#keuncats

                 introspective love comes into play in billie’s life even before he knew what love could really feel like, he learned to relish the kindness of others and through that, he gained power; he became a master in playing by the rules and the favors of others. often in life, you cherish the lamb instead of the wolf, but once you come to meet the moment where they met the story begins to shift. are you inclined to feel sorry for the lamb? or praise the survival skills of the wolf? it’s in these two different philosophies that billie saw his relationship with wankyun, of course, they were both the wolf and the lamb at the same time, taking crossing paths to seek their protection. and this perception became even more intricate once they became romantically involved, mixing with memories of a past treasured and distinctive prospect in the current present. nevertheless, billie wasn’t ashamed to admit his feelings, he could be a tiny bit scared of wankyun’s reactions but he was never able to hide for too long his desire to be involved with his childhood best friend's life. his sarcasm, witty comments, and wider dark humoristic outlooks were a part of him that he took no further notice of because even though they could be misleading and honest, billie was still trying to play into his kindness. at heart he knew exactly the dangerous he was putting himself through but it was irresistible, an unbreakable bond which he was out to sail — he thought. so he put on a sly and deadly smile on his lips, reaching to touch both of wankyun’s shoulders face to face on the couch, mending whatever anxiety with all his endearment. ‘ that’s not possible.’ his voice was reassuring, sweet but there was a crackle at the end and it wasn’t exactly intentional but he felt if and if he did he wondered if wankyun did too. ‘ i want you. i think i always did and i always will.’ even though there was a great energy of the other trying to pull them down, billie didn’t felt it sat right with him. for a second he wondered if that was toxic of him, but apologizing would feel even worse now and he barely couldn’t hold himself together any longer after confession himself so bluntly like that. there was a needle in his throat all of a sudden, the dryness didn’t let him think of something other than what the hell was he doing asking for love like that. what an asshole — he grinned once again, awkwardly this time. ‘ i’ll make us some tea. ’ patted a few times on his shoulder and made his way towards the kitchen with slim steps, in theory, sure of what he was doing when in fact completely feeling mistaken, unloveable, shallow and wide-eyed by his own heart ways.

               the sun that shined through seoul was different from the one in l.a., it was cozier like it was happy to welcome her back. the thirteen hours of flight from last night were still catching up to her senses that she was home. i mean -- she loved spending time with her mother’s family, america was the perfect place to understand her feelings, to forget and forgive some of the most tragic things that had happened to her in the past year. and although what she feared the most a couple of weeks before coming back was the inevitable confrontation, she knew that the minute those thoughts were gone, the easier it would be to live it better. julie didn’t give valak a warning of when she was coming back, nor did she text him before suddenly appearing on their doorstep. it was not like she wanted it to be a surprise, she didn’t really want anything out of it really -- just maybe to be closer to him again. she missed him terribly. it was not a sentiment of belonging or tenderness, or just out of love and affection, actually, it was painful more than anything. the days before finally buying a ticket back she ate all her nails, because although questions filled her mind of how was he copying -- she knew he wasn’t going to tell her straight, but she was glad she could obtain information through his sister and father whenever she needed -- and god knows that wasn’t easy on both of them, julie was just ready to spend time with him again. it ached her not to wake up to his face anymore, not to hear his laugh, to fill his warm hands filled with rings through her skin, she craved his upfront idea of life, his soul, his chaotic remarks that were so clouded by the judgment of the fact that he was still inside kind of a lost child that found comfort in music, people and well… her. to know that all of his spirits were destroyed by her selfishness was a thought she couldn’t cope with at the least. but that wasn’t the reason she was coming back. it wasn’t to aid him, to rescue them, or overall to fix something that broke in their relationship a while before she left. it was about time, comprehension, and solace. she wanted to find her peace again in the gap of his neck, in the softness of his hair and the good, goofy, and upstage attitude of his words. there was no other reason other than the fact she couldn’t stand being alone anymore, her family did love her and treated her with enough kindness, los angeles was big, bright but also with time it became hollow so that’s when she knew her home was calling her name again -- like she expected it to. julie carried