like yes, it's funny people who wronged me (us) are haunted and trapped in this loop.. but also it feels like surveillance. like someone i don't know is watching me. and there's like a handful of scenarios in my head of how i am being watched based on who and it's weird so i'm gonna address it

simon, let's start with the most likely suspect. get over your ego and apologize. neither one of us is going to beg you. i have already told you this. nothing you say is going to change the fact that i am open to an apology as long as there are no conditional strings attached to it because that's not an apology, that's control. and fucking stalking your ex's current partner is weird. really weird. yes, we were friends first, you and i, but come on you were never this interested in me when we were friends. apologize or don't but for the love of all that is fuckable in this world... for the love of the beans in our garbage disposal.. for the love of every laugh we ever shared: stop asking us to beg.

west, feels unlikely you'd say this considering we had this conversation years ago and i communicated so clearly through every action (and posts on this blog) how much i don't care.. but there's this weird voice in the back of my head because you did come to anon hate me recently. (and i literally know that was you because the timing was too pathetically on point). if you wanna try to manipulate, like i can't stop you but i wanna tell you it's pointless and won't actually do anything. neither of us give a shit about you or what you have to say and i will never ever trust you more than him cause i literally never did. the worst meanest post i ever made in the aftermath of you was in december of that year and i said i hope you abuse him till he snaps and ghosts you and then you get hit by a bus. i'm just waiting on the bus, aren't i? i always fucking knew, the day that i saw that disgusting post, i said many times that i knew what happened: you abused and manipulated him against me but there was deep deep love between us and that was his true heart and look!!! you just can't touch real love cause you're so sick in the head and refuse to get help cause you think control is hot. i'll just keep waiting for the bus and you do whatever you want.

kensie, pathetically scrolling my blog on Halloween and wanting to apologize but being self loathing about it and needing me to give you permission is exactly the kind of spineless thing you would do. but look, it's weird and creepy. i don't know how many times i gotta tell you this how many times you gotta run into this before you learn this lesson: you, just you no one else just you, are in control of your actions. you fuck up because *you* chose bad choices. you fix it by choosing better choices. you are the only one with the power. also see what i said to simon.

some weirdo past tumblr friend, if this in fact not about my personal life and instead about tumblr... none of this is real. i mean yes there's a couple people whose betrayal i still feel sad about. but the person from my tumblr past i most want closure with is my best friend who had to leave for her own sanity. none of you people who hurt my feelings matter in the end. apologize or don't, not my business. i'll accept if you send it, won't care if you don't. because none of this is real.