#kagaya

Accident prone.

That's what your mom always said you were. Your father always described you as 'clumsy' and 'having been born with two left feet'!! You didn't know how to feel about the situation at hand at all. He's dreamt about having a son who'd one day grow up into something spectacular like the next famous football star or the smartest doctor who made earth breaking breakthroughs in medicine or a famous actor who's fame and fortune would be known worldwide! Instead he was given a daughter who seemed to attract nothing but bad luck. Hell! When you were brought home from the hospital your parents nearly collided with a drunk driver! Your father was unhappy with it from the beginning, but your mother always remained optimistic.

"She'll grow up to do great things! You'll see! Just give her a chance."

Well you can't say he tried. So you were thrown into a world of female lead roles and positions your father would've been proud to have a daughter in. Beauty pageants and ballet were his two biggest tries. Except for the fact a young girl that needed giant braces and extremely awkward didn't exactly appeal to judges who didn't give you much of anything except a bored glance. And being born with the ability of always tripping over air didn't exactly make for the best dancer either which eventually meant your father's dreams of a famous beauty queen ballet dancer daughter was crushed. That's ok. He still had hopes. How about gymnastics?! You could be an Olympic medal winner! That'd be great ..if you didn't keep falling from the ropes and bars and broke you arm..Twice. 

Perhaps the world of woman's sports would be kinder? You seem to always end up falling down anyways so maybe you could fall while actually competing in something successful!! Women's basketball? Nope. The team voted you off after the seventh time you accidentally shot the ball into your own team's basket. Soccer? Not with how much you tripped and slowed everyone down. Swimming? You couldn't even manage to float. Maybe tennis? Track? Figure skating? Golf? Safe to say none of your fellow students or coaches were too happy seeing the girl who'd always mess up or fall down come to try outs and you weren't welcomed after accidentally hitting a golf ball into your principles car window. Your father felt a similar way when he had to fork over the money to pay for the damages you caused and then punished you after by banning your electronic usage for an entire year.

He still didn't give up yet! There must've been something you could do?! Maybe you could become a famous chef! Women were supposed to be amazing at cooking! You had to change your class schedule after you accidentally lit up an entire table during culinary class and no one trusted the school's clumsy girl around knives. Well that's fine. You might do better in something else that didn't require kitchen knives or physical movement or high beauty standards. You could have brains! After all even some of the most brilliant minds in history had awkward quirks! The monster danger you'd get from books is a paper cut anyways!

If only your grades could just come above being a few Cs and a D in math. You tried studying your hardest and had many tutors come in to teach you. Even your mom helped you with your studies. You were so happy when a few of your Cs turned into Bs...but they weren't As. And no matter how hard you tried math and numbers never made any sense. Your father completely gave up after he tried getting you into painting, even hiring a really talented art student from your school to help you with learning..but everything always came out funky and warbled. It was at that point he completely gave up on you after you tripped over the stand your painting was sat on and fell face first into wet paint soaking into your clothes.

"My boss's son is about to inherit his entire trading company. My coworkers daughter nearly went to the semifinals for her team. Even your younger cousin managed to win a medal at the county fair! So why can't you do something besides cost me a fortune in repairs and misery?!"

You tried. You really did. In everything. So when you came home from school one day only to find a packed backpack being shoved into your arms on your eighteenth birthday and your father angrily pointing at the door giving you only one demand.

"Get out! I don't have any children! You brought me nothing but misery!"

You found yourself alone sitting at a bus station with nothing but the clothes on your back and whatever your father brothered to throw in the backpack before he literally shoved you out the door. ...You were officially homeless and now you didn't have a clue of what to do. Should you ask around for a homeless shelter? Call a family member or friend and ask to crash there until you graduated?  That'd be the ideal thing to do but your father didn't let you take your phone or any electronics because technically he paid for them and therefore you couldn't take it with you. You didn't even have any money for a payphone. 

