#lalex

(it's not up to him because one, Julie has never seen him as anything other than like her own brother (which she already has one of anyway) and two, Luke's gay)

she keeps telling him everything is fine and he doesn't have to worry about her, but Napa is unfortunately a smaller town than she'd like it to be and therefore everyone finds out that her ex is getting married before she does and despite her best efforts, she goes into a bit of a tailspin.

Julie decides (without telling anyone, including Luke because she's pretty sure he'd try to talk her out of it) that she's going to take a few weeks off and go somewhere else for a change. she hasn't taken more than a day or two off in years and she's fucking earned it. only problem is, she doesn't know where the hell to go.

she doesn't want to go too far from home so she decides that she'll stay on the west coast, but given that it's winter she decides that she'd much rather go south than north and so she ends up looking for somewhere in los angeles - a place she's always sort of wanted to visit.

meanwhile, down in los angeles, Alex is arguing with his best friend, business partner, and fellow composer Reggie for the umpteenth time about work. or really, not so much their work but more so the fact that Alex doesn't know how to take a break. ever.

Alex insists (just like he always does because they've had this argument a dozen times over) that he does in fact know how to take breaks and Reggie's just being ridiculous, but this time Reggie puts his foot down. he tells Alex that they're both taking time off - he's even gone so far as to give their employees two weeks off as well - and to make sure that Alex actually does take time off, he's arranged a getaway for Alex up in wine country.

this, of course, does not sit well with Alex at first. but Reggie shows him some photos of the little cottage that's actually in a vineyard and even Alex has to admit it looks nice and relaxing. maybe Reggie's right: he could use a vacation.

but once Alex arrives at the vineyard (after a very long drive) he quickly discovers that there's nothing to fucking do here except drink wine. he likes wine well enough but he's not interested in touring the vineyard, nor the dozen other vineyards around Napa, so he's absolutely miserable by the end of the first day and grumpily decides that he's going straight back to LA first thing in the morning.

however, that evening he's startled by loud banging on the front door of the cottage and someone shouting to let them in. Alex is absolutely not going to do that but the person at the door is insistent - "JUUUUUULIE LET ME IN C'MON I KNOW I SAID LAST TIME WAS THE LAST TIME BUT PLEEEEASE DON'T MAKE ME WALK HOME" - and finally Alex opens the door and is suddenly face to face with a very attractive (though very inebriated) man.

"you're not Julie…" Luke says as he slowly blinks and shamelessly looks Alex up and down. Alex stutters as he says "obviously" and after a bit of bickering back and forth, he ends up letting Luke inside so he can use the bathroom.

Alex has no intention at all of letting Luke actually stay, but Luke ends up charming his way into getting Alex to agree to let him sleep it off on the couch. he tells Alex that he got a little carried away at the last tasting of the night with a group of older ladies who were an absolute blast to chat with and Alex probably snorts and makes some comment about how Luke probably could've shacked up with one of them.

"nah, they're not my type." "what, too old?" "too… y'know." Alex doesn't know. Luke elaborates. "too female." he snorts and shakes his head. "that sounds stupid. i like dick," he says bluntly, and Alex chokes on air. "what? you asked."

Alex is reduced to a blushing, stuttering mess. he's suddenly acutely aware that it's been a ridiculously long time since he last got laid and Luke keeps looking at him in such a way that gets him hot under the collar, and he hasn't felt that in ages. Luke, despite his drunken state, seems to know exactly the effect he's having on Alex and turns on his charm even more.

within an hour, they're making out on Julie's sofa and when Luke asks Alex again if he can stay the night, Alex agrees with far more enthusiasm than before.

chapter two

when Julie arrives at Alex's place in LA, she thinks she must have the wrong spot. she checks and double-checks the information (after seeing a text from her ex-boyfriend and deciding not to answer it) but she's exactly where she's supposed to be. even so, she's surprised that the code actually works on the keypad to unlock the front door.

the house is tastefully decorated but still feels extravagant compared to her modest cottage, and Julie squeals in excitement as she quickly starts running around and poking her head into every single room of the house, exploring the whole place and thinking to herself that she must be the luckiest girl in the whole world.

what she doesn't expect to find in one of the rooms is a music studio, let alone someone inside it. she shrieks in surprise and Reggie shrieks right back before he starts apologizing for scaring her. he'd gotten carried away on his final project before his vacation - or staycation, as he likes to call it - and had lost track of time. he definitely meant to be out of Alex's house before Julie was due to arrive.

