the hongdae hotel room you're standing in smells faintly of stale smoke and fresh linen. you shut the door behind you, looking around at the a standard suite with a king-sized bed filling the space.
jun-ho stands by the window, his silhouette is focused against the city lights filtering through the very thin curtains. he's dressed in a simple black shirt and black trousers. the man has stress in his shoulders, a clenched jaw, like he has been going through a lot.
you know his type of men. quiet, cold, the kind of man whose toughness is permanent into his features from years of trauma. however, there's something in his eyes when he turns to you, a silent hunger that you've noticed in past encounters, though he's never said much.
"you're here, finally," he says, crossing the room to hand you a glass of water.
no pleasantries, just that direct gaze.
you smile, slipping out of your black expensive coat, revealing the fitted dress that hugs your curves.
as an escort, you can read the room quickly. tonight feels different, charged with an undercurrent you can't quite place.
before you can settle in, the door opens again.
kim enters, towering over the both of you at six-foot-five, his broad shoulders straining against a casual button-up.
he is an ex-marine turned mercenary, jun-ho's coworker, the muscle to jun-ho's mind in their shadowy line of work.
you'd expected kim to be strict the first time you met him, but his smile is surprisingly warm as he nods at you.
walking past you can see that there's a flicker between him and jun-ho... a lingering look, a brush of shoulders that's too familiar, hinting at something deeper between them yourself.
jun-ho gestures for you to sit on the edge of the bed.
"kim's joining us for a bit," he explains, his tone neutral but his eyes watchful.
you nod, intrigued.
exhibition and voyeurist play isn't new to you, and if it's what he wants, you're game.
kim sits beside you, his massive frame making the mattress dip.
he's softer up close, his hand gentle as it rests on your knee.
"you comfortable?" he asks, voice super deep but kind.
you nod as you lean in, letting your fingers trace his arm, feeling the corded muscles beneath. jun-ho watches from the chair across, silent, his approval evident in the way his jaw tightens.
you kiss kim first after junho gives silent permission for you to. your lips parting to invite his tongue as he responds eagerly but carefully, his large hands sliding up your thighs, pushing your dress higher.
you arch into him, making a show of it for jun-ho... unbuttoning kim's shirt to reveal the expanse of his chest, kissing down his neck while your hand palms the growing bulge in his pants.
kim groans softly, his walls cracking, revealing that tender side as he whispers encouragements in your ear.
jun-ho shifts on the hotel chair, his breathing heavier now.
you straddle kim's lap, grinding against him, dress riding up to expose your black lace panties as his hands grip your hips, guiding you. however, kim's eyes flick to jun-ho, a shared glance that speaks volumes to them but not to you.
however, jun-ho's possessiveness wins out.
"that's enough," he says finally, with command.
kim pulls back, chuckling softly, and stands.
"I'll go grab some bibimbap from down the street, ill see you later hun," he says, winking at you before putting on his coat.
you watch him, hands holding the bed as kim slips out the door.
alone now, the atmosphere shifts as jun-ho crosses to you, pulling you to your feet.
the detective's hands are rougher than kim's, callused from years on the force, but there's reverence in how he unzips your dress, letting it pool at your feet.
"i've wanted to book with you for a while now," he admits quietly, knowing it has been almost a year since you've been with junho last.
you cup his face, drawing him into a kiss.
he's a silent admirer, you realize... booking you discreetly, always watching from afar as a police man.
tonight, you want to give him more.
as you undress him, peeling away layers to reveal the lean, scarred body beneath, an idea forms.
"what if we filmed this?" you suggest, voice slightly raspy against his skin, "just for you. something to keep, to remember how i feel."
junho's eyes darken, surprise flickering before desire takes over.
"yeah um-- I mean, are you sure?" he asks, but you nod, consenting fully.
"yes. i want you to have it." junho nods, grabbing his phone from the nightstand, and setting it up on a propped pillow with it facing the bed.
as things heat up with you arching on the bed to tease him... junho decides to hold it himself, capturing the intimacy up close.
when junho tries to come behind you, you shock him by turning over and you pushing him onto the bed. you climb over him and sit on his lap, feeling his cock hard below you.
moving your panties to the side, junho turns his phone on landscape mode as you position yourself.
you let his tip slide along your labias, teasing him for a second, before you sink down slowly.
as an escort, pleasing him is your focus, nothing else. you start rolling your hips in a rhythm that draws out junho's low moans, your hands on his chest for leverage.
he holds the phone above, filming from below, the lens centered on your tits bouncing with each movement.
they're full and swaying, nipples hardened peaks that you arch into for the camera, knowing it'll drive junho wild later whenever he rewatches the videos on his police missions.
jun-ho's free hand grips your waist, guiding you deeper.
you ride him steadily, effort poured into every lift and drop, clenching around him to heighten his pleasure.
the slick sounds of your bodies joining fill the room each time your ass hits him balls. you lean forward slightly, letting your breasts brush his chest, whispering how good he feels, how much you want this for him.
junho's cold exterior melts, breaths coming ragged as he tilts the phone down. now the frame catches it all with your pussy sliding up and down his cock, glistening with arousal, the way you take him fully each time, muscles working to please.
the door clicks open midway, kim returning with a white plastic bag that must've had his food inside. luckily, he sets it aside on a nightstand.
he pauses, eyes widening at the scene, but jun-ho doesn't stop.