three luggage with her stuff alone from the airport to their house, one thing she was proud of despite the great care of her relatives was how much she looked after herself for the first time in a while. the first days of her stay in her mother’s and stepfather’s house were filled with depression, she was locked inside the guest room for quite a while. but after much insistence of her cousin, she finally started going out, her nephews were lovely kids that wanted to play and show her everything. it was almost ironic how most of her feelings were collapsed by wanting to bring a child to this world, when the ones already in it were so kind to her, without knowing they were capable of helping through simple moments of daily life. julie visited the beach, the mall, went on long drives with stepdad, played in the rain, made sentimental music, watched many too tv shows, grocery shopped a lot, looked after her nephews, and even went to an amusement park last weekend. to say the least, it was a time of her life she was never gonna forget. she wasn’t exactly a new person but she did grasp a few traits of her family that she thought she lost after such a long time. while she was waiting at the door after ringing a few times with the indecision of calling her husband or not, her phone vibrated with texts from her mother asking if she arrived safely. after replying with a few hearts emoji and a yes, she decided to go to her next help in the neighborhood: her father-in-law. the so messed up, kind, and a diligent stranger she had ever had the pleasure to meet. despite everything he was, valak had much more of yijung than he could tell. she knew how much they meant for each other and whenever she was having difficult times, he was there for her as well. she never exactly knew if he actually approved of their union, but he wasn’t exactly numb, rude, or even off about them. it almost as if it were natural like they three knew each other for years and so they could count on barbecue days, pool parties, weed-smoking Wednesday, and just general routine things that only worked for them. dividing her attention from her house to yijung’s was a weird feeling on the stomach, she didn’t wanna look too much at that neighborhood despite it welcoming her as her home, there was just too much buried yet. perhaps it was because she didn’t look too much at her surroundings or because she was lost in thought -- julie almost didn’t notice valak leaving his father’s house at a slow pace, stopping the minute he looked at her ghost faced wife just a few paces away. planning wasn’t something she had done for now, no. she didn’t want to because plans according to her past life decisions never go as smoothly. so there they were for a while, looking at each other or more -- staring at their souls. it wasn’t a movie where time stops and they stay, thinking ‘hell, now everything is fine’ and the scene cuts to credits. that because her mind was racing, almost panicking and if it wasn’t for his sheer attitude of being, then maybe she would never have moved to him at all. the black hair boy was looking like a boy, skinny, troubled, and something between soothing and sleepy. the sun that covered all over the planet earth wasn’t enough to shield them both at once, but it was melting their interior at ease. ‘ hey! ’ she yelled, too much, so that’s why she tried smiling awkwardly but it only came out as confidence, something she needed and something she always was. ‘ do you happen to know if anyone still lives in this burndown? ’ despite her soul aching to feel his, the straight-up desire to jump back into his arms -- that she knew where going to catch her as if she never left -- and everything from a few months back that surrounded them as if they were never gonna be the same again, julie was still herself. naturally pointing at their door, arching an eyebrow at him before leaving her luggage alone and moving towards him like he was her safety blanket all over again. ‘ you know? the guy wears all black, fine jewelry, head up his ass, a little smelly, but if i dare to say… kinda hot, hm.’ she whispered the last part, rolling her eyes and finally making it to be in front of him. like glass breaking and existing on earth to up a billion years, that’s how julie felt being examined by those eyes. ‘ if you do see him, ’ starting the fire was easy, but it didn’t seem like it anymore. no, not anymore. was she holding back tears? you couldn’t tell. julie grasped her hand to finally touch his face with whatever felt like she wanted to do because she wasn’t the type of bitch that would back down. fuck confrontation. him, him, him -- her mind was working like that, something that she most definitely did not expect to. feeling the skin in his cheeks for a couple of seconds broke her even more, but it was worth the risk. finally, she had something to live for again, she found that her, he, and whatever future wanted to throw at them was just the least she could expect of something so big. her cold fingers didn’t stay for long, not regretting but feeling his reaction more than anything. she didn’t wanna cringe more of what was already hard to deal with, but she couldn’t hold back her urge when she said: ‘ tell him his bitchy wife is here.’

