#klarinette49

I was tagged by the wonderful @klarinette49 to share nine books I'm reading/going to read. Thank you!

Currently reading:

The Cold Millions by Jess Walter - which I have been liking and while set in 1909 has many parallels to a handful of situations we continue finding today;

Mad Men Carousel: The Complete Critical Companion by Matt Zoller Seitz - which I have been reading episode by episode as I rewatch Mad Men, one of my favourite shows ever.

Jane Austen, The Secret Radical by Helena Kelly - bought many years ago before I knew better. I hadn't exactly planned to read it now, but I read an article panning it and in some sort of twisted curiosity got my copy out.

The rest are in my tsundoku pile so I want to read them, I just don't know when.

(The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman may be the next though, to prepare for the Netflix production).

Tagging @eroticfriendfictions , @whopooh, @otherpens, @waxedpaperdoor, @balkanlila , @irllilyevans, @queenlovett, @ladyofpembroke, @gaspardian, @hellomadamebutterfly , if they feel like it and anyone who may feel compelled to.

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had.

Probably Laura and Almanzo from the Little House books. My mind was blown when I got to the end of Little Town on the Prairie and Almanzo asked Laura out and suddenly little 7 year old me (or whatever) discovered romance. I can still basically quote the dialogue from the proposal scene in Those Happy Golden Years from memory.

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.

Harry/Hermione. My first fandom OTP, the first ship I wrote fic for, the first ship I read and wrote meta for that essentially took me through my entire adolescence and formed my views on relationships, fiction, writing, and fandom. I love you, H/Hr.

Matthew/Mary. The ship that got me back into fandom for better or worse after a long break, which introduced me to some of my closest online friends and at least one genuine offline friend too, the ship that led to me writing a novel that I’m truly proud of (it’s Consolation Prize and you should go read it now) and become semi-well-known as a writer to the extent that I met a literary agent in Manhattan. (Tragically, I have not yet actually written anything for her and it was like eight years ago now so IDK if she would even remember me or care about me but still - it happened!) Matthew/Mary was literary, intelligent, historical and full of longing and I basically did a masters degree because of them.

Ben/Rey. The ship that smacked me in the face one day when I watched a trailer and suddenly realised that they were the culmination of every literary and romantic impulse I had been searching for since I was about 15. I was not expecting to fall so hard and so deeply. They’ve reignited my writing once more and I have learned so much from them and the fandom that has passed on into my understanding of stories and mythology. Once again, I owe a fictional ship a heck of a lot.

4. What’s your current NOTP?

I’ve been thinking about this all day trying to think of one and I don’t think I have one... There are ships that don’t do anything for me, of course, and ones that make me go “Huh? How on earth do you get “romance” from that?”. Ron/Hermione is my biggest one. Finn/Rey is another (and currently even more so thanks to JB’s ill-advised comments). But NOTPS? Nope. Because ultimately shipping is fictional and there’s no such thing as a bad ship, just personal preferences. I actually quite like (as a kind of academic exercise) taking the apparently least obvious couple you can imagine and then somehow finding a way to make it work, because actually what it’s doing is nothing to do with romance per se, but everything to do with finding common ground and developing as a person through your relationship with another person and that is a very rewarding thing to think about and gets to the heart IMO of what makes an interesting ship.

19. Have you ever shipped something despite yourself?

That feeling of “We’re going here? Oh yes, we are definitely going here” and hating yourself? I feel like I have... but I can’t think when! I’m trying to think of my most absolute trash ships but... but usually they’re not really bad.

27. Is there a ship you’ve shipped for most of your life?

I guess, Darcy/Elizabeth? I first read P&P when I was 7 and I started reading P&P fanfic when I was 11 on the computer in the library and I guess I still ship them so... yeah!

Also Fatty/Bets from Enid Blyton’s Five Find-Outers series because I definitely shipped them before I understood when shipping was and I must have been very young when I was reading those books.

30. Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.

Being in a fandom with no ships!? What is this!? Well, I guess I haven’t really shipped anything in Doctor Who since the days of Rose Tyler so that probably counts. And I can’t say I really ship anyone in The Good Place. Like, Chidi/Eleanor is fine. It’s cute. It’s obviously endgame. But I’m not invested, not going to read fics or anything. If it didn’t happen I’d be okay also.

32. Share five must-read fics.

Oh, this is LOVELY. Fic rec time!!

