what used to be my friend.

i beg you,

please stop following me

with another face.

goodnight.