                  the cold never bothered me anyway was a cliche of a song for kids, but to be honest, something miya was very familiar with. not only the cold of the breeze that swung over the trees and slammed doors, made people shut their windows and were physically hard to endure but also the one that comes from others. those that are recognized in the eyes, easy to understand by words, and surprisingly easy to live with after that’s all you can tell from affection. her family wasn’t exactly cordial with their emotions, all they cared about was money and their relation with traditionality. her father is a very proper and prim politician, who steals from the capital of his endorsements to buy his wife seaside houses or just pay a visit to brothels. mom was too inebriated to care, drizzling in social gathers that brought her the visibility that her husband never did, mannerism as fake as her hardcore. meanwhile, the sister that was cut from the same cloth was the child of pride, the golden frame hung on the wall to showcase their ability to create a masterpiece when a soul was actually never found inside, she was a wolf in a lamb's sheet. miya wasn’t much different though, after all this was still her family, the one that carefully put her in this world to become someone they expected her to be, the same one that brought her gifts -- shiny things, that allowed her spirit to grow. there was nothing different from her and the people that made this earth her own to conquer, she didn’t want to be separated from them even if at some point she knew they would. so you see, all her relationships were clouded by the fear of attachment, which was terrible to pin down as such when you ran to another country to let those strings loose. the cords that made connections from japan to south korea were thin but exceptionally tight. and hard it was to find replace such golden core, miya fought very long, very tirelessly to never quiver from that but somehow she still wanted them to shake, change, maybe that would set a different pattern. as someone who liked too much plaid, traditions were a thing she was stuck with despite cordialities. it didn’t matter if you are an object of flirtation, of friendship, acquaintance, or just sexual relations -- you’re nothing for miya hideyoshi. nothing when compared to what she believes in and that list was short filled: her family, second herself followed by money, good intentions, and ambitious thoughts. then inevitably it comes all the other people that she found in that complex thing named university, in which the hardest part was to remain social and not a great student with good grades. tests? assignments? classes? that came as a taking hobbie for miya, she was interested in learning to become a successful person -- ambitious thoughts -- so little would come in the way of that. going out? meeting people? making relationships? despite having good words, speaking eloquently, being exceptionally gorgeous, and with good taste, this was still a great deal to ensure. of course, she had bomi, who was a good girl, but even miya couldn’t tell if she was with her for the good fortune of money or just for her company, being suspicious was an errand run in her blood. her solitude wasn’t something she was proud of but neither something that exactly bothered her. she should’ve checked with the tenant for a profile of her neighbors, she knew her assistant security, who she infamously called kenshi, had done a check of all the people living in her apartment but she didn’t care to look. she didn’t care about others specifically, so there was no point in it when she knew they were just rich students. taegon was just a rich boy, at first glance she took him for a fuckboy, which to be honest, made it easier to sleep with him thinking he’d be good at it. for her surprise -- different from most rich boys -- he had a heart, a brain and very much taken care of by himself. those things wouldn’t bother her much in the past, she had slept with a few boys that were just genuinely soft before but none of these lived right next door to her, and none of these were taegon. believing in destiny wasn’t something she’d do, let alone romance. so to be sitting on the same couch with him at a social gathering in his house, champagne in hands, chanel bag on her side, little black dress complimenting her body, and now -- his hand casually sliding down her back. she shivered a little because his hand was warm, something she was not used to comforting her with so much simplicity. looking directly at him with puzzling eyes but in a way that didn’t interrupt his conversation. did he notice that? did he do that on purpose? taegon was just too active with friends -- different from miya --, he was something that was brighter in social gatherings, he made everyone feel at ease and had a natural charm. so much for staying neutral, traditional, and well-put in another country. that boy was the reason for her slow dismay and the worst thing is that he probably had no idea of such, greatly for miya’s reputation but indeed a terrible notion to his own pure intentions. miya tilted her glass a few times, shaking the liquid inside before putting it all down her throat at once. that stupid touch was confusing, she didn’t like that. so if the alcohol in her body wasn’t enough, she took control of her situation once again and inclined to softly break in his ear with a whispery, dedicated voice: ‘ what are you doing? ’ miya let her lashes make sense of the sentence as if there was nothing beyond innocent in her words. as quickly as that she noticed taegon’s attention switching to her completely, bewitched with some sort of magic. finally letting her hands do what they were desperate to do since the beginning of the evening, explore his body by going from her sides to his chest, neck, and then face, bringing his cheeks together for a quick peck on the lips. ‘ behave yourself, taegon. it’s better for you if you do. ’ the girl smiled gracefully, still a little shaken from her own thoughts. if this was gonna put her through hell for being so openly committed so sentiments, her vulnerability would let it slide just this once, for the sake of him. for the sake of his heart, not hers. of course, fun still had something to do with it, like it always does but with good intentions, she ought to do what only lovers do.

