#kfi

1986.

"Oh, Jimin left him at home." I DIED Y'ALL. SEVERAL TIMES. Also the entire photo section of this post will consist of pictures of my cat Yoongi and the shit he has gotten in the mail recently. Yoongi has a new toy named Jack. Make of that what you will. ANYWAY.

He's gonna burn it down, burn it all down. SO WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS -- I was in Florida and I had a little emergency hospital visit which was unplanned. There was also a Jimin's birthday and a whole ass Busan concert and a Live and a military enlistment announcement which: I can't talk about that. I CAN'T. So don't ask me. And I had an otherwise lovely time and got home to one Very Cranky Oppa, Kevin having been informed of my "Oh Shit Here We Go Again With This Bullshit" thing. Man was mad. Like, hovering mad. All up in my business and stuff. We love Kevin From Itaewon, okay, and we are also being very, very kind to him and to his boyfie X FOREVER. Not just because Park Jimin was in X's apartment but also for that reason. And there was a day recently when Kevin called to grouch at me. There were all the days, really. He's been on his oppa shit for a solid month. But this one day it was midday my time so ASS O'CLOCK in Seoul. Kev was staying at X's because Kevin's place is in Itaewon and Very Awful Things have been going on there. You know I told you Kev and X maintain two residences? Turns out that has been one small blessing in that whole ass nightmare over there. But at Kevin's house you don't often hear the tinkling of a GIGGLING PARK JIMIN IN THE NEXT ROOM. And he was not alone.

When Jimin said my name I thought he said "Hello Jewelry" and I was about to offer him my grandmother's wedding set and my mom's tennis bracelet. But instead I said "Hi Jimin-ssi saranghaeyo" and "Hi Hobi-nim saranghae!" and they were very kind. And then I was asked if my dream came true (X was, in his defense, drunk, did I mention?) and I said, because I am an entire idiot,

"No." "No?!" "Next time bring Jungkook-ssi", says still reasonably formal but definitely insane person holding my phone. (It was me, I'm the insane person). LAUGHTER. UPROARIOUS, UNBRIDLED AMUSEMENT. There was a thump, which Kev said "Oh Jimin fell" and some choking and I swear before God, JIMIN SNORTGIGGLED AT ME and Hobi let out the horsiest, cutest guffaw, like, they may have all been tipsy is all I'm saying. Kevin was appalled, probably. I wasn't paying attention to him. "Oh, Jimin left him at home" said one Jung Hoseok. IN ENGLISH. I mean, I didn't know Hobi was down with past tense and grammar and shit but HE SAID ITJUST LIKE THAT. AND LAUGHED. And then Park Jimin giggled. HE GIGGLED HE SOUNDS LIKE AN ANGEL I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU GUYS OMG

And then Kevin said "say goodbye" and instead I said "daedanhi kamsahamnida" which is "thank you so so so much" but I said that too and Jimin said "very nice to meet your jewelry" and Kevin was like "girl I'mma call you back when you can breathe without crying" and ...that was it. That was all she wrote. It ain't all I'm gonna write but the conversation was over. And about twenty minutes later after I resurrected again I was like WAIT.

WHAT.

Because, like, I don't know what all X has told Hobi and or Jimin about me. But I feel pretty confident that HOBI MADE A JIKOOK REFERENCE and there are two possible explanations: 1. They were just drunk as fuck and messing with a known ARMY; OR

2. That man was not thinking and told the truth. Jimin left Koo at home to go out with Hobi. At HOME. At ostensibly HIS HOME. Where Jungkook may also reside, at least occasionally. One of those things is true. Unless you think I'm yanking your chain. Which: I have no proof I'm not, at least no proof I'm willing to share. What I will share is that Yoongi the cat (or possibly yours truly) has been receiving regular deliveries from Hybe ever since. Nothing major and mostly the stuff is readily available on Weverse. No notes in it or anything, just.... stuff.

