#kareoke

Kon, Cassie and Bart are there in civilian clothes and identities and so are Tim’s old school friends as well as come of his college’s kids, as well as Tam.

Everyone is having fun and while they have alcohol I drinks available, everyone is being mindful to not send it to hard due to Tim only just agreeing to drink before he’s legal.

Naturally, a few of them get competitive and Ives ends up becoming a judge for who wins in certain face offs.

It’s all fun and games until Kon points out that Tim had been spending most of the time taking photos of other people, though admittedly a fair amount are selfies, and insist on everyone watching Tim perform and filming it.

Tim, who’s used to having lots of eyes on him quickly goes from bashful to scheming and everyone gets the performance of their lives.

Tim wakes up with a mild hangover, (hes a good boy who made sure to drink water and eat a lot), and around a dozen missed calls from various family members. He feels out at first before he sees his latest text is from Stephanie saying ‘Handsome and rich and you can sing? Urg why did we break up again?’ She hadn’t been able to make it due to a break out but promised to make it up to him and she always did.

Attached is a link to a TikTok from an account he knows for a fact is one of his friends.

It’s him, standing on the stage with his big pink feather shall, black dress shirt open with glitter visible on his collar bones and a large jacket that defiantly isn’t his likely hanging over his arms. In the video Tim is swaying around happily, cheekily even, while singing ‘I Am A Good Girl’ by Christina Aguilera from Burlesque and sauntering around as if he himself is playing her role.

Tim’s face isn’t all that flushed and part of him wishes that wasn’t the case if only because it shows he was sober enough to be fully aware of what he was doing, which is unfortunately true.

Tim is confident in his public appearance and knows how to handle any backlash, it’s the text from his family that are going to make him crawl into a hole and die.

Dick: Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne, why are you at a club?

Dick: there better not have been alcohol

Dick: also, unimportant and totally not the most important thing, WHY DIDNT YOU INVITE ME 😭

Damian: You look like a fool, Drake. Alfred has been muttering about Father being a bad influence and is threatening my to kick him out.

Damian: I cannot be sure, but I belive I heard Alfred say ‘your playboy ways better not be swaying that boy to be a nuance like you, young man’.

Damian: Fix this.

Stephanie: ‘why you in the club with people wildin’

Stephanie: get it

Stephanie: like the Meghan the Stallion song?

Jason: why the fuck are you at a club

Jason: don’t think I didn’t see that vodka raspberry in your hand

Jason: answer me you little shit

Jason: I swear to go if you were in crime ally I will loose it

Duke: dude Bruce has such a big worry frown I think I heard a muscle snap

Duke: you’re a really good singer though

Duke: good song choice for a rich brat lol

Duke: that was meaner than I meant for it be sorry!

Duke: still true tho

Cass: drink lots of water and I’ll bring you bat burger in the afternoon xx

Bruce: I’m not angry, you haven’t done anything wrong, but did you have to sing a song about being a rich girl when people complain about us being out of touch enough as it is?

Bruce: I’m not mad though.

Bruce: have you drunk water?

Bruce: also did I see Conner Kent there?

Bruce; why was he there.

Bruce: does he understand the dangers of drinking as a Kryptonian?

Bruce: again, I’m not mad at you, just concerned.

Bruce: I’m mean in a little mad but not because Alfred is yelling at me.

Bruce: you know the Brucie Wayne persona was a farce, I have no doubt about that, but that doesn’t mean you need one.

Bruce: not that you can’t have a good time!

Bruce: please answer Dick is yelling at me now too

Damian: Grayson is now yelling at Father.

Damian: He has called him a whore but I believe that had nothing to do with your provocative dancing. I think he just wants to call father a whore.

Jason: I found the bar.

Bart: heyheyheyheyheyhey! Barry said to warn you that Bruce is making everyone do a course on teaching your kids to be alcohol safe and that even the ones who aren’t parents have to do it too lollolololololol

Jason: I was going to get do something but the woman owning it kept talking about how nice you all were so I feel bad

Dick: I mean you didn’t have to invite me I know it’d be weird to have a 27 year old there but that’s not that old!

Alfred: I shall be around shortly with adequate food. Be ready.

Scott Hunter’s gay rookie obviously develops a huge crush on Luca Haas. He meets him for the first time in person at the KIngfisher after an Admirals vs. Centaurs game. In between the greatest and gayest players in the league, the rookie can’t stop staring at Luca and nearly spills his drink when he laughs so beautifully he looks like an angel. Ilya and Shane start ribbing Scott for being old and the rookie surprises everyone by standing up for him fiercely and doesn’t back down until Hunter tells him to relax. He would die for Hunter and the Admirals. Troy points out that it’s incredibly impressive for a rookie to talk back to the First Husbands of Hockey. The Centaurs all pat him on the back as they head out. 

Some time later, he is out on the town with the other Admirals rookies and they end up drunk at a Japanese karaoke place. After one rookie finishes chirping another on their love life with an off-key rendition of “All By Myself” by Eric Clapman, the rookie is asked what song represents his love life. Like a man possessed, he rises for the couch and sings “Stupid Song” by Olivia Rodrigo without looking at the screen once. He is a surprisingly good singer and the boys get hyped at the bridge “Nobody’s wanted somebody more!”, accidentally trashing the karaoke room. The rookie, getting in the spirit, curses the Centaurs as he glibly throws the microphone over his shoulder. The boys immediately guess his crush is Luca Haas and start begging him to pull a Hollander-Rozanov and seduce him onto their team. 

