#kal1

##SPRING TRACK MEET !

a day of fun for the groups participating in kingdom: legendary war that doesn’t necessarily require gruelling rehearsals (aka the idol crossover episode everyone wanted and much preferred over a dumb competition).

note: i don’t have access to the whole episode so i might have missed a lot and events may be out of order, apologies!

the agu (i9)!

sf9 - white, ikon - red, the boyz - yellow

mayfly!

btob - blue, ateez - green, stray kids - pink

yeah, stray kids really said fuck the patriarchy— pink is gender-neutral!

now, you would think mnet would request lucy to sit out and simply act as supporting mc for the day— to which they absolutely did, but she refused immediately.

not just because she’d hate to split the duo that is lovey & dovey (changbin and wooyoung from ateez), but she wants to play games too!

sure, she’ll be against boys at least a head taller than her— but what were they going to do? most of them wouldn’t even dare stand a metre within her vicinity in fears of starting a scandal. lucy’s gender is basically her superpower at this point in the show.

i.n and eric reading the oath out together is just the sweetest though. at least kingdom and fans can agree on one thing: and that’s maknaes on top!

athletes of the kingdom track meet swear under oath as follows— we will ignore the age differences, but not the rules of the game. we will keep in mind that our bodies belong to melody, ikonic, fantasy, the b, stay and atiny; and be careful not to get injured. we will be sociable today and do our best to become close to all of the members. at ease!

not sf9’s average height being a whole ten cm (four inches for you imperial weirdos) taller than stray kids’.

lucy standing at 1.71m (5’7”) makes her as tall as the vaulting horse, which is interesting, to say the least (and 30cm shorter than han jisung, according to myth).

also very shippable with tall boys and smol girls, according to fans. because anyone near her height (like the members) are “just friends”, right?

jokes on them though bc lucy’s totally over how much height differences used to fluster her: little do they know her type now also comes in at 5’7” whose name starts with c and and ends with hristopher bang.

but the kang duo, aka lucy and chani (sf9) had mc’d together (with her twin hyunjin) once upon a time! being a little more than acquaintances, the two cheer for each other despite being on opposing teams.

master minhyuk gives everyone the tip that acceleration and having no fear are the most important factors involved in vault jumping: lucy’s got the latter down— which is a good sign.

*btob cheering like high school students at a football meet for skz*

whilst ateez: it’s the strawberry kids!

the nickname is definitely cute, but lucy isn’t narrowing her eyes at the sun…

dwaekki-challenge! changbin’s the first to jump for the kids: and if you don’t already know the result— let’s just say the boy is absolutely blue-balled by the vaulting horse.

lucy definitely joins the chorus of gasps and oh’s, but god bless those organs of hers are completely internal. again, gender superpower.

I.N faking his jump by hiding behind the vault and all of the kids dragging him off the mat is teamwork at its finest. if everyone replicated this energy during phys ed, maybe the world would be a better place…

lee know, aka six-black-belts: martial arts expert is merely one of the forces to be reckoned with in stray kids. the duality of this man’s athletic ability is no joke, in fact— it’s sexy as hell.

but according to ikon, stray kids are their rivals today— and martial arts doesn’t necessarily contribute vaulting. though they may have a point, the innate flexibility that comes with it helps lee know easily clear the height (to his own surprise).

it definitely gives lucy a kick in her step when groups wanna fight for no good reason. despite how much she admires her ikon oppas, she’ll always be extra protective of her members.

bobby is however an exception, considering the faith he has in his members is non-existent and hilarious.

felix and lucy (who follow lee know) also have a black belt in taekwondo! consider the three of them the martial art kittens!

whilst felix has trained for twelve years, lucy’s trained for half the amount of time (starting at seven years old and stopping when she moved to korea at fourteen/fifteen).

korean vs aussie line: yongbok (noona), hwaiting! let’s go, felix (lucy)!

and as felix makes the first jump/flops like a rag doll, lucy also succeeds but lands up straight like a needle.

she grins and makes a heart with her fingers at the camera like the cheese that she is.

felix and lucy might also be the only two members that can do the splits without difficulty, so their jumps are insanely clean (almost professional-gymnast-worthy).

everyone is amazed! equal cheering energy especially as seungmin, han and chan also all succeed in jumping the vault.

ace member chan just being extra when he crosses his legs mid air (he is definitely not raising a brow at an easily-impressed-but-trying-to-hide-it lucy).

lucy cheers for btob like there’s no tomorrow but is also very amused by eunkwang adjusting the springboard to help him make the jump.

not pretty boy juyeon blowing a cheeky kiss to lucy when he successfully jumps the vault…

no one signed up for this reverse harem composed of almost 40 members, but that’s essentially what the show’s become.

lucy immediately turns her head (with seungmin force-turning her entire body around) but the damage has been done: chan’s competitive dial’s turned to eleven.

though the boyz all make it over the vault, lucy only visibly responds to the adorable changmin making a peace sign at her and kevin twerking for screen time. basically the 98’ liners @ lucy: it’s free real estate.

