#kuchel

I would fight the world for you, little Levi. My heart is in shambles.

Isayama if you’re reading this, HIDE.

au where kuchel survives. she started cutting levi’s hair as a kid and when he got older she taught him how to do it himself. since learning, he started cutting his own hair and wouldn’t allow anyone else to come near it with a pair of clippers.

except his mama. every now and then, if he visits her and she notices it starting to grow back, she’ll point it out and tell him to sit still so she can fix it. he reluctantly allows her, because he knows it brings her peace. the memory of caring for her boy, who will always be her boy to her. the only happy memories from her underground days consisted of caring for her beloved son.

levi doesn’t show that he enjoys it, because he’s a grown man letting his mother do his hair. it should be embarrassing. but truly, the feeling of his beautiful mama’s gentle hands in his hair deeply soothes him. for just those moments, it brings to light the inner child that he’s kept buried deep within him. the one who despite his mother’s best efforts, never had the chance to really be a child in a place like the underground. he won’t say it, but with a mother’s intuition, kuchel can sense it. there may be a scowl of annoyance on his face, but the way his shoulders relax tells her differently.

I find it beautiful that the name Levi is an anagram of the word Live.

It suits the character so perfectly.

Cursed with being Humanity's Strongest Soldier, condemned to survive, to always see others die despite doing his best to keep them alive and to keep living to ensure those deaths were not in vain.

Levi's character is all about making sure others get to live the life in the ideal world they all dreamed about. He's even ready to sacrifice who he is at the core to ensure that.

And in the end, besides what's left of his squad (Connie, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, and Historia as queen), he outlived every single soul he had ever loved despite not wanting anything for himself but everything for others.

His mother Kuchel, who wanted to live in peace with her son, even in a horrific place such as the Undergound. I believe she was one of the reasons Kenny turned into a mass murderer to put an end to the Ackerman's persecutions.

Kenny, who saved him and taught him how to survive in a shitty world before abandoning him, dying without achieving his dream for power and finally leaving Levi with the power (the syringe) he had desired for so long.

Isabel and Farlan, for whom he got to the surface after 25 years surviving in the Underground so Isabel could finally see the sun and flying birds.

Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther, who dreamt of an ideal world without titans (and where Petra canonically loved him even though he never reciprocates her feelings).

Erwin, who wanted to know the truth about their world to confirm his dad's theory.

Hange, who wanted to study things in peace (titans most of the time, but let's remember how fascinated they were with those strange cucumbers they found in the sea).

Eren, the boy he tried to save so badly from everyone else before understanding there was no way to save him from himself no matter how Levi desperately tried.

It's crazy to notice every single loved one Levi ever lost was because of the titans: his mother because she was an Ackerman - a clan whose blood was manipulated with Titan serum, forced to hide like she did when she became a prostitute in the Underground and died from sickness ; Kenny who wanted to take power from the Founder to finally understand the peaceful view Uri and Frieda embodied ; Erwin for wanting to know the truth about the Titans ; Obviously Isabel, Farlan, Hange and his first squad fighting Titans ; Eren who needed to die to bring an end to titans... even though it lasted only for a couple of decades/centuries).

Without the Titans, they would all have a fair chance of still being alive.

Sumarry: You and Levi ended your relationship back in high school, and a few years later, on a fateful Christmas, Levi decided to reach out to you

Ao3

Divider by @/notaorbital

Tags: Comfort, Female! Reader, Levi in despair, comeback, exes, past relationship, mingled, regret, modern au, Kuchel

Today is Christmas, and a gentle blanket of snow covers the ground outside, transforming the world into a winter wonderland. The warm glow of decorations spills from every window, casting a cheerful ambiance that fills the air with the holiday spirit. The table is elegantly set, adorned with a feast of delicious foods—roasted meats, savory sides, and an array of desserts waiting to be savored. Spoons and forks gleam under the soft lights, while festive plates hold an assortment of culinary delights.

