#kett

i watch star trek and i play mass effect and consume monster pornography and im like

they kinda sexy

but lets be real if I opened the door to go to work one day and Garrus Vakarian stood in front of me

best case, uncanney valley hits like bruh your cosplay so good, so screen accurate it actually freaks me out

worst case, i shit myself and vomit on the spot or just straight up die bc I'd be terrified

like sort of, the appeal is that they're inhuman, yeah, but also that they're not real?

bc im trying to imagine a creature that's easily taller than my room height, covered in some sort of biological, scale shield against radioactivity with its waist the circumference of my forearm and extremities the dimensions of... idk sth tall and skinny you get the idea

he could tell me there's no shepard without vakarian all he wants i will not survive that encounter and not even bc he'd kill me or I'd kill myself bc honestly

i dont think the human mind is equipped for that. The average human mind can barely comprehend that the number of ESTIMATED stars in the OBSERVABLE universe is this number: 10^24. TO THE POWER OF TWENTY-FOUR. I DON'T EVEN KNOW 24 PEOPLe. Like for all that math is what makes up the universe [or so I've been told. i have dysalculia, i wouldn't actually know] if Just Some Guy can't process that how tf would JSG process The Very Model Of A Scientist Salarian?*

We all played Andromeda and watched Jaal stalk down those stairs and went 🥵 but if this mountain of skin easily thrice my mass came stalking down stairs towards me?? REALISTICALLY??? Evfra could call off his snipers and get the cleanup crew bc i died right there and evacuated every last of my orifices thankyouu.**

[angara [AND KETT HOLY SHIT] only get worse when u think about their origins but since I'm passed on before anyone even speaks it's not conducive to my point so im ignoring it]

also i think salarians would be worse bc they look rather close to what ThE gReEn MaRsMeN are depicted as

quarians and asari are just larping and cosplaying probably

but you know what would absolutely yeet me into the next life? NA'VI bc they hit alienism and uncanney valley at the same time and now translate that into conceivable carbon-based intelligent life? absolutely not goodnight

I once spent 10 bucks on an exclusive character in a Crusty Dating Sim in which you met that character's alien creators and MC straight up vomited and back then I laughed but honestly? probably same

-

*dont actually tell me i dont wanna hear it