#kurt's thoughts

Kurt had never been big on celebrating his birthday, not since he lost his mother. HIs mother was the only person who had made a big deal of his birthdays when he was young, and after she was gone he hadn’t wanted them celebrated because it made him miss her more. His father had always given him a card on his birthday, a tradition he’d become used to. His birthday was just another day until he’d met Blaine Anderson. 

The first birthday Kurt had spent with Blaine was his 21st. As soon as Kurt had told Blaine he’d never had a birthday party or made a big deal of his birthdays, Blaine had made it his personal mission to make every birthday they spent together a special day for Kurt. He still remembered coming home to his dorm after a day of classes and finding the small room filled to the brim with colorful balloons. Blaine had made Kurt feel special and celebrated in a way he hadn’t felt in too many years. That year, Blaine had thrown Kurt a surprise party and invited his friends from NYU, from his job, and had baked Kurt his favorite cake. Kurt remembered becoming so overwhelmed with emotion he cried on that birthday, feeling more loved and supported than he ever remembered feeling before. 

On Kurt’s 22nd birthday, his second birthday spent with Blaine Anderson, Blaine had gifts and hand-written notes delivered to Kurt in each of his classes that day. Kurt had come home to Blaine in his dorm waiting for him with a 22 cupcakes from his favorite bakery and more hand-written notes, adding up to 22 in total. Blaine had taken Kurt on a sushi date that year and they’d gone to see a musical together.

Kurt wasn’t sure if this birthday would be the same as 21 and 22. Blaine was much busier now, with his theater career, school at NYU, and having a new love interest. Kurt tried not to think about his birthday, reminding himself it was just a normal day. It would be unfair for him to expect Blaine to always remember such a menial thing, Kurt didn’t want Blaine to feel obligated to celebrate his birthday this year just because he had the two years prior.

Kurt received many notifications on social media throughout the day, mostly from people he never spoke to or didn’t know very well. He was running the store himself today, since it was a holiday weekend his other co-workers had requested the day off. Kurt didn’t mind working on his birthday, he didn’t have any plans for that evening. He’d briefly spoken to Sebastian a few days before about his birthday, but he didn’t expect to see him today. He shrugged off the hurt feelings brewing in his stomach as he worked, stocking books on a shelf quietly. 

Kurt grinned when he received a notification from Sebastian, a picture of him wearing a tail attached to his pants. Kurt laughed at the private joke, a flush warming his face. His heart swelled, knowing Sebastian had remembered. Kurt sent a quick text to Seb about the picture, including his favorite flirty side-eye emoji. Kurt resumed stocking the shelf he was working on when he heard the front door open, the bells attached to the door making a musical sound as someone entered the book store. Kurt made his way back to the counter, prepared to welcome a customer. Instead there was a delivery person, holding a beautiful bouquet of roses.  “Kurt Hummel?” The young man asked him, looking up from a clipboard he’d read Kurt’s name from. “Yeah? That’s me,” Kurt’s brows pulled together in confusion, unsure of who would have sent him roses. He signed for the delivery, thanking the young man and lifting the flowers to his nose, breathing them in with a smile. Kurt laid the vase down on the counter, noticing a note attached. He opened it and read over it, his smile widened when he saw Blaine’s handwriting. Kurt covered his mouth with a manicured hand, smiling so big his gray eyes were nearly closed. 

Surely this wasn’t happening. 

Kurt was lying awake in his best friend’s bed, his heart beating faster than it should. He could feel the flush in his cheeks. He listened to Blaine’s deep breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall beneath his hand. Kurt spread his long fingers wide across Blaine’s chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath his palm. 

It must be the alcohol in my body, right? I didn’t really have much to drink. Could this be happening?

Kurt watched as Blaine’s eyelashes fluttered against his tan cheeks. He must be dreaming. Kurt couldn’t help noticing how serene Blaine looked when he was sleeping, how his tan skin disappeared into his t-shirt and the angles of his body beneath the fabric. 

This can’t be happening. 

Kurt forced his eyes shut, curling closer into Blaine who was lying beside him. Blaine had been his best friend for three years now, they had spent many nights curled into one another or staying on the phone into the early hours of the morning. Kurt had always known Blaine was an attractive man, but he had never felt this gravitational pull towards him. Maybe it was the jealousy that had awoken some buried feelings he’d always had. Maybe he was just drunk and the warmth of Blaine’s body felt too good against him. Kurt had experienced lust before, this didn’t feel the same. This felt like his heart was too big for his own chest, it felt like he was drowning in the way Blaine’s hair smelled. This felt like Kurt needed to stay in this moment for as long as possible, because he couldn’t imagine moving his hand away from Blaine’s beating heart. It felt like he was returning from a long trip, much too far away. It felt like home.