#kion700

Hope you’re doing well. Thanks.

"Hope you're doing well" they say. Bah! Clearly someone hasn't been paying attention, for I, Smuggles the First, have tossed the insolent, pitiful, and insignificant former writer of this blog into the belly of a great and horrible monster. As such, he will not be coming to your rescue or aid. Luckily though, you have asked a question that only a true supervillain such as myself can fully answer. And maybe it's my boredom with having successfully conquered the entire world, or perhaps it is the holiday spirit having overtaken me, but I will deign to answer your question.

What to Do if You've Been Taken to a Supernatural Werewolf Camp, Bitten and Forced to Become a Disposable Soldier Along with Several Others to Fight Your Own Country.

First things first, from this moment on, you need to stop thinking in terms of "your people" and "their people." You talk of being forced to fight against your own country, yet this country clearly has no loyalty toward you if it would gladly cut you down for the simple crime of existing while being a werewolf. Furthermore, any country that cannot even protect its own citizens from being abducted by foreign powers and being forcibly turned into something against their will is not really a country worth being loyal to as it? Which isn't to say you should feel any loyalty to your werewolf captors. Not only have they abducted you but they've had the temerity to place their slathering dog mouths upon your person without your consent. Gross. No, from here on out, your only loyalty should be to yourself and to those who have earned it.

The next thing you need to do is to rid yourself of the notion that you and your fellows are "disposable" soldiers. You are only disposable to your lupine aggressors, and that is only because they have been emboldened to believe that they can replace you easily by kidnapping and turning another hapless citizen of your cold and uncaring motherland. To you though, your fellow soldiers should be treated with respect, and like the full people they are. This will go a long way toward building up a network of trustworthy and loyal allies. If your superiors treat your comrades with harshness, treating them with kindness will cement your bonds, and will allow you to eventually overthrow the administration of this supernatural werewolf camp and seize control of it for yourself when the time comes... But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In order to gain even the scantest amount of leverage against your superiors you need to disabuse them of the notion that you are disposable. Which means you need to find a way to make their werewolf army finite. You need to disrupt the supply lines that make it possible for them to replenish their forces whenever one of their lycansoldiers should perish in battle. Luckily, you yourself have passed through this supply line, so you know exactly where to begin. Start with the site of your own abduction. Was it a dark and spooky forest? The town square? Were you perhaps snatched from the safety of your own home? Wherever you were taken from, it can be assumed that much, if not all, of the rest of your fellow soldiers were taken in a similar manner. Interview those of them whose trust you've earned. Identify as many snatch-spots as possible, and then get word to these cities and countries, tell them of the weaknesses in their pitiful securities, and advise them on how to protect their citizens from meeting similar fates. With any luck, these cities and towns will take your threats seriously, and take the appropriate precautions. Once you know where werewolves are operating, it is not actually all that difficult to prevent them from operating there going forward. Some silver-lined doorways or paving stones are all it will take to cut the werewolves off from their hunting grounds. And if the werewolves cannot turn more hapless citizens, every soldier that they already have becomes that much more valuable.

Now that you are a precious commodity, and now that you've banded together with your fellows, you are in a place to make demands. Perhaps you'd like to choose where and when you and your fellow soldiers are deployed. This would be a great opportunity to rid your former homeland of any enemies that you accrued in your old life. You may as well use your newfound superior strength, agility and senses to wreak havoc on the lives of all those who have wronged you in the past. Perhaps you'd like more comfortable accommodations in your supernatural werewolf camp bunkhouse. Perhaps you'd like better food, better uniforms, better weapons. At this stage in your covert and self-serving rebellion, you want to make as many small, seemingly inconsequential requests as possible. Slowly improve your circumstances, while simultaneously expending more and more of your captors' resources. The more money and resources they are spending on you, the less they'll have to eventually defend themselves against you. Which leads me to my next point.

Once you've gained the loyalty of your fellow soldiers, stymied the creation of new soldiers, and procured more and better equipment for your soldiers, you can finally rise up against the dastardly werewolves who kidnapped you and stole your life in the first place. I recommend attacking on a day or night that does not have a full moon. Yes, you and your army won't be able to use the full extent of your werewolf powers, but neither will your enemies, people who have been werewolves for much longer than you have, people who are far more experienced in using those powers, people who have grown to rely on those powers. With any luck, you and your army will be able to take them by surprise them and, without them having access to their powers, you will be able to slaughter them with little fanfare.