          there he was. standing in front of wankyun again. this time for more than a few seconds than the last. he hoped for gods that he couldn’t catch up with his heart beating, he wore a sweater to wipe his sweating hands easier and he was covered in exhaustion from the day in rehearsal but he didn’t pay that a single mind. nothing was stopping him from seeing wankyun now. not him not knowing where he was, what he was doing... actually he had so many questions and nothing to stop him from asking them. expect himself of course. he was thrown off guard since the first time he saw him as a young adult. before he could only imagine how time passed for him, but now that they were so close and finally talking to each other, he was out of himself, to be honest. it didn’t help the fact that his childhood best friend was so gorgeous. not handsome, because he didn’t have much of a manly façade. and not pretty, because he wasn’t as delicate as someone like billie. he was in his own way, gorgeous, kind of hiding his features with that emo hairstyle but billie liked it. it matched him more than anything he has ever seen. together sitting in that coffee place by the bright window, they looked so different. maybe not different from the childhood versions of themselves, but like there was a long bridge between them in so many senses that all there was left was for billie to make a connection. but being everything so different as it was, he was obviously nervous to ruin it forever as he did before. ‘ me too.’ he sounded like a little kid, he didn’t want to though. ‘ i mean... i hoped to see you again, but i didn’t think i would.’ billie was always one to talk quietly, although he was passionate about singing and effortlessly talented in that, he never lashed out even a bit. he was shy and small, but not exactly weak. these traits combined made people doubt his interest before, who knows how many times he had to learn to speak up when in a group of extroverted kpop idol boys. eventually, he knew ways to make his opinion come across without hurting anyone and that alone was something he was proud of. but wankyun didn’t know that, and billie didn’t know anything about wankyun anymore. so it left them with some kind of weird chemistry, clearly. ‘ you sure grew up a lot. you were always a little taller but that’s just unfair now.’ what else could he say without coming across as desperate? or extremely forward? his little eyes and now beyond sweaty trembling hands tried making best of what was given. but yet, billie didn’t felt like it was enough.

             overstepping the boundaries of a relationship or not, you could always count on noah to be the quite clingy boyfriend most times. he had a thing for the classic — waiting for your girlfriend after work, bringing her gifts, watching her by... not in a stalker way though, he gladly left that pass by after they started dating. whenever he could, he’d swing by the chinese restaurant isabel works, open his textbooks on the table, order a milkshake and study for his classics, review his scripts, read a book, listen to a podcast, watch an episode and of course, distract her from actually working. this was far better than any of the dates he could plan sometimes because neither of them was trying when they would stare at each other for a while without the other noticing or when they glared and where caught which they would laugh it off immediately. it was one of those scenes in movies when you capture the longing of the feelings growing into sweetness than with the time being more familiar and cherishing of every passing moment with affection. today the atmosphere had something noir to it, the night was falling into noah’s right side of the dining window and he wasn’t one much for capturing pictures of the sun of anything but this day he had to. just after snapping a picture, he stood up to wonder where isabel was with his strawberry milkshake, it wasn’t much since he ordered but she didn’t have much grace as a waitress and he didn’t even notice her actually writing down his order so it wouldn’t do harm to remind her. after a short walk into the restaurant, he caught one of the last groups she was probably serving because one of the boys had a grin on his face talking to his girlfriend. he had no idea if they were being nice or flirting, the feeling didn’t rush his jealousy because he knew that meant nothing besides fun and getting more generous tips for isabel. however he also could not contain his mischievousness inside, gladly interrupting the conversation by putting one of his arms over