1. A Girl in Black by @khaleesa 

I'm not as sad as I should be. That's what makes me sad. The Titanic sinks, Patrick dies, and rather than wait at home to meet the new heir of Downton, Mary tries her luck in London, where she meets Sir Richard Carlisle instead. [Alternate S1]

Richard Carlisle/Mary Crawley. (Such an aBooSiVe ship lolooolol.) Still the definitive Downton fic for me. Such a good AU!

2. Down the Isle by @loversinfiniteness 

Down the Isle, a reality dating show, is roommates Jane and Tom's guilty pleasure. Under the sun of an indeterminate hot country, millions watch the contestants in their search for love. The weird twist? They're all characters from P&P, Emma, Mansfield Park and Persuasion. But this isn't a butchering of Austen: love, whether it's in bikinis or bonnets, is ever the same thing...

(A slightly unhinged Love Island AU featuring many of Austen's characters. Everyone is wittier and less eager for romance than the real contestants on the show. NOW COMPLETE!)

If you like Jane Austen and you like modern AUs you need to read this even if you think it isn’t your cup of tea. Trust me, it is.

3. Disconnect by Weatherbug02

Rey was an unpopular YouTuber for years before her channel skyrocketed. Kylo was a YouTuber with millions of subscribers who couldn't keep his mouth shut. After a misunderstanding, both parties became part of a famous rivalry known throughout the internet. Neither had seemed too keen on resolving it, but after five years, people start to notice a change between the two.

Reylo social media modern AU and one of my favourite fics. I would recommend Play to Win here but basically everyone has already read it!

4. The Eagle’s Nest by HeartofAspen

COMPLETE! Hermione's eighth year at Hogwarts is already going to be difficult in the aftermath of the war, but it is further thrown into upheaval when Headmistress McGonagall orders a re-sorting of all students to promote inter-house unity. But when the Sorting Hat sends Hermione to Ravenclaw with Draco - and without Harry or Ron - how will she cope? [AU, Dramione] Prevalent alchemy.

Yep, this is 70 chapters of slow-burn Dramione with very interesting world-building. Go read! 

5. And All the Devils Are Here by queenofchildren

It's a simple story, really: Girl meets Boy. Girl hates Boy. Girl and Boy infiltrate the most popular reality dating show on television to expose its unethical treatment of contestants and have to act like they're falling in love... And suddenly, the lines get blurred between the sparks flying on screen - and the real thing that grows when the cameras stop rolling.

This is a Benvolio/Rosaline from Still Star Crossed modern AU reality dating show fic. Huh? You might say. Or maybe you’ve never watched the show. Not important. This is a great fic with bonus Shakespeare references.

40. If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be?

The ending, of course.

But which OTP does this refer to, I hear you ask.

ALL OF THEM, YOU FOOL, ALL OF THEM.

1. favourite place in your country?

I have a lot of them, but honestly, one of my favourite places in France would be around Lescun in the Pyrénées. A lot of mountains with really nice places, I also like the Pyrénées because it’s not as overcrowded and overrated as the Alps during the holidays (though I think there’s places in the French Alps that no one knows about as well as places in the Pyrénées that are overcrowded for some reasons).I also kind of like my home place in the Pays-de-la-Loire, with its pretty cities, lots of metal festivals around, almost nothing but fields but then you have a cliff out of nowhere. Fun place.

5. favourite song in your native language? 

There is a good bunch of French songs I really like, most of these are humouristic, but I think my fave would be this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4IUpIoUCc8

6. most hated song in your native language? 

Whatever bullshit pop music that get in the top whatever each summer (like Magic System AKA. The geniuses who made “air” rhyme with “air”, I shit you not ), or the whole modern “variété française” music genre. I really hate that our country has an actually good indie scene with decent artists that makes French sound good, but because radio stations and officials decided that French songs must sound like the most flaccid thing ever we almost never get to hear good French music unless you actually try to find them (by going to festivals or actively search).

16. which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with?

I really hate that stereotype of French being cowards that got spreaded by ‘muricans since World War II and mostly used to invalidate whatever achievements we happen to make (mostly about sports or military tho, so no big deal either), I mean of course I hate that stereotype for being degrading, but also, how USA-centered must you be to actually agree with this stereotype?However, I agree mostly with the stereotype of French people not fucking around food, even if I know we’re not the only one depicted like that (I know it’s also a common Italian stereotype), and that it’s not actually that true because of how the corporations regularly scams us with food. I have yet to find one French people who don’t have an active opinion about food and will defend it to their death.

21. if you could send two things from your country into space, what would they be?

Matthew was against it from the beginning, something he made sure to point out later.