At this point you will be the all-powerful king of the werewolves, and since you've already subjugated your former country at the behest of your former persecutors, you will no doubt control much of the region. With all this power, you can do whatever you like, and with this guide, you will be able to identify and quash any rebellion that appears to be fomenting against you. If you'd like to rid yourself of the curse of the werewolf, you can commission or conscript mad scientists to develop a cure... Or you can use your werewolf army to launch an attack on the full moon itself! Or, if you've grown to love your monthly transformations into a mangy monster, then you can continue to do so safely with the knowledge that nobody will ever be able to force you to use your werewolf form for their own purposes ever again.

Hope this helps,

Hey Kion!  Sorry I keep dissapearing on you! 

Writing a bully as a protagonist is a great take! But often insipired and interesting ideas are the hardest to pin down.   

 A few questions... 

Why is your protagonist a bully?  ( Is it important to their character?) 

What makes them a Bully? ( Both actions and reasons behind their actions) 

Do you want your bully to be likeable? ( Is this possible, from their victims POV?)

Do they change their ways?  (Is this a story of their redemption?) 

 I think a good way of “getting into character” for a bully might be to read up a little on the psychology of bullying, get to know more about what drives your protagonists.  Why do they do the thing that they do?  Have they been picked on themselves?  Do theyknow, or believe they’re a bully? 

Hey @kion700 

first person present tense... Okay so this means it’s from the character’s point of view, “I”  and it’s happening as we read it... “I am typing”  So an example of clumsiness  might go something like this. 

‘I make may way down the corridor, I know there is a door here somewhere but it’s so dark. There are strange noises behind me and a light is flickering. I start to jog, knowing that I would rather be anywhere else right now. The door is upon me before I know it and my whole body slams against it. Everything hurts, especially  my hip where I can feel bruises blossoming from the door handle.’ 

or

‘As I brush my hands manically over the keyboard with great speed and minor accuracy, I fling my fist to the backspace key. Completely misjudging the distance, my coffee spills it’s sticky brown liquid all over my desk.’

 Hope this is helpful. When do clumsy things, like smash a plate when getting out of the dishwasher, I tend to get really frustrated with myself.  Every clumsy person is different though. I have a friend who is so clumsy, she is often hurting herself, and she just laughs it off.  

Gosh I thought you’d never ask!

#131 Clumsy Superheroes

Are you constantly dropping vials of highly deadly viruses in highly public places? Are you -at any given point- approximately twenty seconds away from accidentally revealing your secret identity? Do you find yourself falling on your face more often than the average person? Then congratulations you might be a clumsy superhero! (And a burden on society!) 

Clumsy superheroes are an interesting phenomenon because, logically, they shouldn’t even be a thing. If you’re especially prone to dropping things you have no business attempting to save babies from burning buildings. At the same time though, if you can shoot spikes from your mouth or have radioactive knuckles, while also being extremely klutzy you probably shouldn’t be unsupervised. So you need to get yourself onto a superhero team. (For advice on how to do that, because the odds are good that you’re not going to be admitted on your own merits, see here.)

Clumsy superheroes can do a lot more good as part of a team than they can operating as a solo hero. If you’re part of a team that means you can be utilized effectively in situations that play to your strengths. While if you were acting on your own, you’d have to deal with every crime and crisis on your own. And there are plenty of situations where a superpowered clumsy person is actually exactly what you need. Do you know how many times superheroes are faced with some sort of doomsday device or cursed board game that they need to destroy? All the gosh dang time. Sometimes these things are very difficult to break. Especially since there’s a gloating, tied up, supervillain cackling and gloating about it being impossible to break the whole time. Luckily, clumsy people can figure out how to break anything. Priceless heirlooms, expensive dishes, even a dirty bomb that’s the size of a small town. 

I’d also recommend bringing along a clumsy superhero if you’re going to explore an old castle, or a new castle that’s been built in the style of old castles. Clumsy superheroes are often prone to tripping and catching themselves on nearby walls, meaning they’re 80% more likely to accidentally discover a secret passageway then the average, poised and composed, superhero. This makes them an invaluable asset when raiding supervillain lairs or searching for hidden treasure. 

