konoha's handsome green beast

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konoha's handsome green beast

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I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! here’s some naruto <3
looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you: LEE, SAKURA, SHINO looks like they could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll: SAI, TENTEN, KIBA looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll: INO, HINATA looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you: SASUKE, SHIKAMARU, NEJI would probably die from eating too many cinnamon rolls: CHOJI, NARUTO
Shikamaru: I’m texting Temari, I’m gonna ask her to dinner. How should I text it, “Let’s get dinner” or “Do you wanna get dinner”?
Ino: Go with, “Let’s get dinner”, so you’re like assertive and confident.
Choji: For sure!
Sakura: Actually now you sound a little aggressive. Cause you don’t wanna be the guy that’s like “LET’S GET DINNER” like you’re some kind of caveman.
Hinata: You are suppose to ask her to dinner, not tell her to dinner.
Shikamaru: Perfect.
Kiba: Actually wait, now you sound kinda like a pussy.
Choji: This is tough.
Tenten: The last thing you wanna be is the overly masculine guy like “LET’S GET DINNER I’M THE BREADWINNER BITCH”.
Naruto: But girls also love assertiveness.
Shino: Say “dinner is something I would enjoy taking you on if you were also interested in attending the meal.”
Naruto: The more words the better.
Rock Lee: No wait, say “I would like nothing more than to take you to the finest restaurant in town for a lovely meal we call dinner.”
Shikamaru: Should I send that in a voice memo?
Sai: Fuck that, say “Dinner tonight, 7PM, take it or leave it, you bitch.” Cause she’s playing games now.
Sasuke: Sign it, seal it, deliver it.
Neji: I don’t know why girls are so difficult all the time.
Shikamaru: I’m not gonna say that.
Ino: Definitely don’t say that.
Prove me wrong! 🤣

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naruto driving headcanons
Naruto - definitely not licensed. debatable whether he actually knows which one is the brake pedal. as long as Sakura is alive he will not be allowed behind the wheel of a car. unknowable/10
Sasuke - also not technically licensed, but all things considered a pretty decent driver. probably started driving well before he was legally old enough to. 7.5/10
Sakura - road rage extraordinaire. swears up and down she goes the speed limit but in truth goes at minimum 10 over. “speed limit is a suggestion” more like speed limit is a challenge. at the very least she gets them where they need to go. 5.5/10
Sai - never learned to drive until he met team 7. between Naruto and Sakura’s influences, he won’t be getting licensed for at least the next 6 years. good luck/10
Shikamaru - truly cannot be arsed. if asked to drive he claims to not have a license, but he definitely does. another unknowable/10 but I like to think in a pinch he’d be pretty good at it.
Choji - reliable driver but has a tendency to be late. gets stressed out when he has more than a few passengers. 6/10
Ino - wants to be a passenger princess soo badly. unfortunately for her, she’s the best on her team. being good at driving is her curse. woefully, 10/10
Kiba - team 8’s designated driver, believe it or not. he is…not good at it, per se, but better than the rest of them. having two sets of eyes on the road tends to help. 6.5/10
Hinata - gets so stressed out she forgets how to brake. she’ll be white knuckling the wheel going 50 in a residential while her passengers pray for their lives in the backseat. -2/10 her dad’s insurance is through the roof
Shino - morally opposed to driving. he hasn’t confirmed why but the running theory is that a swarm of his bugs faceplanted into the windshield once and traumatized him. unknowable/10
Neji - doesn’t believe in right-of-way. refuses to use his mirrors. whole heartedly believes he is god’s gift to the interstate. by some miracle has never gotten into a crash, but if any of his passengers are sensible people he is banned from the wheel. 0/10
Tenten - makes Sakura’s road rage look like divinely inspired patience. honestly she’s not even mad she just enjoys it. has to be actively talked down from brake checking people. banned from the wheel 0/10
Lee - while technically a perfect driver (obeys every speed limit, never makes an illegal turn, maneuvers like butter), having him in the front seat is such an intolerable experience he’s also banned from the wheel. those unfortunate enough to have witnessed it don’t speak of their experience, but rumors involve something along the lines of a custom-made Gai inspirational quotes driving playlist. 0/10
Temari - grew up driving her brothers around. Absolutely hates it. when she’s in a car she’s got her feet up on the dashboard and always has the aux. if she were to drive again, 9.5/10
Gaara - an…extremely calm, level headed driver? side effect of RBF is that everyone is always waiting for him to snap and run someone over. he never has. probably listens to calming classical music or something while in traffic jams. 10000/10
Kankuro - I find it funny to believe he’s the actual passenger princess. unknowable/10
Most to least experienced in bed? Konoha 11 and whoever else you wanna add. Love your work 😩😩
alrighty, i switched this up a bit to avoid strange research, if you wanna see someone else/another group ranking, lmk - i hope this is up to code, and thank you for the request!!
Sex Tier List
Ranked: Konoha 11 (Naruto, Sakura, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten) + Sand Siblings (Kankuro, Temari, Gaara) + Sasuke
Warnings: swearing, x(GN)reader implications, we are talking about sex, uh idk lmk if something makes you uncomfy
Notes: Boruto era for everyone, and, for everyone, their Bortuo era! this request had me fucked up lowk because, canonically, these mfs got zero action without rings - so we're putting an enjoyment spin on it, worst to best, in a modern-ish au. as in, who you would have to guide, vs, who could rock your world, five times over, in one night.
Masterlist💿