#kaz lref

"The test shows nothing. I’m so sorry, Kaz" his voice dripping with sadness. Kaz looked up at him, as tears were weighing down on his face. His brows curling inward when he clenched the rests on the chair. He didn’t believe there wasn’t anything. Chase showed him the monitor, revealing the scan of his brain.

"Try again," he whispers. Chase turned his head as he thought he heard Kaz speak. He asked if Kaz said anything and if he was willing to speak up. "Try the test again," he says through a rigid jaw, biting back his frustration. He wasn’t willing to give up just yet.

He shifted around in his bed, as his eyelids tightly wrapped over his eyes. Only seeing the veins before opening them. He blinked as he searched the ceiling. His heart beating heavy in his chest. Groaning as he turned over to his side, “Take two,” he says to himself. Placing the blanket over his head to get rid of any light that the room was bringing in naturally.

The muffled sounds of Chase and Oliver arguing put him to sleep. It’s strange how that seems to do the trick, must be some kind of white noise for him. The last thing he heard was the light flicking on or off, he didn’t care to peak and find out. One last thing he felt was his blanket being readjusted to cover up the rest of him.

***

The dream starts off simple as him being in his childhood bedroom, all by himself. He is playing around on the floor. There is unidentified expression on his face. He believes he was just so tired of playing by himself. He wanted his siblings to come play with them, but they weren’t home.

His father was at work, making the only available person his mother. His knees buckled when getting up from the floor, then went to peak through the door. He wanted to see if he would catch her in the living room watching Ellen or Oprah. He doesn’t know why every mother loves either. He think they look scary. Something about Ellen looking like Oliver with wrinkles terrified him.

“Momma?” he tipped-toed around the house for her. Laughter filled the next room. He looked, seeing his mother happy on the phone not in her familiar happy he seen before… Something different. “Momma…” he says again, a little louder this time.

He watched as she stopped laughing on the phone, eyeing him from the corner of her eye. “Yes, Kazimeras?” He quickly apologized and turned around to leave the room. It was evident she was bothered by his presence, or that’s what his mind told him anyway. He sat back down on the floor of his room, thinking about what he could have done to make her so upset.

The twitch in her eye as she said his name made him want to cry. He covered his eyes with his hands, and did just that. He cried so hard. His mother’s footsteps echoed throughout the house as she walked her way over to his room. “Why are you crying? There is no reason to be crying Kazimeras.”

“Oh, sorry ma. I just thought I bothered you,” he says in between tears.

“No yet, but you’re about to if you keep crying for no apparent reason. If you wanted my attention, you didn’t have to do it by crying.”

“Oh. Oh okay…” He wiped his tears away.

She sighs, “What am I going to do with you? Also, why is your room a mess? Pick these things up.” He watched as her eyes scanned the room. Her nosed curled up. That was a cue between the two. It meant that he needed to clean up quickly, because daddy is coming home any minute.

She watched him carefully as he scooped all his action figures, and placing them into his toy box that lies underneath the bed. “Can you tell me why you wanted me, Kazimeras?” she asks, crossing her arms as she leaned on the doorway. He looked up at her, eyes still damp from crying. He wanted to tell her, though he didn’t know how to say it. “If you wanted me to come play you should have asked earlier when I wasn’t so busy, all right?”

“Yes ma. I understand.” he replies, putting his head down.

“You know I do love you, right? Momma just gets busy sometimes.”

“Yes ma. I know. I’m sorry…”

“How about we play tomorrow after I get home from work?”

A look of excitement filled his eyes as he looked up at her. She ruffled his hair as she told him to help set the table for dinner. He sped out of his room to the kitchen to get it ready. “There’s my little buddy!” his father calls out from the door. He stopped what he was doing to run into his arms.

“Daddy! You’re home,” he says, as he was being engulfed by his father’s jacket.

***

He felt like he was being shaken awake. He squints his eyes as he’s trying to adjust to the lighting to see who did it. He had assumed it could be Chase, but no it was Oliver. Oliver expression changed when seeing how he looked. “Well, hello to you too Oliver…” he mumbled.

“You look horrible.”

“Thanks Ollie, I know that.”

“I heard crying from up here to see if it was you…”

“Do I look like I have been crying?”

