Hey so like I wanna experiment again so this is a vague first person POV uh thingy ok
Idk
Okay uh based on personal experiences...
Okay so it turned into a vent post about one of my exes
And then it turned into me cherishing the group I have now
With uh... Not so subtle hints about something I'm going through too ehe
And about how I'm ditching said ex for the life I have now because it's so much better ok.
Pretty personal but feel free to treat it like a normal post of mine ok? Ok. Uhm. This feels weird to post but it's okay I want people to understand me better and I do not see any part of this being personal at all. Just. Really hits home to me because it's about me. Ok. Enjoy.
I can't stop thinking about you.
I lay on my bed right now, staring at a picture of you.
You look so beautiful, smiling as you laugh, it is the most blurry picture of you ever because you launched backwards on video call- but it's my favorite one of you. You were you, unashamedly you, laughing at a joke I made just for you.
It made me feel special.
I can't stop thinking about you.
I can't stop thinking about the times we shared on stream, laughing at things I don't think anyone else would've laughed at.
I miss you.
We stopped talking years ago, you found a new boyfriend, a new friend group, a new collection of people who admire you and love you more than you thought I would.
I miss you.
I stare at someone else's profile a while, a different person from you, yet they give me the same feelings you did to me. The same giggles I couldn't hold back whenever you would tell me a joke are back whenever they post. The smile I used to have with you is back just for them. The way I giggle at everything they comment on posts is much sweeter than it was with you- I actually feel genuinely heard by them than I did with you.
I remember the late nights I used to spend thinking about you, about how you'd avoid me when I would try to talk about my interests with you, how you'd give me expensive gifts and tell me you love me but it... Never felt true. It felt like you just liked my company, liked that I just sat around with you while you did your own thing. I always felt ignored by you... I thought that's what love was.
Then I met them.
The person I always scream at now, the one who yells back about our interests, the one who's busy but always makes time for me anyways. The one who freaks out when I show them stuff I'm proud of, the one who enjoys seeing me freak out about their stuff too.
The one who actually listens while I listen to them.
The one who made me feel actually whole again.
The one I'm scared to reach out to sometimes because I'm scared of pestering them, yet is always so welcoming and high energy when I reach out.
The one who makes me feel so happy to wake up every day.
The one who makes me laugh just by saying what they think because they're so right it's funny
The one who makes the coolest art and writes the best fics I've read in a long time.
The one who just makes me feel so positive.
I often wonder if I'm stupidly in love or if I'm just so excited to be their best friend one day, I wonder if the joy I feel around them will fade away or if it'll stay for years to come.
That doesn't matter right now though.
It matters that we have each other, and I don't need you. The one who didn't care. The one who broke me years ago and never apologized.
I have them. I have friends. I have family. I have myself again.
And that's... What matters now.
Not you.
The world I now live in without you. The feelings I live through without you. The way I feel so cherished without you.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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"...Thanks for comin' to talk with me, Esti." The slightest bit of hesitation caught Kai's tongue at the utterance of his adoptive brother's name. "I - It's been a while for sure...!"
Keenly catching on, Estinien let out a sigh before taking another swig of his ale. He approached the younger man and placed a gentle palm atop his head.
Kai's ears perked up at the sudden weight.
"What are you getting flustered over, boy? You used to call me that name when we were just naive little kids. We both grew up, but that's it. Our lives may have run a different course and will continue to do so, but you will always be my little brother in the end."
Kai felt his face flush in a rush of comfort. He lowered his ears and simply nodded. A content smile being the only response he needed to give back to Estinien.
I has!!! A question! (Hi, Tirita Rita on Twitter lol) Since Kai is a Dotharl, according to their clan that means there was a Kai before him, right? What were they like? Just like him, or different?
Hello & thanks for asking!!
I originally chose Dotharl WAY BEFORE Stormblood dropped with all the Xaela lore. So unfortunately!! There is no 'before' Kai ;o;
Kai is also technically only half Xaelan! His mother is Raen.
Right now I feel that it's too complicated for me to think of a set previous life for him if he was a Dotharl still. There definitely was a previous life (based off knowledge given to us how the lifesteam actually works) but it wasn't necessarily a Dotharl every time!
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Kai when’s your birthday i wanna make you something but I’m not sure if i wanna wait until ur bday or not
:3
Yo sorry I wasn't looking on here most of the mornin bahahaha
I fucking spiralled about Givi to a friend and then I got distracted by Dragon Adventures... I'm a fucking nerd /pos
ANYWAYS! THE QUESTION! RIGHTYO!
December 23rd
If you wanna make something for my birthday, be my absolute guest, I would be so genuinely happy and excited to be even told happy birthday by y'all, but if you do it now you're gonna wait QUITE some time to give it to me
I genuinely do not expect anything though, so please never feel pressured into making me anything, please-
I'm just a silly nerd on the internet, do what you want in your own time, I genuinely just like being here and chatting with you dorks 🥹💕
Thank chu in advance!!! And thank chu for asking!!! I'm really happy people care about my birthday (it hasn't been a big deal to me personally for years so I'm genuinely flattered people are curious about it)