isabel’s shoulder with a smile. ‘ you didn’t order my milkshake, did you? ’ that in his mind was only seeing as playful sound, but to the boy sitting in the table in front of him with his friends was a deadly threat. before even he or isabel could say anything, he felt two hands pushing forward directly into the floor. he collided rashly into the ground with a sound, the boy who now was professing a million insults and reasons to treat a girl — clearly didn’t catch the point where noah was her boyfriend, just some random dude trying to flirt and catch her attention by overstepping. noah couldn’t possibly blame him though, it was nothing but a misunderstanding, he didn’t look much taller than noah, for a slip of a second he tried not to clinch his teeth but the other just didn’t leave him time for explanation, nor did he caught isabel too. so he got up fast enough to put his hands in the air and try a better approach. ‘ bro... chill. seriously. ’ but before he could continue, he pushed him again. this time he didn’t catch the floor, in fact, his feet only bounced a bit even if the push was kind of harder. he was getting tired of that, those would leave marks on his shirt. and again. noah heard isabel giving reason that he was her boyfriend, but the feeling rushed right trough the words when he just got too annoyed to stop his fist from collapsing with the guy’s left cheek. honestly, he wasn’t a fighting type, from far you could tell noah would never win in a fight but that didn’t mean he had his fair share of wrestling in school, learned a few tricks with his own siblings and from watching too much the tv classic fight club. of course, none of this ever prepared him to actually use his fist — except for fight club, that one definitely did help. yet that guy completely pissed him off trying to play the “good dude” card when he didn’t even know noah, it was wrong in so many ways to keep insisting on that which lead him to lost track of what he did for a slipt of a second. or the fact that he was with three other friends on his back, that could beat the shit of tiny noah too. after that, there was silent pacing on the restaurant for seconds, making it feel like an eternity. ‘ dude... just... why did you push me? i’m her boyfriend. ’ he kind of murmured with apologetic eyes all the way, maybe that would make the other have mercy or something, instead, it killed the silence and twisted the movie from action to comedy. noah did the next move unthinkingly pacing to isabel’s side protectively — more looking for it than providing. grasping her arm in look for other words, before the boy finally started apologizing while grinning in an awkward response. ‘ oh, thank god. are you okay? i didn’t mean to hit you, i swear. ’ he hesitated to lean in, thinking he’d better not and the guy sort of agreed going back to his seat and acting like he didn’t just get picked a fight for no reason — like the punch didn’t even quiver him too. the reason behind was probably his laughing friends, noah had no idea if they helped or not the situation, making the guy duck away from the situation. they spoke nothing further, which noah thanked the gods for because he was not ready to go home with a black eye much than the mess his shirt was now. finally, he looked at isabel holding his laugh, awkward and interactively affectionate which of course caused her to giggle. ‘ i will... just wait... in my table. ’ he said pausing so that only she could hear him to not draught more attention than that. moving his feet to go away from his almost murder scene, adrenaline still on his chest, isabel followed and he gripped her by the arm fast. ‘ oh my god. what did you? why? ’ he asked looking for a reply around the ar, while she was still holding her teared laugh coming. ‘ i was gonna die. are you laughing? ’ he sort of started to laugh too. ‘ what were you gonna tell my family? ’ even more now than they were alone, away from prying eyes and that situation. not standing his shame through his own girlfriend's eyes, he walked back to his table but before sitting looking at her still laughing to complete his task. ‘ and pretty please don’t forget my milkshake now. strawberry, you know. i went into too much trouble for that, you’re too much for me, isabel. ’ to finally duck his head on the table, somewhat in shame, fondness, and silliness that took him completely in that rebelling situation of his life. what could possibly have guided him through that extreme way would be forever a question, but he sure was gonna tell the story a little different to his friends later.

