Lilo: Where are you?

Jumba: I am with strange person. In a car. Help.

Lilo: I'll call Pleakley.

Pleakley, answering her cell: Y'ello?

Lilo: Where's Jumba? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.

Pleakley: Jumba? Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-

Pleakley:

Pleakley: I'll call you back. [Hangs up]

Pleakley: THE NEW WIG ISN'T THAT BAD!

Don't mind the lighting difference for the last few lol

But in order we've got Jumba interacting with;

Slick, Reuben Manners, Sparky, Spike Babyfier, Elastico Pop, Sinker, Yin Yang, Leroy

oh wow. I mean yeah what an amazing twist

“this new movie is a travesty, the point of the original was ‘Ohana means family, but in this new movie, Nani gives Lilo to the state and goes to college.’” - all influencers currently

oh gee yeah what a travesty

man I never thought about it that way, huh, I guess it is the exact opposite of the first movie. man, I…

I wish someone had like…warned me. Before anyone had to like

spend money on it. I wish someone out here had said, “hey, this movie is going to suck so just don’t go.”

I wish someone had warned me before influencers could earn their keep by paying Disney to make movies they can create hate-content about for the price of admission

Like if only somebody had said “this movie is going to invert and destroy the movie you actually like and get you to pay for it by playing the music you love and flashing a cute bunny-puppy named Stitch in front of you”

I mean. If only there were some way we could like. Be able to tell. That the movie is going to be a bottomless roast of the original. BEFORE anyone had to buy a ticket. If only we could have FIGURED THAT OUT without going to actually see and therefore support the movie.

If only we could. Like, watch the old movie. See very clearly what was good about it (Lilo is afraid of everybody leaving her so that’s why she takes pictures of tourists, I.e. transient people in her life, as if they’re safari animals and not real people / Stitch and Lilo are the same height because Stitch is a future version of what Lilo could be thematically after losing everyone; he has nothing and nobody, and so he’s destructive / Stitch is evil to the core and never even considers “being good” so that makes LILO’s actual love for him that much more powerful, because he DIDN’T do anything to deserve it / Gantu is the villain because you need a larger-than-life bulldozer of a law enforcer to be the one that literally rips Lilo away from her world, to contrast with Cobra Bubbles, who was not an evil insensitive bulldozer but was representing “taking Lilo away” / Jumba is redeemed because if his little disgusting monster that he knows is only built for destruction can find a family that loves him maybe he can too so he helps rescue Lilo, because “after all you put me through you expect me to help you just like that?!” and Stitch says “yes” because Stitch just learned that that’s the kind of love Lilo has been giving him the whole time / Stitch is named “Stitch” because Lilo knows she has a broken family and he ‘stitches’ them back together, and she’s weird and names things after the first words that come to her mind / Stitch doesn’t wear a collar and leash because in Kokaua Town it’s a sleepy little village with no leash-laws where pets roam free, not a big city like the kind stitch was invented to destroy / Nani is Lilo’s example of that unconditional love; she is a freshman, she has had a life of her own since lilo was a baby even before their parents died, she COULD leave Lilo to go back to that life especially when Lilo’s naughty which is why she suggests Nani “sell her’ in their first fight, she’s always afraid Nani will ditch her like her parents left life and tourists leave the island and Stitch leaves them briefly but NANI NEVER LEAVES HER and ALWAYS fights for her, that’s how Lilo knows to love Stitch the same way even though he wrecks her stuff and pushes her down / The Ugly Duckling is in the movie because Stitch needs to understand why he feels empty and start hunting for a place to belong, like what Lilo has with Nani / David needs to be interested in Nani romantically and willing to help even when she won’t go out with him, even after he learns everybody is an alien, because he’s is Nani’s example of unconditional love, doesn’t matter what they can all DO for him / Lilo needs to know that Stitch is an alien because it makes her fighting for him at the end of the movie even after he blew up her house with the other aliens the final knockout blow of her amazing love for him)

Just a few really good things we could see. Like, maybe by watching the first movie. And then easily be able to tell, maybe from like, changes made in the trailer or the casting list. That this remake is going to ruin it. Stuff like that, if we could do that, maybe nobody would’ve watched it.

What a world it would be if that were only possible.