"film it," jun-ho says to kim, holding his recording phone out towards Kkim with his voice strained.
kim hesitates before takes the phone from jun-ho's hand, kneeling at the bed's edge to continue capturing.
the mercenary's angle is steady, zooming in on your riding motion, the explicit glide of your body on jun-ho's.
you glance at kim, smiling through the haze of pleasure, including him in the intimacy. kim's presence adds to the thrill in a way.
jun-ho's hands roam now, one thumb circling your clit below to push you closer, the other squeezing your breast. you quicken your pace, bouncing harder, effort evident in the sheen of sweat on your skin, the way you angle yourself for maximum sensation.
"like this?" you murmur, voice breathy, always attuned to his reactions.
junho nods, groaning as his hips buck up to meet you.
kim's filming is panning from your face to the joining of your bodies, then back to jun-ho's tense facial expression.
your walls flutter around jun-ho as climax nears. you grind down, circling your hips to draw it out, pleasing junho until he can't hold back.
he comes with a muffled curse, spilling inside you, and you follow seconds later, body shuddering in release.
kim lowers the phone, the session captured perfectly.
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warnings: nsfw (obvs), sub/dom dynamics, oral (m/f rec), ejaculation and cum, manhandling, size difference, pet names (inc. daddy, appa, etc), masturbation, foreplay, sex, description of sexual positions, groping, sexual limits mentioned, drunk sex (consensual), brat taming, sexting, dirty talk, teasing, toys, you're still here? it's a nsfw alphabet there's gonst to be sex..
wc: 3.7k (got carried away, fineshyt junho's fault not mine)
i can only write junho as the emotionally intelligent protector who destroys you in bed. sorry not sorry. also he's so experienced. i can't even pretend, facecard goes crazy. based on season 2/3 junho.
A = Aftercare (what theyâre like after sex)
junho reverts to softness. with touch, words, and presence all the same. it still feels dominant, the way he lifts you carefully to place you more comfortably on the pillows, but it's gentle, considerate. he always takes control of cleaning you both up, but won't leave your side without pressing a long, tender kiss to your temple first. after everything's in order, he's back at your side grounding you with his non-smothering but immeasurably tender embrace. he lets you call the shots of what comes nextâbe it sleep, quality time, or leaving the bedroom entirely.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partnerâs)
he is tall, broad, physically intimidating. it's what makes him a good detective, in a way. no matter how clever you are, how good your theory, it's a lot harder for a captain to dismiss you when you could lift and throw them across the room. but this isn't what he likes about himself most. he'd never admit it, not even after hearing you praise it hundreds of times, but he likes his smile the most. he thinks it makes him look softer, younger. less... scary. sometimes after brushing his teeth, he lets the smallest little smile flash in the reflection of the mirror, and he sees the gentleness buried behind all those muscles.
meanwhile, in his partner, he enjoys when they have smaller hands. it's not sexual, and it's certainly not a strange fetish buried deep down. it's so much more than that. it's grounding when your hands intertwine casually when walking down the street, draws him out of overthinking when he strokes the soft skin of your wrist. a palm to his cheek never fails to calm him, either. he likes it most when you do this after sex. makes him feel so seen, so strangely protected.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
by the time his orgasm hits, he's so close to the edges of the rigid restraint that he lives by, that he sometimes forgets to be gentle. if you've just finished around him, he'll forget you might become overstimulated while he quickly hurries the pace of his thrusts to follow you over the edge. other times, when his length's between your lips and you're stealing an orgasm from him, he'll sink your head just a little lower on his bucking hips until tears prick your eyes as he finishes in your throat.
it's never intentional. he just gets carried away sometimes. when he does, he's always consistent to softly and regretfully ask, "i'm sorry baby, was i too much?"