Julie's relieved to discover that she's definitely not in the wrong house and it's a delight to put a name to a face - as Reggie was the one she set this whole arrangement up with in the first place. he gives her a bit more information about the house itself and the neighborhood as she walks him back to the front door, and he even suggests a couple places she could order food from for dinner, if she's interested.

she thanks him for the suggestions and says maybe she'll try some out, and after he leaves she curses herself for not asking if he'd want to join her for dinner. when they'd emailed, she totally expected Reggie to be - at the very least - a middle-aged man or something. she didn't expect to ever meet him so she never even considered that he'd be hot.

later that night as she's settling into bed, her curiosity gets the best of her and she checks the message from Nick again and while at first she gets a little thrill that he's wondering where she is, it fades away immediately when she texts back and he doesn't respond. she tells herself that it's because she's six hours late answering, but she has a sinking feeling that even if she'd replied two minutes later he still wouldn't have answered.

when Alex wakes up the following morning, he tells himself that he's still going home today (even though it's already far later in the morning than he'd like to have left). hooking up with Luke last night doesn't change the fact that coming here was a stupid idea and he wants to go home. he goes into the kitchen and finds Luke already in there making coffee, and for a moment Alex is struck with a thought that makes him question his entire plan - maybe I should just stay here… with Luke… - but then he pushes it down and gratefully accepts a cup of coffee when Luke offers it.

Luke asks what his plans are for the day and Alex blushes a little when he says that he's going back home, feeling awful when Luke's face falls. he covers it well enough and makes a joke about the night before and how he hopes he didn't discourage Alex from wanting to stay. Alex insists it's not him - "last night was amazing!" - blushing more as Luke smiles at him, but rather that this wasn't a good idea after all.

"well, if you change your mind, I'd love to give you a tour of the vineyard," Luke offers. he says there's no pressure, and that he hopes Alex has a safe trip (maybe he says "flight" and Alex corrects that he's driving, he hates to fly. Luke gives him a weird look but doesn't press, it's not his business) home. he leaves and Alex feels a strange pull in his chest to kiss him goodbye, but he doesn't. he gets back into his car and drives out of Napa Valley, but he's second-guessing himself the whole time.

he gets as far as the junction to 680 but as he gets onto the highway Alex can hear Reggie's voice in his head, he can see the look of disappointment on his face that he'd get if Alex came home early. and then he sees Luke's face and god he wants to kiss him again already.

so Alex takes the next exit off of the highway and pulls into a gas station to argue with himself for a good half an hour or so before he finally makes the decision to turn back around and drive back to Napa. once he's back at the cottage, he agonizes again over going to the tasting room to see Luke, and by the time he makes a decision he ends up getting there right as it's supposed to close for the night. Luke spots him and smiles widely, both of them feeling relieved to see the other again. even though the tasting room is technically closed, Luke opens a couple of bottles just for him and Alex.

they end up stumbling back to the cottage, both extremely wine-drunk, and fall into bed together again. even if they don't get any further than making out and attempting to take off each other's clothes before they both fall asleep, Alex is still very glad he came back.

chapter three

having spent her first night in LA ordering takeout from one of the spots Reggie suggested and finding out it was delicious, Julie decides that for lunch the next day, she'll go to one of the other spots in person. it turns out to be much farther from the house than she expected, and navigating LA traffic is slightly worse than she expected, but she's pleased with herself for managing to find the place and get a parking spot.

she's staring up at the menu trying to decide what she'll get when she feels a tap on her shoulder and turns to see none other than Reggie standing behind her in line with a wide smile. she lights up as she says hello and how nice it is to see him again. she tells him how much she enjoyed one of his other recommendations last night so she thought she'd try another today, and he smiles as he tells her he's glad to have helped.

she then asks for his opinion on what she should order, and eventually they end up sitting at a table together while they wait for their food. he asks what else she has planned for the day and she looks a little sheepish as she admits that she hadn't gotten that far yet. she says she might just go out to the beach or something, maybe do a couple touristy things, stuff like that.