it’s ateez’ turn to vault! yeosang’s cheater jump (boss level moves honestly) and respectfully-bowing hongjoong after his hip collides with vault earns a giggle from lucy.

hongjoong: 10cm makes a difference!

lee know, felix, jeongin: really?

the look on chan’s face is just— sure it does, because the man’s ego has to be inflated in order to impress his girl.

lucy doesn’t reply to either party but her grin totally says, that’s what she said.

seungmin, han and felix don’t make it to the semi-finals because the vault is just way too high (2m and 20cm) and intimidating, but the 98’ duo: seeknow (lucy and lee know) do!

chan: why are you guys still here?

lee know: i dunno, why am i here?

lucy: we’re just built different,

lee know’s butt unfortunately catches the edge of the vault during his jump and he fails: but lucy and chan rush to him to make sure he’s okay.

lucy, on the other hand, is a fucking monster. the girl can lift her weight and more, which is essentially half of the battle. she clears the monstrous height like the kangaroo that she is, which earns a profound scream from both wooyoung and changbin at the sidelines.

changbin: holy shit! what the hell was that?

wooyoung, who follows lucy also garners the same energy from the mc panel.

lucy hi-fives the boy which makes him all giddy and smiley: the bunny from ilsan truly adores his noona.

and speaking of kangaroos, sulky chan wants a hi-five too!

he clears the vault without any struggle, but is rewarded with an awkward fist bump instead (he really thought she was gonna go in for a five). good stuff!

and that’s the exact moment chan makes the crazy bet he’s out for minhyuk’s vaulting king title. the boy is a lucy-pleaser and everyone on the field can feel it.

minhyuk (to chan): okay, hwaiting, i guess!

the man definitely makes the finals with the others, along with juyeon (the i-9’s only remaining member).

2m and 30cm is the deciding height of the final vault, to which lucy is looking straight up at. she visibly gulps. yeah, no biggie. she knows she doesn’t have the speed for this, but she’ll try because she can.

wooyoung and juyeon are first up! they unfortunately don’t make the height and topple the entire vault down to the mat with them. lucy reassures them it’s okay and praises their amazing skills thus far.

chan: ladies first,

lucy: oh, you’re gonna pull that card now—

but really it’s his excuse not to put pressure on her if/when he succeeds. it’s kind of him, but lucy sees right through it.

stray kids: you can do it!

felix: let’s go!

without the right amount of speed, lucy knows she can’t clear the height. she doesn’t panic (unlike the rest of the boys on the field that think she’s about to hurt herself), rather she knows to intentionally wedge her foot in the vaulting horse and climb on top of it.

she just sighs and shrugs— which is adorable (even when she’s two metres in the air) and still receives plenty of praise and cheer. so close!

chan: you were really close,

lucy: thanks, hot shot. and good luck! just don’t die, okay?

the boy nods obediently, happy that the girl always has her full faith in him.

chan and minhyuk clear 2m and 30cm to fight for 2m and 40cm (basically insanity): to which they tie as vaulting champions.

lucy is endeared when chan reveals that the vault’s height scared him as he approached it, but tries to put his mind at rest by comparing it to the height of a basketball player. you’d have to have superpowers to jump over something taller than yao ming,

chan: i guess that’s true,

also, she’s definitely not afraid to repeat his words (which are really her words she used to tell him back when they were still trainees): small packages come with big surprises!

but the vaulting competition finishes just in time for lunch: fried chicken, the kids’ favourite!

mini game of the day: who is the visual king?

lucy: well, shit— i guess i’m out.

chan: yeah, i’m going home.

lucy (death glare): how dare you?

chan: sorry. but it does say you can vote for yourself.

han: who in their right mind would do that though?

chan and lucy in perfect sync: you.

han: damn, you guys are right.

but he’s not alone: changbin can’t lie so he votes for himself (like the king he is).

seonghwa voting for felix makes me uwu everytime…

the look of absolute betrayal on his hyungs’ faces when i.n tells them he voted for juyeon (i mean, he’s not wrong though).

everyone preparing for themselves to be announced as the winners, but it’s eunkwang (btob) and hyunjae (the boyz) in fourth place, sunwoo (the boyz) in third, felix in second and minhyuk (btob) in first!

not peniel hugging changbin when he loses to felix.

felix and minhyuk finding out they voted for each other is just tooth-rotting stuff. good boy!

but the likely question in everyone’s minds is: who did the girl vote for?

trick question or—? nope, lucy also voted for felix.

and of course she did, he’s her sunshine after all.

lucy (to chan): you voted for felix too, right?

chan: yeah,

but it’s the fattest lie of the century: the boy, without any hesitation, wrote lucy down as the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen (cut wasn’t aired on national tv though, that’s for sure).

the final games for the day are balloon tail and a relay race: lucy is unfortunately forced to opt out of the rough-housing/tackling and doesn’t consider herself a speedy runner (more stamina-based), so she joins changbin on the mc panel during the afternoon.

lucy (referring to herself and changbin): yep, that’s us— the designated cheerleaders.

mc changmin: i thought you guys were the ace members of your team, are you sure you want to be here?

changbin: well, it’s true we’re the ace members. but that’s exactly why we’re here— we want our members to stand out more.

younghoon: that’s how the i-9 will beat you guys though,

lucy (happily): yeah? try us then.

the girl’s definitely got a sense of humour that the general korean public probably hate, but the international fans adore.

anyway, the highlight of lucy’s day is obviously seeing her team go from fifth to second place during the circular relay.

chan running is always a joy to watch: same vibes as watching your first crush compete in the school athletics and win.

the day ends with everyone completely exhausted, but at least everyone had fun as well as created life-lasting bonds/friendships: in other words, fuck mnet and their contests— just give us more collaborations.

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##SIMPLE COUNTRY LIFE !

it's always a wholesome shoot when the kids are allowed to relax in the countryside with comfy clothes and minimal makeup. and how could they ever complain about their schedule when the weather's pretty much perfect and they're finally allowed a break away from the hustle and bustle of the city?

jeongin singing trot and the rest of the kids cheering him on whilst cooking outdoors definitely heals all five of lucy's senses.

the team arrive at the modern hanok just before lunch, their skzoo plushies awaiting them by the entrance.

look, guys, wild animals! lee know exclaims, causing lucy to roll her eyes at his smartassery. the kids tease each other about cooking their characters: but of course, they can't make fun of chan or lucy's as wolfchan and jelibear are carnivores.

staff: today, you guys are here to relax.

chan: i don't trust that for a minute!

changbin: stop lying, you hags!

lee know: you guys are gonna scare us with ghosts tonight, don't even deny it!

staff (ignoring the children's retorts): but for now, you'll be making lunch.

and the kids being kids, head off exploring instead.

not hyunjin considering cycling 50km with a bike he's found to head back to seoul.

lee know and jeongin discover a tractor older than their grandparents and attempt to get on it before looking to lucy for approval. she shakes her head no.

lee know: okay, but what about this wheelbarrow—?

lucy: you are not putting i.nnie in there just to abandon him later.

the girl is more than pleased with the house's cozy interior as soon as she steps inside, paying no mind to the kids who are busy jenga stacking themselves on the couch.

she determines the nine of them will likely be sleeping in the spacious living room (futons on the floor, slumber party style) but she doesn't mind that at all (she only hopes they don't pressure her to take the couch and play some sort of game to determine its winner).

hyunjin attempts to feed lee know some jerky (like a cat) and gets absolutely clapped: lucy nonchalantly walks past the both of them, shocking her brother with her betrayal. noona! lee know punched me in the stomach!

lucy: act shit, get hit.

lee know: ah, sucked in!

lucy: is that a kitten i hear meowing?

lee know (quickly changing the subject after getting flamed): alright, let's cook! i'm hungry now,

hyunjin (his second strike directed at felix): yup, let's make some fried chicken!

jeongin (unconsciously imitating his hyung): i want baeksuk!

felix: hey, hey, hey!

lucy: fried weasel and fox stew sounds good don't you think, lix?

the boy happily nods, briefly hugging his sister around the shoulders.

NO.1 mother of eight: she protec, she attac, but most importantly she cracked!

jeongin (to make up for his mistake) joins his noona and heads over to their hyungoppa trying to chop a stack of logs apart.

chan: am i in charge of the fire?

lee know (somehow the leader and fleeing the scene): yup, you keep doing that—

chan: right. muscles, come here!

jeongin: am i muscles?

*lucy and seungmin have the exact same idea and step forward simultaneously*

lucy (laughing at an equally-amused seungmin): get outta here!

seungmin: what are you talking about? what are you doing here?

lucy: he said muscles,

seungmin (poking at her arms): exactly,

han: seungmin, give up. everyone knows lucy's stronger than you.

*triumphant lucy gives han a fist bump before ruffling her puppy's hair* better luck next time daengdaengie!

note: the “above-average-in-english” line (lucy, chan, felix, seungmin) not speaking in their mother tongue is just endearing as all hell.

which makes the wood chopping team: chan, lucy, han and i.n.

lee know (to changbin): ah, you, come here!

changbin (not realising he'd been left out): wait, i'm muscles, aren't i?

lee know (in charge of cooking): nope, you're with us now. blame lucy.

and the cooking/cleaning team: lee know, changbin, felix, seungmin and hyunjin.

lee know having to deal with his devil kids (changbin and hyunjin) whilst his angel kids (felix and seungmin go off to the fields to harvest vegetables for lunch.

bang chan on the other hand, is helping his wife chop some wood: okay, you wanna make sure the log’s flat and align the axe’s blade with these lines,

lucy (brow raised as his hands are enclosed around hers): the grain,

chan (flustered as han and i.n snicker in the back at their hyung trying a little too hard to impress their noona): right, the grain— so that it splits easier.

with a clean crack, lucy slices the first log with ease.

the boys are speechless whilst lucy gasps excitedly: wah! so this is what captain america felt like! here, your turn, hannie—

the boys are certainly not embarrassed when their logs go flying or their axe completely misses its mark.

han’s axe gets stuck in the chopping block and chan finally escapes his shellshocked state to make a thor reference.

i.n (who’s swapped with han for a turn, swings his axe with a yell): i am grooooot!

with his log sliced straight down the centre, lucy offers i.n a high five. nice, jeong!

han: how’d you guys do it so easily?

lucy: i think we got lucky and the logs we got were a good size, these ones might be a little smaller? but you can do it, just hit a lot faster!

han eventually manages to succeed, which leaves chan— to fail. but arguably, not entirely.

lucy: wait, wait—

the girl places her hands on his without hesitation, and helps force a split into the top half of his log.

lucy: now, chop.

chan readjusts himself before slamming the axe down, cutting the log in half without issue. he raises a brow: how?

lucy: your log— it was too thick. even if you hit it right, this axe is too blunt to cut all the way through.

chan: right, that makes sense.

clearly, lucy and i.n are woodcutting geniuses.

seungmin and felix approach the group for help with picking vegetables.

seungmin: i.nnie, you ever picked vegetables?

i.n: no, but i’ve picked on people.

the two immediately leave the boy hanging and endearingly ask their dad (lee know) whether they can pick cabbages with gloves (the answer being yes).

nice, kim seungmin! felix cheers the boy on as he perfectly harvests a cabbage on the first try (puppy & cat school are always easy on the heart and soul).

kiki note: felix falling on his butt while picking green onions and scallions might just be the highlight of my month…

meanwhile, lee know is struggling: changbin, no— hyunjin. grab the chicken and—

hyunjin: nope, i can’t touch raw chicken!

lee know: . . . changbin,

changbin: eugh, raw chicken! disgusting! let me do something else,

you can tell how much lee know loves group assignments just by the look on his face. fine, i’ll do it myself.

changbin (as lee know begrudgingly picks up the chicken with one hand): oh, my god it’s still moving! the chicken—

you’d think the father of six would remain unamused: but he always eventually joins the chaos, just because he can. ah, yongbok!

changbin and hyunjin watch with wide eyes as lee know rinses out the meat. finally, he gets some reliable assistance as they help push up his sleeves, carry the chickens over to the large metal pots and pick up the trash.

seungmin and felix continue washing the vegetables like the good children they are!

四RACHA complete: chan and lucy light the wood fires whilst han and changbin fan the flames.

lee know: lucy, come help hyunjin cut the vegetables and squid!

okay! when the twins are done, they help add fuel to the fire with cardboard.

changbin: ah, smart babies.

they can also be dumb babies— but not today!

jeongin (states with everyone replying in agreement): guess we learned our grandparents and ancestors used to live like this.

cut to the fires getting extremely smoky and felix tearing up: i’m gonna cry.

here, lix! lucy comes to the rescue with her very stylish pair of glasses.

hyunjin teaches his sister how to make the sauce for buchujeon: red-chilli powder and soy sauce are key!

han running around with a foil arm yelling he’s the winter soldier (the marvel references are apparently never-ending in this episode).

lucy: how much for the arm?

felix: put on a whole suit and you’ll be iron man,

not han getting jealous of changbin feeding felix… these kids all just love each other so much it’s adorable. lucy even feeds hyunjin the happy weasel!

chan (now that the cooking is complete and lee know’s setting up the dishes, is back in leader mode): changbin, get the spoons! seungmin, get the chopsticks! lix, the plates! i.n, the seats! hannie, the water! luce and hyunjin, the visuals!

the kids erupting in laughter as the twins share one brain cell and strike the exact same pose in unison.

the table is set and the food is ready! it’s time for the maknae to make a toast!

lucy gets chan to open her can of cider out of habit, not that she actually has her nails done today. (uwu)

you all did great work! let’s enjoy the food! cheers!

all the cans clink and maknae i.n also takes the first bite (like always).

family meals are always so wholesome for the nine: pass the salt please! make sure to put chives on the chicken, it’s nice! wah, it’s so good! this is enough protein for the whole day! mmm! nice, lee chef! i need some jeon! i love buchu!

except for when the puns start getting involved.

hyunjin: buchu, hands up!

seungmin: get out.

lucy can’t even disagree with the puppy.

i.n: seungmin, have the neck! it’ll make you sing even better!

changbin: is that true?

seungmin: nope, i had some before our monthly evaluations— nothing changed.

hyunjin: alright, let’s make a bet for who’s gonna do the dishes.

han: the one who lies down and does nothing for the longest, wins.

lucy: nice try,

hyunjin: we have badminton and foot volleyball,

seungmin: ah, but they’re both sports lucy’s really bad at— (the boy receives a well-earned elbow in the rib, because everyone knows she loves them)

chan: oh, we have a soccer ball?

lee know: if we don’t, it’s okay, we have the dwaekki doll.

felix (and the same with half of the members): i’ve never played foot volleyball before,

hyunjin: that’s okay, we can explain the rules. but whoever loses, has to wash the dishes and go out for groceries.

it’s a deal: but changbin’s worried whether they can even have a rally between two teams.

so the kids warm up! i.n and han display their exceptional footwork, whilst the actual soccer players (chan, hyunjin and lucy) eye each other at the sidelines. the boys are totally not mentally competing for who gets lucy on their team.

hyunjin: alright, let’s make teams!

seungmin: i’ll be the referee then and the two best players can choose their team,

hyunjin and chan immediately raise their hand.

seungmin: han and i.n.

chan: right.

hyunjin: oh, wait— that’s not a bad idea!

lucy: i’ll swap with you at half-time, seung.

seungmin: you sure? team-player lucy nods.

han and i.n play rock, paper, scissors: i.n wins and picks chan first!

the boy screams, not because he doesn’t want to be with i.n, but he knows han will pick lucy without hesitation.

han (well aware of his dumb hyung’s thoughts picks): hyunjin-ah,

chan doesn’t know whether he should be disappointed or impressed.

i.n: lucy-noona! the boy bro-fives his sister.

the team ends up being i.n and aussieracha against han, hyunjin, changbin and lee know!

not felix, chan and lucy just straight up talking in english to explain the rules.

seungmin’s flipping the cards on a scoreboard: 3-0 to i.n’s team. honestly, the maknae’s just confused how they got there so quick. but with chan serving, lucy doesn’t have to do too much to defend.

until, the other team finally get points when i.n and felix’s headers have bad trajectories.

it somehow becomes 6-6, but lucy’s been quite a stable defender thus far. chan in the back and lucy up front— the boy bounces the ball to her to kick over the net, which she been nothing but successful: only because lee know resorts to using his hands when the ball strikes too fast.

lucy: lino-yah! you’re gonna hurt yourself!

lee know: my hands are part of my body! they’re connected to my legs! it’s your fault for kicking so hard!

the rest of the game is filled with the same arguments, teasing and occasional falling over in embarrassment.

at a 9-9 deuce, chan and lucy unfortunately yell mine! at the same time. lucy leaves it, which surprises chan because he also had the same idea— but is forced to go for the save anyway.

chan: lu!

lucy (who manages to save his save, kicks it back over the net— except hyunjin successfully defends and scores a point for their team): christopher, why are you running all the way up here?

ever witness two golden children fight during a sport? the other kids can summarise it in two words: not good.

chan: i thought i could hit it back,

lucy: this is my area,

chan: then why did you let me kick it?

now, the situation could have been a lot worse but with i.n tossing the ball back over for the opposite team’s serve— han trips and falls whilst collecting it which causes everyone to erupt in laughter.

11-10: han’s team wins the first set when no one calls out for the last ball. chan and lucy certainly aren’t at odds…

but it definitely seems like a good time for lucy and seungmin to swap positions.

it’s 2-0 to han’s team and seungmin’s just fumbled the ball. hyunjin can’t help but laugh at the look on his hyung’s face.

chan (pulling him away for a private talk): seungmin-ah,

han (amused): chan-hyung’s getting mad,

but at least he’s still trying his best to smile. chan looks over to lucy for reassurance who (despite being previously annoyed) can’t help but smile back. she raises her fist and mouths a, hwaiting!

it’s a 7-7 deuce again and lee know’s cheering pfizer!

note: kiki and lucy got pfizer too! this is your sign to get vaccinated if you haven’t already!

hyunjin: i got moderna though,

anyway, lee know’s fancy foot-handwork strikes again: this time, earning a laugh from lucy and felix who almost fell for it.

lucy is taken aback when power boy felix shoots the ball up like a rocket to the moon. damn!

at 8-9: referee lucy makes a potentially wrong call. she thinks she saw han’s team bounce the ball four times— though lee know argues that it went from him, to hyunjin, then to changbin.

the replay shows that lee know’s correct, leaving an embarrassed lucy: ah, i’m sorry! but foot volleyball’s rules are that the referee’s calls can’t be reversed.

changbin: it’s okay, wrong calls are part of the game!

but chan is a very happy boy: referee! you know i love you!

hyunjin (protective brother shaking his head): yah! penalise him for flirting!

lucy rolls her eyes and turns her head away from both parties, but everyone can see the shit-eating grin on her face from a mile away.

bang chan is even more ecstatic when i.n’s team win the second set 11-9!

before the third and final set starts, the groups have gathered for team meetings. lucy agrees the unbiased, objective seungmin should probably return to his referee position during the second half of the game when it’s most crucial.

not lucy giggling at the differences between team meetings: han’s team talking about distracting them with humour whilst i.n’s team are actually discussing strategy.

but who knows which team will win the bet?

kiki note: it’s likely i’ll write an EP. 11 / 12 update— so if you enjoyed this and wanna stay tuned, please let me know via ask if you’d like to be tagged (more details in nav) !

[ nav ] [ masterlist ] [ skz ] [ itzy ] ©bangbaby

##SHOOKERY NIGHT !

it’s important to preface that lucy enjoys getting frightened— she’s not someone who doesn’t at all blink at a jumpscare, rather that she actively likes the adrenaline she gets from it.

lucy is obsessed with historical horror and especially loves when it’s tied with humour because she likes shining light on dark situations (check out unsolved and watcher if you haven’t already)

that being said— she, han and minho were probably the only members that were excited at the prospect of a haunted house/school shoot.

lucy loves rainy nights but she should’ve suspected something was up when they were scheduled to film at such a weird/dark time.

on the way there, lucy shares a carpool with the hyung line. lucy and minho take an airpod each as they wholesomely sit side by side to listen to a spooky podcast.

they arrive at an old, creepy school that sends shivers down her spine; not because she’s bothered, but rather that it’s kinda cold (grrr, she’s been styled in a singlet) and there’s no heater. she should be fine once she starts moving though.

lucy gets handed a weird mess of skipping ropes, and the kids giggle because it might be a reference to her innate skipping rope talent. but she’s told it’s to decide teams and that whoever has has the special rope with the sticker (inside its handle) gets three members (which they realise is probably a bonus because lucy’s one of the least cowardly)!

cue lucy humming the squid game theme as the kids start picking the ropes and numbers they want. chan is definitely not trying to sneak a look at all of the ropes to see which one’s got the hidden sticker…

before the boys choose their numbers and confidently rip out their ropes (breaking them without fail), changbin and hyunjin ask whether they can refuse to choose or go alone (if they can’t go with lucy). to which the girl replies, i’ll just go alone then! and everyone ABSOLUTELY objects.

because all of the ropes were disconnected (except han and jeongin’s), they play rock-paper-scissors to decide who gets which member— felix is the first to win, but he picks minho because he knows he won’t hear the end of it from chan if he picks lucy.

changbin and chan lose the last round meaning they get lucy! hyunjin is a little angy he isn’t with his twin, but everyone knows getting stuck with seungmin and lucy would just be utter chaos (he might be the only other member who can handle them though).

they’re also not sure if it’d be any different to being in a group with chan and lucy. changbin knows this and very much expresses it on his face when the two adorably cuddle up to him. he’s happy about lucy, but he knows chan is a scaredy cat and is totally gonna use it for his personal gain.

sexy concept miroh dance! WHEN THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT BUTTS THEY MEAN CHANGBIN AND CHAN OKAY! lucy is laughing wholeheartedly at her lack in COMPARISON! chan is also not at all salty at changbin getting to piggyback lucy…

lucy hyping han and jeongin (the red lights duo) with her eyes half-closed: because they’re her children! but also that she can’t stop laughing at their silly interpretation.

and it’s all fun and games until THEY TRAP THE KIDS IN A ROOM AND TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.

immediate screeching: (in this universe, the kids are allowed to swear and get bleeped out in post so) they’re all cursing to high heaven. don’t you fucking do this! who turned the damn lights off? the hell is this?

for fuck’s sake, ever get trapped in a small room with eight grown men screaming at the top of their lungs? yeah, lucy knows it all too well (aha).

the creepy robot voice IS NOT LUCY! no matter how many times you ask, seungmin, the answer’s not going to change!

lucy falls off her chair when minho inevitably blinds her with his fucking apple watch— and gets stuck on the ground with chan who is straight up not having a good time and is clinging onto her for dear life.

she knows the boy has to exaggerate his actions to not seem sus, but she does smirk and roll her eyes at his dorky way of flirting.

when the lights come on, their compromised position is revealed and the kids absolutely shit themselves laughing at lucy’s face— she’s already completely done and nothing’s even happened yet.

kiki note: jeongin, hyunjin and seungmin protectively linking arms is one of the cutest things i’ve ever seen!

when the two finally return to their seats, lucy can’t hide how pumped she actually is. she agrees with han: i really didn’t think we were gonna do something scary!

not changbin wanting to take a cab home and han thinking the door’s actually locked when he’s pulling it the wrong way.

lucy, changbin and chan are to retrieve a puzzle from the science room upstairs: don’t stay alone and don’t look back!

*cue lucy and lee know turning to look behind them in perfect sync*

and as the three are told they have to be tied together, only then do they realise how fucked they are (lee know is cackling).

lucy: wait, i have to be tied to these two? i’m so screwed.

the other members happily witness the trio argue about who’s going where/in which order—

changbin: i’m not going in the middle, because i’ll be dragging you two behind me!

lucy: idiot, regardless of order— i’ll be dragging the both of you!

chan piping in with, i don’t wanna be at the front or the back!

lucy: okay, sorted! changbin, you’re leading!

changbin: WHAT, WHY? I DON’T WANT TO BE FIRST!

lucy: BUT do you really wanna face whatever’s gonna be behind us?

changbin quickly processes her point and prods a finger into chan’s chest: you lucky son of a bitch.

their debate also ignites the remaining kids to converse—

felix to lee know: you’re gonna make fun of me!

lucy: if he does, i won’t pay for his food tonight!

lee know: as long as you don't yell in my face,

hyunjin: wait, are we seriously doing this?

jeongin: i don’t wanna do this!

changbin: this is gonna suck! he’s (chan) such a coward! i don’t wanna go with him!

han: hey, don’t complain! you have lucy-noona!

lee know: you assholes (directed at the staff/jumpscares) might have my phone but i have an apple watch! don’t fuck with me!

jeongin in agreement: yup, if you remotely scare me, i swear to god i’ll press the SOS button!

han: and while you do that i’ll be singing exo’s the eve— so there’s absolutely no way you’re gonna screw us over!

felix: god, i’m even more scared now. i wanted to go to the bathroom before but not anymore,

lucy: wait, what? don’t piss here!

felix: i’m not pissing here! i meant my bladder is blocked by FEAR now!

hyunjin: he means shit!

chan: oh my god, why are we going first?

lucy: you know they usually save the least fucked for first,

hyunjin: facts, whoever’s left in here is screwed!

finally, the group of three make their way out (but are immediately followed by the sound of their own screaming and the members running to the door to catch a glimpse of what’s happening). lucy’s also holding the selfie cam, so you know it’s just filled with footage of her getting startled by the boys and looking straight into the lens like she’s in the office.

lucy won’t lie, the long corridor is creepy as hell and she knows if she squinted hard enough— she’d probably see something or someone at the end of it.

changbin: the fuck? noona, what the hell is that?

chan and lucy: what? (chan is holding onto lucy’s hand in the dark whilst frozen in fear— she can tell he’s actually a little bothered and rubs his hand with her thumb to soothe him)

the fucking zombie guard roaming the corridor ahead: lucy almost wants to laugh, but she’s not gonna lie, he looks pretty good.

lucy: chan! come on, i’m stuck on the stairs!

as the guard approaches them and changbin is the most vulnerable, he begins screeching without any honorifics at his older siblings (99’, 98’ and 97’ respectively).

BANG CHAN! KANG SOYEON! COME HERE!

lucy: tell your hyung to move his fat ass! CHAN!

chan: nopenopenope, this isn’t right!

as the guard persistently moves toward the trio, chan is nudging lucy back down the stairs whilst dragging changbin’s poor ass behind him back to the brightly-lit classroom with the rest of the kids.

absolutely the fuck not! chan and changbin exclaim to the rest of the kids as lucy tries her best to keep in her laughter by exaggerating her breathing.

chan, endearingly: can we just stay here?

lee know: oh, just hurry it up!

chan: no, seriously— it’s bad— (lucy shaking her head behind him to comfort the other members who are getting scared)

*cue seungmin and hyunjin walking back in and absolutely scaring the shit out of the three from behind, except they’re also just as shocked* (LUCY IS 100% RAISING A FIST AT SEUNGMIN AND IS ABSOLUTELY READY TO THROW HANDS)

lee know, startled by their reactions: the hell is with you guys?

lucy: okay, we just need to bite the bullet and go!

chan whines, but the group head back up the stairs.

chan: wait, they said not to look back— why do you think they said that?

lucy: to scare us? i bet they won’t do anything—

but just to be sure, chan arranges their positions so he’s back to back with lucy and changbin is leading the two of them forward.

lucy: ah, this is lame!

chan: you mean genius!

changbin: move faster you two! let’s go!

lucy: i can’t move if you two don’t!

changbin: wait, where’s the science lab? this way?

honestly, lucy’s just really hoping the boy behind her doesn’t pass out— she can seriously feel how hard he’s breathing, as well as how tense his shoulders are getting.

chan: please go easy on me, i’m sorry—

changbin: agh, seriously! what are you so scared of? you worked out! why’d you work out if you knew you weren’t gonna clock these assholes?

lucy hissing at changbin to shut up before cooing at chan: hey, you’re okay, keep looking forward! just please don’t break my arms—

chan covering his ears and bursting out into song as soon as he sees more scary figures at the end of the corridor actually startles lucy, causing her to nudge him with her hip— christopher! i’m sorry! i love you!

not chan also apologising and confessing his love to the guard to eliminate the sus from his previous words (the man isn’t exhausted from fear but from almost exposing himself to the entire world).

note: the noodles felix take out of the cupboard is none another than food from lucy’s snack stash. she probably won’t make it with those two anyway!

and he’s right, because as soon as changbin triggers the blanks/firecrackers for the first time— lucy’s pretty much gone deaf.

changbin and lucy scream in response to the noise as chan continues talking nonsensically to himself to ignore them.

chan: nah, can’t hear it! can’t hear you!

changbin: what the fuck! i’m seriously gonna go ape shit on you guys (the staff), i’m not joking!

lucy: whoever put those there, fuck you!