“Yes. If something is happening, please tell me and I will be there for you.”

Kaz bit his tongue, fighting back the words he truly wants to say that. “Thanks man, I’ll do that,” he replied, as his molars gritted in the back of his mouth. He wanted to see if Chase was also up here, as he knows Chase sounded more sincere than Oliver right about now. “Oh, okay. Uh, so I will leave you be unless if you want Chase to come in and bother you…” Oliver laughed.

“I wasn’t going to bother him, Oliver. I was going to give him medicine.” Chase says, pushing the door all the way open.

“Yeah, sure you were. He could have very easily got it himself.”

“While you were complaining about how he’s going to get you sick? I don’t think Kaz would liked to hear that the moment he would have came downstairs to retrieve the medication.”

“Ugh, whatever you say mini Mr. Davenport,” Oliver says, having the last words during their exchange.

Chase eyed him as he left the room. He mumbled something to himself, probably not anything good. It made Kaz laugh seeing him do that. Chase clears his his throat, “Anyway here you go. I am so incredibly sorry for that.” He handed over the water bottle and pills.

“Thank you, Chase.”

“You’re welcome, Kaz. Do you need anything else before I head down to the “war zone” to go meet my match?”

“Haha, no. If I do I will let you know.”

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After eating, he just pushed the plate toward the edge of the mattress. He still felt sick to his stomach. Without giving much a glance toward Chase,“I want to thank you again,” he mutters. Chase got close to the edge, looking up at him. Out of his peripheral vision, he saw that Chase was trying meet his eyes.

Chase licked his lip, thinking. Kaz met his eyes for a second. The air in the room felt as if it had thickened. He coughed up a piece of the meal he just ate. Chase climbed the bunk to look at him more intently. “Can you tell me why you would ask me that question?” Chase inquired.

Kaz blinked, alarmed and a lot more anxious than before. Chase was getting onto him. “Has Oliver made you believe something about yourself? Or… Did something else happen to you?” Kaz’s body stiffened underneath the blanket. His body language was frightened to tell the truth. “I want answers, and I will not judge any of them.” Chase promised.

Kaz’s breath became rigid; it became too much. Chase moved the plate elsewhere, as one of his hands moved to touch Kaz’s face. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he tried to say. Chase furrows his face, upset. The frown on his face was a mixture of disappointment and disbelief that Kaz would even say such a thing.

“Try me, Kaz, I dare you.” The next thing he knew Chase was on the bed entirely. He felt Chase’s eyes watch him like a hawk; eyes seriously digging deep into his skin. That’s when he knew Chase was trying to find the real him not some made up kind he made along the way. It’s like Chase can hear his thoughts, or see what he’s truly hiding.

“There’s something deeply wrong with me. I don’t know where its located, but I have a theory it’s in my brain,” he says, barely above a whisper as his blinking sped up and trying to divert his eyes away. If he looks at him one more time, Kaz is more likely going to cry. “And who told you that?” Chase’s teeth sounded like they were grinding together. “I can’t say…”

Kaz was deeply embarrassed. Chase was going to have make a decision and not a good one. “Well, let’s figure out if they are right that there is something wrong with you or not.” Kaz’s head snapped back to look at him, eyes shimmering of moisture glossed over his dark eyes. Chase steadily moved his hand to Kaz’s under eye , wiping away the one that got free.

“We will figure it out together. I am certain that whoever told you that is wrong about you.”

Kaz scoffed, rubbing his other eye. He wants to believe that Chase is right. After all he is the most intelligent man on the planet. He would know if there was something wrong with Chase. “It’s my turn to take care of you.” Chase says, almost sounding bittersweet.

He remembers when Kaz took care of him. He sure didn’t like some parts of it, but glad Kaz and Leo were there. He then excused himself to bring the plate to the kitchen. “Be sure to wash up, as a shower might feel nice. That’s only if you’re feeling up for one.” Chase leaves the room and it just falls quiet.

It doesn’t feel suffocating thankfully. Kaz laid back down, smiling. Just maybe his mother could be wrong that it’s his brain. But what if it his brain? Kaz clenched his fist underneath the covers, as he wrestled himself to go back to sleep. It wasn’t a dream that was showing; it was a memory…

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