#knowbetterdobetter

Do the Best You Can Until You Know Better. Then When You Know Better, Do Better.

I am over it—very over—this whole capitalistic-hamster-wheel-bullshit we call adulting in the United States. Like, what the actual fuck? Because why am I here scrambling to find a job opportunity to maintain a certain pace for a licensing opportunity when I don't like moving at this pace? I. Don't. Care. I DO NOT CARE about making ridiculous amounts of money. I DO NOT CARE about moving as fast as anyone else! Sure, I'm working on building a savings. I'm okay with that because I could do a variety of other jobs to achieve that goal, it's temporary, & it's for reason I care about; but this feeling like I'm being locked into a spot as if what I'm currently doing isn't enough even with reaching the minimum (and the minimum took SO much strength & effort because of what I was working against)? Nah. I don't like this shit. 6:16 on the clock. That time has been following me for weeks. Anyway, I want the freedom to work at my own pace that's conducive to my mental, physical, emotional, & spiritual well-being. I'm not adverse to hard-work, but I am adverse to shit that feels pointless & not on task. I love the work that I do. I love the client caseload I have obtained. I love that I get to offer these services at an affordable level. But I do not love the current path I'm on to take me there. This needs to change. It needs to be re-evaluated & re-worked. I do not live to work. I do not dream of work. If I won the lottery, I would throw this path away entirely & expeditiously! I'd be in my lil esoteric bag making body butters, running a homestead, working with my clients outside of a traditional setting, & doing/mastering divination work while making plenty of time for travel! While this current path adds to my legitmacy as a professional in my field, it also makes me sad. And I cannot even fully express why besides that there is something wrong with this path. It looks stupid! But, at least I've come out of this "story arc" knowing one thing: I don't want *makes large gestures to the chaos of the world & the outward pressure to pretend like the same path I had before the pandemic remains the same now when I'm an entirely different person & know I must do differently* this!

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