#kano x reader

you can’t believe you’re stuck in an actual dick-measuring contest

but you suppose sticking two of the most egotistical men you’ve ever met in your life in a cramped hotel room while on a mission wasn’t the smartest decision

it’s not like you had volunteered to be here, General Sonya Blade hadn’t wanted to deal with them themselves (understandably), but then she had given the assignment to you

you’re still reeling over the fact that the Black Dragon and the Special Forces even have a temporary truce to track down a group that’s been giving the both of you trouble, but it’s given you more trouble than it’s worth having to balance out the arrogance of both Kano and Johnny Cage

at this point, you think your body might actually shrivel in on itself from the way the two of them are glowering at each other, and you pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration as you listen to the metal of their belts clink

even worse, the hotel only had one bed available in the already cramped room with a less than proper mattress and an even more suspicious looking couch

“so, luv, who’s got the bigger dick?” Kano’s voice cuts through your line of thought, accent as thick as the hair on his chest, and you scowl at the both of them

“seriously? are you-oh my god.” you cover your eyes for a moment as the both of them whip out their dicks as if they’re swords

this is an absolutely ridiculous situation, Sonya owes you a big fucking favor when this mission is over

“c’mon sweetheart, it’s not like you’ve never seen one before.” this time Johnny eggs you on to look, and you feel heat crawl up the back of your neck

so, you’ve never actually seen a dick in real life before

that isn’t to say you aren’t skilled with a toy on yourself, but you’ve always been too far engrossed in your work to manage a relationship long enough to reach that level

besides, you had heard the horror stories that men are pretty shit in bed anyway, so you didn’t think you were missing out on much

silence fills the room for too long, and you hear Johnny suck in a sharp breath at the realization

“are ya kiddin’? you’ve never actually seen a cock before?” a laugh escapes from Kano, and you scowl from behind your hand as he continues to taunt you, “what, ya scared or something? don’t worry, i won’t bite, not unless you ask.”

you can already hear the infuriating smirk behind his smile, and as much as you hated their pride, yours was just as big

taking a breath and turning back around, you steel your nerves and bring your hand down into your lap and try not to seem too embarrassed as you glare at the both of them

heat still burns across your face even as you scowl, and your manage to drag your eyes down to where they’ve got the front of their pants unzipped and their dicks pulled out

Kano, unsurprisingly, sports quite the bush down there, and he’s thick, thicker than any toy you’ve ever used on yourself, and he, surprisingly, is uncut and looks quite clean for a man with his reputation

“oi, don’t look so surprised, i’m not risking an infection down there.” Kano almost seems offended, his mechanical red heart seeming to glow with anger, and you raise your hands up in surrender

“yeah, yeah, whatever.” you roll your eyes and close them for a moment, just to try and shake off the embarrassment of not just looking but observing someone’s dick, and you take another break before you open your eyes to compare his to Johnny’s

Cage, unsurprisingly, is as hairless as his chest, and he’s not quite as thick as Kano, but he’s cut and a bit longer

“well, i mean, Cage has the longer dick, so he wins. now, can you please put them away.” you turn your gaze away, and as an extra security measure, you put your hand up to shield whatever is left of your dignity

“ha! i knew it!” there’s the telltale sound of a zip coming up from his pants, and you can hear the triumph in Cage’s voice

“whatever, length doesn’t matter when it comes to pleasure.” there’s a bit of a grumble from Kano, a hint of a challenge, and your back stiffens

please, please, please, you are begging internally for Cage to not take the bait because you don’t think you can take any more of their cockfighting anymore

“excuse you. i bet i’ve made more people cum than you ever will.” Johnny took the bait, you’re officially going to go insane

“ha! as if! all you’ve got going is your looks.” “it’s not like you can do any better.”

you tune out their squabbling as they start to resort to petty insults, and you bury your face into your hands

absolutely ridiculous, maybe you would be better sleeping out on the highway because then you could get away from the two of them

maybe if you go back to the front desk and beg, you could get a room by yourself and let the two of them fight it out by morning

the sharp call of your name startles you out of your thoughts, and you look up from your hands to the both of them

“me or him?” Johnny looks at you expectantly, and you flick your gaze back to Kano and then to him again

“what?”

“it’s not that hard, luv,” Kano rolls his eye at you and crosses his arms across his broad chest, “who do ya think is the better lover: me or him?”

for a second, you think your mind has short circuited or that you've teleported to a different timeline, and you stare at the two of them blankly

“you want me,” you point at yourself, “to judge which one of you is the better lover.”

