#klueless

Ugh, As If!

read klueless, a klaine!clueless au, on ao3!!!!

HQ Version of Cover Art ; Art Ref Image

Summary: It’s 1995. Kurt’s a senior at McKinley High, and he’s looking to lose his virginity and get his love life in order before he goes off to college.

Unfortunately, Blaine, the pretentious son of Burt’s ex-wife, is in Lima to intern for Burt’s congressional reelection campaign, and Kurt is stuck dealing with him until the election is over.

Art: alice / @warblercore @mistyintherivers

Rating: M*

Key Tags: enemies to lovers, but its more like, oblivious idiots to lovers, kurt’s more oblivious than blaine, romcom shenanigans, 90s slang, humor, virginity, falling in love, forced proximity, first time*, pining, hurt/comfort, fluff, slowburn, kind of ?, internalized homophobia, period appropriate homophobia but like…as little as possible, klaine endgame

Soundtrack (updated as chapters go live)

closeups under the read more !!

He isn’t an old god, and he resents that, resents the old gods who get respect where he does not, especially the old gods who get respect who are, he feels, genuinely beneath him.  Why should anyone listen to Tesla Jefferson or Queen Qatar?  Bad enough that any goddess should have a following, but they don’t even have the decency to be offended by their own complexions, as any right-thinking woman would be!

He isn’t an old god, and most of his supposed peers hope he never will be. Hope he’ll fade as so many gods of misinformed supremacy and obstinate pride have faded before him, hope he’ll be nothing more than a footnote in the long and storied mythology of the small gods.  Or perhaps an asterisk leading into nothing, like the snowflake symbol he so proudly carries on his breast. They hope.

But too few of them are able to stir their followers into rising up against him.

Klueless is a new god, a new manifestation of an old and toxic way of thinking, a poison that humanity carries with it everywhere it goes; the idea that any one can be superior to any other for reasons other than their own hard work, their own ceaseless toil.  He is a reflection of the horrific inner selves too many carry with them, a secret shouted from a mountaintop, and his vey buffoonery is what makes him powerful.

“Surely I can’t belong to that god,” say the women with their teased-up hair, before they remind a darker-skinned stranger to move along, their sidewalks aren’t for vagrants and vagabonds.

“I have dignity; I’m not like that,” say the men with their own symbols on their breasts, and their handguns at their hips, before they go out to patrol neighborhoods they keep safe for their own kind, not any others—and sometimes not even for that.

Comedy’s mask can hide all the horrors in the world.

And he is quite a horror.

.....................................................

Artist Lee Moyer (The Doom That Came to Atlantic City, Starstruck) and author Seanan McGuire (Middlegame, Every Heart a Doorway) have joined forces to bring you icons and stories of the small deities who manage our modern world, from the God of Social Distancing to the God of Finding a Parking Space.

Join in each week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many tiny divinities:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/smallgodseries/

i wouldnt be me if i didnt post one of these late.

so…. im alive.

life has finally appeared to calm down (please please please stay that way 🫥) so ive slowly been getting back into my hobbies/feeling like myself and not going to lie? everything was so crazy for so long it feels like im going to be picking up the pieces of myself for a while. im trying to be kinder to myself regarding all of this so bear with me. i feel like everyone at this point is used to my sporadic posting but there is the goal of inevitably coming back to tumblr, like, fully. its just a slow process.

i have a fic that i wrote new for the fanzine, but over these last few weeks is the first time ive been able to write in klueless for months, and its been somewhat terrifying? it feels like i’ve forgotten how to do this and its very disorientating. i’m going to have to reread what ive posted so far and, like, i definitely would have done that anyway because im a perfectionist but its a different feeling to have to. but. oh well !!

thanks to @forabeatofadrum for continuing to tag me in these week after week even though i was dead to tumblr it was very sweet

other than writing i spent a lot of time reading fanfic and books, doing puzzles, watching cheesy christmas movies. recently, i devoured the captive prince trilogy in three days so if anyone has read them i desperately need someone to talk to about it because i think im a different person now and i have no one to share that with

anyway….heres that klueless snippet. its been so long so i dont know if its better to wait to post until i have like, several chapters done, or just two like ive been doing…. i think im going to start writing out of order just to give myself some more leniency regardless.

Kurt hands Blaine back his hotdog. “I don’t think I can eat this.”

