my medical trauma angst phm fic is now up on ao3!!
Summary:
The first time he feels the terror, he doesn't understand why. As he barely hangs onto consciousness, the soft silicon presses against his face, enveloping his nose and mouth. The spark of terror catches fire in his chest and quickly spreads across his body. It ignites a screaming inferno within his skull. He forces his eyes open. Everything is red. There's shapes above him. Pure oxygen fills his airways, stale and clinical and familiar and wrong.
Grace's memories of his unwilling medical sedation and forced sacrifice return, vivid and violent. Later, on the journey back to save Rocky, he has night terrors. The thin lines between consciousness, unconsciousness, memory, and nightmare blur.
ao3 tags below the cut:
Fandom:Project Hail Mary (2026), Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir Relationships: Ryland Grace & Rocky
Additional Tags: Angst, Nightmares, Medical Trauma, Autonomy Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, some Hurt No Comfort, Canon - Book & Movie Combination, Movie canon mainly with some book details, Ryland Grace Has a Bad Time, Ryland Grace is a Leaky Space Blob, Ryland Grace Is Not Graceful, Ryland Grace Whump, canon typical medical and autonomy trauma but the focusing on it is what makes it worse, Sedation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Panic Attacks, Mentioned Eva Stratt, Mentioned Carl (Project Hail Mary 2026), Mentioned Yรกo Li-Jie (Project Hail Mary), Mentioned Olesya Ilyukhina, Worried Rocky (Project Hail Mary), Memories
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
โ Live Streamingโ Interactive Chatโ Private Showsโ HD Qualityโ Free Actions
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
My boyfriend is wiping the kitchen counter obsessively.
I mean he cleans and all that, sure, but Iโve never seen him this maniacal about cleaning before.
The rag moves in tight circles over the marble, over and over, the lemon cleaner sharp in the air. Afternoon light spills through the kitchen window, catching in the thin streaks of water he keeps making and immediately wiping away again like the counter personally offended him.
I glance at the clock.
Three in the afternoon.
Not normally the time people decide the kitchen needs to be exorcised. Nick still hasnโt noticed me leaning against the doorway. Or maybe he has and he's just pretending he hasn't.
His shoulders are tense, hair slightly messy, like heโs been running his hands through it every few minutes. The rag keeps moving in fast little circles like heโs trying to polish the counter into glass.
โNick,โ I say.
โYeah?โ he answers instantly. He doesnโt look up. The rag keeps moving.
Circle. Circle. Circle.
I watch him for another few seconds.
โDid the counterโฆ do something to you?โ
That makes him pause.
Just for a second.
Then the rag resumes its frantic scrubbing.
โNo.โ Thatโs suspicious. I push myself off the doorway and wander further into the kitchen, the cool tile pressing against my bare feet. The smell of cleaner follows him like a cloud.
โNick.โ
โYeah?โ
โYouโve cleaned the same spot for like five minutes.โ
โIโm being thorough.โ
โUh-huh.โ
I lean against the island, watching him like a scientist observing a strange animal in the wild.
He wipes. And wipes. And wipes.
โโฆWhat did you do?โ The rag stops. Nick freezes.
Slowlyโvery slowlyโhe looks up at me. His eyes do that thing they always do when heโs guilty. Wide. Blinking too fast.
โI didnโt do anything.โ
โNick.โ
โI didnโt.โ
I narrow my eyes. Then I glance down the hallway toward our room. Toward my little office nook.
Toward the desk that, earlier today, definitely had my sketchbook sitting on top of it.
A thought clicks into place. My head slowly turns back to him.
โโฆNick.โ
โWhat?โ
โWhereโs my sketchbook.โ
The silence is immediate. Heavy. Nick looks at the counter. Then the rag. Then the ceiling.
Anywhere but me.
โOh my God,โ I whisper.
Nick winces.
โWhat did you do to my sketchbook?โ
โI didnโt do anything,โ he says quickly.
Pause.
โโฆBad.โ
I cross my arms.
โNick.โ
Another pause.
โโฆI spilled coffee on it.โ
My jaw drops.
โYou WHAT?โ
โIt was an accident!โ he blurts. โI brought you coffee! Like a good boyfriend! And then I tripped on the stupid chair leg andโโ He gestures wildly. โโgravity happened.โ
I stare at him. He stares back. Small. Guilty.
โโฆSo youโve been cleaning the kitchen,โ I say slowly, โbecause you destroyed my sketchbook?โ
Nick rubs the back of his neck. โI thought if I cleaned enough you mightโฆ not notice.โ
I blink.
โโฆNick.โ
โYeah?โ
โYou reorganized my entire office.โ
โโฆI panicked.โ
I try to stay mad. I really do. But the image of him frantically cleaning the house like a raccoon covering up a crime makes my mouth twitch.