People have gathered around the table, their laughter mingling with the joyful sounds of Christmas carols wafting in from outside. As children sing and shake their bells, the scene is alive with happiness, reminding everyone of the warmth and love the holiday brings. Families unite, sharing stories and jokes, while the crackle of the fireplace adds to the cozy atmosphere of joy reminiscent of the season.

Yet, not everyone shares in the merriment surrounding them. Levi sits apart from the vibrant gathering, his gaze fixed on the glowing screen of his phone, absorbed in a digital reverie filled with old messages and photos.

Each scroll reveals memories that tug at his heart, stirring up a bittersweet mixture of nostalgia and yearning. He finds himself contemplating whether to reach out to you, the thought lingering like an uninvited guest. Years have passed since you last saw each other, yet the echoes of your high school romance continue to resonate within him, haunting his thoughts, especially at this time of year.

Kuchel, his mother, has never truly understood the reasons behind your breakup. To her, you were more than just a girlfriend; you were like a daughter-in-law, someone she envisioned as a perfect match for her son. She often reminisces about the days when Levi first introduced you to the family, her eyes sparkling with pride as she recounts how happy he seemed in your presence.

Those cherished moments now feel like fragmented whispers of a long-forgotten dream. Pensive, Levi gazes out of the window, lost in thought, and wonders if reaching out might reignite the flame of what was once a beautiful connection or if the chasm of time and hurt between you has grown too wide to bridge.

Deep down, Levi knows he can’t absolve himself of the blame for the relationship’s collapse. He reflects on how foolish and immature he was, a first-time lover grappling with overwhelming emotions.

In his naivety, he neglected you, failed to support you when you needed it, and, at times, acted with an unkindness that still stings with regret. The shame washes over him as he grimaces at his past self, recognizing how his actions contributed to the heartache that severed your bond.

He hated himself.

He blamed himself everyday and every year.

You have every right to feel a profound anger toward him — to cut ties and seek out someone new, all while he remains here, adrift and still unmarried, without a family to call his own. In the quiet moments of his day, when the world falls silent, he is haunted by memories of you. The weight of his past mistakes presses heavily on his heart, creating an unending cycle of shame that he cannot seem to escape. It’s as if he is a prisoner in his own mind, yearning for a chance to make amends, yet paralyzed by the fear that the opportunity has slipped through his fingers forever.

Kuchel speaks of you often, mentioning your name with a fondness that pulls at Levi’s heart, tinged with bittersweet nostalgia. Each time your name escapes his mother's lips, it strikes a painful chord within him, a constant reminder of his failures and the secret he keeps buried deep. He finds himself weaving a web of excuses, telling his mother that you are simply too busy or that you’ve chosen not to contact him, all the while knowing that she can see through the mask he has crafted. The guilt festers inside him, gnawing at his conscience and causing him to feel like a disappointment in her eyes.

As the seasons change, ushering in a flurry of memories and emotions he has tried to suppress, Levi resolves that this time he will not hide behind excuses or lies. With newfound courage coursing through him, he retrieves your contact information from his phone and hesitates for a moment, unsure why he kept it all this time. A part of him had always held onto the hope that he would reach out eventually, and today, that hope is blossoming into action.

He presses the phone to his ear, his heart pounding as a knot of anxiety forms in his stomach. He glances down at his trembling hands and takes a deep breath to steady himself. In his other hand, he pulls out a small, delicate silver ring he has kept all these years—a promise ring, once a symbol of the vow he made to you that no matter what life threw at him, you would one day become his spouse. Now, that ring feels more like a relic of a shattered past, buried beneath layers of regret and longing.

Levi twirls the ring between his fingers, the cool metal a stark contrast to the warmth of his memories. He thinks about how time has changed everything, yet the feelings that stirred within him back then remain as potent as ever.

Suddenly, his heart leaps when he hears your voice on the other end, and time seems to freeze. There’s no hesitation as you answer, "Levi?" The sound of your breath, a bit shaky and uncertain, sends a rush of emotions surging through him. "You called."

Levi swallows hard, his heart racing as he instinctively pockets the ring. He wipes his clammy palms on his shirt, trying to regain his composure. "Yeah, I… I know it’s unexpected, but I've been wanting to reach out." He responds, his voice more confident than he feels.