                  it couldn’t be as bad as it seemed, at least not from the perspective that hyanggi was wanting too. no after everything she left behind, not after she had to abruptly attend sympathetic to the sudden visit of hyunki to her oasis and yet chaotic hometown which didn’t help because she was still in her most comfortable and favorite pajamas. after the short tour in her bedroom — it didn’t lead to much, she saw the corner of the warms of hyunki and the grin he tried to hide while noticing her exquisite decoration. it was the first time ever she had a guy over her own space that wasn’t that nice adult apartment of hers, excuse the hello kitty on the blanket, the pinks, yellows, and blues coming out of her closet. at least the dreamcatcher by the balcony was a nice touch, she wasn’t gonna talk about that though, she was just hoping the conversation would be over. hyanggi wouldn’t leave the fact that jeju island was kind enough to bless every other relationship in her family, determined to fight the odds of the signs brought by the universe and billie himself, she would be okay to just have a weekend without the drama and treat hyunki as a friend. there was nothing wrong in playing fair, but that wasn’t playing fair at all. damn it, island. why does she have to have such a pretty view from her balcony? why did hyunki exist in the first place? why was he so smooth? she crossed her arms inquisitive, avoiding him the eye because it was a terrible thing to believe he was being like that when she explicitly told him not to. ‘ it’s not only bad, it’s cruel. it’s very asshole of you actually. ’ maybe her attitude wasn’t helping at all either, but hyanggi was never not honest to any situation. they broke up for a reason, an important reason which she could barely remember now that he was so close and so godman pretty. yes, pretty. he was very pretty. ‘ i hate kpop boys so much!’ she suddenly yelled over her breath, ignoring the fact that there were other people in the house with them. in fact, it was all her family fault for being so nonchalant with her life, how she wished her father would simply just march the door down and throw hyunki off the balcony. ‘ you guys always act like everything revolves around you! and your wishes, desires! and... and just because you have fame, and money and everything work like magic. it’s just annoying, fucking annoying. ’ there was probably nothing more ironic than curse words coming from five feet and one-inch person wearing pajamas, who wasn’t even that mad, who probably could never get really angry about anything other than online discussions. she didn’t mean that maybe she was trying to convince herself of that, repeating it may it become the truth in her heart. being surrounded by famous people all the time had its perks but it was also a headache, the only one she could focus right now was that she was so attracted to them for a reason and that was completely infuriating. after fuming her head off and only getting a giggle as an answer, she truly considered throwing hyunki off the balcony again but then worst than that she couldn’t help but wonder if he was truly serious about that kiss and everything that would come with it. ‘ i want you to go. leave jeju. this island is not for you, rockstar. ’ almost whispering after a long breath, calming herself to face him which proved her weakness to be true. it was very hard to resist someone so pretty, smooth-looking, and at the same time so casual to the circumstances. altogether, her stance broke completely, making hyanggi have to say what she really wanted to say, losing the sight of everything that was keeping her guard up minutes ago. ‘ you will get too burnt by the sun, you might die. for real. ’ using a hand to cup his stupid face, on the tip of the toes she didn’t quiver the smile that came within and the throw of arms around his giant shoulders to pull him in for a gentle kiss that swayed her off her feet for the ages. finally outpaced by the island itself, no one was a great competitor after all the decades of its success in bringing people back together.