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
enjoys the size difference between you a little too much. he's so used to towering over people, manhandling perps that put up fights they can't win but think they can. even you, so small, so fragile, so in need of someone like him to protect your safety. it's like all he ever does is hold back. from treating perps with the physical care they sometimes don't deserve, to gently holding back his strength and weight with your smaller, delicate body.
sometimes he just wants to let that power out. pin you under him, his hands on your back transferring all his weight to crush you against the mattress. strike his hips into yours with enough power to draw gasps, whimpers, pleas of his name that sound like no's but really ask for more. it's the only thing that makes him finish so hard he nearly goes blind from rolling his eyes back for too long.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what theyâre doing?)
he's always been married to work, not women. there was a high school sweetheart once, but that fizzled out quickly when he started his high school exams. then one or two girlfriends who reached the one or two year mark, before fizzling out, too. after that, he understood his dedication to his work took priority over his personal life. that he wasn't what girls wanted when they realised how little time he takes off, how even when he's home, he's still clocked in at work in his mind. that no matter how considerate, handsome, how loving he is, they will never change him.
after that, it turned casual. he's not quite one for meaningless one night stands, and only indulges occasionally when drunk and sexually pent up. situationships aren't quite the right word to describe the majority of his experience either, he's too sentimental for empty sex like that. but every now and then he'd have one girl he could occasionally eat dinner with, have sex with, and not speak to for a week from being busy, and things would still feel comfortable.
by the time you cross his path, he knows what he's doing from his broad range of experience. knows where to put his hands, what words to say, how to build you up and break you apart the way you need him to. but what really stands out is the effort he puts into learning, guiding, and working for you in sexual intimacy.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
he enjoys dominating you physically, and there are two positions that take the cake. when it's rough, harder than usual, fuelled by emotion or frustration, he has you in prone bone. hands on your back, weight fully on you, hips slapping down into the cheeks of your ass as he fucks the stress out of himself.
the other is mating press. legs over his shoulders, eyes locked on you gasping and open mouthed from the heavy crush of his hips on yours. it's here where he can't stop switching from eye contact to watching himself disappear inside you. it's dizzying, and takes effort to hold out long enough for you to finish before him.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
he leans more serious, out of focus more than anything. he likes to work for your pleasure, and a lot of the time the knot in his brows is from observing the reactions your body gives him. or from the strain in his hand, tongue, or hips. but there are times where he cracks.
when he slips out in between thrusts, your hips moving just enough that he ends up missing re-entry and grinds over your clit instead. the way your eyes light up in surprise, gasp slipping from your lips, hand catching the bicep bracketing your head. junho always pauses, hips slowing as his eyes find yours. the smile is always slow to form, laugh gentle but amused, like the glint in his eyes. he finds it especially amusing when you whine and lightly slap his bicep, half-needing him back inside, half-embarrassed he's laughing at you. he'll always tease, something like "so needy," grinning when you whine and cover your face, but he's quick to drag your hands above your head, the other guiding himself back into you.
the grin edges into the territory of taunting, as his hips slowly ease him length back into you. "ah," a mocking breath he drags out, "feels better now, right baby?"
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
he doesn't over do it.
he likes a sprinkle of stubble, even thinks it looks better on him than clean shaven. the way his pubic hair blends perfectly into his happy trail on his lower abdomen, it just looks right. masculine in a way he likes, but not unruly. but when his pubic hair starts growing that little bit too long, heâll clean it up with an electric shaver, the kind you shave the hair on your head with.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
he tends to lean away from romantic during sex. it's not always rough, but generally there won't be hand holding or tender words exchanged. he does plenty of romantic acts outside the bedroom, like buying you flowers, making dinners to share a tender moment together in your busy schedules. he's so thoughtful and considerate of you that in the confines of the bedroom, you just need him to ravish you. to roughen up that softness. to use his height, strength, weight. to let go of all that control.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
he can go a couple days without sexual release. he's not a teenager anymore, and his sexual urges have gradually become less urgent in his thirties. but by day three, he finds himself wound up. snappy at work over little things, more affected by you brushing past him during pre-work morning routines in the hallway, that he just can't fight it anymore.
he'll steal a quick five minutes between you leaving for work and him having to leave, too, and work the sexual frustration out just fast enough to still make it in time for work. other times, when you're too tired for sex, he cups your cheek in bed, brings your lips to his, and pumps himself until he cums. most of the time he'll have you swallow his cum, just so he doesn't have to leave you to clean up. then you'll fall asleep together.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
to him, anything to do with speech always increases the quality of sex. if it's talking you through it, praising the way you take all his length in your mouth or between your legs, it works. even if all you do it say his name, call him daddy â or "appa!", if he's hitting that spot just right â it ignites a switch in his brain that has him moving his hips better, speaking his own string of words clearer. as an added bonus, it makes your orgasm stronger, and because he makes you finish first, it lets him cum to the blinding sensation of you clamping down on him.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
junho's relatively spontaneous, so when you're initiating or he's too desperate to wait for somewhere specific like your bed, he gives in to the urges. movie isn't gripping either of you? there's something else ready to be gripped right there on the sofa. your hand's riding too his on his thigh while he's driving? "head down, baby, suck it for daddy." one he likes more than expected is the bathtub. he likes showering together, but sometimes you end up on all fours crying out as he grips your wet hair from behind.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
it takes just a little more than casual touch to light that spark in junho. he's pretty touchy as it is, so just holding his hand or pulling him into a hug won't override his love of casual affection. you'll have to tease it out of him. hand on his shoulder, sliding across the muscle in a way that's just too curious to be casual. pressing your hips back against his in bed just a little too wriggly to be innocent. that'll wake him up.
