#laia codina

Your flat is too quiet, you notice far too quickly for comfort as your days blend into monotony.

You notice the hum of the fridge, the tick of the heating pipes, the soft buzz of your phone on the counter. You notice that you don’t check it. You notice that you already know it isn’t her.

You move through the rooms like you’re underwater, slow and heavy. The evening light slants through the blinds in thin, pale stripes, dust drifting lazily through the beams. You watch it for too long, as if staring at something still might steady you.

It doesn’t, why would it?

You sit on the edge of your bed, elbows on your knees, phone in your hands. The screen lights your face in a cold, bluish glow. You scroll up through your messages with her, the voice notes, the half‑jokes, the late‑night confessions that weren’t really confessions but felt like they could’ve been.

You stop on the last one she sent.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

You close your eyes. You shouldn’t have believed her. But you did. You always do.

Work becomes your refuge, you notice.

The media office at Arsenal is cramped, cluttered, and always slightly too warm, but it’s alive, thrumming with people moving, talking, editing, planning. It gives you something to anchor yourself to.

You bury yourself in tasks: clipping footage, organising files, prepping equipment for training. You keep your head down, your headphones in, your expression neutral.

It's painful in the fact that it almost works. That it almost works day in and day out until training, at least.

You’re setting up cameras by the pitch when the squad walks out. Boots thud against the concrete tunnel, voices echoing, laughter bouncing off the walls. You keep your eyes on your equipment, pretending you’re absorbed in adjusting the tripod.

But you feel her before you see her.

Emily.

Her presence hits you like a shift in air pressure, subtle but unmistakable. You look up despite yourself.

She jogs out with the defenders, hair pulled back, cheeks flushed from the cold. She looks bright, alive, entirely unburdened. She laughs at something Katie says, head tipping back, and the sound slices through you with surgical precision.

She doesn’t look your way. Not even once.

You swallow hard and tighten a screw on the camera that doesn’t need tightening.

You tell yourself you don’t care. You’re lying.

You avoid her for the rest of the morning. It’s easier than you expect which tugs and the dried tears in your eyes, you notice that she doesn’t drift anywhere near you. She doesn’t hover at the edges of your space like she used to. She doesn’t send a glance, a nod, a half‑smile.

She’s a stranger wearing a familiar face.

By the time training ends, your chest feels hollowed out.

You’re coiling cables when Leah approaches, her footsteps soft on the turf. “You alright?” she asks, voice low, steady.

You nod without looking up. “Yeah. Just tired.”

She doesn’t believe you, you can feel it, but she doesn’t push. She just rests a hand on your shoulder for a moment, warm and grounding, before heading inside.

You breathe out slowly and you wish the exhale took the ache with it.

Matchday arrives like a storm.

The Emirates glows under the floodlights, the air buzzing with anticipation. You’re filming tunnel content, the kind that captures the heartbeat of the moment, boots tapping, shirts rustling, players adjusting tape and gloves.

You hold the camera steady as the squad lines up. Then she appears.

Emily steps into frame, focused, composed, jaw set with pre‑match intensity. She looks powerful in the way athletes do with all their coiled energy and quiet purpose.

She walks past you without hesitation. Without recognition. Without even the flicker of awareness she used to give you, the tiny nod, the soft “hey,” the brief brush of her hand against your arm.

Nothing.

You lower the camera for a second, letting the noise of the stadium wash over you, the roar of the crowd, the thrum of drums, the electric hum of thousands of voices, and yet you feel small, and stupid, and tired. So tired that its crashes over you whole, like a wave engulfing the shore.

After the match, the stadium empties slowly, people trickling out like ants out of an ant hill on a sweltering summers day. You stay behind to pack equipment, the concrete corridors echoing with the last remnants of celebration.

You’re crouched beside a case, winding a cable, when you hear footsteps behind you.

“Hey.”

Your stomach drops as you turn.

Emily stands there, hands shoved into her jacket pockets, hair damp from the match, eyes flicking everywhere except your face.

“You’ve been… hard to catch lately,” she says.

You almost laugh at the irony. “I’ve been working.”

She nods, jaw tightening. “Right.”

Silence stretches like pulled taffy, long, taut, uncomfortable.

She shifts her weight. “I know I disappeared. I’m sorry.”

You wait. You don’t rescue her from the discomfort this time.

“I just-” She exhales sharply. “I get overwhelmed. And I pull back. And I know it hurts people. I know it hurt you.”

Her voice cracks on the last word.

You look at her, really look at her, and something inside you clicks into place. A quiet, steady truth.

“I cared about you,” you say softly. “But I can’t keep being the person you drop and pick up whenever you feel like it.”

