#knee replacement

So. I'm still here. Suffering from severe writer's block and an extreme lack of motivation, but still here.

This chapter has consistently kicked my ass for months now. I think I've torn it apart and rewritten it like four times now. Not an easy feat considering that each rendition was over 2,600 words. And with each rewrite, my confidence dwindles and my insecurity over whether or not I should even be doing this grows. This is a pivotal chapter and I feel like I'm in a war with my characters lol. I have this carefully constructed plot with things I can and cannot do in order to progress said plot and stay true to my ending, and my characters are literally FIGHTING me.

That's a thing, right? It's okay. I'm okay.

It hasn't helped that I had surgery to fix a failing knee implant back in May, and the surgery actually made things a shit ton worse. My knee literally disintegrated while they were in there. So guess who now needs a total knee replacement at the ripe age of 40 instead of the partial they originally had done back in 2019? This girl right here. So yeah. Recovery has been a bitch, and the constant pain (and Lupus--FFS I cannot make this shit up. God I've had a fucking hell of a year. Sigh) and not being able to do simple things like laundry, housework, and yard work (seriously, the only thing I have wanted to do this summer is make my backyard look pretty) has brought a good dose of depression along with it. The only solace I've found lately has been playing the new Zelda game and avoiding everything else.

Anyway. This right here is an attempt to pull myself up by my boot straps. I've been writing fairly steadily the last couple of weeks, and while the progress I've made is small, it's still progress. I think I'm finally satisfied with the latest rewrite and have set myself up to finish the chapter in a way that doesn't conflict with my overall vision of this story. I'm also slowly responding to reviews on FFN and AO3, so if you haven't heard from me yet, you will. Just give me time. Every day is a battle right now, but I can get through this.

So yeah. Thank you for coming to my pity party. There will be party favors at the door. In the form of a chapter update. Hopefully very soon. If you read this til the end, you are a saint and I love you.

how do you manage the social expectations tied up with it? so many people have told me I'm too young for surgery and should get a second opinion. how do you convince people that surgery is necessary and vital, even at a young age? how do you convince yourself?

Oh my gosh I have no idea how long this has been in my inbox; I'm so sorry!

Osteoarthritis sucks. The social bias against young people having an invisible but crippling illness is a lot to deal with. Usually when people say "you're too young!" in a pitying way I respond with something like, "haha tell that to my bones!"

If it's a doctor saying so, I asked what tests I needed done and what my alternative route of treatment would be. It ended up being replacements after all.

But it sounds like you're most often getting genuine disbelief that you would need a replacement. I would tell them all the alternate routes I took, and show them proof of how much better a replacement will be for you. You could always get a second opinion if you want. I genuinely had photos of my x-rays on my phone to show people at one point.

Once it was officially scheduled, I had several pre-op appointments that were extensive Q&A sessions between myself and several different surgeons and orthopedists asking, "Are you sure? Are you SURE?" and talking about every single step of the process. That definitely helped with the self-conviction and assuring others that everyone was on the same page.

That being said, convincing myself wasn't too hard because I was in and out of a wheelchair by the time I got my knee replacements lined up. I knew I had to go through with it after exhausting all other paths. And I was right. And it was worth it.

Knee replacement at 7:00am. Came home on a walker at noon. Now come the hard parts

No critters allowed in my bed till wound is healed (2 weeks).

The pain went from a 3 1/2 when I got home to about a 6 1/2 now, even on all the meds!

Walking is no fun but after about 15 steps ease up the excruciating pain in my knee cap!

Tomorrow, the day after surgery, starts in home PT! At 9:00am! Sadistic!!

Knackered Knees

Humans endure a variety of problems as a result of walking upright – clear proof we were not intelligently designed. Aside from back problems and possible birth issues, damaged knees are a drawback of life on two feet. In fact, it’s estimated nearly half of us will suffer knee osteoarthritis at some point. Replacing worn out knees with artificial ones is a last resort. Another option is to implant a supportive plate into the existing joint before it’s kaput. But, outcomes of such surgery are often disappointing. The problem is, knee shapes vary but the plates don’t and a good fit isn’t guaranteed. Advances in 3D imaging of joints and in 3D printing, however, may soon enable production of personalised plates – like the one illustrated. Tailored to fit a patient precisely, the plates will hopefully provide a more comfortable and flexible way to overcome this evolutionary shortcoming than was previously possible.

Written by Ruth Williams

Image from the University of Bath

Department of Mechanical Engineering, University of Bath, Bath, UK

Image copyright held by the original authors

Research published in Communications Medicine, June 2021