#kyaninga

We arrived at Entebbe airport at 1am in the morning. At passport control, we had some problems because they didn’t believe J’s e-visa was real and had been approved. We got taken to a back room in Immigration for a few minutes while they sorted things out. We then waited as passport control printed paper visas to stick into our passports.

We then breezed through baggage claim and grabbed some cash from the ATM. To leave the airport, we had to put all our bags through an X-ray machine. Dona, our guide, met us outside arrivals with a guy named Alex, whose only job appeared to be to put our suitcases in the 4x4. We then dropped him off at his house. Dona normally manages one of the lodges we are staying at, but because things are so slow due to COVID, he is personally taking us around.

After he picked us up, Dona told us we couldn’t go to our first scheduled lodge as one of the guests tested positive for COVID yesterday and the lodge was now shut. He told us that there was another lodge he recommended, but it was slightly more expensive. He asked if we were OK with that and we said yes.

We spent the next 6 hours or so in a grasshopper green Toyota Landcruiser, from Entebbe to  the west of the country. During the ride, J managed to get some sleep, but woke up periodically in a fog. After a few unintelligible murmurings, S told her to “go back to sleep”. This occurred a few times, and as a result, has become a running joke. Dona now tells S to go back to sleep when S says something questionable.

We arrived at Kyaninga lodge at around 7am and were shown around by a perky guy named Stephen. The place is beautiful. It’s like a giant treehouse and it overlooks a crater lake. The only downside for us is the 100+steps it takes to get from the carpark to the main building and then our room (which is the closest room to the main building). We declined breakfast and arranged to meet Dona at 11:45am for an early lunch… after we had a long nap.

The room is relatively spacious. The only criticism is that it has no fan / air conditioning and the shower is pokey with low water pressure. There is a clawfoot bathtub in the bathroom, which overlooks the crater lake and a large veranda.

Unlike some hotels that create a king size bed by pushing two twin beds together, they created a super king by pushing two double beds together. Nevertheless, we slept like babies until our alarm woke us up for lunch.

Lunch was really tasty. It was miso-glazed stewed pork with roasted pumpkin and tomato. The roasted tomato was slightly spicy and was the best we have ever had. Dessert was a mango ice cream for S and a plate of fresh cow’s cheese made on premises, with honey and razor-thin green apple slices for J. Both were delicious and fresh. This was in contrast to some of the food we were getting in the Seychelles.

We then headed off for our chimpanzee trek in Kibale forest. The forest is protected and has over 1,200 chimpanzees living there, as well as other monkeys. On the way, we saw a huge baboon who walked up to the car and made hand signals begging for food. He was less than a foot away from the car. It was a surreal moment.

We then checked in for the chimpanzee trek. Apparently the government has now reduced the admission price to half prize to help boost tourism. Our ranger was a lady named Annette who was dressed in head-to-toe military fatigues and armed with – you guessed it, an AK47. She was very knowledgeable, and once she realised S couldn’t see well, she made an effort to ensure we could get through the forest at our own pace. Some of the walk through the forest was on paths, but others were ‘off path’ through somewhat thick underbrush, branches and thorns. After half an hour or so, we finally stumbled across the first chimpanzee, a large male. At first he was in a tree, but quickly went to the ground and walked within 3 feet of us before climbing up another tree. He stayed at the next tree for a long time eating leaves and then farted. Unfortunately we didn’t catch it on video. We watched the male chimp for more than half an hour. Apparently you are allowed to stay with the chimpanzees for an hour, so Annette recommended we use our last half an hour to look for some more. We walked for another 15 minutes before reaching a huge group of chimpanzees. Most of them were hidden in the trees, but a few were on the ground, including a mother and baby and another chimpanzee who was eating. As S walked by the chimpanzee with his walking stick, the chimpanzee got frightened and cried out in what sounded like a barking/growling noise. Our guide urged us to slowly move away from the chimpanzee to give it some space. As S can’t see well and the chimpanzee was in the bush, he didn’t realise how close he inadvertently got to it with his walking stick.

Annette also pointed out a few interesting plants. There was a giant tree with what appeared to be a phallic object sticking out of it. She said it is known to the guides as the ‘penis tree’. As she had figured out that she could joke with us, she then commented that it was ‘uncircumcised’. Annette then pointed out that a nearby plant is used by the local men as a natural ‘viagra’. Once you boil the roots and drink the liquid, you are ready for action in 15 minutes flat. A short distance from there, J asked Annette about a green fruit which had fallen from a tree and questioned whether the chimpanzees eat them.  Annette said the guides call them ‘testicle fruit’ because they grow in pairs. Apparently they are the fruit of last resort for the chimps. This is all even more amusing given that in the Seychelles, the revered coco de mer fruit is considered to look like female private parts. Apparently the vegetation in Africa is quite risqué and would no longer be allowed on American television. We then headed out of the forest. Annette said this was the end of our tour and handed us two certificates confirming we’d successfully completed a chimpanzee trek.

Dona then took us to a large market in one of the nearby villages so J could pick up some hiking boots for our gorilla trek. Unbeknownst to us, this was the Ugandan equivalent of a US flea market and all the items were used. J tried on a number of pairs of shoes in the middle of the market and finally found one that fit reasonably well. Dona haggled the guy down to the equivalent of USD15 for the shoes. We then went back to the lodge to get cleaned up for drinks and dinner.

We sat with Dona for a bit to firm up our itinerary and then headed to dinner. Dinner was a lovely lentil and coriander soup, which tasted like pureed Indian daal, and a large filet of beef, well done, with sweet potato puree. Dessert was an amazingly light, spongy, date cake and a bowl of watermelon for J. The food was on point again. The other guests were an English couple and a lone Greek guy who was videoing himself and vlogging. Apparently he is a guest of the Ugandan tourism authority, who are trying to attract more Greeks to Uganda. There was also a large multi-generational family. We won’t go into more detail on that as you already know how much we think having certain children around really takes away from the experience. Suffice it to say we got to hear the children’s blaring iPads before, during and after dinner. There is something called headphones.

We then retired to the sitting room to finish our wine. A large fire with real wood was started in short order. It looked, smelled and sounded incredible, like a campfire, complete with popping and crackling.

Sadly, if we stick to our original plan, we’ve just crossed the halfway point of our journey.

Often, I go to sleep. Seldom, do I fall asleep. When I go to sleep I sail through the night. When I take the fall, I slip. You cannot wake me up…until it is over. The former is the case every weekday. Because I must wake up early to earn the next taxable shilling, I will myself to visit heaven, to wake up to the sunrise of Kyaninga served with English Breakfast , to go to sleep at the Mestil, and…