Since I’m working on dismantling the patriarchy; what better place to start than in a Machista household. We had Thanksgiving dinner yesterday and wow, was it tense. It was off to a good start, by avoiding questions about my grades, love life, future etc., just the usual Thanksgiving dinner. Until, the men of the family felt the need to open their mouths.
There has always been a system in my family, where the womxn serve the men; we are to be docile, and submissive in their presence. My mother is a single mother who migrated to the US from a secluded village in Mexico. With her, she brought our values, morals, traditions, culture, and of course internalized machismo. As the youngest, inherently I have been granted the least amount of authority, or voice in opinion, due to agism. In addition to being the youngest, I am a womxn. Picture a transparent paper, now imagine that piece of see through paper floating on water. You can’t, it becomes invisible the moment it hits the water. (not promoting littering, keep your local water source contamination free!) Anyways, that’s what it feels like when the family discusses politics, social movements, and other important topics.
Imagine the shock on their faces when the youngest muxer sibling called out the men for their misogynistic remarks. The shock then became into an angry lecture.
Growing up my mother taught us to serve the males in family dinners, before the womxn sit down to eat. Being who I am, I’ve always refused and served myself. This Thanksgiving, I was helping my mother pass our servings of rice, just to be helpful. Then my brother in law made a comment about me finally knowing my place as a womxn. In previous years, I have dismissed machista comments from the men in my family, due to agisim. It’s still considered disrespectful to talk back to somebody older. This year, I made sure to let him know I was no longer going to be docile.
For anybody who benefits from male privilege reading this; Womxn are not made for you. We are in no way shape or form, an item that you can label as private property. Speaking from 19 years of experience, Latinx men need to acknowledge Machismo in our communities and do their part in dismantling the patriarchy. To the Latinx womxn, as well. I know, we are taught to internalize these ideals, in order to keep from being shamed by our community as being ‘less’ of a womxn.
Machismo has also been most prevalent in families that have migrated from a Latinx country to the United States. Why? Racialization, Racism, and Power Dynamics. When a Latinx man migrates to a country that makes sure to make them feel inferior in society; They try to reinforce their authority in the household and amplify their ‘masculinity’ in aggressive habits. I understand that it’s not as easy to challenge machista ideals in your own household. Heck, it’s taken me nineteen years to even point out a sexist comment from a family member. I can acknowledge that it can be a very dangerous task for some as well. It’s not fair. That your own life can be at risk if you decide to use your voice to speak up. This is where allyship comes into play. Allies out there, must support, provide buffers, acknowledge, and help stand up to these kind of injustice.