Blaine takes a massive bite of his relish doused dog, Kurt’s hotdog dropping to his thigh like it’s lead. “I guess hotdogs are beneath you today?”

“You think so poorly of me,” Kurt lashes as he pushes his head through his poncho’s opening, forehead wrinkled. “I think I’m coming down with a stomach bug or something. That’s all.” He sniffles. “As soon as I got in the car with you, I’ve felt like shit.”

Another relish-loaded bite assaults Kurt’s nose. “The feeling’s mutual,” Blaine says out of the corner of his mouth, fighting a smile, “You have that effect on people.”

Something about that just twists more knots inside Kurt’s stomach.

tagging: @fallevs @hevanderson @cryscendo @warblercore

@daisyishedwig @backslashdelta @blurglesmurfklaine @rockitmans

chapters 8 and 9 of klueless are live!! :^) !!!!

start reading at chapter 8

start reading at the beginning

aaaaand the spotify playlist updated

Fic Summary: It’s 1995. Kurt’s a senior at McKinley High, and he’s looking to lose his virginity and get his love life in order before he goes off to college.

Unfortunately, Blaine, the pretentious son of Burt’s ex-wife, is in Lima to intern for Burt’s congressional reelection campaign, and Kurt is stuck dealing with him until the election is over.

Author’s Note: Chapter 8 discusses the events of Chapter 7. This discussion is more vague than what was described in Chapter 7.

chapters 5, 6 & 7 of klueless are live!!

start reading at chapter 5

start reading at the beginning

Fic Summary: It’s 1995. Kurt’s a senior at McKinley High, and he’s looking to lose his virginity and get his love life in order before he goes off to college. Unfortunately, Blaine, the pretentious son of Burt’s ex-wife, is in Lima to intern for Burt’s congressional reelection campaign, and Kurt is stuck dealing with him until the election is over.

Note: A new tag was added- for more context, please read authors notes before and after Chapter 7. A brief description is there to describe the severity of the scene depicted.

heyyy heyyyy its sunday morning!! IM DOING THIS NOT AT 10 PM!!!! GUYS!!! This Is Huge.

i want to thank @forabeatofadrum for always tagging me in these, and @daisyishedwig for also tagging me last week, despite me being on vacation. it was sweet!

some klueless hevans <3333 fic is alive and well and im steadily working on it i promiseeeee

“I’m Blaine’s roommate.” He takes a step forward and holds out a hand, crooked smile causing Kurt’s composure to puddle. “Sam.”

It takes Kurt a second longer than it should to extend his hand, but, when their fingers connect, Sam’s palm is surprisingly soft and not at all sweaty like the rest of him; its just pleasantly warm, and, when his fingers wrap around Kurt’s hand and squeeze, Kurt turns to putty.

“Nice to meet you Sam,” Kurt manages to say, eager to test the name on his tongue. Everything is suddenly feeling consequential. Kurt doesn’t let go. He can’t. “I didn’t know Blaine had a roommate.”

“You never asked,” Blaine grumbles from the floor, roughly plucking at the strings of his bass. “And it wasn’t worth mentioning.”

tagging: @cryscendo @rockitmans @burkleswinifred @daisyishedwig

@justgleekout @blurglesmurfklaine @backslashdelta @unholy-fabray

thank you @forabeatofadrum for tagging me <3

the next three chapters of klueless are written but need very much edited and as im doing that im writing the next chunk to keep the motivation alive. its working. wip wednesdays also help.

okay so. blina.

Finn had warned that Tina’s disproportionately confident and can hijack conversation. Blaine has proudly said that Tina is a bit of a diva. So, Kurt was fully prepared to only tolerate her company.

Kurt, though, wasn’t prepared for Tina to talk nonstop for the whole forty-five minutes that he’s been in the car, and, as the minutes tick by, the list of his gripes only grows.

Tina turns up and down the radio without rhyme or reason and is seemingly incapable of letting a song finish. She’s been chewing gum the whole car ride and Kurt’s convinced that the entirety of Ohio can hear it. She’s a serial sloucher, and, as she laughs at and with Blaine, she keeps rocking back and forth and the leather seat keeps squeaking against her thighs. It’s keeping Kurt awake. It’s keeping Kurt tense.

Honestly, Tina’s not even that pretty. Kurt doesn’t know what Blaine sees in her.