but if you can't wait, standing close and casually dragging your hands down his abdomen with an innocent flick of your eyes up to his will do it. especially if the tips of your nails run over his skin. or sliding your hands over his thighs, gripping onto that thick muscle in his powerful legs, sliding up slow enough for his eyes to lock on yours. or just reach out and grab him by the crotch. the first time you did it was the first time it happened. when you saw something awakening in his gaze, like a predator's hunting sense activated. that was the first time he really unleashed himself on you.
N = No (something they wouldnât do, turn offs)
anything dangerous is strictly prohibited. no ropes in risky positions. no knifeplay. and absolutely no choking, spanking or hitting that goes beyond a light hand at your neck, cheek, or ass. not even if you request it in the heat of moment. not even if you're both about to orgasm and that higher pain tolerances kicks in. just simply no.
he is your guardian in all matters safety, and the thought of harming you in such a way physically or sexually nauseates him. it upsets him, actually. deeply. he might fuck you like he's punishing you sometimes, but it's more calculated than you know. he brushes limits in your size difference to excite you, but he would never violate you with the full brunt of his physical capabilities. absolutely non negotiable, and he will become upset if you push the matter.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
junho's a service!dom, so getting on his knees to put yours over his shoulders excites him nearly more than it does you. he takes it so seriously, too. teases you with kisses along your thigh, lets his breath breeze over your heat, hovers to make you desperate for it, before taking one long, light brush of his tongue from your entrance to your clit. he starts slow, doesn't rush it, and lightly chuckles against your heat when you become eager for more. he knows what he's doing.
but he's still a man, and having his length in your mouth will be a weak spot that you will able have an easy time taking advantage of. just don't ask for that designer bag you want, or a new car, because when he's in your mouth he'd nearly agree to anything.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
it varies. what stays the same is that he's always in control, dominant, usually towering over your body unless he's bouncing yours on top of him. he likes controlling the tempo, let you sit back and just focus on your own pleasure. what changes is the tempo. he's nearly always some degree of rough â hands holding your body in position, thighs slapping against the backs of yours. but sometimes it's slower, passionate. almost emotional sometimes, letting his body claim yours in a way that feels like ownership. he's like this when he's tired, in need of emotional connection, or when he just needs you to feel his love.
other times he's less merciful. he'll fuck you to the fast, steady beat of a song in the background, not deterred by the desperate moans he draws from you, so loud it drowns out the music and he loses track of the rhythm. he gets like this when he's stressed, when you've shared too much wine over a dinner date, or when you've acted like a brat and he's putting you back in your place.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
while junho has a preference for building up with foreplay, he can be easily swayed by spontaneity. if there's a spare ten minutes before you have to go to work, and you're walking around in that towel he just wants to tear off, he will. and you'll show up to work on time, but those heels get harder to walk in after he's done with you.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
he's up to try almost anything once, as long as safe words are in play. he has a healthy range of experience, so he's the kind of partner you want when you're trying something new together â he has that natural instinct to sense what works for you and what doesn't, too.
he enjoys risk within reason, too. he won't stop wearing condoms until you both get tested, just for reassurance, and after a few months he'll give in to you asking mid-sex for him to finish inside. he stubbornly resists and uses the pull out method for a while, enjoying the thrill of timing it just right and finishing on your body. it feels like a form of ownership, and it's nearly arousing enough for round two. but finishing inside without protection is one entirely new experience for him, and one that sticks after he does it.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
generally he goes for one round at a time, but he isn't shy to taking you more over the course of the day. just usually not in the same session. he finds he can't last as long for round two, and it bothers him if you don't get to finish together in the same method. him finishing during sex and eating you out is something he just doesn't feel is fair to you.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
toys aren't really junho's style during sex. for the positions he likes, vibrators become difficult to use in a way that offers enough pleasure to warrant using them. but sometimes he has you in missionary, just to personally hold the vibrator to help you finish on him.