“Mary, I’m really not sure this is a good idea. I don’t know if my back is up for it, and even if it is…” he lowered his voice into the telephone, glancing around to make sure that neither his mother nor Molesley are in earshot, “I’m not sure any of our parents would be too pleased we’re going off on an all-day horseback ride alone.”

He could almost hear Mary’s eye roll over the phone. “Really, Matthew. It’ll be fine. Didn’t Clarkson say you could ride, as long as you’re careful? So we’ll be careful. And besides, if anyone asks, we’re going out to inspect some of the cottages further out on the estate. Papa will be delighted that you’re taking an interest in it, he won’t think on it anymore.”

Matthew sighed and shook his head. It was so hard to not give into his beautiful fiancee. “Alright. I’ll be up to the house in an hour.”

He sighed and put the phone back down on the receiver, setting off to find Molesley to change into something more suitable for riding.

An hour later he found himself in the stables, watching Mary get up on Diamond’s back as he waited for Lynch to saddle Osiris, the horse he was going to use for the afternoon.

“Interesting name for a horse,” Matthew commented, as Mary guided Diamond beside him.

“All of the horses have names from ancient Egypt. Just like the dogs. My father was fascinated with Egypt, and so he just kind of stuck with the naming trend eventually,” Mary explained.

“Except for Diamond?” Matthew took Osiris’s reins and carefully mounted him.

Mary laughed. “Diamond was my horse. I got her when I was eleven. And I insisted on having a horse named Diamond. My father tried and tried to convince me to give her an Egyptian name, but no, I was insistent on Diamond. So eventually he gave in.”

“Was eleven-year-old you very stubborn then?” Matthew questioned.

“Only as stubborn as I am now,” Mary easily replied.

They rode out onto the grounds of Downton, and Matthew had to admit, he was enjoying the freedom. Ever since he proposed to Mary, he felt that every moment he was with her was being watched. Either by her parents, his parents, or a discreet servant. He couldn’t remember a time since that snowy night that he and Mary had been really, truly alone.

The late February air still was chilly, but not unpleasant, and the trees were just beginning to barely bud. They would be beautiful in a few weeks, hopefully just in time for the wedding. The wedding… it was in just a few weeks and Matthew felt a thrill course through him as he thought about it

They started out slow, but gradually, both their horses picked up speed. Eventually, the trees were a blur, Mary skillfully weaving between them, Matthew not quite as skillfully.

It was fun, though, he had to admit. He had been concerned about his back, unsure of how the jolting of the horse would affect it, and also concerned about the fact that he hadn’t ridden for years, and even then, he hadn’t been particularly good at it. But it was going surprisingly smoothly, and Matthew found himself beginning to relax as they got further into the grounds.

They rode for two hours, enjoying the beauty and serenity of the day, until Matthew felt his horse jolt strongly under him. This was not like what it had been earlier, something was wrong. His hand went immediately to his lower back and he winced.  He tugged on Osiris’s reins, but every movement seemed to cause Osiris pain. “Mary, can we please stop?”

Mary pulled on Diamond’s reins and turned back to Matthew. “Of course, what’s the problem?”

Matthew frowned and slid off the back of Osiris. “I think something is wrong with him,” he said. “He jolted me very suddenly, and then he won’t really move.”

“Let me see,” Mary said. She noticed Matthew’s wince as his feet touched the ground. “Are you alright?”

“Jolted me a little, but I’ll be fine,” Matthew replied.

Mary didn’t look convinced, but she got off Diamond and went over to Osiris. She patted his mane and looked him over. “Are you alright?” she asked gently. She bent down to look at his legs.

“What if he kicks you, Mary?” Matthew asked, panic coming over him as he remembered stories of people killed by the kicks of horses.

“Osiris is the most gentle horse we have, that’s why I had Lynch saddle him for you,” Mary said. “He won’t kick me.”

She inspected all of his feet and frowned looking at one of his front feet. “He’s thrown a shoe.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’re not going to be able to ride him back…” Mary replied. She turned to him, and noticed he was sitting down, his back against a tree, legs stretched out, trying to find any relief. “Will you be able to walk back?”

“I will be, this should dissipate soon enough,” Matthew assured her. “It might take a while for us to make it back, though. Your parents will not be happy, and my mother won’t be either.”

Mary rolled her eyes and patted Osiris’ nose. “Oh Matthew, stop worrying. They won’t die of shock.”

He shook his head. “Perhaps not, but still…” He glanced up at the sky, frowning as he noticed that dark clouds were gathering. “It looks like it’s going to rain on us.”