โIs it ruined?โ I ask.
Nick immediately brightens a little.
โNo! I dried it! I even put paper towels between the pages! I googled it!โ
โYou googled it?โ
โFor like forty minutes.โ
I sigh, already turning toward the hallway.
โShow me.โ
Nick follows behind me like a very nervous golden retriever.
As we walked, our shoes squeaked at the friction of the now shining floors. The hallway carried the sound farther than usual, like the house itself wasnโt used to being this quiet, this polished. Afternoon light slipped through the windows and spread across the tiles, catching in the thin shine Nick had scrubbed into them.
The walls felt lighter somehow.
Cleaner.
I glanced around as we passed through the living room, every surface looking strangely unfamiliar in its neatness, and I had the quiet, certain thought that our house would probably never look like this again.
Not really.
This kind of thing only happened once in a blue moon.
Still, what ever Nick has in store for me, it would be fine.
A/N: I really hope you guys liked this one, I've been putting off this idea for so long so I can write it on my pace. I'm starting to get my writing flame back, and interacting with people on this platform.
It was summer of 2019, the โsummer of funโ as Y/nโs parents called it. Y/n had been sent to the other side of the island called โFigure 8โ or something. It was for the summer while her parents went on a summer โtripโ to Milan when really they just wanted away from her and didnโt trust her with their big house. So they sent her to her grandparents. She didnโt think sheโs fall in love there. Why should she when its just for the summer?
โRafe you didnโt have to-โ She gasped and covered her mouth as he pulled out a bouquet of flowers from behind his back.ย
โThe best flowers for my best girl,โ he smiled as he kissed the brunetteโs cheek.ย
โNow sit,โ he commanded as they finished laying out the picnic blanket.
ย โi donโt want summer to end, Rafe. I want to stay here with you,โ the small girl admitted.ย
With one and a half months left, summer was halfway over and she didnโt want it to end. Going back to the academy on the mainland wasnโt something the girl wanted.ย
โYouโre going to be okay, Y/n,โ Rafe reassured her as he laid his arm around her shoulder.ย
โI love you,โ she cringed at her words, neither had said the three magical words yet.ย
โI love you more, pretty girl.โ She smiled at his words.ย
If only summer stayed like that for good.
โWhat are you talking about?! I canโt go back to the mainland yet summer isnโt over!โ Y/n yelled through the phone at her mom.
ย Their Milan trip had been cut short as they had finished their exploration after two months.ย
โHoney our trip was cut short,โ her mother explained.
ย โItโs only the middle of August,โ the small girl sighed.ย
โIโll make you a deal sweetie, you tell me who this mystery man youโre head over heels in love with and you can stay for two more weeks.โ Y/n laughed at her motherโs proposal.ย
โHis name is Rafe and he makes me happy mom,โ She smiled and blushed at the thought of him.ย The way he smelled. The way he smiled whenever he saw something he liked. That little twinkle in his eye. Itโd been two months and she was head over heels in love with him. And all she knew was his first name.
โWhat do you mean youโre going back?! Thereโs two weeks of summer left Y/n!โ Rafeโs voice boomed off the walls of Y/nโs grandparentโs house, as they were gone for the day. They practically were as rich as the Cameronโs, if not more.ย
โI have to, Rafe,โ she admitted as tears drove their way down her now tan skin.
โWhy? Youโre almost 18, canโt you stay? You can live with me and we can find a house on figure 8. We can be happy,โ he spoke.
โI havenโt even finished my studies Rafe,โ she argued. The short girl had one year of studies left before she could be free.
โSo this is it, youโre leaving,โ he glared. He was just as heartbroken as the brunette girl, if not more.ย
โI told you Iโm coming back Rafe! Iโm coming back after I finish my studies,โ she cried out.ย
โNo, youโre leaving me. But Iโโm leaving you before you get the chance to break my heart,โ and with that he walked out the door of the house. Leaving not one, but two broken hearts in his path.ย
โCome on Y/n! Weโre gonna be late for midsummers!โ Y/nโs best friend, Sarah yelled up the staircase. The brunette had been best friends with Sarah since she moved to the Kook Academy from her mainland school almost 8 months ago. Sarahโs dad knew Y/nโs dad because of real estate and Mr. Cameron had sold the L/nโs one of the neighboring houses for them to move in on the Figure 8. Y/n knew Sarah had one sibling, a sister named Wheezie, but that was it.
โIโm coming! Do you know how hard it was to get these stupid heels on,โ she complained as she walked down the stairs, the cerulean floor-length dress sliding with each step.ย
โMy my, arenโt you a pretty sight,โ Sarah winked.
โOh hush you angel, you look amazing,โ Y/n laughed.