A karaoke bar employee releases the security camera footage and it goes viral. The public is surprised that the two gayest teams in the league seem to have a Capulet and Montague style rivalry going on. The rookie is so embarrassed he wants to die. Kip and Scott discuss how almost every other hockey player who has come out was already in a relationship, so this is new territory. The rookie just lays face down on the living room floor groaning. Scott’s phone pings and it’s Ilya Rozanov asking what his son’s intentions are with his precious baby boy. Scott texts back that his rookie is 18 and Luca is 20 at this point, so what are his son’s intentions with HIS precious baby boy. Ilya responds that UNFORTUNATELY Lucas is charmed and subtly looking up their next game against each other. Scott responds that if they wait that long his rookie is going to get in his head about this and play horribly. Rozanov chirps the rookie, but agrees. They find when the next gap in both their team schedules is and put the rookie and Luca in a group chat together with their findings. Ilya texts “Take my son somewhere nice, rookie”, Scott responds “If you come to New York, Kip and I have restaurant recommendations” and then they both leave the chat. 

The rookie jumps up from the floor with his phone in hand. “Scott what did you do!?!” he yelps and Scott just laughs and laughs. What a beautiful world this kid lives in, a beautiful world he and Kip made. He hopes he doesn’t screw up his date. 

(It does go well, so well Scott really should really start recommending hotels.)

The only one who hasn’t sang a song yet is Jason who has been quietly sitting in the corner chair watching his siblings make fools of themselves with a book in his hand.

The other siblings start to make fun of him for not joining in. Saying he must be a bad singer to not even want to sing in front of Steph who’s singing voice sounds more like a cat trying to get out of a paper bag.

Jason is silent while the kids make fun of him until Damian says “Leave Todd alone. It’s not his fault he has no skills or talent. SOMEONE has to be the family disappointment out of the 7 of us.”

And Jason slowly closes his book while he rises from his chair and leisurely walks over to the phone that they have hooked up to the karaoke machine. Tim eyes him warily and subtly scoots back a few inches when Jason passes him.

Everyone is silent and observing while Jason types into the phone. Looking for a song. He smirks as the song loads and he grabs one the microphones, moving to the front of the room.

As the first few cords ring out Dick covers his mouth in horror and looks at Jason with wide eyes. Everyone else is confused. Tim looking at Dick in panicked confusion. Dami raising an unimpressed eyebrow at Jason. Steph and Cass stay sitting next to each other with their backs to the foot of the couch hesitantly smiling at Dicks reaction but also confused. Duke slowly leaving the room as he knows the explosion that is about to happen.

Then jason starts to sing.

“Dami’s mom has got it going on.”

Damian shouts in outrage and moves to leap from the floor at Jason. Dick snatches him around the waist, holding him while Jason asks Damian if his mom is back from her business trip yet? He is struggling wildly in Dicks grip while Jason has a shit eating gin on his face and is belting out the chorus but replaces Stacy with Dami.

“DAMI’S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON!”

Damian finally breaks loose from Dicks hold, grabs the machine and throws it at Jason as hard as he can with an infuriated skreech. Jason ducks while the machine crashes through the window and everyone is silent, looking at the window save for Damian who is heaving in angry breaths while glaring at Jason. Jason slowly turns his head to look at Damian, microphone still had to his face with a slack jawed expression. He finally explodes into loud uncontrollable laughter, a borderline manic smile on his face.

Damian takes a step towards Jason but Dick grabs his hand from the floor. Still in shock but somewhat aware he should definitely keep Damian from killing Jason right now.

Bruce and Alfred come bursting into the room and Bruce’s jaw drops when he sees his big expensive window is shattered with the cord from the karaoke machine still dangling from the window sill.

“What the hell is going on in here?” He says while watching Jason slowly compose himself while biting back laughter.

Damien slowly straightens and takes a deep calming breath while flattening his hands down his shirt. He turns to Bruce with a serious expression and says, “Todd is the worst singer I have ever heard in my life Father. He should be banned from ever participating in family karaoke night ever again.”

Meanwhile Tim is looking forlornly at the window where cousin Kari just met her untimely demise.

“I don’t think anyone is gonna be singing Karaoke for a while Baby Bat.”

Jason returned to his place in the chair and crosses his legs. His eyes gleaming while he gives Damian the most shitting eating grin he’s ever given anyone.

Dick slowly rises from the floor and moves to walk past Bruce and Alfred in the doorway.

“I’ll be back with the broom.” He says. “Maybe someone should get something to cover the window with?”

He stops suddenly and turns around to look at all the kids in the living room. “And for Jason’s sake, no one mention this to Talia. Like, ever.”

Jason who still had a cheshire grin, suddenly stops smiling and looks to Damian with a face of growing horror.

Damien smiles as his angry expression smoothes out. He crosses his arms and gives Jason a smug look.

FINALLY! FINALLY GOT THIS DONE! My second karaoke family night, but no babies this time. THIS TIME, it’s “Annoy Draxum Day.”