Stuff I have not ordered or paid for and there are no packing slips or invoices to tell me who did. It doesn't show up in my Weverse app. It just.... shows up.

I was GONNA get the photobook I swear to God I had intended to order it but it just.... arrived. I pulled Taehyung.

SOPE IS REAL THIS IS MY PHOTO PROOF LOOK AT YOONGI KISSING J-HOPE Mostly it's been Hoseok-related. Kev and X disavow all knowledge. If one of you did it, please do let me know. But I like to think it's no coincidence that Yoongi is now the proud owner of an Arson candle and a Jack In the Box.

I mean. It's cute stuff and I super wanted all of it but let's be real, here. If you'd rather believe this never happened and I just made it up out of my head, I would not even blame you. No dates, no sources, no pics, no receipts, nothing that could not have been ruthlessly fabricated and/or preordered by me and expeditiously shipped. Right? RIGHT.

1978.

I asked my gay-ass Korean oppa about it and Kevin had this to say: "Well some ARMY is like 'I really wanna kidnap Jimin, can I' and Jungkook says 'sure", like, 'give it your best shot' but maybe less threatening and more jokingly." I asked Kev to explain further in Middle American White Girl language and he said "Look, this is sassy gay possibly buzzed black belt Jungkook trying to be cute and funny but also letting you know that in no way is that ever happening. See any airport photo for illustrative purposes."

SO I DID

And well, yes, it does look like we have at minimum TWO black belts, not counting the WHOLE ASS SECURITY TEAM but the point was, was Koo serious, and Kev's answer was "NO. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, Jaya-ah. Are you, like, TEN YEARS OLD?"

I MEAN, MAYBE? It's been a long couple of weeks okay GET OFF ME KEVIN DAMN. So I double down on the crazytown and I go "but insert delusional thought processes here tho" and he goes, and I quote:

"That's precisely the problem, isn't it? These virgins and children and conspiracy wackjobs don't listen to Jungkook all the times he says outright that he loves Jimin. They don't listen to Jimin all the times he says that he loves Jungkook. They pay no attention to the things they're shown. They don't listen to Taehyung when he tells them to step off. They didn't even listen to Jungkook's mother when she addressed Jimin like she would her own son, and said that she loved him. So WHY ON EARTH would you think they were capable of understanding humor?"

So I allowed as how if Jungkook wasn't really really joking then maybe I actually have a shot at the whole I'd Like To Borrow Your Jimin One Time Real Quick thing and Kev sent me this picture

Funny you should ask, @amatann 😉

Bros don’t bridal carry bros, it turns out. "Go find me one serious instance of any other member of BTS just randomly bridal carrying another member around like that," Kevin From Itaewon says. I could not. Especially not after the carrier got a hickey from the, er, bride.

And certainly not while princess-waving and grinning like that.

But bros DO occasionally indulge in a little dongsaeng-hyung style lapsitting. That’s not out of the realm of normal bro skinship.

Especially given that there is no leaning in by Tae and no leaning back by Jungkook. The lack of eye contact, softness or smiles also makes it more “normal skinship” and less “oh this is a thing”. It is nice that their friendship seems to be back on track but that’s all it is, Kevin says. AND HE'S RIGHT. This is the least romantic lapsit I have ever seen and I can't understand why it's being used as A Moment at all. Kev agreed. This is what normal bro skinship looks like.

And then there’s what Kev called the “ass man cometh for Jimin-ssi”. Slaps are normal bro shit and widely done and accepted. The caress-and-squeeze is something else.

I allowed as how Jungkook does love to grab a random ass cheek and Kev goes "yes, but does he just... pet them like that?" and I had to say well, he slaps. he does the squeeze. I dunno if he'd pet them, his other asses don't usually stay put that long and Kev goes "Honey. Jimin is WALKING. Jungkook is just FOLLOWING THE ASS SO HE CAN PLAY WITH IT MORE." I snortgiggled ...but he was not wrong.