“are you both stupid? why would i know that? i’ve never slept with anyone let alone with the two of you.” the two of them stare at you, and Johnny has the decency to look somewhat embarrassed as you scoff

Kano scratches at his beard, and you feel something shift in your stomach when a smirk crawls over his face and he starts to walk toward you

“well, we can fix that, can’t we?” Kano leans over you so that his nose bumps against yours, and your jaw drops open on its own volition

partly because you’re offended by his proposition that he would assume you would want to sleep with the both of them and mostly because you’re angry that he’s right

you sputter, words coming and failing to organize themselves into anything comprehensible as Kano simply leans in closer to you so that you can feel the scruff of his beard rub against the shell of your ear

“whaddya say, luvie? wanna go for a round with the both of us?” out of the corner of your eye you can see Johnny shift on his feet, almost as if he seemed interested in the proposition as well

Kano pulls back from you, a smirk on his face as he grabs one of your hands into one of his own and brings it up so that he can kiss the back of your knuckles

“i-um, uh-” you still can’t manage to find the words, syllables and sentences and feelings weighing down your tongue as your mind frantically tries to pull itself back together

it’s not as if you’re completely opposed to it, as big as their egos are, they existed for a reason, and you suppose that the both of them aren’t terrible options for your first time

if you exclude the fact that Kano is a wanted mercenary in most countries around the world

“well, look, don’t let Kano pressure you into anything here.” Johnny stands next to Kano, shouldering the mercenary to the side so that he has to let go of your hand

his hand comes to rest on your knee, hesitating for a brief second as if testing the waters, to see if you really were okay with the two of them being here with you

“i mean, well,” you can feel your ears and your face burn as arousal pools at the bottoms of your stomach, “i wouldn’t be…opposed to the idea.”

Kano smirks and rushes toward you first, his hand shoving Johnny back to the side while he lends down so that he can kiss you first

a squeak rushes out of you from how absolutely hasty he is, the roughness of his beard rubbing along your skin as his lips crash into yours

it’s almost painful how quick he is, teeth slightly clacking together as his hand hold onto you, one at the back of your neck and the other squeezing at your waist, and he seems almost desperate for this, to kiss you

he moans, something deep and guttural, into your mouth, his eyelashes tickling at your cheek they flutter close, and your hands grip onto his shoulders as you feel yourself be swept away into his eagerness

Kano grips on tighter to you, tilting his head slightly to try and kiss you deeper, as if he could mold himself into you, and he squeezes at the back of your neck

it makes you let out a small sound as your mind goes slightly fuzzy, and his tongue laps at the space of your lips

and yet still, he is somehow not close enough to you, and he finally drops his weight onto you

your body falls back onto the bed, and your legs wrap around his waist while your hands hook underneath his arms so that you can dig your nails into his back as he continues to kiss you

his mechanical heart digs into your chest, but the feeling is negligible to how his beard scratches at your face, drawing your attention back to his lips every time

he groans as his hips buck forward, grinding you against him, and you whimper into his mouth as it provides the delicious friction that you had been searching for

Kano pulls away from you, allowing you to catch your breath, and he trails his head down to mouth at your neck, his fingers rubbing your chest through your shirt

“fuck, you don’t know just how long ‘ve wanted this.” his words are mumbled, barely audible as you whine whenever his teeth nip into your sensitive skin

his fingers find your nipples through your shirt, and he pinches them roughly, drawing a yelp from your lips as your hands go to scratch at his back

a loud moan echoes from him at the feeling of your nails digging into his skin, and his teeth sink into your neck while his hips rut into yours lazily

“fuck, please, please Kano.” you squirm and gasp as you grind down on him, trying to get more friction on your aching clit, anything to try and relieve the pleasure

he doesn’t say anything, only a low groan answering you, and he flits his eyes to Johnny in the corner and shoots a wink to the actor

Cage has his brows furrowed, gaze firmly fixed on to your face and the way that sweat has started to shine on your forehead

he wishes he could be there instead of Kano right now, the one trailing kisses down your chest, the one lifting the hem of your shirt just enough to bite at your lower stomach, the one pulling off your pants and seeing your pussy glisten with need

if it were up to him, he would tease you a bit longer, mark your neck up a little more just to draw those sweet begging noises from you

his dick twitches in his pants, but Johnny ignores it and simply crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for his turn

you don’t notice the jealousy emanating from Cage, lost in how Kano’s sharp teeth dig into the sensitive flesh of your inner thigh and rips small desperate mewls from your throat

your hands have shot down to his hair, pulling and tugging at the short strands, and Kano groans at the feeling, finally putting his tongue to good use

he licks a wide strip up your pussy, friction flying along your clit and to your brain, pleasure imploding behind your eyes as you whine

the sounds between your legs is lewd, loud slurping and deep moans, almost bordering on a growl as Kano worships your cunt

his tongue is wide and flat along your clit, and one hand grips on tightly to your thigh, fingerprint bruises guaranteed to be there tomorrow as a reminder of tonight

his other fingers slap at the inside of your thigh as you try to close them and buck your hips away from his face

it’s somehow too much and not enough at the same time, and it feels different from all those times you had taken time to pleasure yourself

this feels more primal, more intense, something that builds a pressure inside of you until it felt like you could burst at any moment

words have all but left your mind, only helpless pleas and calls of Kano’s name as he slides two fingers into your drooling pussy

he curls them upward at the same time as his lips suck on your clit, and you whine loudly, hips bucking against his face and your back arching off the bed as you cum