Clumsy superheroes can also be useful, in fact I’d even go as far as to say intrinsic, to stealth missions. No, we’re not tripping, no you’re eyes are not deceiving you. It’s true. Klutzes are great to have on stealth missions. As we all know, 80% of what makes for a successful stealth mission is misdirection and if you’ve got a stumblebum in your squad that’s basically assured. Just make sure you split up from them once you infiltrate the lair. I guarantee you that the last thing a mad scientist wants to hear is a bunch of glass shattering followed by a “whoops, my bad.” They’re definitely going to check that out. Leaving you free and clear to then make off with the plans for the “Thunder Clap Cannon Kazoo” or the “Hyper-Velocity Merry Go Round of Death Despair.” (Just make sure there are no teleporter scramblers in the lair, otherwise your resident butterfingers is going to get captured and/or killed.)

So while clumsy superheroes can be an asset for superhero teams, if you’re a team leader looking to recruit one there are some precautions that you’ll need to take. For example, you’re going to need to widen all of the doorways in your headquarters by a substantial amount. Hopefully if all your doorways are wide enough you’ll be able to cut down on the amount of times these chumps are stubbing their toes and thus, unable to partake in missions. (Some of them will still manage of course. Eventually you’re just going to be better off replacing their feet with cybernetic implants that can’t feel pain.) You’re also going to need to get them a life-proof case for their communicators. Yes, I know that your communicators are already designed to work in the middle of volcanoes, under water, and in the vacuum of space, but I am telling you now, that is not going to be enough. They’re still going to find a way to short it out by spilling milk on it one too many times. (Even the greatest and most durable technological marvels can survive having milk spilled on them only so many times.) You’re going to essentially need to baby-proof any common areas. Replace all your tables with round ones to minimize corner-related injuries. Maybe put a child-proof lock on any rooms containing dangerous items or substances. (The lab, the evidence locker, that one room that’s just filled with monster skulls, the armory, etc.)

Clumsy superheroes also need specially designed costumes to combat their accident-prone nature. Clumsy hero costumes should be heavily padded and armored to mitigate the risk of a hero injuring themselves during a fall. At the same time though they should’t be too heavily armored because that’s just going to cause them to fall over more. There’s definitely a learning curve here but eventually you’ll find that sweet spot between too much and not enough armor. A clumsy superhero’s armor should also contain things like: 

Inflatable airbags (or a full-size deployable mattress). 

A retractable sneeze guard.

Extra robotic appendages to limit the amount of stuff these people actually need to hold in their own two, untrustworthy hands.

Vacuums and a container in order to suck up any hazardous gasses or liquids that they accidentally release.

Some kind of glue-gun to perform hasty repairs.

A microphone system in their helmet that automatically mutes any utterance of anybody’s secret identity. (For times when you really want to dramatically reveal your secret identity, you’ll just have to take off the helmet.) (Also, ideally, the helmet’s sound system should automatically block out any instances of other people making fun of their clumsiness. For morale.)

A proximity alert system to prevent them from accidental bumping into people or straight up hitting random bystanders in the middle of a fight.

Heavy boots with good grip and traction.

Lots of pouches with zippers. Zippered pockets and pouches make it a lot harder for these guys to lose things. These can also act as an early warning sign. Anytime you see a hero with lots of pouches on their costume just know that these people are actually bumbling buffoons. 

No sharp edges!

Definitely no capes! I know we’ve mentioned it before but now more than ever we need to stress that under no circumstances should these particular superheroes be wearing capes. That’s just asking for trouble. They trip over their two feet! I once saw someone claim that they tripped and fell because the air was too thick. Can you imagine the catastrophes that would unfold if these people were wearing large garments that swooshed about freely! People could die!

I do take asks! Asks are my favorite!

#085 Super Senses

As I’m sure you know (and if not here’s some kindergarten level education for free) most humans have five sense. Taste, sight, smell, touch, hearing (I feel like their should be a one syllable word for hearing, it really throws everything off.) There are various robots, aliens, mutants, fifth-dimensional imps, and fifth dimensional-alien-mutant-robotic imps that have a couple more senses like bar-code-scanning and humidity testing but for now lets just focus on the main five.

TasteFolks with super-taste can generally live pretty cushy lives. While they might not be able to make it as a superhero on super-taste alone they can make it as a super-restaurant critic. That’s a job where you get to eat at fancy restaurants for free and (as if that weren’t enough) you get paid to insult them. As a super-taster you will wield full and complete power over the restaurant industry in your area. You won’t even have to worry about competition from other critics. Your superhumanly enhanced food opinions will be taken way more seriously than anybody else’s. If you want nothing but pizza and donut fusion shops in your neighborhood you can make it so! However, super-taste is not without it’s drawbacks. You’ll experience every bad taste just as strongly as you’d experience any good taste and let me tell you, there’s a lot of gross stuff out there and some of it sometimes find its way into your mouth. That’s going to suck for a super-taster. Also, I’m pretty sure if a super-taster gets poisoned they get super-poisoned (whatever that means to you).