Levi realizes just how much he has missed this connection. It’s as if he had forgotten the sound of your laughter, the way your voice could light up a room, and now those memories flood back with an overwhelming rush of nostalgia and sadness.

"I.... I’ve been wanting to reach you too," you admit, and he hears a small sneeze break the delicate tension between you. He can almost picture you shivering, layered in winter clothes, trying to ward off the chill.

Levi's heart begins to race at the realization that you, too, have a desire to reconnect. Yet skepticism tugs at him; he hesitates to let his hopes soar too high.

A smile involuntarily lifts Levi’s lips. "Are you okay? You’re sneezing," he asks, genuine concern creeping into his voice.

"Yeah, I’m just stuck on this bus," you explain, your frustration evident. "I’ve been waiting for over an hour, and nothing’s moving. I’ve used almost all my data to call my mom, but when you called, I had to answer."

"Do you want me to come pick you up?" he offers, warmth threading through his tone.

“Levi, that’s sweet, but I’m fine,” you reply, though there’s a hint of reluctance in your tone that doesn’t go unnoticed.

“No, you’re not," Levi insists, a sigh escaping him. He can feel the urgency in his own voice as he speaks. "You’ve been stuck at the bus stop for over an hour, right? Let me come get you. I’ll grab my keys now."

"Le—"

"Please."

It was a surprise to realize that Levi never hesitated to act when it came to you. In your memories, if something had ever happened to you, he would have charged forward without a moment's doubt—without a hint of hesitation. This was the man you had fallen in love with, a man who captivated you not just with his striking features and intense gaze, but with his genuine care and unwavering commitment. He would have done anything for you. Yet, as your relationship progressed, a painful shift occurred. He began to neglect you, fail to support you in your times of need, and, at times, display a rough, unkindness that pierced your heart.

Witnessing this transformation was undeniably cruel. It hurt to see the man you thought would care for you forever drift away into someone unrecognizable. But you couldn’t blame yourself; you were just high school sweethearts, young and inexperienced in the complexities of love. As hard as it was, a part of you understood that sometimes, parting ways was necessary for growth.

Even after all these years, you still carried a deep love for him; he was your first boyfriend after all. You felt like you understood him better than anyone else ever could, and you had always been there for him. Throughout the years, you hadn’t found anyone else who could take his place in your heart, nor had you considered marriage. Your heart remained firmly attached to Levi Ackerman.

Years passed, and this year, out of the blue, Levi reached out to you. You’d thought about contacting him, but fear held you back—fear that he’d once again be the man who hurt you. Yet, something in you sensed he had changed for the better. When he called, your heart raced. You hesitated initially, but in a moment of courage, you answered, listening to his familiar voice after so long. It resonated with a mix of sadness and nostalgia, bringing back memories you had tucked away.

As you began to explain your current situation, Levi insisted on coming to pick you up. You felt a reluctance but Levi, being his determined self, simply grabbed his keys and told you he would be waiting for you at the bus stop.

The ride to his home was enveloped in an uneasy silence, punctuated by the soft crunch of snow beneath the car tires. The headlights illuminated the dark road ahead, casting fleeting shadows outside. You glanced at Levi from the corner of your eye. He seemed like the same man you once knew, but upon closer inspection, you could see the marks of maturity etched into his features. He had clearly learned from his past mistakes, even though both of you felt the tension of two exes meeting again for the first time after so long.

Wanting to break the silence and ease the awkwardness, you opened your mouth to speak, but the words got lodged in your throat. Instead, the silence wrapped around you both, heavy and suffocating. When you finally reached his home, stepping out into the cold air, a wave of nostalgia washed over you. Memories flooded back of the first time you had visited Levi’s house and met his mother, who had welcomed you into the family with open arms.

As Levi opened the door, his mother, Kuchel, looked up from the living room, her eyes widening in astonishment. Without any hesitation, she rushed toward you and enveloped you in a warm embrace. The comfort of her presence was something you had missed dearly over the years. She gently released you, her expression brimming with love and concern.