Reggie suggests a handful of things she could do, if she's looking to go the touristy route. they all sound pretty ridiculous but when he talks about them, Julie can't help but imagine the two of them doing it all together. she musters up the courage to ask if he'd want to be her impromptu tour guide, "if you've got the time, I don't want to keep you if you have work or something!"

he agrees with a bashful laugh, saying he's actually off this week since Alex is away and he hasn't done any touristy things in ages, so he'd love to go along with Julie. a swell of pride and excitement fills Julie's chest and she has to bite her tongue to keep from squealing.

that afternoon they end up going to the beach in Santa Monica and he shows her all around the Pier and Third Street Promenade, and before they eventually part ways they swap phone numbers and Reggie promises to come by in the morning with an even better itinerary for tomorrow.

waking up with a hangover is never easy nor is it fun, but it's remarkably better when it's next to a hot companion. Luke's warm and solid next to him, and when Alex shifts around to face him, Luke opens his eyes with a smile and a groan. he's a little better off than Alex, but only just.

he goads Alex into kissing him, swearing that having sex is the best hangover cure. Alex doesn't believe him for a second, but having Luke touch him feels so good that he doesn't argue. afterwards, Luke suggests that maybe today they don't drink. Alex jokes "what else is there to do at a vineyard?" and Luke laughs, telling him that he's got a few ideas of other stuff they could do.

they end up going into town, and Alex is surprised to discover that Luke seems to know literally every person they pass by. and all of them seem to love him. he's sweet, he's funny, and his smile just radiates happiness in a way Alex is positive he's never seen before in his life. apart from Reggie, he's used to the fakeness of LA and Hollywood and everything that goes with it. he sort of feels ashamed of the way he's forgotten that not everyone is like that.

Luke catches Alex staring and asks if he's alright, and Alex covers it up by saying that maybe his hangover is still messing him up. Luke offers up his own place, since it's closer than the cottage, saying Alex can have a nap on the couch. Alex agrees.

when he wakes up a little while later, he can't find Luke. he's nowhere to be found inside, but then Alex hears music coming from outside. he ends up finding Luke sitting under a tree in his backyard, strumming a guitar and singing softly to himself. Alex doesn't recognize the song, because in spite of his profession, he doesn't listen to a whole lot of music on a regular basis. he's used to his and Reggie's own compositions, which are beautiful in their own way, but there's a depth to hearing Luke sing that throws Alex for a loop.

he waits until Luke's finished the song to go outside, not wanting to interrupt and risk Luke becoming embarrassed. as it turns out, he's more than happy to play another song if Alex wants, and Alex definitely wants. he ends up laying down next to Luke, his head resting close to Luke's lap and he closes his eyes as he listens to Luke continue to sing and play for him, feeling more at peace than he ever has in his life.

later on, Luke offers to make dinner for the two of them and before he gets started, he puts on some music. "I can't cook without music!" he says with a broad smile, and Alex just laughs. he totally expects Luke to put on some cheesy love song or something, but to his surprise the song that plays is a beautiful piece of music with piano and strings - and Alex recognizes it immediately.

it's one of his own compositions.

Luke explains that he listens to this soundtrack all the time - "the movie sucked but the music is incredible" - and Alex just stares at him open-mouthed until Luke realizes that Alex hasn't said a word in the last five minutes and he asks if he's okay. Alex sheepishly admits that he's the one who wrote it and Luke loses his mind.

they spend the rest of the night talking about music.

chapter four

Reggie's plans involve taking a celebrity bus tour which ends up being the most ridiculous tour Julie's ever been on in her life. Reggie's constantly whispering in her ear, correcting what the guide says and adding more information so Julie is overcome with giggles the entire time. they also go to Hollywood Boulevard (TCL theatre, Madame Tussauds, etc) and take all sorts of silly photos and it's the best day Julie's had in a long time. (not even getting a text from Nick halfway through the day can derail it, though it does make her frown for a little while as she once again grapples with the decision to answer or leave it alone.)

to make it even better, after they've gotten hot dogs at Pink's (because Reggie insists it's an LA institution and they have to) Reggie says that he has one more plan for them, but this time it's something that's not a tourist attraction. Julie's intrigued and asks for more details, but he insists it's a surprise.

he takes her to K-town, and when they end up in an alley behind a hotel, Julie starts getting a little nervous. Reggie swears it's not what it looks like, but Julie continues giving him increasingly unsure looks even after her ID is checked by a bouncer. they're led into the building through what looks like a freezer door and Julie thinks yep this is it this is how I'm going to die, but then suddenly they're in a bar (break room 86) with TVs lining one wall and cassette tapes covering another.