โShall we?โ the blonde held out an arm as the brunette accepted it, linking their arms together.ย
โWe shall.โ
โWould you two ladies like to dance?โ A tuxedo-clad JJ Maybank held out a hand.
โJJ? What are you doing here, I know you arenโt working midsummers,โ Y/n asked as he danced with them, discretely passing a paper to Sarah.
โIโm on a mission and my mission was to get a secret note to kook princess number one and a kiss to kook princess number two,โ he winked before placing a small kiss on the brunetteโs cheek, a rose shaded blush encasing her cheeks.
โWell arenโt you the sweetest,โ she laughed before two guys came up to the trio. She recognized one as Kelce, the other she didnโt really recognize.
โWhatโs this dirty pogue doing here Sarah?โ The guy standing by Kelce demanded, JJ quietly slipping away as the the guy stared at Sarah, awaiting an explanation.
โWait-โ Y/n overlooked the blue tuxedo clad boy,ย โRafe?!โ
He looked over at her words, a look of remembrance crossing his face.
โY/n?โ He asked, the small girl nodding at his voice as he moved the two feet distance to encase her in his arms, swinging the two around, her contagious laugh filling the air.ย
โWhen did you get back?โ he asked before Kelce cleared his throat, the couple forgetting there was an audience,ย โUh I mean, nice to see your pretty ass again,โ he winked as Y/nโs smile fell. This wasnโt the Rafe she knew.ย
โI uh moved back when school started,โ she admitted, brushing a stray hair out of her face.ย
โWell thatโs pretty cool, maybe Iโll see you around,โ he smirked as Kelce clapped him on the shoulder before the two walked away.
โI hate him! I hate him I hate him I hate him!โ She exclaimed as Sarah laid a hand on her arm, calming the girl.ย
โIโm sorry my brother is such a dick, heโs been like that since his summer fling left last summer,โ she admitted.
โBrother?!โ Y/n exclaimed. Sarah never said she had a brother and Rafe never said he had sisters.
โYeah..โ she trailed off.
โHey Sarah?โ She looked up.
โYeah?โ
โIโm that summer fling.โ
Tagging some of my mutuals: @calumbroutledge @ssjiara @everydayimfangirling @thelocalpogue @decap-quadrant @maaybanks
Nicks looks so free right now. He leans his head out the car windowโhis hair being blown by the windโhis smile emitting light. Okay, that might just be me.
We're heading to the beachโour beachโwhere there's no sand, it's all rocks. No one comes there. Just me and Nick. Me and Nick, I like the sound of that.
We found it one time, when I was so upset I just had to get away, away from this stupid town, stupid schoolโstupid house.
Nick suggested this beach on the other side of town. It was... Secluded? Back then, Nick and I only knew about each other. Didn't really spoke before then. But he offered kindness.
I'd adore him for forever because of that.
We were neighbors tho, our houses opposite each other's, I'd always see him, walking out with his 2 brothersโclones? Maybe.
They'd always seem pick on each other and have fun, and their mom would drive them to school. It's chaotic, it's home. I don't have that.
Our moms were pretty good friends tho, they'd make us hang out, but I was closer to Nick than his brothers honestly. That doesn't mean I'm not friends with them tho.
Nick has always been the outgoing one, he'd have a ton of friends clinging to him. If he makes a joke everyone laughs. I'm with him, of course. But I'm in orbitโnot with the group. I always think people only invites me because I'm "Nick's friend" and nothing more.
"Miles."
I shot back.
"Hey, turn up the music" Nick screams. Apparently he has been trying to get my attention for the past minute.
"Yeah" I reply as I reach for the knob of the radio. "Loud enough, monsieur?" I shoot him a look from the rearview mirror. He laughs. That amazingโspring-like laugh.
I tilt the rearview mirror to catch him better.
I mean, it's an amazing view. He's pants sitting right at his waist. A brown leather belt with a gold buckle holding it up. AndโI'm not weirdโhe's not wearing any shirt on.
"Don't stare, creep. You'll have to have a subscription for that" he coos, mock-covering his torso. I didn't even clock that I was staring.
Guess I was.
Lovefool by the cardigans started playing, Nick's eyes got 13 times widerโif that's even possibleโand started singing obnoxiously.
He continues to sing loudly until we finally arrived, the sun about to set. I park the car, close to a tree.
'We arrived at the perfect time' he claims as he opens the car door, his voice sounding like raindrops.
'The sun is about to set, what do you mean " perfect time"?'
"It. Is." He commands, leaning in a little and clapping his hand on every word.
Nick leans back a little, taking off his pants. It was brown denim, it was so beautiful. His belt, sitting at a rockโshining. He turned his head to me.
"Hey, don't peak" he claims. "I'm not, weirdo" I reply.