Kano doesn’t let up, letting you ride his face as he sucks your clit and continues to rub his fingers against that one spot, and you feel like you’re going insane as the pleasure starts to build up again too quickly after the last one

a large hand clasps onto the back of Kano’s neck, essentially scruffing him, and Cage pulls Kano away from you, your body falling down onto the sheets and trembling as you try and process the pleasure racing through your body

“oi, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Kano snaps at Johnny, lips curled down into a frown and a sneer on his face, and Johnny scowls back and throws Kano back away from you

Cage wants a taste of you for himself, something clenching at his heart as he looks at your arousal and cum smeared along Kano’s face and beard

he doesn’t explain himself as he lays down where Kano had been a moment ago, his lips moving to work along your leg, leaving gentle kisses along your skin as you pant

his arms go to move underneath your thighs, pulling you closer to him as he kisses along the length of him, and he feels you squirm and your fingers tug at his hair in an effort to give you what you want

“patience, sweetheart.” it’s all he says as he continues to kiss along your thighs, moving to your other one first before even thinking about touching your pussy

Kano seethes at Johnny’s side, jealous of how you seem more needy, more desperate for Johnny as he continues to deny you your pleasure

patience had never been Kano’s strong suit, eager to demonstrate his skills to you and make you cum on his tongue and his fingers, but you couldn’t blame him

you vexed Kano, one playful banter after the next whenever you had met in the past during battle, and for some reason, it had drawn him to you

none of the other Special Forces even bothered to talk to him, more focused on capturing or killing him, but you conversed with him, talked with him

in his own head, it felt like you cared for him, even if he was the enemy, and strangely enough, he felt safe with you, a feeling he hadn’t really had for the better part of two decades

to see you come apart for Johnny, Kano hated it, despised it as Cage finally placed a kiss onto your needy clit and drew a loud whine from your lips

your fingers tug at his cropped hair uselessly, trying to find any purchase as your lips let warbling moans and cries fill the air, and your hips desperately tries to grind against Johnny’s face as his tongue slides along your folds

his arms keep your hips pinned in place however, only letting you take the pleasure that he gives you, and it makes you needy and pathetic as you start to beg

“please, please, Johnny, mmng aannh, pl-please!” your cries grow in volume as Johnny ignores you, doing everything but touch your clit, and he watches as it slightly twitches

a small smile plays on his lips as he lays his tongue along the inside of your thigh and then nips at the skin, “please what? can’t give you what you want if you don’t ask.”

you want to sob, unable to really form a coherent sentence in your head as Johnny continues to tease you, and your tongue seems to twist on itself on you try and speak

“wan’ wanna cum, please, please, i want to cum!” hot tears finally escape your eyes, and you can distantly hear Kano stifle a groan at the sight of you so ruined underneath Johnny

as much as he despised Cage, Kano had to admit that his patience made this experience much more enjoyable to watch

Johnny practically purrs as you beg, and he moves one of his hands to lift up the hood your clit before wrapping his lips around it and sucking hard

it’s all too much at the same time, and you cum on his face as your hips buck and grind against his face and your sobs fill the air

his tongue presses flat long licks against your clit as your orgasm washes away, and your chest falls in uneven breaths as your body shakes

“you alright, luv?” Kano’s warm hand cradles your cheek, and you hum, eyes fluttering open to stare at his

Johnny watches through squinted eyes as Kano comes to coddle you, glaring at how he brushes a hair out of your face, and Johnny lets out a displeased grunt at the sight

he presses a kiss along the inside of your thigh before resting his cheek on it and looking up at you with a cheeky smirk, “so, who did it better?”

your mind still spins as you blink down at Johnny in confusion, “huh?”

“who made you feel better, me? or him?” Kano runs his fingers through your hair, eyes concentrated onto the nape of your neck where he had left the imprint of his teeth

“uh, um, i don’t-” you still feel heavy, clouded from both of your orgasms, and you whimper as Kano’s hand drifts down to rub along the bite mark he gave you, “-i don’t know.”

Kano’s lips pull into a grimace, a pang of jealousy running through his heart that he hadn’t really done any better than Johnny, and Johnny looks equally as disappointed at the verdict before a sly smile reappears on his face

“i guess we’ll just have to keep going until you decide, hm?” Johnny doesn’t give you a chance to answer before his tongue is back on you, lapping at your arousal and cum as a whine peals out of you, overstimulation starting to kick

for once, Kano agreed with Johnny, his eyes raking over the skin of your body as your eyes cloud with pleasure

hypothetically...let's say the original harem failed at protecting you and the revenants won and took you captive *tbh that's the only reason they came*

The revenant harem is all about teamwork, that's why they won. None of them mind sharing you and serving you is their sole purpose of living..well being undead?

You were their prize before they died and now in their afterlife, you are the only thing they can think about. They must protect their living darling from suffering their same fate. You are their queen now, they'll stop at nothing to prove that to you. Before they were playing fair, letting you choose who you wanted but they are done waiting. They are all yours to love.

Once captured by the harem, you will no longer have any life outside of them. You are not going anywhere. They hate the thought of you interacting with the outside world. Seriously, you are on lockdown. They even hate the idea of you visiting your family. They are your family.

were you a champion? Oh, well you're no longer allowed to ever fight or train again. They forbid you because they were all skilled and dedicated their lives to it but now look at them..you cannot get hurt.