So the only thing you could think of doing was to sit at the nearest bus stop with a roof so you had somewhat of a shelter and rummage through your backpack for something useful....Nothing but clothes, your toothbrush, and some carelessly thrown in hygiene products. Nothing that was really useful. So you just sat there and looked at the road with blank eyes as the cars went passing by occasionally. What were you going to do? You hadn't even heard the footsteps or lack there of until you heard a voice.

"Excuse me. Is this seat taken?"

You jolted from the sudden voice. Whirling around to look up and was stunned by what you saw. It was a man...A very.. BEAUTIFUL man. Vibrant purple eyes looked down at you from where he stood there. Black shoulder length silky locks sway from his head as he tilted at your expression, and a gentle smile gifted to you. But the strangest thing was that he was dressed in a traditional yukata. You knew some people still preferred to wear the traditional clothing these days but no one you knew actually did so. He continued to stand there awaiting something. ...Wait. Didn't he ask you something?

"O-Oh. N-No. No one's sitting there."

"Excellent. Do you mind if I?", he asked gesturing at the bench.

"Go ahead I guess."

"Thank you."

You rose a brow weary as he just calmly sat down a decent distance away from you and stared straight ahead. This was..weird.  The fact a strange man was there alone with you put you on edge but he didn't do anything besides sit there...He was probably waiting for the night bus like a normal person. So you ignored the man keeping an eye on him out of the corner of your eyes in case. Until he decided to speak again.

"The night is lovely isn't it?", he asked looking at the stars. "The stars are clear and the moon is full." 

"...Yeah. I guess it is."

"On nights like this it seems anything could happen. Miracles. Dreams coming true. Truly remarkable."

"Maybe for normal people." He looked back at you as you looked back down to your feet. "I've never had anything good happen to me."

"Oh? Now why do you say that? Everyone has at least one good thing happen to them in their lifetime."

"Then you clearly never seen someone like me. No matter what I do I can't get anything right."

"Well not everyone can do every skill. Other times it takes years of practice to get something down." He smiled wider. "You're young. I'm going to take a wild guess and say you are eighteen?"

..You looked at him. How did he- "I-..Yeah. I just turned eighteen today actually."

"Well as I said, you're still so young. Not even out of your teenage years yet. You haven't even figured out what you want to do with your life yet haven't you?," he carried on before you could even get a chance to answer him. "Of course not. But now that you're an adult, you can focus on what you want to do with your life instead of trying to please others and fulfill their desires."

You just stared at him. "...How did you know that?! I didn't even tell you what happened to me."

He only chuckled. "Call it a lucky guess based on what you said earlier. But I do mean what I said. Focus on your own career path."

"Who even are you?"

"Me? Just a stranger on his way home from his job. No need to think too much into it. Oh." He spoke while reaching into a pocket on his side. "I had almost forgotten about the reason why I was sent her." You tensed up seeing him pull something out into a fist. What was it?! A knife!? Were you about to get mugged on top of your already bad day?! He just calmly smiled at you and held out his balled fist. "You'll need this to get where you're going."

You stared at his hand, then at him narrowing your eyes suspiciously. "What is it?"

"A gift. One you'll surely be needing."

You still didn't move looking at him for anything that screamed danger. ..Until you eventually held out your hand cautiously. He simply placed what felt like paper in your palms but when you looked it was a- A twenty dollar bill and two quarters?? You rose a brow looking at him confused before looking down at your hand.

"...What is this?"

"Well that should be enough money for you to call your grandparents and buy a bus ticket to their house. Oh. And happy birthday, Y/n."

"How did you know my-?"

....?!

Where'd he go?!

You froze stunned as there was no one there on the bench next to you ..Where did he go?! Your head swiveled around looking behind the bench, around the bus station, and you even strained your neck to look down the street. But there was no signs of him anywhere. How could someone vanish into thin air like that so quickly?! You might've written it off as a daydream if you still weren't holding the money he gave you, the only evidence of him ever being there. 