“Lovely,” Mary replied sarcastically.

“I told you this was a bad idea.”

“Alright, this was a bad idea. Happy now?” Mary asked, annoyance rising in her voice.

“No, because we’re still stuck out here and it’s going to take us ages to get back and we’ll probably return soaked to families that are angry with us for worrying them because we were out here so long,” Matthew continued. The anxiety rising in his voice was subtle, but there.

Mary turned around and looked to him. “You know what, Matthew, you’re not being very helpful. At least do something, if you’re going to complain.”

“I don’t know what to do to be helpful!”

“You practically lived outside for four years, you should know how to do something!”

Mary turned around as soon as she said that, saw the haunted look on his face, and immediately regretted it. “I’m sorry, that was insensitive…”

He frowned. “No, you’re right, I…” He glanced around anxiously as he felt the first raindrops fall on his face. “And now it’s started raining. Lovely.”

“We should start heading back, then,” Mary said.

He pushed himself up from where he was sitting and took a few steps toward her gingerly.

“Are you alright?” she asked, her voice full of concern for him. She could see the tension in his face, and she was not sure if it was from physical pain or the memories she had just brought back up.

He nodded. “I’m fine, it’s getting better already,” he says. “Between me and Osiris though, it might take us a while to get back… we’ll be lucky if we don’t get hypothermia by the time…”

“Well, what do you suggest we do, then?” Mary interrupted.

“Look for shelter and wait it out. But I have no idea where we would find anything,” Matthew replied.

Mary looked around. “If my memory serves, there’s a hunting lodge near here. We’ve used it for luncheons during hunts a few times.”

“Any idea how close it might be?”

“We passed the bend in the creek about five minutes back. there is, or at least there used to be, a path from there to the lodge,” Mary said. “It shouldn’t be too far.”

Matthew took Osiris’s lead and gestured to Mary. “Lead the way, then.”

Leading the horses, they slowly made their way to the creek, then to the path that Mary had predicted would be there. Matthew was very grateful to see that, after a few minutes of walking, a hunting lodge indeed did come into view. “Is that is?” he asked.

“Yes,” Mary replied, quickening her pace. “Hopefully it’ll be unlocked but…” she walked up to the door and tried opening it. “Dammit.”

“Here, let me try,” Matthew said, tying Osiris to a post of the lodge and coming up the steps. He tried the handle and sighed. “Do you have a hairpin?”

Mary nodded, raising an eyebrow. She pulled one out of her hair and handed it to him. “What are you doing?”

He smirked and put the hairpin into the key slot. A minute later, he tries the handle and it opens.

Mary had to fight to keep her jaw from dropping. “How do you know how to do that?”

“Little army trick,” he replied, grinning at her. “Come on inside, then.”

Mary smiled back and followed him into the empty entry hall. “There’s no electricity in here, we ought to find candles before it gets dark.”

“Are we going to spend the night here, you think?” Matthew asked.

“I don’t know how long the storm is going to last,” Mary replied. “And I’d at least like to stay here to dry off. I’ll see if I can find some candles and matches. There might be some wood in the fireplace, we can get a fire going.”

Matthew almost laughed. “Do you know how to start a fire?”

“…no,” Mary said sheepishly. “But do you?”

“Lucky for you, I do,” he replied. “You’d have a better idea of where everything is than I do, you should look for candles and matches.”

Mary began to walk away from him when she noticed the worried expression on his face. “Matthew,” she assured, “everything’s going to be okay.”

He pressed his lips together. “We’re in an abandoned lodge in the middle of nowhere. Sure, you’re totally right, nothing bad could ever happen here.”

Mary rolled her eyes. “It’s not abandoned, my family owns it. We’ll be fine. Now, are you going to come?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Matthew replied.

She nodded and disappeared down a staircase at the back of the entry hall, presumably toward a kitchen. Matthew walked slowly down the entry hall, peeking into rooms until he found a drawing room. He sunk down into a chair and breathed a sigh of relief.

As much as he tried to hide it, his back was hurting. He didn’t want Mary to know, though, because she would blame herself when really, it was his decision to come out and ride. The cold wasn’t helping either, and he was already nearly soaked through, as the rain had picked up considerably while they walked to the lodge. Besides that, he was trying to ignore what Mary had said to him earlier. He forgave her, of course, but there was still a tension between them. Perhaps if he hadn’t complained so much… after all, he had gone along with her plan. And he had been an ass about it all. Of course he had. And now they were stuck waiting out a rainstorm, sure to face the wrath of their parents when they got back.