Actually anything remotely dangerous is a no go.

There's never a second when you're alone, they're enamored by you. They've most likely built an entire castle for you, fit with a throne only you may be allowed to sit on. bouquets of flowers and jewels gifted at your feet. They bow in your presence and cannot wait to throw themselves at any opportunity to do something for you.

Anything..please anything you want. They'll gladly go to war for you and take over the entirety of the outworld for your ruling. Just say the words and they'd do it. You deserve to be Kahn with your ever so graciousness.

say jump and they'll say how high. If you never felt like walking again your feet won't ever have to touch that filthy ground ever again.

Don't let this fool you though, they are absolutely insane. They are still dangerous yanderes who will collectively punish you for any signs of disobedience. Don't run away, don't fight back or reject them..

Actually...do fight back. come on..they dare you. They love it when their queen plays rough. Who wouldn't want to be punched by you? They'll taunt and mock you while your weak self tries to fight them ...you're hilarious. If you are super powerful and is actually causing trouble, you will be punished by the more intense characters. Do you think you're getting past Raiden?

"A shame I had to use such intense force to subdue you. Although you are very dear to us, do not think for a second are exempt from proper discipline. Your fate will be shortly decided."

punishments range from you having some luxuries revoked to being dropped off in the living forest and left there to fend for yourself for a couple of hours.

You got the absolute worst version of every-single character...like a harem that consists of REVENANT Dark Raiden and Noob Saibot is a harem you def don't wanna mess around and find out with.

I know in the previous harem it seemed like every girl's dream..yeah no. Not this one.

Oh and they also like to control what you wear. Elaborate regal clothing is their favorite, especially with a huge headpiece. Your schedule is also controlled throughout the day. They have everything perfectly balanced to fairly share you and to take shifts protecting your castle. Occasionally though, some will get into fights with each other when one is a bit more needy and tries to hog up your time. The most sought-after time though is when you're either getting ready in the morning or settling down in the evening. To be the one to brush your hair or to help you out of your ridiculous garments is an honor.

I like to imagine that when you sleep, they all gather around your bed, admiring your beauty. none of them are allowed to sleep on your bed, They'll just huddle on the floor around it. reminds me of the quote "sleeping on your floor is better than sleeping in my bed." They all have their own rooms but rather be near you.

they're so far gone, you have to remind them every time you need to use the restroom that no. they cannot follow you in.

"Johnny, no. I need some privacy please."

*on his knees* "But my sweetheart...I just want to offer you some assistance."

"johnny- i have to pee..."

This way of life is completely normal...that's what they keep telling you at least..That their actions are innocent. Oh they just can't bear a second without you, bullcrap. So manipulative. They are still the same grimy men as before lol

Especially Kano and Erron..somehow death just made them have less of a filter.

Do you think Lui Kang, Kung Lao, Hanzo, and Kuai forced the monks and both clans into being your personal army? They're so damn corrupt.

They'll instantly kill anyone who dares to even look at you. It's only their special privilege. Their head will be gifted to you on a silver platter to show their undying devotion. Are you crying? did you not like their gift? They're sorry. Would you have preferred something more?

Yeah you tended to bite your finger, a pen, your thumb or whatever, but he didn't really pay much mind to it. You were functioning and not much was out of the blue, since it seemed so normal, but the more you two get closer and more personal, I feel he'd notice it more than a sore thumb (ba dum tss) (sorry)

It started small. Your finger. Ok, he's done it before and knows people who does it from time to time.

Then it moved to other objects. Strange, he started to think, but oh well, it didn't seem that big of an issue.

Then he started to notice that every single interaction between the two of you included you nibbling or biting on something! *gasp*

He's not gonna lie, he found it a bit bizarre at first. Why would you be putting things in your mouth, and biting on them? (YOU CANT TALK ABOUT HYGIENE, AUSSIE MAN, YOU PISS EVERYWHERE)

Kano'd confront you about it casually, maybe you two are walking together, or you're talking across from each other just hanging out. The moment he sees you bite on something that isn't food, he'd go: "Why do you do that, toots?" He'd gesture to your mouth, "I ain't judgin', but why you leavin' marks all over the place?"

You'd then have to explain to him that sometimes your mind gets too overwhelmed, and moving the pressure onto the jaw takes away the pressure in the head. He starts to get it then.

Would 100% buy you fidget toys just so that you don't train yourself to bite things to deal with stress. Fidget spinners, yoyos, puzzles, music and all the like that can combat or even distract you from your struggles, he's buying it without a second thought.

And, come on, look at this mannnnnnnnnnn. LOOK AT THIS BEAR. Kano would urge you to tell you why you're stressed in the first place. If it's grades (if you're in college), if it's incompetent workers or unfair shifts in your job, or if it's just the weight and speed of life caving in on you --Kano's your guy.

"Come onnnn, love... You know me, you know what I do, I can help you easily! Now what's got you all wrapped in a bunch, hm?"