in foreplay, he's nearly strictly against it. only because he'll help you masturbate with the use of a vibrator when he's too tired for sex. in foreplay, he wants to personally build the connection between your bodies with his hands and mouth. but if you do ask, he won't always disagree.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
he enjoys teasing. sensations are one of the primary methods. the pressure of his tongue dragging lighter and lighter across the side of your neck, before pulling away just to blow on the wet trail. kissing up your thigh, gradually letting his teeth brush, scrape, then bite at your skin. he understands how to build you up, and he takes advantage of it all the time. sometimes in casual touch. like after guiding you with a hand between your shoulder blade, he'll let the tip of his finger slide down the length of your spine. and when you look at him accusingly, he'll tilt his head. innocent raise of a brow, filthy pull of a smirk as his lips.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
junho likes the sound of skin slapping skin, and you will never have sex without hearing just how filthy your bodies sound when he's inside you. but in terms of his mouth, he's pretty vocal â not as much as he makes you, but it's there, always. grunts when you stroke him just right, low moans from the back of his throat when you have his head tilting back. when he's driving his hips into yours, his moans are louder, deeper, matching the rhythm he sets. and when he finishes, he's always chanting out an "oh baby, baby, babyyy,"
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
he has a thing for sexting.
in the beginning of your relationship, you'd quickly learn how restricting his career can be with the way it clashed with your own steady routine. late nights, shifts that should've ended so many hours ago that it was now the next day. it made dates a headache to pencil in, let alone ravish each other like you so desperately needed when everything was all so fresh and exciting. so you learned to compensate in other ways.
on nights where your beds were one person down, you'd exchange pictures from work bathrooms to heated bedrooms. an unbuttoned blouse from a stall, the flash of abs under a shirt in the mirror over the men's bathroom sink, an upskirt under the desk. all saved in folders and put to good use.
and later down the line, when your schedules continue to misalign in ways you'd grown used to, spoiling plans that ache between the legs, he always brings it back. slips into the bathroom at work to send you a video of him sliding up his shirt, and he'll save the video you send showing just how much you like it for when he finally decides to clock out.
and when he's home alone, he likes telling you how much he needs you. likes showing it, too. always ends with "look what you did to me." brings a hit of nostalgia, too, thinking of how badly he wanted to learn the secrets of the body you pictured for him all that time ago. the one whose secrets were now his to carry, too.
X = X-ray (letâs see whatâs going on under those clothes)
he's in the gym often, and it shows. broad shoulders, thick thighs, every muscle in his body swollen and carved to sculpture levels of perfection. and beneath those gym shorts or dark detective jeans, he's packing heat. above average, without bordering on inconvenient. girthy, straight not curved length, and exactly what every girl wants in a boyfriend. ego stroke if you compliment it. "yeah, baby?" he'll ask with a smirk as you spill compliments about it on your knees. "go on, show me how perfect it is."
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
medium-high. he doesn't need sex all day every day without fail, but likes a balance of once every day or two. if you ask or initiate, he very rarely turns you down. he's your provider in all matters sexual, and he will always deliver. don't leave him waiting for too long, though. he gets a little carried away when he's all pent up.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
typically only if you do first, or if he's neglected sleep lately. otherwise, he prefers laying together or shifting to another room to share each other's company. put on a film, cuddle on the couch, or talk over a hot drink if it's late. all to re-establish emotional intimacy. reassure you in his subtle, thoughtful way that he loves you beyond sex. but whenever he does fall asleep on a night where you've been intimate, it's never without a kiss and a long, meaningful embrace.
what i wouldn't give for one chance with this perfect fictional man. like, comment, reblog. love <3
taglist: @wurlii @tastemytears
Š ferrarifinnick â do not plagiarize, steal, translate or redistribute any of my content on any platform. don't feed my work to ai, or i'll feed you to wolves.
⢠. đŁđđđĽđđĄđ ! Hwang Junho X F!Reader
⢠. đŚđ¨đ đđĽđĽđŹ ! ApĂłs sobreviver aos jogos, vocĂŞ se vĂŞ sem rumo e sozinha. AtĂŠ que Junho, um detetive aparentemente bondoso, se oferece para abrigĂĄ-la. O que começa como um gesto de proteção, logo se transforma em uma dinâmica onde olhares dizem mais do que palavras e gestos que escondem desejos secretos.
⢠. đŞđđĽđĄđđđŚ ! MDNI (18+ explicit), obscenidade, linguagem de baixo calĂŁo, age gap (diferença pequena), leve comportamento obsessivo, confissĂŁo de sentimentos, dinâmica sub!dom, conversa suja (dirty talk), elogios (praise kink), breve asfixia (breath play), dedilhado (fingering), sexo oral (cunilĂngua/f! recebendo), sucção, controle de orgasmo (edging), dacrifilia, superestimulação, sexo desprotegido (p in v), sexo violento, squirt, creampie, descrição de sexo explĂcito.
⤡english version
A ILHA AINDA CHEIRAVA a pólvora e ferro quando tudo acabou. Junho não lembrava do último tiro que disparou, apenas do som da própria respiração abafada e do peso do sangue seco impregnado em suas mãos. O massacre havia terminado. Ele tinha conseguido, sua equipe tinha conseguido.
