#kats thoughts

I love you so much

*places heating pad on tummy*

D’you think he got nervous when Pulitzer first commented on Katherine? Nervous that Pulitzer would hurt her?

D’you think he felt sick to his stomach when Pulitzer told him who she really was?

D’you think he was afraid when Pulitzer continued to taunt him?

D’you think it was fight or flight that made him run when Snyder showed his ugly mug? Did adrenaline surge through him and make his blood turn ice cold?

D’you think he could see clearly when he bolted? Or was he just seeing his nightmares play out in front of him?

D’you think he panicked when the Delanceys caught him? That desperate kind of panic when you have to get out or it may mean your life, that makes you flail blindly?

D’you think they had to wrench his arms back so hard they almost dislocated to get him to stop? Were they sore even days later, just like the rest of him?

D’you think his heart bottomed out into his chest in that horrible way it does when you realize you’re not getting out of something? That awful sinking feeling?

D’you think adrenaline was making his breaths shallow and his hands shake and his ears ring and his chest feel tight?

D’you think he wanted to scream when Pulitzer gave him the choices for the deal but forced himself to keep up the bravado because he could not let them win?

D’you think he instinctively wanted to turn to Katherine, because his panicking brain registered friend, but he stopped himself because not anymore?

D’you think he felt so helpless that he wanted to cry but refused because he wouldn’t let them see him break even when he knew they had beaten him?

D’you think he kept running his mouth off because it was the only defense he knew?

D’you think he knew what was coming when he was locked in the basement with the Delanceys? How much it would hurt? How he wouldn’t be able to fight back or escape at all?

D’you think he tried to fight anyway and got an even worse soaking for it?

D’you think the dark room and the locked door reminded him of the Refuge at all?

D’you think he flinched everytime footsteps so much as approached the door?

D’you think the adrenaline eventually ran out and left him exhausted, heartbroken, betrayed, and defeated, as he sat there on that printing press?

D’you think he was still so afraid it made his heart stutter but that he didn’t have the energy to stay on-guard after around three in the morning?

D’you think he knew he would be all but exiled from the newsies family for doing what he was about to? Did it make him feel even more sick, even more trapped, heartbroken because he was about to all but crush those kids? Betray them in the way he had just been betrayed? Lose everything he held dear?

D’you think he actually got sick at the thought of Crutchie and Davey and Les stuck in the Refuge for even a day?

D’you think he cried at all, locked down there in that basement?