“Oh! It’s been too long since I last saw you. You’ve grown so much! I’ve missed you terribly. Levi says you’ve been busy,” she exclaimed, her voice a mixture of joy and warmth.

You raised an eyebrow, glancing at Levi standing beside you. He looked away, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he mumbled, “Mother, please, can she come inside?”

Kuchel’s eyes sparkled with hope. “Will she stay here for a while?” she asked eagerly. You found yourself nodding in agreement. Although you hadn’t envisioned staying, Levi had brought you here, and with Christmas upon you, it felt oddly right to accept this invitation.

"Come, come! We have turkeys and all sorts of delicious foods," Kuchel exclaimed, her warm smile lighting up the room as she gestured towards the table. The table stretched out before you, adorned with an array of plates filled with festive dishes and neatly arranged utensils. It was a bit long, but it felt cozy, especially since it was just you, Levi, and his mother for the moment. Other relatives would be joining soon, but for now, the atmosphere was intimate.

As you settled into your seat, Levi slid into the chair beside you. The two of you began to eat, enjoying the savory flavors of the turkey and all the trimmings, while Kuchel returned to the living room, her focus shifting back to the decorations and gift-wrapping for the upcoming celebrations. It was a relief that she didn’t pry into your life with intrusive questions; after all, she hadn’t seen you for years until this reunion.

“Sorry about that,” Levi suddenly said between bites, his voice breaking the comfortable silence. He was munching on a crispy piece of turkey skin, a hint of guilt in his expression. “I told my mom that you were busy, and... I lied to her. She always mentions you and asks how you’re doing, all that stuff.”

You looked at him, a smile creeping onto your lips despite the slightly awkward situation. It warmed your heart to know that Kuchel still thought of you after all these years. You had assumed she had long forgotten, but hearing it from Levi made you realize he had carried a burden of keeping the truth from her, perhaps feeling guilty himself.

“It’s fine,” you shrugged nonchalantly, trying to ease the tension. “I’ve done the same with my mom whenever she asks about things she shouldn’t.”

A shy smile broke across Levi’s face at your admission, and you both finished your meal with a sense of camaraderie. When you moved to the kitchen to wash the dishes, you removed your gloves and set them on the countertop. Levi stood beside the fridge, leaning against it with wide eyes as he watched you attentively.

“You still wear the ring I gave you?” he asked, surprise evident in his voice.

You paused, your hand hovering over the ring on your finger. A blush crept across your cheeks as you took a deep breath in preparation for his question. “Yeah... I still do. It’s your gift, and I didn't want to just throw it away. I mean, I know we haven’t seen each other in years, and I thought you might have thrown yours away, too.”

He shook his head, pulling his own ring from his pocket to show you. Both rings twinkled in the soft light of the kitchen, a shimmering symbol of the connection you once shared. “I never did. I always kept it,” he replied, his voice trailing off as a shadow of sorrow crossed his face. Regret was etched in his features, a clear indication of the weight he carried from the past.

“I regret what I did to you every single day. I’m so sorry,” Levi continued, his voice thick with emotion. “We were just young and foolish, naive high school sweethearts. I was a complete fool for letting my shit affect you.”

As he clutched the ring in his palm, his hands trembled with anger at himself. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and it was clear that the memories of hurt lingered painfully in his mind. “I never found someone else, nor did I ever get married. I blame myself for what happened between us every day, and I truly hate myself for it.”

His deep sigh seemed to echo through the room as he spoke your name softly, sending warmth through you, breaking down the walls that had built up over the years. “I know we’re just exes, and I have my doubts about whether there's any hope for us, but I can feel that you still resent me.”

Unable to bear the sight of his pained expression, you walked up to him and gently wiped the tears from his cheeks—a surprising gesture that caused his gaze to widen in astonishment. You cupped his face in your hands, and for a fleeting moment, he leaned into your touch, closing his eyes as he let out a shaky sigh. To your surprise, he pressed a soft kiss to your palm, the very spot where your ring once rested.

Oh, how he truly missed you.