SightSuper-vision is a very handy power to use. You’ll never need to shell out loads of money for telescopes or microscopes or binoculars or reading glasses ever again! Impress all your optometrist-ocquaintances by always absolutely nailing the eye-chart examinations! Paint more vibrantly than ever before due to your enhanced ability to perceive color! Additionally people with super-sight can be a huge help in search and rescue operations and act as a sort of early-warning system in the event of an oncoming alien invasion or non-sentient-space-junk-such-as-meteors-and/or-asteroids invasion. The only problems that come with super-sight only arise if you’re not especially well-trained in using these abilities. When rookie-super-seers first get their powers they often have trouble controlling them and deciding when they need to telescope or microscope or otherwise enhance their vision leading to migraines, eye-strain and seeing things you never wanted to see and now can never unsee unless you hit up Professor Brain-Scrambler’s Memory Wiping Kiosk in the mall, but that guy is an accredited supervillain so I suggest not availing yourself of his services.

SmellA hero with enhanced olfactory systems or a “super-snooper” as it sometimes colloquially known, can be a huge asset in any crime-fighting team. They can act as a human bloodhound, sniffing out drugs, corpses, expired milk, anything. A hero with super-smell is the ultimate tracker and can even act as a taste-tester without the risk of death that that job usually entails. That’s right, we’re talking risk-free employment with kings that’s a pro if I ever heard one. Heroes with super-smell can sniff out poisons and gasses that are widely believed to be scentless. They can smell something and identify the object, food, or perfume’s component scents and even sometimes determine where each component originated from in the world. The major downside to super-smell is that it’s not really a power you can turn on and off at will. Just like tastes, there are a lot of terrible smells in the world, especially when you’re knee-deep in the dirty, crime-ridden world of being a superhero. Plus you’re going to be uncomfortably aware of every time somebody near you farts. 

TouchPeople with super-touch can usually determine what an object is made out of just by touching it. This is certainly a cool party trick but it doesn’t have a lot of uses in the superheroic world. It definitely has some uses, but like, if you’re going to be a full-time superhero and that’s your entire shtick, you’re going to spend a lot of the time being bored or sitting in your team’s base. It might be better to just market yourself as some sort of super-touch consultant for when the more “super strength and laser-eyed” heroes need to figure out what some bomb or abomination of science or sandwich is made out of. Or you can start some sort of live-therapy talkshow called “Super-Touching” and help people get to the heart of their emotional issues. Your powers won’t grant you a deeper insight into these kinds of things, but they will give you a great name for your show. The major downside to this power is that you’re going to feel everything a lot. Your nerves will be hyper-stimulated and hyper-sensitive. You’ll probably need to invest in silk everything, clothing, sheets, toilet paper. Everything else might feel like sandpaper. 

HearingGosh it’s like BiteLock from Droidsaurs (a super cool team of crime-fighting robotic dinosaurs that are constantly showing up at super-battles and making Professor Paleontologist look like a fool). All of them have monosyllabic names and then this guy shows up with a polysyllabic name. Like slow your roll dude. You don’t need that many syllables. Anyway, super-hearing is really the cream of the crop here, so I guess maybe that’s why it gets that extra syllable (seeing, tasting, touching, and smelling are all words). With super-hearing (and super-training) you’ll always know what’s going on around you. You’ll be able to pick up on every movement, every word, even every breath in a considerably large radius, which, as with the other super-senses, can be very overwhelming without proper training and practice on filtering. Once you’ve got that noise mastered though, you’ll be unstoppable. You can be a ninja, a rodeo clown, a bat, the possibilities are endless. Plus you’ll always know when someone is talking smack about you. This way you can go and fight them. And you’ll always know when someone is saying nice things about you. Except you’ll never know if they’re only saying nice things about because they know you can hear them or if they actually think highly about you. I guess that, in essence, is the true downside to super-hearing. Never knowing if people are being real with you. 

Any and all of these powers can be highly useful to a superhero as long as you’re willing to put the work in to master them. Sensory-overload can be debilitating the untrained super-sensor so it’s best to find someone who is more experienced than you at dealing with these things to help guide you through this process. Until you can do that I recommend finding one thing in your immediate vicinity to focus on. Use that object or person or place as an anchor of sorts before you start using your powers. This way if things get overwhelming, and they very quickly can, you can refocus yourself on your anchor and begin to shut everything else out.