Entretanto, no meio de todo aquele desespero, foi você que chamou sua atenção. Jovem, estrangeira, com o olhar perdido de quem não tinha para onde voltar. Não gritava, não chorava como os outros. Estava apenas ali, encolhida contra a parede da embarcação, abraçando os joelhos com a expressão vazia de quem jå havia perdido tudo antes mesmo do fim.
Junho se aproximou devagar, ainda com a arma presa ao colete, e se abaixou diante de vocĂŞ. Sua voz saiu mais baixa do que de costume, deliberadamente suave.
â VocĂŞ estĂĄ bem? â perguntou, e seus olhos demoraram a focar nele.
â Acho que sim... â a voz saiu num sussurro trĂŞmulo.
Junho percebeu o jeito como sua garganta se movia ao engolir em seco. VocĂŞ parecia frĂĄgil, quase quebrĂĄvel. Uma presa entregue nas mĂŁos de um predador.
â Qual ĂŠ o seu nome? â ele insistiu, a cabeça levemente inclinada, tentando ler cada gesto. â VocĂŞ nĂŁo parece muito feliz por ter sido salva.
VocĂŞ hesitou, e aquilo sĂł aumentou o interesse dele. O silĂŞncio prolongado, os lĂĄbios mordidos, atĂŠ que finalmente respondeu.
â Ă que... eu nĂŁo tenho ninguĂŠm. NĂŁo tenho pra onde ir.
O olhar que lançou a ele foi como quem emerge do oceano depois de ficar tempo demais submersa, carregado de vulnerabilidade. Algo dentro de Junho se quebrou nesse instante. Um ponto escondido e perigoso, que ele tentou disfarçar erguendo-se depressa e se afastando. PorÊm, jå estava feito.
Horas depois, quando tudo estava sob controle e os sobreviventes eram direcionados a abrigos provisĂłrios, Junho se aproximou de vocĂŞ novamente. NĂŁo tinha motivo algum para isso, exceto o incĂ´modo insistente que jĂĄ havia se instalado nele.
â Vai ficar em algum abrigo? â perguntou, observando cada detalhe do seu rosto.
â NĂŁo sei... â vocĂŞ murmurou, insegura.
A decisão dele veio sem esforço, como se jå estivesse pronta desde o momento em que a viu pela primeira vez.
â EntĂŁo venha comigo. â VocĂŞ piscou, surpresa. NĂŁo parecia uma oferta, era uma ordem velada. E mesmo sem entender, vocĂŞ aceitou.
O apartamento de Junho nĂŁo era grande, mas era seguro. Minimalista, masculino. Tudo nele cheirava a organização rĂgida e a presença silenciosa de alguĂŠm acostumado a viver sozinho.
Naquela noite, a presença dele fez você dormir sem medo pela primeira vez desde os jogos. Jå Junho, sentado no sofå, passou horas desperto. Escutava sua respiração calma e profunda no quarto de hóspede, e se perguntava por que diabos tinha levado você atÊ ali. No fundo, jå sabia a resposta, não conseguia admitir, mas sabia. Você havia se enraizado dentro dele, råpido demais.
Nos dias seguintes, uma rotina se estabeleceu. E mesmo contra a vontade dele, vocĂŞ agradecida, insistia em ajudar.
â Pelo menos me deixe cuidar da casa. NĂŁo posso sĂł ficar abrigada aqui sem fazer nada, senhor Junho. â vocĂŞ dizia.
"Senhor Junho." ? Ele se sobressaltou na primeira vez que ouviu o tratamento.
Junho nunca tinha sido homem de perder o controle. Sua vida inteira era feita de disciplina. Acordar cedo, treinar, investigar, manter os relatĂłrios em ordem, agir com frieza quando o dever exigia. Mas desde que vocĂŞ entrou em sua casa, tudo parecia ruir silenciosamente.
Nos primeiros meses, pensou que era apenas questĂŁo de tempo. Que bastava ignorar os detalhes, o jeito como vocĂŞ dobrava suas roupas ao lavar, como arrumava a mesa mesmo sem ele pedir, como ria baixo com algum programa na TV. PorĂŠm, ignorar se tornou impossĂvel.
O problema não era o que você fazia, era o que ele via. A curva das suas pernas dobradas no sofå. O cabelo molhado depois do banho, colando ao pescoço. O cheiro do seu creme corporal que impregnava o ar quando passava pelo corredor.
Nas noites sozinho em seu quarto, Junho revivia cada detalhe com uma nitidez cruel, e se odiava por isso. Odiava a forma como a mĂŁo dele descia pelo abdĂ´men, tocando em seu pau rĂgido, como se nĂŁo tivesse escolha, imaginando vocĂŞ deitada na cama do quarto ao lado. Odiava o quanto seu corpo reagia sĂł de lembrar o modo distraĂdo como vocĂŞ mordia o lĂĄbio, enquanto mexia na panela.
