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I know that nature is healing because I saw a video about how kalvin garrah made an apology after a decade of policing how to be trans and publicly humiliating non-passing trans people, and barely anyone in the comments knew who he was
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for this year's Pride month, thanks to a long conversation with my mother, i'd like to remind everyone that just because a trans person acts or behaves in a way you don't like, or says or does something you don't agree with, or if they're controversial or problematic, that does *not* give you the excuse to misgender them or revoke their transness.
Yes, trans people are capable of being toxic people or doing bad things. Yes, some trans people can be cruel or harm others around them. That is not a justifiable excuse to misgender or deadname them, or say they're "not really" a man, woman, nonbinary, etc. A person's marginalized identity is completely seperate from the quality of their character, and you do not get to decide who is or isn't trans, no matter how you feel about them.
Do not be transphobic. Be better than bigots.
apparently theres a kalvin garrah apology of which i will not be looking further into nor do i plan on entertaining anything he does ever . i think the appropriate amends for making a living and building a platform on harming queer teens and children (cuz honestly even the word bullying is too gentle for what it was) is to never have a platform again because it will always be built on your cruelty. fade into obscurity you lost your chance at internet fame.
So Kalvin Garrah did an interview with Riley Grace Roshong, and as a life long Kalvin hater I'm going to watch it. It's 2 hours long, and I'm going to try and put my own biased options aside and listen. Apparently he apologizes?? But I'll give my options after I watch it.
Apparently Kalvin Garrah is apologizing for what he’s done in the past.
I won’t talk about how he’s harmed people in his own community, many other people, especially trans people, have done that at length.
My message right now is: You don’t have to forgive your bullies for what they’ve done to you to believe in the redemptive power of recognizing and apologizing for your behavior.
What Garrah did was inexcusable. He hurt a lot of people for little reason, and him giving his reasons for it doesn’t absolve him of his actions.
But it’s also okay to want him to change for the better. It’s also okay to not forgive him for it. Recognizing he was just a kid while doing it also does not absolve him of his behavior, but it does explain it.
You can want your bullies to apologize and realize their actions harmed people and want them to change for the better while also not accepting their apology. You do not owe them peace of mind for what they’ve done to you.
I wouldn’t hold it over it them, that’s wrong especially if they’re actively trying to change their ways, but you don’t have to stop being angry, you don’t have to stop being upset about what they’ve done, you don’t have to accept their sorry.
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met some young trans people today and they said they didn’t know who kalvin garrah was. nature is healing.
I’ve recently started to truly deconstruct the internalized toxic masculinity I developed from watching Kalvin Garrah when I first came out as trans 6 years ago.
Because of him I didn’t realize I was non-binary for 5 and a half years, because I thought that wasn’t an option. I thought I wasn’t trans enough because I didn’t have bottom dysphoria, or hip or leg dysphoria, I was worried that I “couldn’t be trans” without those things. It was hard and really brought down my mental health.
Now, I fully recognize my non-binary identity, I’ve learned to be happy I don’t have as much dysphoria as others do, and I’ve very recently started branching out into more typically feminine stuff.
Yesterday for the first time in years, I painted my nails. They’re not good and my nails are already horrible to begin with from chronic nail biting, but I’m hoping to get better at it as time goes by.
I am healing :)
I know Kalvin Garrah is kind of old news at this point, but I just feel the need to talk about my feelings about this because ultimately it impacted me a ton.
I was a Kalvin Garrah fan in middle school (I know, awful.) I had been in the midst of an identity crisis since I was 10 and started looking towards YouTube at that time. I was a MEGA fan of Kalvin’s. I watched all of his content and genuinely became such an insufferable, annoying, person as a result. I KNEW I was trans, but from watching his content I convinced myself I could only be a binary trans person. I told myself I was a man and forced myself to be hyper masculine as a result. I hated myself so much and finally decided I wasn’t man enough and never would be (because, news flash, I was not a man.) After that it took me years to come to terms with my identity, to accept that I am non-binary and to stop hating myself.
And I have read stories from other people, young trans kids, in these spaces online that just felt so uncomfortable in their transness. Kalvin Garrah, and other transmeds (trans scum, etc) had such a major impact on trans people and it is STILL HAPPENING with trans people trying to cater to conservative people.
Just please keep an eye on any young trans people you know, and be a shoulder to cry on when they eventually realize how this affected them. Only reason I was able to start loving myself, and transness as a whole, was thanks to my lovely friends and other content creators that made me feel welcome and safe.