Her eyes widen, like she didn’t expect you to say it out loud.

“I’m not angry,” you continue. “I’m just over it. Over you.”

The words settle between you like dust in sunlight, soft, inevitable, and final.

Emily swallows hard. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know,” you say. “But you did.”

She looks like she wants to reach for you. She doesn’t.

You pick up your bag, the weight of it grounding you. “Take care of yourself, Emily.” You walk past her, footsteps steady, heart strangely calm. You don’t look back, you don't ever want to look back and remember Emily Fox again.

Outside, the night air is cold and sharp, the kind that wakes you up from the inside out. The stadium lights fade behind you as you cross the car park, each step lighter than the last.

And as you were leaving, it felt as if you fell through the ice and had ended up breathing.

-----

“Listen, I am throwing her a surprise birthday party tomorrow night, and I need you to be there. It would be really bad on my part if her best friend didn’t show up.” Your girlfriend said to you best friend while you went to the bathroom. Laia rolled her eyes, your girlfriend didn’t even ask her to come, just expected her to show up. “I’ll be there for her, not for you.” Laia quickly replies before you get back. As your best friend and roommate, she had quickly realised that Lily was not right for you, but knew she had to accept your judgement and let you find out for yourself.

“So, did you guys decide on a movie yet?” You say cheery as you plop down on the sofa in between Laia and Lily. “Actually,” Your girlfriend starts, “I just remembered I have somewhere to be.” Lily stood up instantly, like she wasn’t just leaving because she had gotten what she wanted, for Laia to be there tomorrow.

You’re a little taken off-guard but follow her to the door anyways. “Will I still see you tomorrow?” You ask softly, having assumed that she would stay the night since it was your birthday tomorrow. “Yeah, tomorrow afternoon I will be here.” After a quick peck on your lips, she is out of the apartment as quickly as she had entered.

When you walked back into the living room Laia was typing something on her phone at a faster speed than you had ever seen a human type before. “Everything alright?” She looks up and her serious expression changes into a smile, “Yeah, perfect. Still up for a movie?” You smile, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes, “Yeah.”

You didn’t end up making it to midnight, but the first thing you do in the morning is check to see if your girlfriend has sent you a birthday message yet. Nothing from her. You quickly answered your friends that had messaged you and went into the kitchen to make some coffee.

When you got there your jaw dropped. There were balloons that spelled out happy birthday, streamers that made up the background, and a few star shaped balloons to finish it off. Then you turned to the side and Laia was lighting a happy birthday candle on a pastry. “Happy birthday!” She says once you notice her. You rush her way and hug her tight, “You didn’t have to do all this!” Laia simply shrugged, “You deserve the best, so I thought I’d try to give you a nice morning. Got your favourite coffee order as well.” She says as she slides the cup towards you. However, you walked straight past the coffee, and gave her a hug. “Thank you, you’re the best.” Laia just smiles back, “Of course, I just know what you like.”

You sat down and enjoyed the coffee and breakfast pastry, just chatting with Laia until your phone buzzed. Since it’s your birthday you took a look right away but frowned instantly. “What’s wrong?” Your best friend was quick to read your face. “Lily just tagged me in a post for my birthday, before ever messaging or calling me to wish me a happy birthday.”

Laia’s blood boiled instantly. How dare she. Sadly it was only another sign to something Laia had already figured out, Lily was only dating you for the platform you had. “That’s just low.” She said in a disappointed tone.

The rest of the morning was spent with Laia. You spoke more about some things that were bothering you in your relationship with Lily while your best friend just listened to you voicing all of your feelings. Then to distract from the emotions, you played some games, and then she took you to your favourite bookstore where she let you pick out any new book that you wanted. She roamed the store with you until you had found the perfect one. The perfect birthday surprise.

When you got back to the apartment, you instantly started reading the book. Sitting in the cozy reading nook you had created in the apartment, you flipped through the pages. Laia was sitting in the living room as well, she had grabbed her guitar and started strumming the cords of a new song she had been trying to learn. You smiled to yourself and the cozy comfort of the situation, one that was so dear to your heart. You loved being able to both do your own thing in shared spaces. The moment the doorbell rang, that quiet and peaceful moment was gone.

Lily was at the door with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. You gratefully took them and set the flowers up in a nice vase. “I’ve got something I want to show you.” Lily said, “Do you trust me?” You nod, a little scared when she pulls out a blindfold for you to put on. 

You hear that it’s a party before you even enter the room. Music is playing loudly, and you hear many voices talking over that even louder. Laia who drove with you spots you trying to slow down instantly, but Lily just keeps pulling you towards the door. 