If Kano saw you starting to bite more often, he'd swiftly go over to you and soothe you. "It's alright, love, it will allll be alright. Don't sweat it, let me help you..." He'd whisper into your ear, resting your head on his shoulder as he rubbed your arms, gently pushing away whatever it was you were biting.

BUT IF YOU BITE JUST SUBCONSCIOUSLY (like me fr 🙏) Then it's a whole other thing.

I'd love to imagine that he buys you silicone chew necklaces (i want one ughhhhhhhrfwdiawdiuashdi) in all colors and sizes and scents if you want variation.

I feel like it would be a bit harder for him to deal with/figure out because it doesn't stem from anything, you just do it.

If he sees you start to lift something to your mouth to bite on it, he'd swiftly go over to you, (lovingly) slap it away from your teeth and just put the necklace in your mouth.

"Ah ah ah! Nooooo don't bite your pen, use your necklace!"

If your biting tendencies translate to love bites, then it's a whole 180. He doesn't like it.

...

OR DOES HE- *gets shot*

So you wanna nom nom on a mass murderer and omnicidal sadist? Love that for you.

Let us first address the elephant, no, the WHALE in the room that is Kano's arms. It's free game right there

We ALL see it, you can't deny the guns on that man. Untapped territory goes wild.

Imagine you two are just hugging normally on the couch, arms intertwined with one another, taking in each other's scent, totally immersed in relaxation

AWWW SO CUTE AND ROMANTIC. anyways you open your eyes and put your head on his chest, but your eyes immediately flock to the absolute wall that is his bicep

THE TATTOOS ON THIS MAN. Like wisps. Like sirens, beckoning you into the sea. You adjust your head closer and he thinks not much of it, until he's met with a small but tight nibble.

"OY WHAT IN THE FUCK" He'd exclaim, jolting from yall's romance, (which he so rudely interrupted with his outburst 🙄). He looks at you and sees your teeth on his arm, just kinda lying down there and looking up at him like nothing was wrong.

"Hmph," he'd grunt, "Well excuse me but I'd appreciate it if you took my fuckin' arm out yer damn mouth"

You'd sigh in disappointment, going back to lie down against his chest, holding his hands, which he obliges to

big mistake

just a few seconds later your biting on the length of his fingers, not deeply, but just nibbling.

"Why are ye doing this? I don't get it. Don't bite me..." He'd snap, but not angrily, more of stunned and confused.

For the first few times you'd do it, he's convinced he doesn't like it. But a small kindle in him, like an intrusive thought, keeps questioning and interrogating.

"Are ye sure you don't like it? Aww you just don' wanna get flustered in front of them!"

He'd scoff these thoughts away, and you'd assume that it was a hard no on love bites. Until...

You notice that he's purposefully wearing things without sleeves whenever you're nearby. You also realize that he starts to angle his body in a way where his biceps are right in front of your face; and not to mention the fact that he stops wearing gloves whenever you're holding his hand. He'd put his hands on your cheek, or moving hair away from your face, his fingers veryyyyy conviniently grazing past your lips.

Hmmmm... food for thought.

One day, you'd eventually just shrug and take your chances.

You held his hand, brought up his finger and nibbled on it, making sure your teeth were tucked behind your lips. He didn't stop you, he didn't even pay attention to it.

The bones in his fingers were straight, not limp, almost as if he was offering his fingers for your biting pleasures.

Hmmmm...

mercenary country bumpkin hot guy

If you're stressed about something and you start to bring your thumb/pointer/middle finger/ring finger/pinky/hand/boot up to your mouth to bite, this man IMMEDIATELY sees it

Come on. He canonically shoots buzzards without looking AND is an assasin, this dude's eyes and intellect are unmatched.

This man's keen vision has already figured out that you're stressed, what you're stressed about, how the stress manifests, and can tell WHEN you're stressed (before you even say or do anything)

"Hold it right there, mister/missy/sugar." He'd interrupt before anything can enter your mouth, "take that ___ away from your goddamn mouth"

It can sound like he's mad, but he's really not :3 He either sounds horny or ptfo with everything with no in between, so don't feel even more stressed that he's mad with you.

He just doesn't want you to form that addiction/foster that problem. aww so sweet (i wanna bite him)

Since he now knows that you get stressed and they can have detrimental(?) effects on the physical, he knows to balance out his resting bitch face and show you he cares.

For example, his boyfriend senses goes off roughly 10 minutes before your next bite, and thus goes over to you, no matter how far away you are from him, and give you a candy before you can even lift your hand

How in the jawbreaking fuck does he do it? You have no clue. He must've gotten some imaginary hold on invisible CCTVs from the future to be able to figure out your mannerisms with SUCH ACCURACY.

I can just imagine you just sitting down on the bench, drained from rushing impulsive thoughts of your struggles, just on the verge of a breakdown. You bring up your hand to bite on your thumb, when out of nowhere a gloved hand gives you an already unwrapped lollipop (I say already unwrapped cuz ngl those chupa chups be hard asf to open).