With me so far? Oh good because KFI was on his Boyfriend's-Been-Gone-Too-Long faggotry shit today so we had to have a nice long talk about the price of California real estate and HOW GAY THE Jeon-Parks ARE which is, apparently-- SO GAY. Like they could not be gayer unless they had two shared homes, one for vacations, and a marriage license and even then, Kev says, it's only paper they can certainly be just as gay without it. He should know. He's been gay without it for twenty years but he might be just about to be gayer with it, since he and X are talking about partial relocation and super gay beach weddings.

I have spent some time on this and have consulted with my personal Board of Queer Directors: The ubiquitous Kevin From Itaewon, his boyfriend X, my best butch lesbian GMoney, a drag queen who goes by Ralph, and my enbyqueer friend Logan. I am the straightest person in this conversation okay and that... well. We are not here talking about me today. I sent out a whole random shit-ton of pics. I had text conversations and phone calls and even a come-over-here-look-at-this session or two. We looked. And the upshot is... This is not a gay peace sign. This is a "you're taking a picture I am doing a thing" sign. These are peace signs being done by a gay (probably) man in a not-especially coded way.

In this picture we have no peace signs but all the gay. There is no actual coding going on but there is no real question either, unless your question is about whether one Jeon Jungkook is going to choke or swallow (behave yourselves). And also whether any of us are meant to survive the Namtiddies:

Now, this picture has peace signs but they are not queer-coded peace signs, they're just taking a picture peace signs. The only queer coding going on here is, as above, coming from the Jeon-Park household. It was unanimous that jikookery was being actively and explicitly jikooked that day. Although Ralph and Kevin both thought Yoongi might have something to say, and to quote G-Money "I'd date that pretty girl in the silver shirt if she wasn't already halfway gay for that thumbs-up chick"... she likes Texas Red Dirt Country music and 80s hair bands. I don't know what you want me to say.

Now, the next two pics were unanimously agreed upon by my panel of flaming experts. And the agreement was that there is very likely some coding, or telegraphing to use KFI's words, going on:

Ralph will tell you that he is a power bottom's power bottom and he is not wrong, he makes a living on it. And he thought this picture was super interesting. Because I really didn't get it. I mean, I GET IT OKAY I get the body language and the eyefucking and the possessive shit. And after this morning's Bangtan Bomb I get it even harder. But Ralphie said that... "Okay these bitches fucking but just in case we didn't know they were a couple and thought they were just hooking up, Jungkook really wants to make it clear here that they are together." And I'm like "the fuck dude to me it looks like Jimin is all up on his dick with the bedroom eyes" and he goes, "Yeah. Looks like it, right. But where are their hands. Who's staring down the camera. Who's flashing the We're Here We're Queer Get Used To It Hand Signal very deliberately, held out in front of him so you don't miss that his other arm is pulling his boy in close to him?" Ralph had really strong feels about this picture. KFI and the rest of 'em had strong feelings about this one:

We have so much going on here. Finger Guns Jin and Thumbs Up Yoongi and a little of the Namjoon version of the Shoulder Grip on Tae, and none of that apparently means dick to the gay boys and girl and them but my whole board of queerectors all said that this is what a queer coded peace sign photo looks like. SO I'M LIKE WHY EXPLAIN THIS TO ME I NEED TO KNOW. And they said, it's because you can't JUST use a peace sign as code in the absence of anything else. For one thing there is apparently a thing with the thumb and ring finger that is sometimes deliberately used in a coding way. But. There have to be other signals. Taken in combination, we have angled hips together, arms around each other (everyone always wants to know where Kookie's other hand is) and the unabashed camera staredown = HI WE'RE GAY AND TOGETHER PLEASE BE AWARE, apparently. Okay. I mean, I can see it when you put it like that. Kev says this shot is heavily coded and I was like "naahhhh really" and he was like "yes bitch really":

And I said well, it's a professional shoot, we don't know if they were asked to do them or if they dressed themselves, I mean we kinda do, they apparently chose the outfits. But KFI and X both said look, you go to dress two Korean straight men in couple fits they are not gonna be that calm about it. Like, protests would be made. But protesting is not what is going on here. They like their clothes, they like each other, they like looking like a couple BECAUSE GUESS WHAT and just in case they are gonna look sexy/possessive and happy/leaning into each other about it. OKAY OKAY DAMN. No need to assault me over here. They also mentioned the ring finger touching the thumb thing again. So I guess that's part of how one tells if a peace sign *means* something, I guess. And when I start looking at pics, well. Interesting. I don't know what it is about ring fingers. Hmmm. One of them has Jimin's name on it though.