The warmth spread through you, and you couldn’t help but blush again as you smiled back at him. “I don’t resent you, Levi. I’ve loved you this entire time. I’ve never married or found anyone else. You were my first boyfriend, and no one else holds my heart like you do.”

As Levi opened his eyes, tears began to flow, and you saw a vulnerability in him that was rarely displayed. The stoic man you had known and admired was laid bare before you, Levi is weak and vulnerable only to you.

Only to you.

Just as you both leaned in closer to share a kiss, the door swung open, and Kuchel walked in unexpectedly. You and Levi sprang apart, faking coughs to mask the palpable tension between you.

“Levi! Your relatives are here!” she called out cheerfully. “Come on, both of you! I want you in the living room right away!”

Levi #2117

Chapter 139.5 - 悪童 (Bad Boy)

Her Starlight In Ebon.

[Kuchel Ackerman & Levi Ackerman x OC]

Ⳋ᧙ on AO3 | masterlist | requests Ⳋ᧙

a retelling of levi ackerman's story if his mother never died & remained by his side, from the corrupt Underground City to the dangerous streets within the Walls, specifically Survey Corps, for the young man lost his love to those bastards above ground and would do anything to get them back — even join the military's deadliest branch.

setting: It would be better if that bastard isn't mirrored in the little one. To not have to remember who was responsible for putting her in this delicate condition in the first place.

Their circumstances nothing short of atrocious, Kuchel does everything in her power to give her child an existence better than hers, away from the horrors of life she had to endure. Yet when Levi gets scouted by the Survey Corps for his exceptional skills after trying to follow his love above ground, essentially taken away from Kuchel in the process, she stops at nothing to return to his side.

Complicated family affairs, fear of loss, a tragic, vanished love yearned for and Ackerman bonds clash together in this tale of 'What if Humanity's Strongest Soldier's mother lived?' and everything in between.

warnings: a lot of violence, bloodshed, character deaths, prostitution/sex work, living in slums & in brothel.

wc: 1K+

a/n: this is the fanfic i was talking about in my new year post, basically announcing a new fic series & i'm happy to say it will be centred around kuchel & levi's life together. he deserves to be with his lovely mom in a canon divergence story, so here we go haha. it's highly ib the AO3 fic called 'Raven-Haired Angel' by Artistic_Resonance, check it out, such a well written fic ahh and the writer is so talented gosh. anyways, without further ado, enjoy!

Less than ideal.

That's one way to describe Kuchel's current situation. Carrying a stranger's offspring wasn't exactly considered good, to put it mildly.

"Shouldn't have slept with him if it ended up with you this miserable, sweetie."

Of course, that's what Evelyn would tell her. How dare she assume otherwise? Foolish Kuchel.

With a hand resting on her slightly protruding belly covered by nothing but a silky white nightgown, already ripped at the ends, the young woman, recently turned 20, lets out a weary sigh.

Evidently showing her inner turmoil and outside exhaustion at the same time..

"How could I have known that bastard would be the one to do that to me out of all men I've had to fuck so far, Evelyn?"

Nothing but a miserable addition to both, her already deteriorating life quality and body. Living in a brothel alongside other women with the same predicaments as her wasn't a choice she made willingly, no. Nobody ever would, right?

"It's best to simply get rid of it and you know that, Kuchel. Ya can't even take care of yourself properly, let alone afford to potentially raise a whole goddamn kid."

Giving her a pointed look, directed at the swell of Kuchel's stomach, she took a last drag of her cigarette, spreading nauseating smoke all around the cramped space which only helps in making Kuchel snap eventually.

"Ya ain't even got enough flesh on you to support a bab-"

"Shut the FUCK up now, Evelyn! You don't know what the hell you're talkin' about!"

Her voice, for the first time in what seemed to be forever, quivered with rage. Quiet, yet undeniably existent and about to erupt if provoked further.

What did Evelyn know about children? It's not her carrying a developing human being inside her, after all.

With a deep breath in and out, calming herself down, she gathers all her strength to stand up in order to walk towards the mirror in her room, if you could even call it that.