You look up at your man to just see him towering over you, guns on his back, and giving you a strawberry caramel flavored lollipop.

"How did yo-" "I'm your man, I always know."

Once he sees you put it in your mouth, then he gives you a quick kiss on the forehead and cheek, then turns to leave.

You have to respect the grind and punctuality of murderous Mr. Cotton Eye Joe over here; he's got you covered beyond realms.

But if you're neurodivergent or you're just hyperactive, then this man is on DOUBLE watch.

Before he leaves you alone, he's arming you with lollipops, gum, chips, and a (loving) death glare to not bite. Ofc he also gives you water and an apple cuz he values ur health <3

Tbh he's only giving you "junk" because he doesn't know any other finger foods that aren't, until he stumbles upon that one dark fact tiktoks (we all know those infest his fyp) that says the teeth can easily bite through your finger like it can a carrot.

computing... computing... computing... COMPUTED

You kiss each other the next day, and he hands something to you, a tupperware.

Huh, that's strange. you think to yourself. Candy doesn't come in tupperware!

Well isn't that a nobel peace prize in the distance, dumbass (lovingly <3) IT ISNT CANDY

You open that motherfucker up to see... I kid you not... Sliced carrots, sauteed with soy sauce.

*collapses on the floor* (this is just self indulgence for my asian ass)

Just as a cherry on top, they're all sliced to be approximately the same size as the finger you bite the most. so...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Why does he take it so seriously?

If you ask him that, he would honestly be insulted, offended and disrespected, he'd look mad (take a wild guess. He isn't).

I mean I CAN'T BLAME HIM. Let's take a look at you: talented, gorgeous, etheral, kind, loving, the lohl, perfect. You biting on yourself or something harms your teeth structure in jaw, which if we were to translate to Erron Blackese: You're harming yourself.

That just won't do because thou shalt not desecrate the thing he adores the most in the world, so boom that's why he gaf.

Now now now, dear people, if this were to be in love bites. This man will volunteer.

Since this man is a trad simp, that means he is willing to do whatever so that you don't hurt yourself (or what he thinks that is in his translations 😒...)

So if you were to just be cuddling and loving on the couch, cozy as shit and just snuggling like birds. He'd just be lying down, half asleep and half trying to enjoy the time he has with you, when all of a sudden... *nom nom nom*

Since this mf deals with guns and whatnot, i'm gonna take an educated guess and say that it's kinda numb on his arms (yknow from all the shakin). And along with the fact you were hiding your teeth behind your lips, I don't think he'd notice it that much.

In his head, he was way stronger and much more capable to deal with the "effects" of bites than you were (wowwwww ok ic how it is ERRON), he just shrugged and let you do it.

"Yeah, sure, fine, whatever. As long as it ain't on you, bite as much as you want, I don't give a rat's ass..."

Like Kano, you'd find him offering you his hands more to nibble on. He finds it ticklish.

I LOVE THIS MAN YOOOOOOO

SPEEDY MCGEE

AHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHH

SPEEDY MCGEE MY MANNNN MY HOMIEEEEE

Since he's *ahem ahem* more youthful, than the two other idiots (lovingly), he'd go about this much more understandingly.

The first time he sees you bite something, he just thinks you're bored. He sees it as your beige flag and doesn't think that much of it. But he does take a mental note of it.

Once he starts to notice you biting objects way more often than you should, he starts to get weirded out. Not weirded out at you, but like there was an enigmatic undertone that he could not put his finger on.

I'd think he's a bit awkward I the first few times of realization to ask you about it (bbg 🙏🙏🙏), but he is actually worried about why you do it.

100% went on Google about reasons why you might bite things, and ends up discovering Pica disorder. Needless to say, he got frantic about it, and the next day you don't find any paper clips, coins, loose metal or any small, sharp things

If you just so happened to need one of these things, when you go up to him and ask if he has any, he would probably be running whole MARATHONS internally, thinking you were gonna eat them.

When you two are just hanging out like the lovers you two are (love that), he lets his guard down.

Big. Mistake. Speedster.

Lets say you two were having coffee in your shared home (or his apartment if u don't live together). You both are sitting next to each other on the coffee table, holding hands and shit.

You lay your head on his shoulder, just being all comfy and stuff, holding your hand close to your chest to feel warmth. Your mind kinda drifts away like a log in a current, and you start randomly daydreaming of things that could go wrong (same)

You start thinking about your job, your future, your Hobbies, your home, or your life, getting wrapped up in your paranoia that you partly lose consciousness of your jaw

"Uhm... excuse me, do you...mind?" You hear the voice of Fast Fine Shyt™️ snap you back to reality. You look down and see that you were just biting on the tip of his two fingers, his hand held down by both of yours. You look up at him to see a horrified look, drizzled with fear on the poor man's face.

My mans thought you were a Tarkatan anomaly, and he didn't know whether or not to square up or freeze and hope you don't take chomp. He chose the latter.

I can't blame him. The way you were holding his hand like a snack handle genuinely looked like you were gonna bite his hands off. You weren't a sloppy biter though, it was more of weird than dirty.