Julie can't believe her eyes. Reggie nudges her with a smile, saying "see? I told you it was worth the surprise." they spend the night in one of the karaoke booths with a revolving door of friendly (and drunk) strangers, belting out song after song and having an absolute blast. but there's a moment after they've just finished a duet where they were sharing a microphone, where Julie thinks kiss him.

but she doesn't. she turns away and finishes her drink, telling herself to calm the hell down. later that night, when Reggie's dropping her off at the house, there's another moment where she thinks they might be about to kiss again, but instead he just smiles and tells her good night. she tells him the same and once she's inside, she presses her back up against the door and groans softly, thinking "I should've just kissed him."

the week passes by in the blink of an eye, and suddenly it's Alex's last night in Napa. as badly as he wanted to leave the first night, he's now faced with the realization that he doesn't want to leave. he wants to stay with Luke, but he can't. his whole life - his career - is in LA. and like, yeah, the past week has been some of the best days of his life but he can't help but worry that maybe it's partially because it was a fleeting thing.

who's to say that what he and Luke have would actually last past tomorrow?

but when he looks at Luke and thinks about leaving, there's an ache in his chest that he can't ignore. he tries not to think about it too much, and they both do their best not to bring up the fact that this is their last night together. they go out for a nice meal in town, but when they come back to the cottage it's like there's a storm cloud hanging over them.

Luke's the one to break first. "LA isn't that far away," he says. "it's only an hour flight from SF." he rolls his eyes when Alex winces, saying that he could fly down since he knows Alex hates flying. "you'd do that for me?" Alex asks. "of course," Luke replies, the sincerity in his voice making Alex's heart ache even more. "why?" "because…" Luke shrugs. "I… I love you."

this rocks Alex's world. "but you don't even know me?" and Luke laughs a little, because is that really true? sure, he hasn't learned everything about Alex in the last week, but he's learned more than enough to know that Alex is special and it feels right to say he loves him. he tells Alex that he doesn't have to say it back, he knows it's a lot and it's fast, but he couldn't let him leave without telling him.

the two of them curl up in bed and Alex curls into Luke's side, and then he asks if Luke wants to know why he doesn't fly. Luke says yes, of course he does, and Alex tells him about his ex-boyfriend who was in a plane crash years ago and didn't make it. Luke stiffens, obviously not expecting something that terrible, but Alex just holds him closer. he tells Luke about how he hadn't realized it til now, but flying isn't the only thing he's been avoiding since Willie's death. he's been avoiding love, period. but spending this week with Luke reminded him that life's about so much more than just work.

"that soundtrack you love so much, I wrote it when Willie and I were still together," Alex tells him. Luke's mouth twitches with a smile, "I just told you I love you and now you're telling me that music was inspired by your ex?" Alex laughs and pinches him, explaining that he wrote it when he was in love. his music hasn't exactly suffered since then, but he doesn't think anything he's written since has been as good. he's been searching for that inspiration, "and now… I think I might've found it. in you."

Luke kisses him, cradling Alex's face in his hands as a few tears roll down his cheeks. "I wish you didn't have to leave," he whispers. "me too," Alex whispers back. "but we'll make it work, right?" Luke laughs and agrees. neither of them know how, really, but maybe it won't be as hard as they think.

chapter five

on Julie's last night, she invites Reggie over for a home-cooked dinner as a thank you for being her guide to LA over the last week. he accepts excitedly and brings wine, though he's very insistent that he knows nothing about wine so he hopes that what he picked out won't offend her very fancy wine knowledge that she must have since her family owns a vineyard.

she assures him that what he brought is just fine, and their meal is a delight. Reggie insists on helping clean up the kitchen, saying it's the least he can do, and Nick chooses then to text Julie again and this time, she can't hide the frown on her face when she checks her phone.

Reggie asks about it and Julie ends up telling him about her ex, saying she came down here to get away from him because he's engaged to another girl and didn't even have the decency to warn her, but here he is texting her like nothing's changed! Reggie sympathizes with her and offers a story about one of his exes who once stole his socks - but only one from each pair. "who does that?!" he cries as Julie laughs.

they abandon the cleaning in favor of drinking more wine and swapping more terrible ex stories, which results in even more laughter between the two of them. when Julie's phone lights up again with another text from Nick, Reggie suggests she should just block his number. Julie sighs, telling Reggie she knows she should, but she just can't. Reggie then steals the phone out of her hand and proposes that they send him a selfie to let him know that he's barking up the wrong tree.