Who was that?! 

You ended up staring at the money in your hands for a long while debating on what to use it for. Could you even use it? It wasn't your money. But in the end the situation hanging over your head won out and you ended up using the quarters at a nearby phone booth to call your grandparents and tell them you were coming over. They seemed confused but you didn't want to explain why over the phone. The money was more than enough to pay for the bus toll all the way over to their side of town where they looked shocked to find you standing there with nothing but a backpack in your hands. 

They were even MORE shocked and appalled when you told them WHY you were there. In fact if looks could kill, your grandpa might've killed your father from far away with how red in the face he was. You're grandma just gave you some dinner before ushering you to bed and telling you not to worry about anything else.

They always said karma was a b*tch.

They didn't tell you that karma was also the speed of light!!

The very next morning you were woken up by yelling. You thought perhaps that someone left the TV on downstairs too loud but quickly recognized your grandfather's booming voice anywhere snapping you awake as he cursed and shouted at someone.And it sounded like you some up to catch him in the middle of his rant missing the beginning of it 

"-THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING PUTTING A CHILD OUT LIKE THAT!? I knew I raised you to be stubborn in your decisions but I didn't raise you to be STUPID!! ....WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR FUCKED UP ABILITIES AS A PARENT!? ...WELL THEN!! If you have no daughter then I have no second son!! As soon as I get a hold of him, I'm telling my lawyer to exclude any mentions of a second son from our will!! ...NO!! You don't have a daughter remember?! If you try to contact anyone in this house again I'll call the police for harassment!!"

Things only continued to go downhill for your father and uphill for you after that. He had officially been disowned by your grandfather and both of your grandparents had called to scold him about what he did. Your grandmother much more gently than your grandfather had been telling him she was disappointed and hurt by his actions and insisting that he owed you an apology and offering to pay for family therapy if he ever decided to come to his senses. You didn't think your relationship could be saved however. Even your uncle had been appalled with his younger brother's behaviour and had stopped by personally to get your things with your grandpa where both proceeded to loudly chew him out in person for his cruelty towards his only daughter. 

On the bright side you'd gotten all your belongings back and your family's support as you officially moved in with your grandparents. You were able to finish up your last year of highschool in a different school which felt like a fresh start, started therapy, and began to slowly make positive changes without pressure. A year after you graduated your uncle offered you an internship at his office and you accepted. Maybe it wasn't what you were looking for YET but it would be a start. And who knows? Maybe you would enjoy working in an office. 

****

The clacking of heels followed your form as you walked down the hallway from the elevator. Purse thrown over your shoulder and your face determined to get the day's work done. 

"What's scheduled for today, Loid?"

You didn't have to look behind you to know that your personal assistant had started following you already arms full of papers and the earphones connected to his phone to answer incoming calls as without the trouble of juggling the phone. 

"You have a meeting with a representative of the parent company to discuss possible avoidance of future layoffs and the CEO is scheduled for a snap inspection tomorrow." The rustling of papers behind you as you both came out of the hallway and passed by office booths. Many people walked around carrying papers, furiously typing away at computers, or answering calls. "B-But the sales department are reporting that the sales have declined since the launch of our new antivirus program."

"Get the marketing team up to my office right this second to discuss a new advertisement for Virus Begone before my meeting with our parent company. While you're at it bring me an order-"

"Shrimp pasta with a side of salad no dressing and a large green tea with honey! Got it!," he spoke your favorite lunch quickly before you could finish talking.

"I knew I could trust you, Loid. You always know what I need."

"Just doing my job, Ma'am."

You were nearly thirty now. In charge of your Uncle's entire sales department. Having spent years tutoring under him and rising up in promotions made from hard work alone earnt you the title of Department Manager of Sales over a very successful tech company. Way more than your father ever expected of you. ...In fact the very last you've heard of him, your mother and him had divorced after she found out what he did but that was years ago. You've heard he had been forced to move into a shabby apartment because he lost the house in the divorce and no one would let him stay with them after what happened but you didn't care if that was true. You just focused on yourself.

