#kendrik

I woke up this morning. Started crying immediatly. I find nothing but trouble in my life. She is gone. I could do nothing against it, altough I did everything.

Fair ? I don’t know. Problably not but who cares ? Nobody nobody nobody cares about fairness.

And if I die before the end of the month, who will care ?

Me ? I don’t know, haven’t died before but the suicidal thoughts come more frequent from day to day. Not that you actually think about it. More as if a drug is taking effect. They just appear and strike hard.

My parents yes sir

my brother yes sir                 

my friends yes sir

she maybe but at least she got someone to share tears with, to speak to when you just want to pull the trigger or hang a rope round your neck or search for painkillers or when you are all alone and horny.

Funny to say, she was the one who betrayed me, who lied in my face, when I already felt what was going on. She and him still won the price and me ?

Boxing fight 3rd round I hit the ground. Right hook straight on the chin

Lights out on me, hit the ground, spotlight on him

My selfesteem - shot dead

My sense for beauty in myself - shot dead

My positive perspective on love and relationship - shot dead

My ability to talk to women - shot dead

My happiness - shot dead

My personality - shot dead

My ability to trust in a woman - shot dead

My belief in give love, you get love - shot dead

My ability to have a relationship - shot dead

Me - not yet

My needs - unfulfilled

Normalmente no haría este tipo de cosas, pero ya que estoy encerrada en un lugar que parece más bien el infierno, ¿qué más da?

Siempre he sido de pocas palabras, por lo que no veo sentido a intentar alargar esto y hacerlo parecer más dulce de lo que es… Puede que esté un poco intrigada por ti, y que durante estos años tu nombre haya surgido varias veces en algunas conversaciones de mi entorno, quizá es por ello que pensé en ti para esta carta.