They say vulnerability begets vulnerability (or at least my sHero Brene Brown does). So here is my vulnerability today. This past week I have been wrestling with fear a lot. I hate fear and have done my best to allow no opportunities for it to have root in my life. My life motto began a little over 5 years ago to Kick Fear in the Face in an effort to not make fear based decisions.
In this season the biggest fear I’m wrestling with isn’t that I will get the virus, my biggest fear is that I won’t survive quarantine/social distancing with all of my emotional/mental capacity in tact. I’m afraid something is going to break within me that I won’t be able to recover from. I’m afraid this is the thing that will break me beyond the ability to repair. I don’t know if that is a realistic fear, yet it’s there and because its there I have to deal with it. Yay Responsibility strength smh.
So I do what I do with every fear. I look it in the face and ask the questions that I am uncertain of what the answers may be:
What if I do break?
What’s the worst that could happen?
What if I don’t break?
What’s the best that could happen?
I was reminded of two things this week. It has been 6 weeks since I started working from home. This is 4 weeks longer than I planned and didn’t think I could do those two weeks. I can do hard things and so can you! There is more proof that I can do difficult things than there is proof that I cannot. I often wonder why does it seem like the negative proof is more prevalent. I know that our minds are wired to see negative more readily than positive things and I wish that wasn't the case. Being afraid of the what could be is a familiar feeling for me. This blog would go on for days with the things I didn’t do or things I didn’t lean into because I was afraid of what I didn’t know.
I personally only like mysteries when I eventually get to learn what happened. So just like the best suspenseful movie...I am walking through this season a little afraid but I’m still gonna hit play every day!
I hope that you are finding ways to be brave and courageous even seasoned with a bit of fear. Thanks for diving into the joyful deep end today!