You had your grandparents and Uncle to thank for your success. And one other man. That mysterious stranger you met over ten years ago. Out of curiosity you tried to find him. Hired private investigators and searched yourself by any means. But no one seemed to match the description of him. It was if he truly was a ghost that materialized into thin air only to disappear again. Which only seemed to make him all the more mysterious. Perhaps that's what he was in the end. 

A ghost. Spirit...Or perhaps maybe even your guardian angel.

P1PIC : EP1[GIFS] /EP2[PIC] : EP2[Gifs] /

EP3[PIC] : EP3[GIFS] : UZUI / EP4[PIC] : EP4[GIFS] : Hashira

It’s similar to parts work in the Hakomi Method (the practice of mindful somatic psychotherapy that I’m trained in) which breaks down the parts a little more simplistically.

So the parts are:

The Protectors (in IFS, further divided into Managers and Firefighters)

Managers work hard to keep the Exiles safe, setting boundaries and rules through control and planning, and making sure things run smoothly.

Manager behaviors can include perfectionism, people-pleasing, caretaking, overthinking, and self-criticism. 

Firefighters are a bit more reflexive. They are quick to respond to real or imagined threats, usually by turning towards addictive behaviors or substances to keep the overwhelming feelings of the Exiles at bay.

Firefighter behavior can include eating or drinking (or Doom / Tumblr scrolling!) too much, or any kind of obviously addictive behavior.

The Protected (in IFS, often called the Exiles, or Vulnerable/Wounded Children)

These are the rawest parts of our psyche which remember and hold our wounds. Exiles are often quite young, and experience behaviors like dissociation, poor self-esteem, self-loathing… or just a lot of terror, grief, confusion and pain! The overwhelming nature of these painful experiences are what conjure the Protectors into existence and action, usually without the individual’s conscious awareness. In extreme situations, the Protectors can even turn against the Exiles, and then you have a bad case of “feeling bad for feeling bad”!

The Self

This is the “true self” which embodies qualities known as the “8 C’s”: 

Compassion Curiosity Clarity Creativity Calm Confidence Courage Connectedness

The Self is not thought of as a “part”, but the truest expression that each individual is capable of. One of the main objectives of IFS / Parts Work is to untangle the Protectors and Exiles from the Self, so that these wonderful qualities can shine again in the individual’s present and future experience, undistorted by the traumas and pressures of the past.

Demon Slayer Characters via IFS

If we were talking about real-life people, we can assume that each individual embodies “moments” of all three parts to some degree. I will do the same with each of these fictional characters!

I’ll include the Hashira, Tanjiro and the Kamaboko squad, and some of the mentors (Kagaya, Urokodaki, Tamayo, Ruka, Yoriichi).

The Hashira

Rengoku

Initially we see Rengoku leaning more into Protector-behavior wanting to execute the Kamados on the spot. (This is when the "protectiveness" is projected outwards, towards others.)

But by Mugen train, many Self qualities shine through, especially as he nears death. He encourages Tanjiro and the others to keep going, and also doesn't make any stringent demands on how his younger brother Senjuro should proceed in his own life.

He’s strong on many of the 8 C’s. If there are any that are low (only by comparison) it might be curiosity, as he’s more inclined to give direction than to do a lot of listening—but that’s me being nitpicky. In a way it would make sense that he's heavy on action-based behavior since he's having to compensate for the emotional and functional absence of his alcoholic father.

Tengen

Manager behaviors: puffing himself up, being ostentatious (flashy!). Being tough or driving towards his subordinates. Firefighter moment: grabbing Aoi completely without consent!

Exile: feeling inadequate or “basic”, as compared to Rengoku, Gyomei or Muichiro. A deep sense of guilt and shame about his family of origin and their savage way of life.