               television wasn’t interesting at all, hoon only had one at his place to go with the flow of the living room but he didn’t think he ever knows where the control is that’s why it is always off. meanwhile, he likes to read books and loses track of time on it, it may seem old and out of fashion but that’s just the kind of person he grew to be. back home, their parents made his bedroom into a library and he doesn’t mind sleeping between the books whenever he goes home but having his own place was great. it wasn’t even about the independency because he always had that in a certain point, but the feeling of discovering life for your own and making your way somehow. he learned how to change a lamp and how to make rice, iron his own clothes, even enjoyed doing his laundry and had a special day just for it. hoon always was trying to find meanings in bigger but simple stuff just like paulo coelho’s character santiago is one of his favorite books ever, the alchemist. lost in his monologues about where he is on life every night, it could take a while before he closes his eyes and when he finally did with the book still on his hands and the lights in the living room still on, drifting on his own brown sofa brought by his mom on ikea. his daydream got interrupted over the buzz of the door a few feet away, looking at the time before actually going to open the door it almost seemed like a scene from horror movies and hoon almost asked who it was before answering the door but he didn’t because he was still a little sleepy and possibly was just hunter who lost his keys. having a roommate was fun but sometimes a little annoying, especially because hoon didn’t have any siblings and didn’t understand what it was living sharing stuff but he was ready to work on it at least. the person behind the door though was the least expected though, long dark brown hair, sweet looks, and feisty personality who made him grin over in surprise. ‘ hm, hello. ’ said like on a phone call. but it was pretty much past midnight and it meant all the goosebumps he felt for seeing someone so right over the weirdest circumstances. ‘ you got lost? all the way over here? ’ hoon tried making a laugh, like always whenever he was around bomi because he felt it was something they had, a secret or i don’t know — a part of him which enjoyed their carefree moments, talks, shared looks and even friendship. ‘ it’s you rude you just stand there. come in. have a cup of tea, or two or a pillow, a blanket. would you like me to sing you to sleep? i’m not very good but i could try. ’ he said, bringing her in and closing the door. there was no way out, i mean, there was but he knew he was in dip shit into her at that point it was just complicated to admit it. ‘ mi casa su casa. it goes like that.’ he was seriously stepping away into his cravings of giving up and kissing bomi right there right now because it was crazy she was at three am at his house unless something was going on. but instead, he was polite and of course, as expected of him or any men to be, deciding to listen to her beforehand because even if he was invested, it may all just be desire talking.

                rumor has it that sharing is caring. now clay wasn’t a believer of that at first, because as a spoiled single child all of his attention growing up was about ambition and growing to be the kind of person his mother would be proud to have as a son. he changed a lot when he realized that wasn’t his only perspective in love, music made him love something else and being in a group like may-b made him see something else not only in himself but in other people too. his goals were different, even for someone who didn’t like to change much. and just when it seemed that this was as far as it would get, falling in love with allen had to be added to his plans even if he had no idea what to do with that for a long time. taking things slow was easy when you are oceans apart, but when allen moved to south korea like that it was just as easy to get lost in his place and in his feelings that grew rapidly. even as a busy person, his attention was always dragged in being around his boyfriend. — funny was even being able to say that out loud. he wanted to be near him, make him laugh, share a meal with him, catch the conversation, he was eager to know what was allen opinion about whatever silly thing that happened with him during the day… that feeling of falling so deeply was surreal sometimes even scary because as much as that felt natural it didn’t seem like his friends had the same depth over their relationships, did they? or was just clay being a complete stupid gay who wasn’t able to control his heart and his pants? whichever reason, allen’s small apartment downtown was his newest favorite place to spend the afternoon when his schedules weren’t all packed, of course. most days, clay was even too tired to go out or do something else and he didn’t need to say anything for allen to feel that. so they would just lay on his bed like that, staring at the ceiling, holding hands and sharing each other’s company. for someone who never liked explanations, that was truly heartwarming moments. he would easily fall asleep, then wake up looking for allen who was always around and again would make him feel safer by wrapping his arms around his hips and pulling him closer whenever he was, just like that. a simple affection that was so significant for both. ‘ you smell.’ he would tease him with his eyes closed, allen laughing because he damn well knew he wasn’t and they would get in a silly argument staring at each other of how good allen always smelled, even if clay didn’t admit. then they would order something in, — anything because that’s easier and neither of them knows how to cook. sooner while they were talking about how good or bad that food was, clay back-hiding something on his mind. a song, whatever thing that allen said that would come to his mind. ‘ shut up.’ before kissing they would shout that laughing, soon taking their clothes off while still teasing the hell out of each other. sometimes allen would be a little bit of an asshole, but whenever they were about to have sex the reassurance that he had in his eyes was just another thing clay loved so much about him. but that was all in his mind now, looking at the cloud over his feet on the plane towards… where they were all going again? it was hard to think with kaili snoring beside him, still, it was good to know there was something waiting for him to come home.