Once inside Lily takes off your blindfold and about a hundred faces look at you while screaming out “Surprise! Happy birthday!” You smiled thankfully, but internally you were searching for every conversation you’ve had with your girlfriend about not enjoying parties like this. You weren’t allowed to think for long though, as a glass of alcohol was pressed into your hand and the camera flashes started blinding you.

You had started dissociating long ago, just being pulled around from group to group by Lily who wanted to show you off to everyone there. So many of these people you had never even met, and you wondered what they were even doing at your birthday party.

After what felt like forever, your eyes locked onto Laia’s. She had been watching you for a while now, her blood boiling more and more the longer she saw you being uncomfortable unbeknownst to Lily. Within seconds Laia was by your side, “Hey, can I steal you for a moment?” You nod, grateful to be anywhere but right in the chaos.

She took your hand and guided you through the people until you were in the back of the club. The noise already wasn’t as loud here, which was a big relief. She stopped for a moment and turned towards you. “Are you doing alright?” Tears well in your eyes, but you blink them away. “Better now.” 

She squeezes your hand and you keep moving, she takes you all the way to the corner where there was a table filled with a handful of your teammates that were able to come to the party. It was a table with relaxed conversation, sodas and glasses of water filled the table instead of the hard liquor that was served in the midst of the party. “Thought you might like this corner.” She whispers in your ear as she sits you down next to her at the table. This was much more your style, just sitting down and chatting with the people you loved.

Once everyone’s glasses were empty, Laia got up to get everyone another one. She expected just to order some drinks, but instead she overheard a conversation between Lily and the bar staff. “Oh yeah, payment for the bar will be done by my girlfriend at the end of the party.” Laia stopped in her tracks, there was no way Lily was making you pay for your own party, a surprise party planned by Lily, one you didn’t even enjoy. Before she could say anything, she saw Lily turn to one of her friends and joke about making you pay. She finally moved once Lily was out of sight, and ordered the drinks for the table.

When the party was nearing its end, Lily had found you again and dragged you away from your comfortable corner. She wanted you by her side while everyone was saying goodbye. After hugging what felt like a hundred people, the club was finally empty.

“Are you ready to head out?” You ask Lily. “Yeah, you just have to go pay them for the open bar before we head out.” She walks off without saying another word leaving you frozen in place. Pay for the party she threw for you? You roll your eyes and walk towards the bar. 

“Hey, I heard there was an open tab for the bar?” You ask the girl behind the counter, who checks on the computer right away. “It says here it’s been paid in full.” Since Lily had only just told you you asked if there was a name on the payment. “Yeah, it says Laia Codina.” You smile and thank her. 

When you get back into the open space Lily is waiting for you. “Ready to go?” She asks with a smile. “Actually, one more thing before we go.” She nods, “Yeah, what’s up? Want one last picture to end the party with?” She was already reaching for your phone. “No, the opposite actually.”

“I don’t want to be with someone who treats my life like content,” you continue. “Lately it feels like you’re more interested in what being with me looks like than how it feels. And I can’t keep pretending that doesn’t hurt.”

Lily is quick to jump in and defend herself, but you’ve seen and heard enough through her actions today. “Save it Lily, I can’t do this anymore. We’re done.” She let out something you couldn’t describe other than an annoyed grunt, before running off.

You took a moment to let everything settle before you walked out of the club yourself. Laia was leaning against the wall waiting for you. “What was that all about?” She asks while nodding her head in the direction Lily ran off in. “Lily?” She nods. “I might have just broken up with her.”

The two of you just stood there for a moment, until you both spoke up at the same time. After some chuckles she told you to go first, since it was your birthday. “You didn’t have to pay for the bar. I can pay you back.” Laia shook her head, "Nonsense, you shouldn’t have to pay for your own party. I will never let you pay me back for this.”

You knew there was no arguing with that, so you just thanked her and then asked what she was going to say. “Do you want to grab a bite to eat before we head home?” You nod, “Yeah that sounds good.”

Laia would not let you pay, again saying that you shouldn’t have to pay on your birthday. The rest of the night is quiet. Food, soft conversation, familiar jokes. No cameras. No crowds. No expectations.

The day had been loud, overwhelming, and disappointing in ways you never would’ve expected. The breakup will hurt tomorrow. Maybe for a while. But right now, in this moment, everything feels calm. 

Just you and Laia sitting on the couch in your apartment, the only light illuminating the room is that of the tv and the fairylights hanging around the living room. Your favourite movie was playing, and Laia had set up all your favourite snacks. And for the first time all day, you realise, this is what being cared for feels like.

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