He was miserable at the moment, but maybe there was something good that could come of it. Something that would make up for him being an ass to Mary.

A realization struck him. This was his chance to spend time alone with Mary, with a guarantee that no one was watching them.

He heard Mary’s footsteps coming up the stairs, and he grinned.

“I found a few candles and some matches, hopefully they’ll work,” she says as she peeks into doors, finally finding him in the drawing room.

“Good work darling,” he says. “Come here.” His arm is outstretched toward her.

“You need to get the fire started, we’re both soaked,” Mary replied, shaking her head.

He reached for her more insistently. “I’ll get to it,” he said, pulling her onto his lap as she got closer. “But this is more urgent.” He leans in to kiss her gently.

Mary pulls back from him, trying to hold back a smile. “Lovely as that was, why was it so urgent?”

“Because, if you haven’t noticed, we’re all alone. No one around to watch us, to clear their throats when we kiss a little too passionately, or to glare at us when we get a little too close. We haven’t been alone like this since we got engaged.”

Mary cuddled closer to him, enjoying the warmth of his body despite the wetness of his clothes. “Of course I’ve noticed, you idiot,” she said, lovingly. “I just didn’t want to …try anything, because I was afraid I had upset you.”

“You did, I’m afraid, but it’s alright. I was being a bit of an ass.”

“It’s just.. I don’t want to use what you’ve gone through against you, and I feel awful for doing just that.”

Matthew kissed the top of her head. “I don’t ever want to use what you’ve gone through against you. I know we agreed to bury our ghosts, and we’ve done that, but if something… comes up, sometimes that can’t be avoided. And it’s alright.”

“I’m so lucky to have such an understanding fiance,” Mary whispered. “Now, you better get this fire started.” She climbed off his lap and stood next to the fireplace.

He nodded and pushed up from the chair. Mary was concerned when she saw him wince when kneeling down, but he held up a hand. “I’m fine, it’s fine,” he assured her.

Mary frowned but said nothing. Clearly, he was remembering things he didn’t want to remember, and asking about it would make it worse.

Soon enough, there was a roaring fire in the fireplace and Mary and Matthew sat in front of it, enjoying the heat from the fire as it dried their clothes. Mary brought sandwiches out of the picnic basket that Mrs. Patmore had packed, and ate them. They didn’t speak much, simply preferring silence together.

Eventually, though, their clothes were dry and they could tell the rain outside was slowing.

“We have to go back soon,” Matthew said, sighing. “They’ll be sending out a search party if we aren’t home by dinner.”

“Part of me wants to let them come, but you’re probably right,” Mary said. Her head was draped across his lap as they both relaxed on the couch, watching the fire. “Are you ready to head back?”

“Physically, yes,” he said. “But now I’m not so sure I want to.”

“Well, at least kiss me again before we go. Who knows if we’ll get another chance until our wedding?”

Matthew grinned.

Omg I’m sorry this took so long!! For real!

Chapter Nine

December 1946

Mary dug her toes into the sand, knees to her chest while she relaxed her cheek on her arms and watched the water slowly come in on the shore. She'd been sitting at the beach for nearly twenty minutes, arriving at the meeting place she and Matthew had agreed upon before she left for the three week-long Christmas break.

And he was late.

She sighed, squinting in the sunlight for a moment before closing her eyes and focusing on the warmth of the day instead. Her flight for Ohio was due to leave at twelve o'clock, giving her exactly two more hours to enjoy the sunshine before she would hurry to the airport and be whisked away in a plane to her family. Where it was cold and about to snow.

Snow. Mary groaned and lay down in the sand, the warmth of it cradling her while the sun covered her like a blanket.

Until something blocked the sun over her face.

Mary opened her eyes, frowning as she looked up into Matthew's smiling face.

"You're late," she told him, sitting up as he plopped down beside her.

"And you've got sand in your hair," Matthew said, ruffling her hair so some dirt fell out of her pin curls.

"I wanted to take some of the beach back with me," Mary replied. She shook her head in his direction and Matthew laughed.

"Afraid you'll forget about it?" he asked.

"That's pretty unlikely. Although three weeks will probably feel like an eternity with hardly any sun and subzero temperatures the whole time," she said, crossing her legs.

"And boring without me?" Matthew interjected with a grin.

Rules: without naming them, post a gif from ten of your favourite films and then tag ten people to do the same.

So, in no particular order:

So I guess I haven't seen any films that have stuck with me for the last five years... I haven't seen many films, tbh, mostly TV.