Self: Compassion really shines through in his vision for a life of peace amidst the violence of growing up. Connectedness and clarity is also a strength of his, as he's quick to see the bottom line of most situations and open his heart to folks like the Kamados.

Sanemi

Probably the most obvious example of Protector-behavior!

Couldn’t be more clear the pressures and traumas this person has gone through, to have to rely so heavily on Manager and Firefighter reflexes.

Many of the positive Self qualities are co-opted by his Protectors, like creativity and clarity in his fighting ability.

So you know they are there: IE the compassion he feels for Genya and his mother, but is withdrawn when facing perceived threats like the Kamados, initially.

Courage is obvious in his life as a Hashira, but calm and connectedness is where he struggles in most of the series.

All this suggests the presence of a deeply suffering Exile—probably one that’s made to feel bad for feeling bad, as is the case when the environment growing up is just too hard on a person. Most poignant moment: the double bind of having to kill his mother in order to keep the rest of the family safe (or what’s left) but doing so also condemns him.

He’s such an interesting and enticing character for this reason!

Obanai

Very similar to Sanemi in that he’s mostly bound up in Manager behaviors, most notably his perfectionism and tremendous demands on others.

Though, he shows strong signs of connectedness in his relationship with Mitsuri, who is such a balm for his Exiled parts which have been through so much!

Shinobu

Notably Manager behaviors: trying to be nice and people-please!

Her Exiled part, which feels weak and inept—especially about her size—struggles with confidence and also feels compassion-fatigued towards the demons.

But she remains steadfast in her courage, which is the vehicle for her drive to avenge her sister’s death.

Giyu

Giyu is interesting to me because he’s very well rounded, lol.

Protector/Manager energies: withdrawing from others, being tough on Tanjiro initially, quick to draw (often negative) conclusions about himself and others—the certainty of negativity is safer than the uncertainty of possible goodness.

Exile: his obvious self-loathing and feeling inadequate, imposter syndrome, at the core of which is his deep guilt for existing (because existing = being protected and a burden on others, which also endangers others and then leaves him isolated... a vicious cycle!)

Self: compassion towards the Kamados, calm (or… Dead Calm? sorry lol), connectedness that’s brought forth by his conversations with Tanjiro, and maybe also clarity in his vision of what's possible witnessing Nezuko's atypical behavior as a demon.

Mitsuri

Mitsuri can be interesting in the IFS sense because she’s strong on Self AND Exiled part, which her character gives permission to be and express: her sense of isolation and neediness, and feeling different or “other”.

Compassion, curiosity, creativity and connectedness are strong suits for her, and we see her apply these towards herself through the series, to cultivate the other qualities of the 8 C’s: courage, calm and confidence.

The one bit of Protector behavior I see here is self-doubting and self-criticism, but not much is directed outwards. I guess that explains her openness—which could also be an Exile quality: naïveté and denial to some extent.

Muichiro

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Muichiro is definitely strong on courage, calm and confidence.

Like so many others, his connectedness and compassion is sparked by his encounters with Tanjiro. 

His Exiled part reveals itself through dissociation and memory loss—just completely checking out, which is also a Protector ability. In a way, what he says about taking on his late brother’s personality, is a sort of Firefighter defense that kept his psyche safe and coherent through the tremendously overwhelming loss of his whole family in a short period of time.

Gyomei

Like Rengoku, strong on many of the 8 C’s. 

His suspicion of people could be thought of as a Manager behavior—conversely it can also be seen as clarity, or discernment, if it’s separated from his traumatic experience of being wrongfully incriminated by the children he was protecting.

So the Exiled part here would be one who feels misjudged or misunderstood, as it seems was his experience growing up as a blind, but very capable and gifted person.

The Kamaboko Squad

Tanjiro

Strong on the C’s—confidence being the main one he’s cultivating through the series.

He’s very similar to Mitsuri, seen through the IFS lens. 