Nick laughs at this, his voice echoing like rain. "Can you hold this for me?" He says holding up his jeans. I take it. The denim feels rough on my skin. But it's real. It's alive. It's... Him.
I laugh at this. And I looked at him. The sun outlined his torso, his skin all orange because of the sun. The pink sky. His eyesโI swear they looked like heavenโand if it were... I was ready to do good deeds to be on it.
He has always looked this good. In his bedroom, while I'm learning to play guitar. Our drives. Our screaming festโlistening to all his favorite songs.
I know that I love him.
I have a feeling he might loves me back.
But I can't, I couldn't, I shouldn't.
"Bennett" Nick roars, he's in the water now. Watching me, still holding his jeans. "Come, quickly" he shouts again.
Bennett... He's the only one to call me that, well except for my parents of course. He always yell "Miles Bennett" like it's his. Not mine. But... I'd let him have it.
I strip off my shirt and toss it somewhere, my pants coming with it. As I ran, Nick is already deep enough. His head is peaking out and bobbing with the waves.
When my skin made contact with the water, it sent shivers all over my bodyโbut I continue anyways.
Seeing Nickโhis curls plastered to his forehead, droplets of water catching gleamers of the dying sunlight, his eyesโheaven likeโlooks at me like I'm the only one worth seeing.
"Finally" Nick complains, rolling his eyes a bit. But he's smirking so I know he's being himself again.
"Patience isn't really your thing huh?" I shoot back, trying to keep it light. But my heart says otherwise.
He grins at my reply, head tilting sideways a little bit. Grin on, his eyes gleaming. "Not when it comes to you"
And just like that. The world around us blurs.
It's us, and the shore, the rocks, the waves. But I don't really look at them, all I mind is this boy standing inches away from me.
He's smiling, like he knows something I don't.
The waves nudge us together, the water carrying us closer until I can feel his warmth even through the cold sea.
I don't know if it's the salt stinging my lips but I swear his laughs linger in my chest like it belongs thereโthat somehow, I wanted to stay in this moment forever.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
โ Live Streamingโ Interactive Chatโ Private Showsโ HD Qualityโ Free Actions
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
Please, friend, could you spare us some sedated fic chapter 2 excerpt (or vibe)? ๐ฅบ We hunger for that deliciously angsty food
oh friend you know not what you ask for lol
I was debating what excerpt to share of the draft but since you asked for angst I shall deliver a more angsty excerpt. Within chapter 2 of sedated, I've been exploring Grace's memories of his experiences immediately after waking up from the coma. Since I'm operating off of the movie canon, I get to have a lot of freedom with the missing spaces of scenes. Frankly, sometimes I felt like I was going too far with the medical trauma/whump I was writing. Suffice to say, I'm going to have to put some hefty warnings in the chapter's author's note.
This excerpt from the draft is on the lighter end of the angst spectrum of the whole scene, set a little while post-reuniting with Rocky, on the way to Erid (cw: mentions of self harm):
The next time Grace goes to bed, he lays awake for a long time. Rocky's presence above his head helps, but his mind still wanders back to the cameras. How many of his worst moments were caught and sent back to Earth? Why the heck didn't he scrub through the footage?
If he wants, he could find out. He could just go over to the monitor and look at the folders of video files right now. Or maybe wait until Rocky's next sleep to do it privately. It's fuzzy when he thinks back on it. The situation he'd awoken to had been so overwhelming, especially to a mind as scrambled as his was. He'd hurt himself, he thinks. After the reality of how far away and alone he was finally set in, he'd felt like he was drowning.ย
He'd done the math on how long it'd take to get home, and he'd remembered the Petrova line. He didn't know why or how he was so far away, he only knew that he'd been a teacher, the sun was dying and that he was alone. He'd screamed and panicked and cried, pressing the heels of his hands into his skull as hard as he could until he'd gone numb.
what can i say, my medical horror meta got to me yk ๐คท
The fic is basically an exploration of ways that Grace's medical and autonomy trauma present emotionally, both before and after remembering how he was forced on the mission. Certain medical equipment/procedures/etc. have become triggers, and later he has nightmares (that he can't be sure are based on real memories or not ๐ฌ). It's more movie canon than book canon because the movie doesn't get to spend much time on medical horror or Grace's emotional state post-remembering, and I wanna play around in that zone (and put Grace through the horrors ๐)
Here's a little snippet:
The first time he feels it, he doesn't know why. As he barely hangs onto consciousness, the soft silicon presses against his face, enveloping his nose and mouth. A spark of terror catches fire in his chest and quickly spreads across his body. A screaming inferno ignites within his skull. He force his eyes open. Everything is red. There's shapes above him. Pure oxygen fills his nose and mouth, stale and clinical and familiar and wrong.