Julie's laughing as she tries to get her phone back, crawling on top of Reggie in her attempts but he continues to hold it just out of her reach. he insists that this will deliver the message she really wants to send him, and eventually Julie agrees. it's then that she realizes she's laying on top of Reggie, but instead of letting her climb off of him, Reggie hooks his arm around her waist and opens the camera to take a selfie of the two of them.

but just as he snaps the photo, he turns his face and kisses her cheek. Julie blushes immediately and when she turns to look at him, he's staring back at her with wide eyes. he stammers that he's sorry, he doesn't know why he did that and he should've asked first, but Julie presses her mouth to his in a kiss instead.

they make out for a little while until Julie's senses come back and she pulls away, climbing off of Reggie and apologizing for her behavior. "I'm leaving tomorrow, I shouldn't be kissing you, I'm so sorry!" Reggie laughs a little and admits he's been wanting to kiss her for a while, which makes Julie blush even more. they look at each other and kiss again, but this one doesn't lead to another makeout session.

"we shouldn't," Julie murmurs. Reggie sighs, running his hand through his hair as he clicks his tongue and then, out of nowhere, he says "you know… I've never been to Napa." a smile creeps across Julie's face and Reggie wiggles his eyebrows. "are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Julie asks with a wry smile. Reggie stutters a little, his face turning a delightful shade of pink as he says things like it's just an idea and I totally understand if you don't want me to come, but Julie surprises him once again with a kiss and tells him she'd love for him to come to Napa.

Alex wakes up impossibly early the morning of his departure. having already packed up his suitcase the night before, all he has to do is change his clothes and slip out of the cottage. he doesn't want to wake Luke, because he's not sure if he'll be strong enough to actually leave if he physically has to say goodbye.

he puts his suitcase in the trunk and glances back at the cottage, his heart twisting with pain as he thinks about Luke waking up alone. he forces himself to look away, to get into the driver's seat and start the car. he gets as far as putting the key in the ignition, but he can't make himself go any further. he slumps against the steering wheel and tells himself he's being ridiculous.

but at the same time, he feels like leaving is wrong. he shouldn't be running away. he's spent the last number of years running away, hiding out and throwing himself into his work so he wouldn't get hurt again. this is the first trip he's taken since Willie died, and it almost seems like this is Willie trying to push him into being happy again.

Alex leans back in his seat and breathes out a laugh as his eyes well up with tears. just stay, he says to himself. take a chance for once in your life. in a flash, he's clambering out of the car and running back to the cottage, not caring one bit about the noise he makes as he throws open the door and rushes inside.

he finds Luke still in the bedroom, but he's sitting up with his head in his hands. when he lifts his head to look at Alex, it's clear he's been crying. he sniffles and wipes at his eyes, asking Alex with a watery laugh what he's still doing here. Alex pauses for a moment, letting out a soft laugh of his own as he says "did I mention that Reggie and I own our company? so… I don't have to go back to LA."

a smile spreads across Luke's face as Alex takes another step closer to the bed. "I could just stay here for a while. though… Julie might object to me taking over her cottage, so--" Luke leaps off of the bed and into Alex's arms, peppering his face with kisses as he tells Alex that he can stay with him for as long as he wants.

Alex takes Luke's face into his hands and kisses him hard, both of them laughing with relief as they cling to one another. they stay silent for a minute or two until Alex clears his throat and murmurs "...I should probably call Reggie and tell him I'm not coming back to LA today." Luke snorts with laughter and says yes, you should. "and then we should spend the rest of the day in my bed." Alex blushes and kisses him, agreeing wholeheartedly.

Reggie gets the call from Alex when he and Julie are sitting at the terminal at LAX, and when he sees Alex's name on his screen, he turns to Julie and is like "I knew I was forgetting something!!" Julie laughs as he answers the call, and they both swap their news. Reggie laughs as he tells Alex "okay, see you later, I guess?" and Julie asks what's so funny?

"Alex is staying in Napa," Reggie explains as he slips his hand into Julie's. "so you'll get to meet him." Julie studies Reggie for a moment and asks where Alex is staying, because "he's not staying in my cottage…"

He can't really call Luke an ex because they went on one date when they were sixteen and had one kiss that was more awkward than anything else because Alex had no idea what he was doing anyway and he's pretty sure Luke decided he wasn't gay after that. Or at least, that's what Alex thinks. He can't be sure because it's been almost a year since that date and truthfully, his friendship with Luke never really recovered.

They used to talk about everything but now they never hang out alone. Alex barely sees Luke at all anymore outside of times like these, when he's coerced into big group outings. He'd be fine with not seeing Luke if he didn't still want to see him all the time.

And he'd probably be fine with actually seeing Luke if his chest didn't ache every time he looked at him. It's not like Alex meant to fall in love with his best friend - if this even is love at all. He's pretty sure love isn't supposed to make you feel like you're going to be sick 24/7. If that's all love really is then he doesn't get why everybody's so obsessed with falling in love. It's awful.