Ooohhh, shoulder grip peace sign with the thumb and ring finger all posed properly, I wonder what it could mean when a gay couple acts gay in front of a camera, could they be trying to tell us something? /sarcasm The upshot of this entire educational journey for me is that peace signs in and of themselves are only helpful if you are also picking up the other stuff that is being put down for you. Like, they're fine, clue us in a lil bit if you can't like kiss or something. But if you're gay and in the closet and you just want people to be absolutely sure and your hand on your man's ass isn't getting it done, well look no further than your trusty peace sign.

I WAS JUST TALKING TO KEVIN ABOUT THIS OMG. Your link (which, allkpop is trash but I'll allow it because there's not much else about this out there):

And here's the text so you ain't even gotta click if you don't wanna.

Oh look boys kissing! No? Identifiable boys close to each other! Definitely gay boys! Still... no?

No seriously I stole that pic straight off of KBIZoom talking about the EXACT SAME SHOW POSSIBILITY - but they had to censor the shots in case anyone thought the models might be ... kinda GAY. I believe we see closer stuff than that on your average Memories DVD:

BUT ANYWAY Kevin and I were discussing it - he brought it up. And I was like "uh BL (boy love) is a huge market, it'd be stupid not to make some bank on it" and he goes, "This is Korea. Boy love as a genre is acceptable here because it's fiction. A reality show with actual people willing to be out on television is going to be a hard sell for both the audience and the potential cast." So I go well what about the fact that they're even considering it then, and he goes,

"Considering, curious about, beginning market research on, all words that mean this is not something that is ready to happen here yet. Maybe in the next administration, but not now. They probably started round-table-ing this idea a year ago, but with Yoon in office? It's not happening. Give it a few years to let the idea simmer and see what the next President does." But my trash white American girl opinion is that of course it would be a great idea -- in theory, it could open some eyes. Except that the conservatives wouldn't watch it. Much like Drag Race here and in Europe, it would be a niche market for the first few years. WATCH ME JUST DIGRESS HERE I DO THAT SOMETIMES

Kim Chi competed on and nearly won Season 8 of RuPaul's Drag Race, and is a Korean man with Korean parents. He is 34 years old and at the time he competed, his mother knew only that he was a gay makeup artist. His father and his brother didn't even know he was gay. And I'm not sure they know now. And this dude lives in Los Angeles by way of Chicago. I can't imagine what his life would be like in Seoul, or Daegu, or Busan. And while Kev agreed that yeah, okay, drag is a step farther, he also said, interestingly, that drag might have been MORE acceptable to his own Korean mother (rest her soul) than having a gay son would have been. Because he could have argued that he was into it for the theater - a bit of Japanese kabuki styling - versus "oh hey eomma I do sexy time with men, woke up gay today, bit fruity."

So the upshot is that gay fiction is one thing, but gay reality is entirely another. We're back to the "we don't talk about those things here, it isn't polite." Enjoying the romantic drama of two young (they're always young, Kevin noted, not being particularly young himself) pretty men is not the same thing as seeing Jungshin from accounting on a dating show.... for GAY PEOPLE. And Kevin pointed out that honestly, even BTS are seen as fictional characters in Korea (and likely elsewhere). The idea that they are real human men with real romantic interests and real sex drives doesn't really fly, there. Not yet, anyway. So the "boy love" aspect is fine, as long as they're young, famous, pretty, and they don't admit to TOO much.

