#knb shitpost

Another day me and my sister (for a while now I’ve been recaping to her every knb episode I’ve watched, she got interested and agreed to watch a game with Kise, then stayed for Akashi. We’re watching S3 together) were speculating on what would have happened if GoM got proper psychological help in middle school, more specifically if they all got diagnosed on neurodiversity spectrum. So we think that everyone’s autistic except for Aomine who has ADHD and Kise who is neurotypical. Also Akashi didn’t share his results with others and gaslights them that he’s neurotypical, too, but no one quite believes that. Everything below covers how we imagined Kise would react to being the only neurotypical one. You can read it as his diary and empathise with him.

Day 1: Everybody took the test today and I was the only one to get nothing. I asked if I can retake it but the therapist said no.

Day 2: Kurokocchi’s researching autism and he’s reading us some medical articles about it at lunch. Everyone’s like, yep, that’s me. Midorimacchi said he’s happy that he’s found “something that can help him grow as a person and understand himself deeper”. Sometimes Kurokocchi throws in something about ADHD so Aominecchi can relate too. I asked him whether there was something about neurotypical people on this page he’s found, but he said this page is specifically for neurodivergent people. Sounds unfair if you ask me…

Day 3: I am going to retake that test no matter what, but I figured I have a lot to learn first. That sure ain’t stopping me, copycat skills LET’S GOOOO. I’ll start with Midorimacchi because he obviously nails that autism thing.

Day 4: After we spent a day together Midorimacchi told me I’m too much, and since he’d rather “walk the path of this self journey all by himself”, he’s avoiding me now. What the hell? Thanks, dude. Ok, Kurokocchi’s next.

Day 5: I lost Kurokocchi. But before I did, he gave me some solid insight into an autistic person’s mind. For example he told me that autistic people tend to be really honest and forward. I asked him if in his opinion I was honest enough to have autism, to which he answered with: „that’s not really how it works…”. I think he just dodged the question because he didn’t wanna hurt my feelings, admitting I am not honest enough, which we are both well aware of btw. That doesn’t really prove his point about being honest, so maybe I don’t have to be honest to have autism. Anyway, Murasakibaracchi goes next.

Day 6: That was THE MOST BORING DAY OF MY LIFE. All this dude does is eat and play Brawl Stars. Sure if it’s ALL that it takes to have autism, I could do that, but unfortunately I am a little bit more ambitious than that. Looks like the only one left is Akashi…

Day 7: Actually, I’ve always liked ADHD more anyway, so I decided to spend a day with Aominecchi instead. It was really great, we were just napping on lessons and playing basketball on breaks. After school Aominecchi asked me why was I following him and I chose to be honest with him. When I was finished with my story, he responsed with: “what the f*ck Kise, you have autism or somethin’?”. Does that mean I’ve made progess????” If so, THEN KUROKOCCHI WAS HELLA RIGHT ABOUT THAT HONESTY THING, IT WORKS! I am going for that autism, babyB)

Day 8: Okay, so now there really is no choice left, I gotta spend a day with Akashicchi.

Day 9: Akashicchi keeps telling me he’s not autistic and didn’t get anything on the test either. You know what? I’ll just go with that. It was an exhausting week anyway. I’m fine with being a victim of gaslightning as long as it means I’m having friends again. 

Day 10: Me and Akashicchi are neurotypical buddies now! We go everywhere together and we’re doing so many things neurotypical people do, like buying ice cream and chit-chatting. I’m having so much fun and I finally don’t have to pretend anything. Maybe I am neurotypical after all.

Day 11: Akashicchi has just had a breakdown. He’s given up and admitted the test said he was autistic too. I pretended to be surprised because he seemed like he needed it, but he saw right through me and told me he didn’t need any validation from a „normal person”. That’s how he phrased it, even though in one of Kurokocchi’s articles they said that there’s nothing abnormal about having autism. I think Akashicchi might just have problems accepting himself the way he is. It was not the right moment to mention that though, or even to point out that actually I am not neurotypical myself (or at least I’m working really hard on that and the past two days was just “autism masking” or what they call it). But that aside, I’ve actually never seen Akashicchi like that, and it breaks my heart:c

Day 12: I kept worrying about Akashicchi so when I saw him in the corridor, I came to chat. Very subtly I suggested that maybe he could use therapy. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about and ignored me. But later that day, after the training, when I was in the locker room all alone sort of having an existential crisis because there were no autistic friends left and I still wasn’t ready to retake the test, Akashicchi showed up. He looked TERRIFYING. He told me that he already has a therapist, but „that is not something I should be concerned about”, so if I keep talking about his „personal matters” he’ll make sure to reveal the list of every girl I’ve ever had a crush on to a whole school!, and if that won’t do, he’ll start blackmailing my parents! He really got me speechless on that one, because I’ve never had a crush on a girl! (except maybe for Kim Possiblecchi). Somehow that only made his threat more menacing, because if he reveals that list, everyone will think I’m straight and I’ll lose my chances with guys. I haven’t come out yet or anything, but Akashicchi has always been a step ahead, so maybe he knows already and planned all of these to threaten my future love life? Damn, he’s good. In that case, the wisest choice was to just play along, so we agreed we’ll never talk about his „personal matters” again. And that wraps up our neurotypical alliance. Sheesh.

Day 13: I have an appoinment with a counsellor tommorow. Honestly I don’t know how to feel about it. Like I know I tried my best and all, but here at Teiko it’s winning that matters, and that particular battle seems like a lost cause. But you know what, I won’t let that drag me down. It’s ME we’re talking about, I’ll nail it. Besides, the guys believe in me, after all they all (except for Aominecchi) helped me with my traning, so I just CAN’T let them down. Yeah. That’s it. I’m getting some beauty sleep right now so I can shine tommorowB)

Day 14: So I took that stupid test and guess what. I’m still the same neurotypical weirdo that I was two weeks ago. And on the top of that the therapist said it looks like I have problems with self-acceptance, and she’d like to have appointments with me. I guess it’s half of a win, since I’ll be having therapy like the rest of the guys, but for some reason I can’t really work myself up to be happy about it. I just still feel like there’s something wrong with me. Honestly, why can’t I just be like the rest of my friends?????? Why do I have to stand out???? What am I doing wrong???? 

Day 15: Today, when I approached our lunch table, I could sense the tension. Everybody was staring at me all quiet. They wanted to know that very thing about me I’d rather hide away from them. Finally Kurokocchi broke the silence and asked how did the test go. So I’ve told them how’d it go. It’s not like honesty matters anymore since it can’t magically make me autistic like Kurokocchi promised, but they are my friends, so they deserved it. I told them everything and also apologized for dissapointing them. But after hearing me out, Kurokocchi said that I don’t have to be sorry and that we’re still best friends even if I’m different. Other guys agreed with Kurokocchi and I couldn’t stop myself from bursting into tears. Turns out everyone accepts me for who I am!!!!! Gosh, I love my friends \UwU/

THE END

Bonus 1

Aomine, after lunch, to Kuroko: Geez I thought he was gonna finally tell us he’s gay

Bonus 2: