#kaivan

Beneath the mask...

HKJHGYGDF DO I MIND? BrUhhhH we in for a ride! LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BLUEBERRY BOY

Kaivan is my d&d character that I made in 3 days (normally I have like a month to get down a character, so I was SCREAMING in panic) as such my main inspiration for him was Hellblade senua's sacrifice. A horror a game I was attempting to play at the time I wrote his backstory and made a lose character sketch of him.

The backstory I wrote: Kaivan’s first memory was waking up in a pile of corpses. He didn’t know how or why he was there; he couldn’t even remember his own name. In a daze he was able to crawl out of the pile just before hearing the sound of something coming his way. His vision was doubled and obscured by blood, but he was able to find a crevice just big enough for him to slip through to begin his escape. He didn’t know how long he stumbled and crawled through the cramped stone caves he awoke in, before finally reaching the outside world. He had little protection against the cold biting wind he found himself in. A dirty, tattered pair of pants along with most of a shirt and no shoes to speak of were all he had as he made his way down a icy muddy slope. He walked till his body finally couldn’t keep going anymore, and collapsed, his consciousness slipped away once more. When he came to once again, it was in a much more hospitable environment. Children from a nearby farm had found him and gotten help, bringing him back to their home. The human family that had found him were a little wary at first, (half dead drow showing up in the middle of the forest are not commonplace after all.) But after nearly a month and a half of helping the timid dark elf heal, they became endeared to him. They even gave him his name; Kaivan, since no mater how hard he tried he could not remember anything before the cave. He tried to go back once, the farmer coming with him to see if he could help, but try as they might they could not find the crevice. He lived with the farmers family for a few months, becoming a skilled hunter and even saving the farmers children from a pack of wolves once. It was simple living, but Kaivan like it; save for the nightmares. Sometimes he swore they were premonitions. He would have a dream about coming across a mutilated corpse of some kind, and wake only to find said ravaged body sometime through out his day. Only once did he get one of these visions during his waking hours; and that turned in to the worst day of his known life. He was out hunting when a vision hit him, a psychedelic witnessing to the absolute massacre of the family he had been staying with. Reeling form the vision and the pain it inflicted he rushed back to the farmstead, only to find what he feared. Grief stricken, Kaivan tried but could not track the creature that did this, which just furthered his self-loathing over the matter. He felt responsible for their fate, and vowed to himself to never let another suffer their fate.

So thats what he started the game with. Later after more visions, some with a great wolf taunting him that his new friends would be next and other dreams of a wolf promising him his memories back, he found out that the wizard Sorn probably had something to do with whatever was going on with him.

Turns out; Kaivan's family left the underdark city where the dark elves lived to escape the political climate. His mom, dad, sister his 2 brothers, his grandmother, his aunt and uncle and 2 family friends (who were there in their home so often they practically lived there) and when they came top side they ran in to Sorn, who was very friendly and promised to help them make a home if they would help him make his wizard tower. As they journeyed to wherever Sorn thought it best for them and his tower, they picked up 2 other people who also just wanted to live in peace, away from the other settlements. So with new friends they all set off to the place where they built for Sorn his Wizard tower! And then Sorn imprisoned all of them! To do nasty blood magic experiments to create the perfect werewolf hybrid! Turned out the two other people they picked up were a werewolf and another kind of wolf shapeshifter that isn't cursed and has full control over their abilities. They were very nice people that were also duped by Sorns false kindness.

Unfortunately nearly everyone died from the experimentation except for Kaivan and his older sister Octavia. The only thing that outwardly changed about them was their right eye turned black, making them look kinda possessed. The eye works just as normal, but just don't look right. O.o

Sorn also performed the experiment on himself after Kai and his sisters success in living, and basically made himself a living horror. While Kai and his sister can transform at will in to very big black wolves, Sorn looked more werewolfish and definitely more powerful.

Octavia and Kaivan broke free and Octavia fought Sorn, telling her younger brother to run while she held him off. Kai did run eventually, but in trying to escape he became victim to a small cave in, and was knocked out. And lost his memory.

His sister became imprisoned in a blood sacrifice altar, and was only able to be freed by Kaivan's blood when he followed the clues to his past to Sorns tower. The blood sacrifice was able to bring Kaivan's memory back as well as his sister, and Kaivan found out his real name - Quin'ur Xolravin.

It took Kaivan a long time to except the wolf in him, but the group he joined - his new weird family - helped him. Especially the monster hunter Martin, an old half-orc. Martin told Kaivan he had the choice as to whether or not he was a monster. Martin had complete confidence that Kai was not.

Kaivan did eventually catch Sorn and kill him, although without his sister(who wanted to be there with him when they caught him) and Kai did it in a rather brutal fashion over come with rage in his wolf form. It shook Kai up to see how easy it was to lose control, but another talk with his now sort-of-stand-in-dad Martin helped Kai.

ALSO shortly after gaining his memories, sister and wolf powers back, the group he was with were invited to a ball (they did alot of stuff for the kingdom just trying to make a buck) by none other then the elected Queen of the realm, Lady Deanora Vaylorin. Who showed him great kindness and patience, when many of the court including her own father despised his presence. (Deanora is a high elf, once upon a time, the high elves and the dark elves i.e. Kaivan's race were at war. The dark elves have stayed in the underdark since the war.)

Later after a bunch of baddies crashed the ball Deanora asked for help from Kaivan's group in helping secure crystals of great power to keep out of the Big Bad Guys hands. Its at this point Kai kinda started crushing on Deanora, she was beautiful, intelligent, wise and also very nice and genuinely sweet towards Kaivan and his nervous fumbling in social interactions. Kaivan tried to keep it to himself, thinking it was absolutely impossible for someone like him to even think about being with someone like her. But after a few interactions their affection for each other grew, and they eventually became lovers!

Thats pretty much where we are at in the game and Kaivan's life! I feel like there is more but my phones battery is low and this is already very long! But yeah, any time you want I will fan girl over my own character!

Hujan, aku Cuma berharap dia tidak datang hari ini karena cucianku sudah setengah kering, Ibu masih bersantai di dalam kamar, terakhir kulihat dia tengah menyemir rambutnya yang mulai memutih, sebegitu susahnya kah bersahabat dengan uban ibu? Tapi itu bukan masalah besar nyatanya aku masih bisa sempat menulis cerita ini dipagi yang cerah. Mari kita awali dengan berkenalan terlebih dahulu. Agar kita terasa akrab, bukankah keakraban dapat menimbulkan sensasi kenyamanan?

Namaku Candra tanpa H diantara C dan A nya. Nama lengkapku Adicandra Darma. Keluargaku sering memanggilku Candra, tapi lain hal nya dengan gerombolan temanku diluar sana, mereka memanggilku Dares. Apa itu Dares? Dares adalah burung hantu dalam bahasa Indonesia. Nama itu muncul sejak aku berkuliah dijurusan DKV salah satu universitas di Jogja. Karena aku jarang tidur dan malam seolah sahabat karib lalu subuh adalah waktu tersulit untuk bangun. Maka dari itu temanku mengatai aku dengan Dares, bahkan ada beberapa oknum yang meneruskan panggilan Res menjadi Reza, mereka salah gaul kurasa.

Sekilas tentangku, dan bukan ini alasan aku menulis cerita ini. Baru tiga hari yang lalu sahabatku Kaivan datang disaat aku tengah mencuci baju dengan wajah ditekuk bak kertas origami Kaivan berjalan dengan oleng ke arahku. Kau tau bagaimana rasanya jadi aku saat itu? Aku tak bisa memeluknya secara langsung karena ada satu keranjang penuh baju siap jemur dalam dekapanku. Kaivan bercerita tentang bagaimana Farah mantan nya memutuskan hubungan mereka secara sepihak. Sesekali kutengok keadaan nya saat aku tengah menjemur, dia diam terus.

Sebenarnya aku agak beruntung ketika ibuku hanya menanamkan aku 4 hal yaitu, Tuhan, Orang Tua, belajar, dan mencuci baju. Sehingga aku jarang sekali mengalami masa sulit seperti Kaivan itu. Sebenarnya mereka berdua adalah pasangan yang serasi, yang satu sangat menguasai bahasa, dan yang satu menguasai simbol dalam gambar, bukankah itu sempurna? Aku tahu Farah adalah orang yang baik nyatanya dia tidak pernah berkomentar jika waktu Kivan lebih banyak dihabiskan denganku. Dialin sisi ingin rasanya aku menyalahkan Kaivan saat itu. Kenapa begitu mudah ia terjatuh padahal dia masih boleh menanyakan keadaan Farah, atau menjadikan Farah sebagai teman nya lagi bukan menjadi sampah berupa mantan.

Mungkin itu terlalu sulit. Sedikit kubocorkan, ayahku sudah berkali kali diputus secara sepihak saat mudanya. Tapi kau tahu bukan karena perkara kapok atau tak tau malu lalu menjalin hubungan berkali-kali. Tapi bukankah kebahagiaan itu pilihan? Setiap orang bisa bebas memilih bahagia macam apa yang butuhkan. Seharusnya Kaivan bisa memiliki sifat semacam itu oke kayaknya itu nggak begitu nyambung.

Kaivan anak rantau dari Surabaya, dia datang ke Jogja dengan berbekal bakatnya di dunia lukis. Dia berharap bisa menjadi orang penting di asalnya nanti. Baginya seni adalah kehidupan, ayahnya yang lulusan Universitas yang sama dengan Kaivan, tapi situasi memaksanya untuk meninggalkan dunia seni, dari situlah Kaivan bertekat penuh untuk menggeluti dunia seni, dia anak yang sederhana, walau aku tau dia adalah anak orang kaya. Bukan persoalan yang sulit bagi Kaivan untuk membeli cat semahal apapun. Tapi dia tetap sederhana, merendahkan dirinya apabila kami sudah berbicara soal uang.

Ketika Kaivan datang kemarin dengan hati kacau jujur akulah orang pertama yang bingung harus melakukan apa, tau cinta saja tidak, yang aku ingat cinta itu adalah kisah sepasang manusia yang saling menyukai dan mengikat sebuah janji. Hanya sekedar itu. Tapi dia seolah berharap penuh aku bisa membuat hatinya nyaman lagi. Sampai akhirnya kuputuskan untuk mengajaknya pergi ke pameran foto. Awalnya dia menolak sampai akhirnya kami pergi berdua.

Saat di pameran ini lah ada kisah menarik. Dengan wajah ogah-ogahan Kaivan masuk ke pameran foto bersamaku, dengan menggunakan baju hitam “sedang berduka” katanya. Dia melihat foto sambil mencibir kekurangan foto-foto di dalam pameran, padahal menurutku foto disini lumayan, mungkin suasana hatinya yang sedang buruk.

“Mulih wae ayo Van” ajakku.

“Nyapo?” tanya nya.

“Kowe sing nyapo.”

“Lah piye? Aku menikmati kok”

“Halah, fotone elek”

“Ancen og”

“Yowes ayo bali”

Kami berjalan ke arah pintu keluar, tapi sebelum sampai di pintu keluar. Kaivan berhenti berjalan dan terdiam di depan sebuah foto besar, dia lama berdiri disitu lalu tanpa sadar dia tersenyum sendiri, dari beberapa jam yang lalu Kaivan baru tersenyum lagi, aku mengikuti Kaivan dan berdiri di depan foto yang sama.

“Bagus banget” cetusnya.

Itu hanya sebuah foto, seorang anak laki-laki berumur sekitar 10 tahun, dia terduduk diatas karpet anyaman bambu,  tanpa menggunakan baju hanya celana pendek selutut, sekelilingnya gelap hanya satu cahaya dari lilin di depan nya, dan di tangan anak itu ada sebuah foto, entah itu foto apa tapi dia tersenyum seolah dia mengharapkan sesuatu dari foto, dan kamu tahu apa judul foto itu? “Kapan?” judul dari sebuah foto besar yang berhasil merangkul Kaivan sekarang.

“Jadi pulang nggak?” tanyaku.

“Jangan dulu, kamu liat-liat yang lain aja” sahutnya.

Aku memutuskan untuk terduduk di tengah ruang pameran, sembari memperhatikan Kaivan dari sini, waktu bergerak melambat, Kaivan masih setia di depan foto itu, seolah mereka tengah mengobrol soal kata “kapan?” yang melekat di samping foto, tak lama Kaivan di dekati seorang wanita. Dia berdiri agak lama juga di depan foto itu. Mereka tidak saling sapa, dari belakang wanita terlihat cantik sepertinya dia berambut pendek dan menggunakan dres berwana hitam, aku masih memperhatikan mereka.

Kaivanpun membalikkan diri lalu ikut terduduk di sampingku. Dia mengikat rambutnya lalu memandangi foto juga gadis yang masih berdiri disana. Dia menatap sambil terdiam, karena aku takut dia berfikiran jorok kulambaikan tanganku di depan matanya.

“Assalamaualaikum” kataku.

“Waalaikumsallam” jawab Kaivan.

“Oke”

“Mau pulang tapi sayang” cetusnya.

“Kenapa?”

“Ada pemandangan bagus.”

“Mana?”

“Itu Foto ditambah mbak-mbak itu”

“Weh Van, dosa kowe pikiranmu lho!”

“Opo seh? Kowe ngerti aku ki gek deg-deg an”

“Lho? Emange ngopo?”

“Iku Farah ndes”

“Hah? Tenanan?”

“Serius?”

“..........”

“Kok dadi ayu?” kataku heran

“Ancen, saiki de’e nganggo gincu mbarang”

“Weh... emang Van orang yang baru putus wibawanya jadi muncul lagi.”

“Potong rambut dia”

“Lah kok ditinggal?”

“Dia nyuruh aku nemenin kamu, takut dimasukin setan”

“Tak panggil boleh?”

“Jangan.”

“Kenapa?”

“Dia lagi nikmatin fotonya.”

“Halah, wes tak panggilnya aja”

“Jangan”

“Kenapa?”

“Kita pulang aja”

Dan Kaivan berjalan ke pintu keluar tanpa melihat Farah lagi. Aku yakin dia masih rindu mau bertemu, saling menanyakan kabar, aku yakin dari jantungnya yang tengah maraton itu Kaivan masih ingin menemani Farah, bertukar pikiran lagi soal foto. Itu kebiasaan mereka, apa ini bagian dari kegengsian di dunia nyata?

Aku berlari mengejar Kaivan.

“Van!” panggilku.

“hmm?”

“Kamu masih suka dia kan? Kenapa dibiarin?”

Kaivan hanya tersenyum lalu memberikan helm padaku setelah itu kami pergi, meninggalkan pameran foto juga Farah di dalam nya.

“Kamu kenapa to Van?” tanyaku heran.

“Apa yang gimana? Ngomong yang jelas.

“Gini boy”

“He’eh piye?” aku mencoba merapatkan diriku ke punggungnya agar aku  bisa mendengar jelas sabda Kaivan haha.

“Kowe ngerti to aku statusnya sekarang apa sama Farah, udah temen kan?”

“he’eh?”

“Nah, kamu bisa bedain nggak? Mana temen, mana pacar, mana musuh?”

“Yaelah tapi kan sekarang lagi jaman nya, temen rasa pacar, mantan rasa pacar.”

“Beda lah Res, nggak iso ngono, nek konco iku nggak pake perasaan. Paham? Ya biasa aja, kalo pacar boleh kamu mau sayang cinta  kayak apa terserah. Tapi sekarang dia itu temenku, bukan pacarku.”

“Ya tapi kamu bukan nya masih suka Farah?”

“Ya kalo aku benci Farah dia jadi musuhku dong?”

“Bukane kowe isih ngarep Farah?”

“Res, aku ini manusia Res, jujur aku masih suka keingetan Farah, gimana Farah, gimana kisah kita dulu, tapi itu wajar. Biarain aja itu jadi pelajaran, toh tadi aku udah ketemu dia. Ya kalo dia butuh apa aku siap bantu kok, dia mau curhat ya aku dengerin lah, persis kayak kamu sama aku.”

“Kalian bilang apa aja tadi? Aku lho nggak sadar itu Farah”

“Aku bilang ke Farah, dia cantik hari ini”

“Terus?”

“Dia senyum, njuk aku dimarahin katanya mataku makin kayak panda, disuruh tidur jangan kemaleman katanya.”

“Terus”

“Aku bilang aja, kamu kenal anak DKV berapa lama sih? Tau sendiri tugasnya kek mana”

“Terus?”

“Dia bilang, dia kangen aku, aku jawab aja aku juga.”

“Welok, terus?”

“Dia bilang nyuruh aku nyamperin kamu tadi waktu duduk, dia takut kamu kemasukan setan. Aku senyum, dia juga sumpah dia cantik banget tadi waktu senyum, kalo aku ajak balikan aku nggak bisa liat senyum dia yang kayak tadi, aku nggak bisa liat dia pake dress itu, dan mungkin aku nggak bisa liat dia yang keliatan free itu, dia udah jadi cewek Res.”

“Terus?”

“Teras terus tukang parkir ta kowe Res?”

“Ahahaha asem’i, ya terus kalian Cuma gitu aja? Dia nggak chatting kamu?”

“Nggak, biarin aja kangen nya numpuk”

“Kalo udah numpuk, emang kamu yakin bisa ngobrol lagi sama dia?”

“Pasti bisa, tapi bukan ngomongin soal hubungan kita, mungkin soal tugas yang udah kayak iblis aja.”

“Apa keputusanmu Van?”

“Aku mau ngerem aja”

Dan motorpun berhenti di perempatan lampu merah, aku terdiam. Farah membuat Kaivan semakin dewasa dari biasanya, atau ini karena Kaivan sudah terlalu lama jalan sendiri sebelum berpacaran dengan Farah, setahun yang indah.

“Res?”

“Iyo?”

“Ingetin aku nanti beli kanvas ditoko biasa.”

“Pacaran nya sama Kanvas lagi pak?”

“Ahahaha, ya sama manusia malah kasian manusia nya pak, aku tinggal cari ide terus.”