NOT THEM STOPPING TO SANITISE MID SHITTING THEIR PANTS—

lucy: ooh, is that hand sanitiser?

changbin: oh wait, let’s sanitise our hands,

chan: the security guard— oh yeah, sure.

lucy being unable to hold in her laughter as changbin asks whether the zombie guard has sanitised his hands (and the actor shaking their head no). that’s the scariest part of all!

before chan can actually step on any of the firecrackers, lucy makes an effort of batting them away with her foot or pulling him toward her because he knows his ears are super sensitive— hey, this is cruel (lucy directing her disapproval at the staff)!

despite the three of them having the shortest attention spans EVER, they scan the room successfully even whilst linked together.

chan: okay, science— science is very good!

lucy: is the puzzle in the gacha machine?

as lucy abandons her post for a second, the zombie guard gets a chance to scare them from behind— lucy raises a fist in retaliation but it never actually lands. she apologises profusely as changbin screeches at the guard not to scare his noona unless they want PAIN! but the guard drops them the hint that they need to look at the gacha machine.

changbin: but there’s chicken here!

lucy and chan: oh, really? can we eat it?

changbin is about to eat a piece when lucy stops him and points at the frozen body on the other table: wait, wait, it might be his chicken. sir, can we please have some of your chicken?

changbin: it’s a fake body, noona.

lucy: i don’t think it is—

chan at the zombie guard walking away: please don’t close the door! and… you’ve closed the door.

oh, dear. lucy begins bracing herself for when the body inevitably moves and they have nowhere to run.

whilst the boys attempt to figure out how to work the machine, lucy searches the area closest to them for more money.

lucy: 500 won for a bug? a little stingy, don’t you think?

changbin: wait, are we supposed to pay for every single one of these capsules?

MEANWHILE, the kids in the other room are telling scary stories: lee know explains how lucy’s recently gotten him into crime podcasts and helps translate those in english. the kids reenact classic campfire tales for felix who’s never heard them before. they don’t forget to debate about which between ghosts and zombies are scarier (lucy would pick ghosts because she doesn’t believe in them: kiki does though).

not chan complimenting the mummy actor lying on the table— your job must be very hard!

lucy: well, he gets paid to scare the shit out of us, so it can’t be that bad.

changbin: i’m telling you it’s fake,

and of course, as soon as he makes that comment, the body jolts up and incites a scream from all three of them. FUCK!

chan: i hope all of our members go through this, seriously—

lucy: except felix, the baby would faint.

the three quickly get frustrated at the machine, with chan asking whether or not it’s a red herring and the real puzzle is something to do with eating the chicken: it does smell delicious…

sooner or later, the guard comes back with the keys to unlock the machine: leave it on the table please! thank you! (the trio’s manners are just the cutest)

changbin: maybe the security guard is a nice guy! but you know, it reminds me of this movie. did you guys see—?

lucy: nope.

chan: never heard of it,

changbin: the security guard was the evil one in it, and kills everybody with an axe.

lucy: i see, so you’re saying our security guard’s gonna kill us with an axe—

changbin: no, but—

chan who’s diligently trying to figure out how to open the gacha machine: could you two stop talking?

lucy: oh, the keyhole’s at the top.

chan: could you have said that any earlier?

changbin: well, we were having a conversation about the security guard… anyway, why’d they give us the coins if we weren’t gonna get anything?

chan: there’s probably more, but since we’re doing so poorly—

lucy: the guard got frustrated and gave us the hint.

changbin: ah, okay,

chan: we're sorry (directed at the guard). thankfully, we’re not afraid of bugs.

changbin: i am,

chan (gesturing at lucy and himself): we aren’t.

changbin: but these are toys anyway.

chan: unless one of them’s real.

lucy: why would you say that?

changbin: that’s just cruel.

when they finally find the key and unlock the box that contains a puzzle piece, chan doesn’t forget to grab the chicken for the kids.

and by that he means handing the plate to changbin (because lucy’s still got the camera) so he can cover his ears.

changbin: hello and goodbye, mr. security guard! we succeeded thanks to you!

when they get back to the classroom, the trio look and act perfectly confident: though chan is a little pale in the lips.

lucy: guys, it wasn’t scary at all!

chan: it was nothing! and look, we brought chicken.

changbin: well, it was a little scary— but you guys should go upstairs and see for yourselves.

cut to the kids talking about whether ghosts are real or hallucinations: hyunjin retells his experience of the figure that entered his body whilst he was sick (the members visibly taking NONE OF HIS SHIT).

lucy may not believe in ghosts, but she despises sleep paralysis and has had her fair share of terrifying nightmares.

lucy can't even make fun of seungmin because the boy has his ears blocked (lucy wouldn't scare him further though, she'd just tease him about something completely different to calm him down and convince him it's not real).

it’s lee know and felix’s turn now: lucy and the rest of the kids spend the remainder of the episode trying to persuade the chick it’s not that bad (and bullying minho to take it easy on him)!

felix: i’m really bad with this stuff! can’t we all just go together?

seungmin: at least you’re not completely alone!

hyunjin: and if yongbok faints, lee know hyung can carry him!

as the duo head off, the trio are sent into another room where they can watch everything take place.

lucy: lix couldn’t even watch IT with me. (directed at staff) you can’t scare him too much!

^ I WROTE THIS BEFORE EP.09 WAS RELEASED AND IT JUST HAPPENED TO WORK OUT— follow me for more GENIUS moments, aha