This is okay. ETA: and the above shot is edited, in case anyone didn’t know. See my fictional character point?

This is okay. But if they kissed or came out, that would NOT BE OKAY. And Taekook is not real, but the Jeon Parks are about as loud as they can get what with dropping honorifics like that, so as long as they're riding the line of fiction vs reality they're still okay. Full on reality or even depicting reality, though, is still not okay - at least, not on the Seoul Broadcasting Network (SBS), who censored out the kisses in "Bohemian Rhapsody", the Freddie Mercury biopic as recently as 2021. And that caused some backlash on the internet:

And HERE WE ARE AT THE COLLARBONE POST YO Hi @onthecuterside, please forgive me for taking fucking DAYS to get to your well-reasoned question. I was... doing research. Something. Anyway. That shoulder grip/collarbone thing has been poking at my synapses for awhile. Because, well...

It's kind of an unusual hand placement. And while there isn't always obvious pressure on Jimin's collarbone happening, sometimes there definitely is. It's like Koo is pressing his fingers into the area just above the bone, close to the juncture of Jimin's neck and shoulder. And as someone who has very sensitive collarbones I found that... interesting. Like WHY would you deliberately press into an erogenous zone in public in front of people when you know what it does to the person on the receiving end? Jeon Jungkook is a little shit, I said what I said.

It's not a move I see being done with other members, really. So I decided I was delusional and that it was just that Jimin is little and has rather narrow shoulders, and Koo has large hands. Which: true.

See, this is not really the same move at all. It's much more casual and chill, and you can definitely see the hand/shoulder proportion thing. So I mentioned it to Kev and sent him some pics mainly so he could tell me to calm tf down. This doesn't really mean anything, right? Right?

Like this pic, above. I think it's from, maybe, Brazil (?). That's not a sexual grip, really, to me. Jiminie is crying ffs and was, before Kookie got there. And when I came back at Kev with this shot he had to agree. But what it does indicate is a similar "Babe, I've got this, stay with me, I'm handling it" vibe that, honestly, is every bit as intimate as a sexytime power play, if not moreso. And it's not a hold we saw until 2016 or later. In fact the earliest indications of it I can find are from 2017-2018 and it has become more frequent since 2019. Let's be honest I am bad at running down exactly when my stolen internet content was shot. I try but I sleep or get distracted, you know how it is. But prior to 2017 that hold did not exist that I can find. At least, not from Jungkook as the guy doing the gripping.

Oh. Will you look at that, Park Jimin. Also, Jungkook didn't really get into shoulder massage as a hobby until after that time and I do think there might be a correlation, like one little sigh and he went "A-HA let's try that again".... not to be gross but some things are best learned with positive reinforcement, is all I'm saying.

Jimin has a long history of chronic neck and shoulder issues directly related to dance injuries that are aggravated by repeated motion. We been knew. And Jungkook really began taking it upon himself to learn and provide the necessary support for those injuries, which are best helped by stretching and massage, fairly early in their relationship as I see it. He's a caretaker, our Kookie, except that he kinda is NOT that with anyone not named Park Jimin.

And I'm not at all sure that this hold, or behavior if you will, was learned by watching others as much as I think it was one of those "this works for US" things. That other people recognize it isn't weird though. I recognized it because I was married to a dude who used that exact move on me. Kevin noticed it because, I suspect, he's used it himself or at least seen it done. I didn't ask too many questions, he's already kicking my ass for messaging his boyfie so I have to be a good dongsaeng and mind my manners for a minute. TL;DR, I really think this is a bit of a fun/sometimes risky/occasionally possessive or even protective move that Jungkook in particular brings out when he is feeling some type of way.

It seems to get good results for him so go off, Jeon, enjoy your man and make sure we all know he's YOUR man, not our man, and you got him handled. Balls Out For Jimin-ssi indeed, sir.

And sometimes, once in a while, the Park half of the household goes full Kitty Gang and