"Oh my god oh my god I'm I'm sorry!!" You blurt out apologies rubbing his hand and setting it down. He chuckles, not responding, but the way his laugh trails off makes you think he was just relieved you didn't bite off his hand.

After that day, he monitored you 24/7. He'd spy on you from a corner, scrutinizing your every move, trying to guess what you'd do next. When you're holding big things like plates, books, your phone etc., he doesn't do anything.

But the moment he sees you hold something smaller and thinner, he speeds over, yanking it from your hand.

Doesn't fucking matter what it is 💀 you could be stirring your drink with a teaspoon and he'd run over, grabbing the teaspoon from you and stirring it, handing your drink back to you with peering eyes, confiscating the spoon.

You could be WRITING SOMETHING DOWN in a notepad and he'd rush over, grabbing the pen.

"This is a bit too much, don't you think?"

"Shut up. Here, tell me what you were gonna write, I'll do it for you."

Ironically, you're more weirded out about the situation than he is.

Since you're a legend who stands up for themselves, you decide to inquire about why he's acting weird one day.

The moment you ask why he's acting strange, he'd freeze for what feels like an hour, before exploding with worry about you eating screws and getting hurt. Not to mention how he's concerned you're gonna become a cannibal (you don't know it, but the coffee table incident wasn't the only time you were biting him)

You just kinda look at him funny🧍‍♂️

And then it clicks.

"Ohhhhhhh the biting!". "YES THE BITING". "Oh! I just do it when I get stressed.". "..."

KABAL YOU DOOFUS JUST ASKKKKKK

Anyways, he's way more relaxed than before, but still 100% cuz WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE THIS STRESSED ALL THE TIME?!?!?!?

If you're stressed about something, oh prepare to have this therapist swooping right by your side.

If you're paralyzed with swarming thoughts, brain flicked off, the only thing moving is your hand for you to bite on, this man notices.

"Heyy... heyy..." he'd say, gently, "Are you okay, darling? What's wrong?"

This man is sensitive and emotional, he ain't afraid to get down on his knees to show you he cares. If you're like me and you feel like your stress is too much to be other people's problems, he'd laugh in your face (lovingly)

"Darling..." He'd smile at you, holding you close, "I kill people. Nothing you can say will faze or even be an inconvenience in the slightest to me! And if it is... well, I'd be damned rather than let my baby go through that alone."

(SORRY BUT THE THOUGHT OF HIM SAYING "Darling, I kill people :)" IS FMUUUUU)

Is prepared to hold you close and not let go until you tell him what's wrong. If you tell him you're fine and you truly don't need to talk, he'd allow you to go on with your day, but he'd make it clear as Norwegian water that you can always go to him no matter what.

But if you do talk to him and open up about it, his playful jocose attitude will wither away; only kind and understanding Kabal is left.

No matter how miniscule or serious; no matter how short or complicated, he will listen, not once showing signs of losing interest or focus. Bro is locked in for his love

Once you're done, he'd continue to dissect your problem with you until both you and him understand how you feel. He'd then go on to explain why he doesn't want you to bite things, and how he thinks it's harmful to not verbalize your struggles, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

This heart to heart between the two of you honestly tanked the rate of your bites. You'd find yourself going to him more and more frequently, relying less on letting your thoughts linger negatively, and starting to go to people who loved and cared for you.

He's overjoyed, to say the least.

But if you're an ADHD person, then he's got just the thing.

lets be real with ourselves here. He has it too.

If you're just hyperactive and you need that constant stimulus to just feel something, then his master plan is to distract you.

Oh, what's that? You were gonna bite your finger? Nope! He grabbed both of your hands and forced you to dance with him, making sure to be extra left-footed to make you laugh and forget to bite at all.

I'm a firm believer that he would now offer his hand (or his arm if he's feeling frisky) to use as a replacement. Literally gnaw on them all you want, as long as it isn't you you're biting, he's fine with it.

Were you gonna bite something else? He'd stop you dead in your tracks and ask you a profound and useless question, just to interrupt your train of attention.

You're listening to music, just vibing to the sounds of the bass, completely immersed in the instruments and this figure you were doodling for fun.

Oh what if this was a dog? one two three four, star shapes, angelic connections, train stations in Paraguay... uhhhhhh... should I become a hyperpolyglot? I should make a list. Yeah... I'll make a list. You set your pen on paper, making a haphazard list of random languages you thought were cool, until you reached a dead end. I should learn 15 languages, but I only have 12... three more... three more... hmm...

You bring up your pen to your teeth.

"HEY Y/N!" The charismatic, loving voice called out. You turned your head to Kabal.

"If the show is called Alvin and the Chipmunks, does that mean Alvin isn't a chipmunk himself?"

"I---" You stammer, your brain trying to come up with a solution only for an even weirder one to reform into a question.

Kabal chuckles, walking over to you and giving you a kiss on the forehead, nose, and lips, holding your hands.

"Don't worry about it." He then leaves. Huh... random

Oh! Arabic! That's a good language... You suddenly remember your train of thought.

You turn back to your paper to write it down, but...

"Where the fuck did my pen go?!"

