Jul 10
Coffee truly is just potion of bowel movement, huh.
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Coffee truly is just potion of bowel movement, huh.
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My dad was outside trying to fix our one bird feeder by jamming his fingers into the metal cage surrounding the tube to try and pull the tub back down into place, and I was like, "If you bring it inside, I can fix it. You have to take the tube out."
He made a face at me and went, "I know how to fix it!" kind of snippy, and I was like, "Nope, not engaging." and walked off to my brother like, "Yeah, so that's what's going on."
Came back two minutes later and he was doing exactly what I told him to do instead of trying to wiggle his fingers through the mesh to uselessly pull at the plastic.
The look this man gave me.
Like, dude, part of my job is putting those feeders together and showing people how to take them apart for cleaning and maintenance purposes.
I fix those feeders.
I give the goddamned tutorial on those feeders.
I showed HIM how to use the feeder.
I showed him how to use all of our current bird feeders.
Bird is my god dang job.
Seen a dildo in the parking lot of this one fancy pants restaurant on my way to work, and my deepest regret is not taking a moment to punt it into the dumpster, because that would have been funnier than just going, "Ew, okay." and heading to the shop.
Was pretty amusing to stumble upon in the early hours of the morning though, not gonna lie.
If you are ever concerned that you're being too "weird" in front of a cashier, chances are someone has already beat you to the punch in that department.
For me, if you haven't...
1.) Shit on the floor. [Maliciously]
2.) Told me "Well, if she can't have the baby naturally, maybe that means something..." while telling SOMEONE ELSE how to help an egg bound chicken (imagine for me, you are constipated, and someone is saying if you can't shit, maybe that means something spiritually, like, bro...).
3.) Cackle laughed after coming in a minute before we close at your own joke about how I should have "ridden your horse to work" after I explained that we were CLOSED and wouldn't leave the fucking store while acting like a massive entitled twat and NOT buy anything during the fucking winter when I had to walk home-
You are probably fine.
The bar is very low.
Me: "You know, I think I do a good job of appearing calm during stressful situations. I don't think anyone could tell how stressed out I get unless I told them."
Also Me, smells like lavender stress relief lotion: -buys calming mints, stress relief teas, body soaps meant to cause relaxation, etc...-
Me: "You would never know-"
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Me: "I have to get up at 4am and get to work by 6am tomorrow."
Also Me: "My brain goblins are stirring a large vat of, presumably, oil to cook me in, but they haven't lit the fire yet, so it's going to be more of a cold soak filled with regret."
Me, in the shower: "Today was fairly normal despite how hot it is..."
My brain: "You remember that one customer you helped before the last one? How you told her she could use the powder in the dust bath as long as she mixed it with the stuff already in the dust bath? What if she does it wrong and it hurts the chickens and-"
Me, sighing heavily: "Can I just have ONE night where I don't feel guilt over SOMETHING??"
A child shit on the floor today at work.
They were not in distress, they were ten feet away from the bathroom, they just decided, "Ah, yes, the floor-", and this was after they kept harassing the shop cat by hitting/kicking her, which *I* had to lecture the kid on, because his dad could not be bothered and running around/grabbing things.
I went into the back of the store and there was just... shit.
And before you ask if it was cat shit or not, there's a difference.
There is a massive difference.
Just...
What the fuck, dude.