But it's fine. He can get through tonight and then he'll be off the hook for at least two weeks, maybe three if he can come up with some good excuses that will put Reggie off from begging him to join them. Reggie means well, he really does, but Alex also can't help but feel like sometimes he's using his obliviousness for evil.

Not that Reggie's evil. Reggie couldn't even hurt a fly. But it does help Alex say no to him more often than he would otherwise. Reggie's puppy dog stare is a powerful thing.

When Alex finally gathers the nerve to look up again, he catches Luke looking at him. Somehow that's even worse than being caught staring, and Alex suddenly decides that he can't be here. He needs to get far, far away from Luke.

"B-Bathroom," he grunts as he scrambles to get up from the table, not caring one bit if it seems like he's about to vomit everywhere or something even more embarrassing. He just needs to put as much space between himself and Luke Patterson as he can.

He bursts into the men's room and quickly shuts himself up in one of the stalls, pressing his back to the wall and covering his face with his hands. Now that he's alone, he can breathe. He can pull himself back together and go back out there with renewed control.

Just… not yet. Maybe in five minutes.

The door to the men's room creaks open and Alex sucks in a sharp breath, holding it as someone walks across the floor and the door shuts behind them.

"Alex?"

Oh god, no. Alex shuts his eyes and shakes his head. This is not fucking happening.

"Alex?" Luke says again as he taps on the stall door. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Alex replies, cringing as his voice cracks. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

Alex drags his fingers down his face and sighs heavily. "Yeah," he says, though it's not convincing whatsoever. "I'm sure."

"Okay."

Alex waits, his heartbeat echoing in his ears alongside the sound of Luke's feet shuffling back across the floor. He hears the door open and shut again, and then there's nothing but silence in the bathroom.

He gives himself another thirty seconds before he lets himself open the stall door, planning to splash some water on his face before he goes back out to face Luke and everyone else at the table.

To Alex's surprise, he's not alone in the men's room. He stumbles backwards, his back hitting the corner of the stall he just came out of, and Luke lunges to help steady him.

"Sorry!" he says, holding tightly to Alex's wrist. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"What are you--" Alex pulls his arm back, "--doing?"

"I just…" Luke frowns as he lets out a deep sigh. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"I didn't mean to… I never wanted… You just…" Luke groans loudly and steps back from Alex, grabbing his hair as he sighs sharply. "This is so not going how I wanted it to."

"How you wanted… what?"

Luke's mouth twists as he scuffs his foot against the floor, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he gives Alex a nervously hopeful look.

"I wanted to ask… for a do-over."

"A… do-over."

"Yeah," Luke sighs again. "I know I screwed up our date, and I just--"

"It's been a year."

"Alex--"

"A year, Luke." Alex's voice rises. "A year of you barely talking to me, barely even looking at me."

"I'm sorry! I got scared, and--"

"And what? I'm supposed to forgive you--"

"Alex, please." Luke moves closer to him. "I'm not asking you to forgive me right away. I just want a chance to make it up to you."

"I…" Alex's voice trembles as he looks away, wishing he could hold onto the anger that was coursing through him a minute ago. It shouldn't matter so much that this is what he's been dreaming of happening for months now. It was supposed to stay a dream, not actually happen. He doesn't know how he's supposed to actually deal with this.

"Please," Luke whispers. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"Yeah, well." Alex swallows hard and scoffs a little. "You did."

"I know." Luke sniffles as he steps backwards. "And if you… if you wanna hate me, then it's okay. I deserve it."

Alex's shoulders slump as Luke stares down at the floor. He can see that Luke's shaking all over, that he's trying not to cry. It's not the first time he's ever seen Luke like this, though it's been a while.

He doesn't want to shut Luke out, he never wanted to. Maybe he should listen to him. He doesn't have to give him another chance right away, but maybe they could work up to it. At the very least, Alex can maybe let himself hope he could get his best friend back.

"Wait," he says as Luke moves to open the door.

Luke looks up, his eyes red-rimmed and full of tears.

"Okay," Alex manages to say.

"Okay?"

"You can try and make it up to me."

"Really?" Luke laughs wetly, a couple tears falling onto his cheeks. Alex's mouth twitches with a smile and he nods, trying not to show how affected he is by the hopeful look on Luke's face.

If this doesn't work out this time, Alex is pretty sure it'll destroy him.