#kimken

Soooooo. I there's only one fic that I've actually written up that won't ever see the light of day and that's the 4k or so of the initial ideas and concepts for the KimBig - Kim ended up coming across as more distrustful of Big than he is (because it's Big POV we dont get to see inside his head), and it ended up coming across as a little too "Vegas". While he's rude to Big in canon he isnt actually hugely distrustful; he's banking on Big serving Kinn over Korn to get information on Porsche and the potential mole(s).

I love the energy but it felt very 2-dimensional and I couldn't wrangle the context it to make it work. Plus I absolutely love the emotional vulnerability I've created in the KimBig 2.0 from Kim's perspective - it feels a lot more realistic. I realised if I wanted to use the first dynamic I'd definitely have to make it happen with someone Kim didn't trust at all (cue Ken).

So in short: The rework where it's KimKen - Kim suspects that Ken is the mole and goes all knife-to-throat femme fatale while accusing Ken of sleeping with Vegas. Which he is btw. But that's beside the point lol.

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Considering the rest of the content of my blog you absolutely could not guess this but yeah! Chan...........? the last few weeks I've suddenly been gripped with a bunch of swirling thoughts about his relationships with the three main family boys, with Big who also grew up in the household and how he's not allowed to pick a favourite bodyguard (big) or a favourite sibling (kim). Plus all the nuances of his loyalty to Korn and interactions with the minor household as well.

Chan + Vegas' dynamic particularly fascinates me! Vegas often uses english as a show of status: to include his family and exclude lower ranking bodyguards who are primarily thai speakers (eg. speaking english with macau at the dinner table, speaking english to Porsche and using weird idioms to throw him off balance). In ep 14 he pointedly says 'know your place!' in english to Chan. To any other bodyguard it would be another layer of pulling rank but Chan is acting on Korn's behalf and completely fluent in english so the effect is competely different, as is his response. There's a kind of implied superiority that Chan is immune to, both because of his proximity to Korn, AND because of his fluency in english. IDK if I've explained that well at ALL but there's something super interesting there ✨ Point being: Chan's english fluency vs Vegas' pointed use of english my beloved.

Also I joke about him and Gun giving "divorced" energy, but I feel like ChanGun has the exact same energy I love from KenBig but with even more hatefucking and complex ranks and loyalties. I am entering my Dilf4Dilf divorce era it seems. Rotating them in my mind as we speak.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

I'm currently reworking the first chapter of my KimChay which starts with Tankhun and Chay bonding hours! Chay's trying to get Tankhun to let him learn self defence and Tankhun is deflecting.

“What-?” Chay says, momentarily distracted. Khun pounces. “Yes! Robots, I helped him build them, you know! It was like a video game! No need to learn fighting when you can shoot with the computer or make explosions from the safety of your safe room! They were so helpful when- Owh. I don't want to talk about it actually.” “When what?” “I’m bored of this topic now, it’s not interesting to me anymore.” “P’Khuuun,” Chay whines, hopping up onto the dresser and trying more and more ridiculous angles to lean himself into Tankhun’s eyeline as he dips and dodges around Chay’s encroaching face. Chay eventually gives up and grabs hold of his wrist, the way he does with Porsche, the way he did with-  Khun startles and tenses, wide eyed, milliseconds from snatching it away.  “Sorry-” Chay starts, removing his hands, but Tankhun’s arm stays frozen in mid air for a moment before he comes back to himself. Chay watches in the mirror as Khun settles his expression, when he’s satisfied he turns to look up at Chay. Level. His smile is soft but his eyes are blank. Chay’s seen that mask before. “It's fine,” Tankhun says quickly, it sounds clipped and strange. His smile is bright as a camera flash and gone just as quickly. “Could you- in my closet-” He frowns, “You should swap the jackets. You forgot one. I picked it out for you and you forgot it and now your outfit is all wrong. Go and fix it-” he clicks his fingers “Pol. Help him fix it now.” Pol nods, smiling at Chay and walking them back through the wardrobe doors. He beats Chay to the jacket and crouches to pick it up from where it was slumped on the floor. Chay reaches out to take it, suddenly desperate to leave and go back to Tankhun, to fix things, to apologise and tell him he was right and that the jackets do look better the other way around. Pol doesn’t let go. “Hold on, he needs a moment sometimes,”

It all ends up ok in the end! Tankhun is fine really!

In my mind Chay has very much latched on to Tankhun as a stabilising presence (which Tankhun has revelled in because very few people trust him that way). Tankhun is able to support Chay because he just inherently understands a lot of what Chay's going through, but because Khun is so overwhelmingly supportive, sometimes Chay forgets that the root of the understanding is that Tankhun is still traumatised too.

BUT it is fine. And crucially after he calms down, Khun doesn't let Chay shrink and go all apologetic and pliant the way he does when Porsche feels bad. Chay is allowed to feel bad for hurting Tankhun without that requiring him giving up all his autonomy and reasonable requests. I think that's a pretty important thing for Chay to learn - and that theme of autonomy becomes important in his conversations with Kim later!