Nvm

Average guy (tm) Kagami needs a break from whatever he does for a living. He asks his good friend kuroko where he could retreat from society. Kuroko mentions a place up in the forest in the mountain that his friend owns and does not use year round. Where he could be secluded. He gets permission from the land owner through kuroko and directions and such and he goes. He's just hanging around in the woods at this cute little cabin. He has basic outdoors skills. He can build a fire and shit. Sets traps. Use a gun. String a fishing pole.

He's just poking around out in the woods. But he is rusty and he is city boy. Also he really doesn't care. Like it's not that serious girly pops, he literally just out there for a menty b vacation. He brought plenty of groceries to last fucking months. He's just doing shit for the fun of it.

Shit like eating chips while sitting in a deer stand. Something you are not supposed to do. They have good ears and they have good noses. No animal with any sense would get anywhere near that hunting tent. They would hear and smell him crunching away on his doritos from miles away.

Things like swinging his legs over the edge of the dock and splashing his feet in the water while fishing in the pond. In what world would a fish swim towards such a large disturbance in the water.

Wearing bright colors, stomping around in the woods, singing pop songs. Absolutely nothing that is conducive to any hunting success.

Again. He brought groceries, he's just fucking around. But as he's doing all this. He's noticed some trail cams put up all over the property. Throughout the woods, on the dock, on the porch. And, you know, he's bored, got nothing to do, on a menty b vacation, and got clown blood in his veins. So he just talks to the trail cam. To be fair, he doesn't know if this is a Camera with audio or color or night vision or anything. Or if they're even hooked up and operating right now. They might not have a microphone to record audio, they might not be able to see at night, it might be black and white, it might not even record. It could be a camera that the owner has to manually acess to get the footage from or actively access to view only a livestream that doesn't save. There are many types of trail cams. He talks to it anyway.

He says corny jokes, he says hi every time he walks past, he does the peace sign to it as he does his morning shirtless jog, he yaps to the camera on the dock post as he's swimming in the pond. He shares his morning thoughts. He says goodnight to it as he put out his campfire at night. He complain about the lack of fish variety stocked in the pond. He tells the camera that these woods must not be a popular place for the animals. He talks shit about the bait he has to use to fish with, because obviously the pole must suck or the bait is old and that's why he's not catching anything. He's birdwatching and he just makes up names for the types of birds he is seeing. He wastes ammo by just shooting at trees for target practice, thus scaring away any animal he actually might have gotten by the big ass gun shot sound. Silly things, nothing serious, but fun. Menty b vacation and all. He's just being himself. Letting it all out.

One tiny problem. Aomine is bougie. When he inherited his uncles land, he kitted it out with the best cams on the market. Audio, color, recording, livestreaming, underwater, sub Temps, night vision, notifications, the whole shabang. Connected to an app and everything. That means every time kagami runs past shirtless in the morning, goes skinny dipping in the pond, has a camp fires, walks though the woods, complains about the fishing, shit talks the hunting, or incorrectly genders a bird. Aomines phone goes ping.

And boy is he pissed. Because one day his personal nuisance (bestfriend) is asking if a friend of his could stay at his cabin in the forest for a bit, he's real stressed and needs an isolated vacation. He won't break anything or be a bother and he will clean up after himself, you won't even be able to tell he was ever there. Okay, sure, whatever. Aomine emails the guy the directions, the location of the hidden gate key, no problem. But then, for weeks, it's just a constant barrage of notifications from the trail cams of audio detected or movement detected. He silenced them at first, he knew there was someone up there, it didn't matter. But then one day he gets a notification and the recorded video clip pops up and its fucking titties bouncing. Holy hell that's a rack. This guy's got some big ones and he is running through the fucking woods shirtless in these tiny little running shorts, by God.

Who could blame him, aomine starts paying a little more attention to the trail cam notifications. Leading to another problem. This fucking ginger hanging out in his woods is annoying. Does he ever shut up? Talking about there's no good hunting. Motherfucker you're devouring an entire pan of lasagna that you made yourself, packed into a little picnic basket and carried out into the middle of the woods to sit in a hunting stand letting the wind carry the sights, sounds, and smells of a fatass American enjoying the culinary sensations of Italy to every animal on the mountain.

Of course you won't have any luck hunting when you do that. And obviously that is a male not a fucking female warbler, how can you possibly be that stupid, the color is entirely wrong. And excuse you but aomine only buys the best fishing equipment, those hooks, bobbers, sinkers, and bait are top of the line.

Aomine demands the phone number of this heathen from kuroko because there are things he needs to say to this motherfucker that cannot be traced back to him through an incriminating email thread in a court of law.

Kuroko does so and he also sends a warning to kagami that the landowner is upset with him.

Cue kagami worrying that he genuinely offended kuroko fucking grandpa or whatever old ass man owns this antique cabin. He's ready to apologize profusely, claim mental incompetence to the judge, and beg forgiveness from the old man.

He receives a heated message from aomine containing the grievances about the previously mentioned problem. Boiling down to Kagami being fucking annoying.

Problem 3. Kagami is no longer regretful and his clown blood is boiling. He is now on a mission to rage bait the ever loving shit out of kuroko's sassy grandpa.

He tries to spear fish in the pond with an arrow that meant for bow hunting. He asks if the Wasp nest on the porch is a dragonfly nest. He sprays cologne in the woods because he smells too outside-y. He calls a warbler a dove.

Aomine is seething. He requests time off work and doesn't even check if it's approved. He packs his bags and goes to strangle this bitch.