Cue Kabal snickering on the other side of the room.

AUTHORS NOTES:

Kano

Kano: Look at you..

You: What? see something you like?

Kano: every single inch, Love.

-----

Kano: Lady liberty's been behind our asses for quite some time. Any suggestions?

You: Leave her to me.

Kano: that’s my girl/boy/doll.

-----

Kano (Past): How do I end with such beauty like you?

You: We make one hell of a duo, Sugar.

Kano (Past): As we should, Sweetheart.

-----

Kano (Future): My lesser half should keep his eyes away, love.

You: You’re jealous of your past version? really?

Kano (Future): He should focus on your past self only.

-----

You: Mavado tried to compliment my attire.

Kano: let him try again but with me there, doll.

You: (chuckling) He’s gonna lost his tongue or more, isn't he?

-----

You: You gonna let Erron just leave the Black Dragon just like that?

Kano: Nah, gonna make him a sweet threat for the red Drongos first

You: That’s more like it.

Johnny Cage

Johnny Cage: So bad boys huh?

You: and with some brain too, Cage.

Johnny Cage: i’m not offended by that, sweetheart.

-----

Johnny Cage: from all the people you could have…him?

You: you have a better suggestion, Cage?

Johnny Cage: one right in front of you, baby doll.

-----

You: Honestly i through you'll be dead by now.

Johnny Cage: I'm a tough cookie, Sweet face.

You: A tough skull is what you have.

Kung Lao

Kung Lao: The White Lotus Society could show some light for you corrupted soul.

You: As if..

Kung Lao: Why did I even tried? 

-----

Kung Lao: You enjoy being part of those criminals?

You: Do you see me in distress?

Kung Lao: i see you being delusional.

-----

Kung Lao: How you even sleep at night?

You: Next to my man

Kung Lao: both fools in a twisted criminal love

Kabal

Kabal: Think you can catch me, Sweetheart?

You: with my eyes close, Kabal.

Kabal: let’s test it then.

-----

Kabal: Kano is a lucky man

You: Why Kabal?

Kabal: He’s lucky we didn’t meet first.

-----

Kabal: Do I have a chance?

You: a death wish is what you have

Kabal: buy by you at least?

Sonya Blade

You: ¿Johnny Cage? ¿really?

Sonya: ¿Kano? ¿Really?

You: Touché, Blondie…

-----

you: How does it feel to have a daughter? 

Sonya: like a mini me, why?

You: A little me around doesn't sound bad then… 

-----

Sonya: You’re guilty as Kano for the black dragon crimes, y/n

you: Our relationship is 50/50 after all.. 

Sonya: even at failing and being cowards?

Erron Black

Erron black (past): Do I have a chance, Darlin’?

You: Only if you want to Kano to cook your brain in our grill.

Erron Black (Past): first he needs to catch me.

-----

Erron Black: if you were mine….

You: Speak, Black.

Erron Black: We could be our own Bonnie and Clyde, Sugar

-----

You: How long until you leave the black dragon?

Erron Black: When i see no use of any of you all.

He's a very physical. In many ways. Kano loves to have some sort of constant claim on you so others know to back off. Frequently seen with his arm around your waist and pulling you flushed against his side, his hand has a noticeable tendency to wander down further no matter who's around

If you're sitting and helping him plan out cargo loads for the Black Dragons, he finds it hilarious to constantly poke and prod at you until he gets a reaction. Will grab tufts of your hair and use the ends to tickle your cheeks

If anyone dares to flirt with you in earshot of him. He will take great pleasure in knocking their skull against his metal place 4 or 5 times. Or more until he's heard enough cracks to soothe his temper. Then they can be thrown into the cage fights for everyone else's entertainment

While he isn't poetic he is very talkative. Has no shame flirting with you while he's going about his criminal activity I mean... He's the damn leader. He can do whatever he wants and if that means spouting an ungodly amount of inuendo's until you're a blushing and stuttering mess, absolutely he's going to do that

Kano is a man all about reactions. He loves to rile people up and see how he can get them to tick, that goes for his partner. That's partly why he fell for you. He loves seeing all the reactions he's able to get out of you

He can go too far however at times. Teasing and prodding that can sometimes come off as insulting. Kano will laugh and play things off as a joke but when you completely blow past him and leave. He knows he fucked up

The tough guy persona cracks in these moments. Wanting to chase after you and assure you he didn't mean to hurt you yet not quite knowing how to go about that. Kano usually throws himself deeper into the Black Dragon, hoping to distract himself from the guilt eating away at his insides

Kano does come around eventually however, slipping back into your shared bedroom. His head held lower than normal for the boisterous man with an armful of trinkets and gifts he collected for you. Partially illegal. Mostly illegal but that's what the man specializes in

It's hard to stay mad at him for long when he's sitting there looking like a rejected puppy.

Surprisingly he's a good cook! He's a wizard when placed in front of a grill with meat and herbs to use. He doesn't really measure things out but goes on gut and whatever tastes good in the moment. Has yet to make a bad meal

On the saucier side- He can eat a peach for hours ;)