E o que mais o irritava não era o desejo. Era o fato de você ser completamente alheia as intençþes dele. Você não fazia ideia, não percebia nada.
- Senhor Junho, o senhor quer que eu lave suas roupas junto das minhas, pra economizar sabĂŁo?
O som ficava martelando na mente dele, incômodo. A cada vez que você repetia, com esse tom respeitoso e inocente, ele sentia os músculos do maxilar se contrair. Você o chamava de "senhor" como se ele fosse apenas um protetor generoso, que tinha quarenta ou cinquenta anos a mais que você. PorÊm Junho estava na casa dos trinta, e você dos vinte. A diferença não era tão grande, e ele não suportava vê a mulher que desejava, o tratasse como se fosse inalcançåvel.
Ele nĂŁo queria o distanciamento que o tĂtulo carregava. Era como se toda essa formalidade de respeito arrancasse dele o que mais queria; proximidade, intimidade, calor. Mas no inĂcio, engoliu em silĂŞncio. AtĂŠ que isso começou o corroer por dentro.
Ăs vezes chegava tarde, cansado, e encontrava vocĂŞ no sofĂĄ usando uma camiseta dele. E quando abria a boca para comprimentar, lĂĄ vinha de novo.
- "Boa noite, senhor Junho."
O sangue dele fervia. Não de raiva, mas de frustração. Como você não podia perceber? Não perceber os olhares demorados, os toques que passavam segundos alÊm do necessårio, as flores discretas que ele deixava sobre a mesa?
Junho pensava em você quando estava fora, quando deveria estar focado em relatórios e investigaçþes. Pensava no seu corpo se movendo pela casa, nos pequenos gestos que faziam dela um lar. à noite, sozinho, imaginava o gosto da sua boca, a sensação de ter você sob ele, gemendo seu nome.
Mas cada vez que vocĂŞ o chamava de "senhor", ele lembrava que ainda nĂŁo tinha atravessado a linha. E sabia que, mais cedo ou mais tarde, atravessaria.
[ ... ]
Hoje foi uma noite particularmente longa. ApĂłs uma missĂŁo fracassada, Junho voltou exausto. JĂĄ passava das onze quando abriu a porta, o cheiro da comida ainda no ar lhe trouxe algum alĂvio. Mas o que encontrou em casa dissolveu parte da frustração em algo ainda mais perigoso.
VocĂŞ estava na sala, organizando alguns livros que havia encontrado na estante dele. Usava novamente uma de suas camisetas largas, que descia atĂŠ a metade da coxa, deixando uma faixa generosa de pele Ă mostra. Seu cabelo preso de qualquer jeito, a boca Ăşmida porque mastigava distraĂda um pedaço de biscoito, enquanto limpava a estante, tentando ser Ăştil. Mas para ele, cada detalhe era um convite silencioso. A cena era simples, mas o atingiu como um golpe. Deus, como vocĂŞ conseguia deixĂĄ-lo assim?
â A comida estĂĄ no micro-ondas, senhor Junho. â disse sem olhar para trĂĄs, focada nos livros. â E deixei um curativo no banheiro, caso esteja machucado.
Junho fechou a porta, o coração disparado, o corpo inteiro em tensão. De novo esse maldito 'senhor'. Ele queria explodir. Queria atravessar a sala e mostrar, com as mãos, com a boca, com o corpo, o que realmente significava abrigar você ali. E percebeu que não poderia aguentar mais.
Ele tirou o casaco e o jogou na poltrona com mais força do que pretendia. Ficou parado, observando vocĂŞ, e sentiu o coração bater em descompasso. Quantas vezes ele tentou te mostrar? Quantos presentes, quantos toques intencionalmente Ăntimos, quantas palavras quase confessionais? VocĂŞ nunca via, nunca entendia.
â VocĂŞ sempre faz isso. â a voz dele soou grave.
â O quĂŞ? â vocĂŞ se virou, surpresa.
â Age como se fosse apenas uma obrigação. Como se estivesse pagando por algo. Eu nĂŁo trouxe vocĂŞ aqui pra isso. â ele disse, e vocĂŞ desviou o olhar.
â Eu sĂł quero retribuir, senhor Junho. Ă o mĂnimo. â a palavra explodiu nele como pĂłlvora. E em trĂŞs passos, ele jĂĄ estava a sua frente. O olhar afiado, o corpo diante do seu.
â Chega, por favor. â a voz saiu baixa, mas certeira. â NĂŁo me chame mais de 'senhor'.
â Mas ĂŠ uma forma de respeito, nĂŁo ĂŠ?! Achei que fosse obrigação essa formalidade aqui na Coreia. â VocĂŞ disse, confusa.