Strictly speaking, it was just a random assortment of furniture put for the sake of seeming humane, not comfort, and one little desk with her belongings stored inside.

At least, what she managed to keep possession of after getting employed as a prostitute here.

A career path she would have rather not taken. Kuchel tried everything in order to gain money here in the Underground City, she really did— looking after children when their family couldn't be present due to work, cleaning the streets day and night, cooking for those unable to do so themselves, going as far as offering her services as a housekeeper to every household she could find in Dialis, where her family is from.

Yet none of those options worked out in the end, for they could either not afford to keep her or pay her minimum wage. Which wasn't exactly commonplace around here, anyways.

Resorting to selling her body to others was the last of possibilities she ever took into consideration, given her elder brother, Kenny, left half a year ago to go live above ground and become a ruffian — abandoning his little sister behind to survive on her own in the process, even if unintentionally so.

At her outburst and seeing how she had walked in front of the mirror, clearly done with the conversation at hand, which was far from uncommon as of late, Evelyn merely raises an eyebrow before sighing in reluctant resignation.

"I'm just sayin' this for yer own good, sweetie. Whether or not you believe that is up to ya in the end, tho."

With that last statement, an attempt at reassurance to one of her closest colleagues, she left the room, giving Kuchel slightly worried look before the door closed behind her.

Now alone once more, Kuchel rolled her eyes faintly, not appreciative of the way Evelyn phrased her advice at all, or even just the contents of it.

Then she inspects the image looking right back at her, almost in a scrutinising manner.

Her friend's words echo relentlessly through her mind, though, despite not wanting them to.

'[...] enough flesh.'

She hated how correct her friend was, despite all Kuchel wishes could be said against the obvious truth staring her back in the damn face.

With how poor she grew up, barely having had enough to eat even back then, there wasn't much she could even call fat on her body. Kuchel's always been haggard, her face the color of milk to the point of being pallid.

"Tch.. what am I supposed to do, huh?"

Asking this no one in particular, the young woman eventually closes her eyes, if only to avoid having to look at her reflection any longer.

After a few moments of contemplative silence, the decision to return to bed was made and so, she walks back to where she had been lying for God knows how long since waking up sore from last night's unfortunate 'encounter'.

Men like that one would never stop being rough when having sex with prostitutes, always claiming what they thought rightfully 'belonged' to them, even if only in exchange for money. Even if only for show.

Kuchel never thought she would end up here, but fate has a cruel way of proving one wrong on occasion.

A whore, slut, woman of the streets — you pick the word, it'd describe it best. At least that's what the pimps will tell others when asked.

Not that she could disagree. It's essentially what she's become. The consequences of her own doing, even when done out of despair.

Back in bed, she puts a small, dainty hand— potentially fragile as glass by now — on top of her belly, where skin is already protruding ever so marginally, making her condition not just a matter of imagination anymore.

It's reality.

One Kuchel had no choice over, really. She'd be damned if getting rid of the life insider her is the only viable option, though.

'Over my dead body would I kill this innocent thing. I'll be able to handle this, even if I have to go through it all... alone'.

With that determination set in stone, she leans down, voice soft as silk.

"I'm gonna keep you and make sure you grow up as safely and happy. I love you so much already and I haven't even seen ya yet. You'll be loved, no matter if you're a boy or a gal. All I care about is you being healthy, little one."

Her resolve is steadfast.

Always had been and always would be.

No matter what.

this is an excerpt from my new kuchel & levi ackerman x oc (they'll appear later) fanfic 'Her Starlight In Ebon' on AO3. it's something i've been wanting to write about for the longest time (levi having a happier life with his mom still alive, being part of his story instead of dying early on). anyways, i hope to be able to continue my levi x fem reader story tonight and post about it. todays been a way too stressful day for me so i couldn't just sit down and do it like i wished to.

i aim for this to be a canon divergent story, where the beginnings are similar but ofc, with an oc and his mother surviving, the main plot is slightly different from what we know about the original.

feel free to tell me ur thoughts/feedback/etc on this, i'd love to hear ur opinion on it :3

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