And it’s interesting that he’s also kind of the other side of the same coin as Sanemi—both are actively working to protect their family, but one (Sanemi) is covert about it, which to me speaks more to a generational difference.

Inosuke

Lots of Protector energy!

The Exile here may be a child who’s just really confused, from lack of direction and guidance, especially about his own feelings—both positive and negative ones.

I’m not sure by the end of the series if much of Self is online (not that that is necessarily important or an objective, especially for his character), but he does appear to learn the value of connectedness.

Zenitsu

Exiled part is very obvious: feeling alone, unloved, unworthy, and scared!

And then Protector parts come online very quickly: the Firefighter response to cling to other people (usually girls, or his friends), and the Manager response to quickly identify with compliments from Tanjiro.

But he does demonstrate clarity in key moments and the death of his mentor spurs him towards more courage.

Like Inosuke, not sure if much Self by the end, but Zenitsu will be Zenitsu! 

Nezuko

Nezuko is interesting to me because she actually feels more like a Mentor in that she mostly embodies the 8 C’s, but she’s muzzled or sleeping most of the time. I'll talk about this symbolism in the Mentor section next.

Like Tanjiro, she’s developing confidence to demonstrate her other positive abilities through the entirety of the series. For me the most salient moment of this is where Tanjiro sings her the song she grew up hearing their mother sing for her. Many themes of connection and safety here for a character who stays mostly in her child form through the series. Interesting that it's when she turns adult (and maybe not so vaguely sexualized) that she's at her most "Protector"-ish, and projected outwards, too. There's something here about feminine rage, for me, which I also see for Tamayo and Shinobu.

The Mentors

Urokodaki

Mostly strong on Self qualities, with a tiny bit of the see-saw of Manager/Exile:

He’s tough on Tanjiro for being “too kind”, when he masks his own face which seems “too kind”. Can’t be a more concrete representation of the symbiotic relationship between Protector and Exile.

Like in Sanemi’s case, I think this can speak to men (of earlier generations?) who were crucified for showing vulnerability and tenderness.

Tamayo

One of the incredibly strong female characters in the series. I mean she broke the Muzan code!

Strong on the C’s, but to me she represents the burden of the system/history on the female body. When she finally shows her rage and intensity in its truest form, it’s at her (very violent) death where she basically martyrs herself. (Shinobu, too.)

Kagaya

Like Rengoku and Gyomei, strong on many of the 8 C’s. 

I group him with Ruka and Yoriichi—they’re near perfect, but either absent, gone too soon, or soon to be gone. To me, they symbolize how the Self can seem so distant or unattainable so often in daily life. Or, how a healthy and balanced parental figure can seem in such short supply in so many people’s lives.

Ruka

Another strong female character in the series, and pretty wholly embodies the 8 C’s.

Kyojuro is truly lucky to have her as a mom! Gone too soon, but the show must, and does go on.

Yoriichi

To me he’s a very interesting expression of the Self.

We can surmise he embodies much of the C’s, but for a man of his time he is given the space to openly express his vulnerabilities and sense of inadequacy in protecting the ones he cared about. Like Mitsuri and Tanjiro, we get to the witness the active alchemization of his Protector and Exiled parts.

As I’m writing this I’m realizing this also symbolizes the ever-evolving nature of life itself… even for a balanced and gifted individual like Yoriichi, life is still full of challenges and loss. Truly, there is no cosmic finish line!

Concluding thoughts...

What seems recurring through all these characters is the Exiled part's sense of powerlessness and inadequacy. A universal human experience to be sure, but I think it's important to also see it in context.

Demon Slayer's author, Gotouge, is in their mid to late thirties now. They very likely had at least some contact with their grandparents, who we could assume were living in Japan at the time of the Second World War. Many (if not most) manga or anime series are in some way processing these themes of powerlessness amidst great violence, loss and denigration of human life.

We even see the mushroom cloud making an appearance during the explosion of Kagaya's mansion—no doubt an image seared into the collective Japanese memory for generations to come.