â [Nome], eu nĂŁo ligo pra essa bobagem. â ele riu sem humor. â Eu nĂŁo sou tĂŁo mais velho que vocĂŞ. E nĂŁo aceito a mulher que eu quero ao meu lado me tratando como se eu fosse um estranho distante. â ele disse tĂŁo casualmente, que vocĂŞ sentiu seu coração falhar uma batida.
â A mulher que o senhor quer ao seu lado...? â sua voz saiu trĂŞmula.
â Eu tentei ser sutil. JĂĄ tentei te mostrar com gestos, com palavras, mas vocĂŞ nĂŁo vĂŞ. Eu estou apaixonado por vocĂŞ. â Junho fechou os olhos por um segundo, tentando recuperar o controle.
A respiração dele pesava, o olhar voltou a encarar o seu como fogo. Você arregalou os olhos, mas não conseguiu responder. Ele continuou.
â Cada vez que vocĂŞ me chama de 'senhor Junho', parece que coloca um muro entre nĂłs. E eu nĂŁo quero um muro, nĂŁo quero distância. Eu quero vocĂŞ. â a voz dele quebrou em rouquidĂŁo.
VocĂŞ abriu a boca, mas nada saiu, ainda em choque com a confissĂŁo. Junho sorriu, um sorriso pequeno, mas carregado de um desejo sombrio, como se tivesse finalmente revelando suas verdadeiras intençþes desde o inĂcio.
â Acha mesmo que eu ia trazer qualquer pessoa pra minha casa? Dividir minha rotina, minha paz? â a mĂŁo dele encontrou sua cintura, puxando vocĂŞ para mais perto. â Eu nĂŁo quero uma hĂłspede. Quero vocĂŞ como minha mulher.
Sua respiração se embaralhou quando o corpo dele encostou no seu, quase esmagador.
â E a partir de hoje... â ele roçou os lĂĄbios no seu ouvido. â ...vocĂŞ nĂŁo me chama mais de senhor. Me chama pelo nome. Junho. SĂł Junho.
O silêncio na sala era denso. O hålito dele queimava sua pele, o coração disparado, a sala inteira parecia encolher. Você o olhou, perdida entre surpresa e algo novo que surgia em seu peito, enquanto a mão dele segurava firme sua cintura.
O calor dos corpos tão próximos que mal conseguia pensar direito. Ele sorria malicioso, sabia que finalmente havia atravessado a linha que tanto queria. Seu coração martelava, e suas pernas pareciam incapazes de obedecer.
â Senh- Junho. â vocĂŞ corrigiu quando ele apertou sua cintura com força. â Isso nĂŁo ĂŠ... apropriado. â sua voz saiu baixa, hesitante, como se vocĂŞ mesma nĂŁo acreditasse no que dizia.
Os olhos dele se estreitaram, queimando em intensidade. A boca se curvou num sorriso lento.
â Apropriado? â repetiu, num sussurro rouco, aproximando ainda mais o rosto do seu. â Eu passo meses ouvindo vocĂŞ me chamar de 'senhor', cuidando de mim como se fosse minha pequena esposa sem nem perceber. E agora vem me falar de apropriado?
Você tentou se afastar, mas a mão dele deslizou de sua cintura para suas costas, prendendo-a contra o peito forte. O hålito quente roçou seus låbios quando ele voltou a falar.
â O que eu sinto por vocĂŞ nĂŁo tem nada de errado... Isso ĂŠ mais do que apropriado, ĂŠ inevitĂĄvel. VocĂŞ tem ideia do que isso faz comigo?
Ele deixou a ponta do nariz deslizar pela sua bochecha atĂŠ parar perto da sua orelha novamente. VocĂŞ engoliu em seco, nervosa.
â Eu... eu sĂł nĂŁo quero atrapalhar sua vida. â Junho riu baixo, em diversĂŁo, mordiscando seu lĂłbulo de leve.
â VocĂŞ jĂĄ ĂŠ a minha vida desde o dia em que entrou nessa casa. Eu penso em vocĂŞ o tempo inteiro. No seu cheiro quando sai do banho, no jeito que sua boca se abre quando fica distraĂda. â Os lĂĄbios dele roçaram seu pescoço, descendo devagar. â E principalmente, penso em como seria ter vocĂŞ gemendo o meu nome.
â Junho, por favor... Isso nĂŁo tĂĄ certo. â seu corpo estremeceu, e vocĂŞ pressionou as mĂŁos contra o peito dele, tentando criar distância.
Ele agarrou seus pulsos com facilidade, prendendo-os contra a própria camisa, sem qualquer esforço. O olhar dele agora estava escuro e faminto.
â Errado seria te deixar escapar, escondendo o que sinto. â a voz era rouca, transbordando desejo. â VocĂŞ acha que eu te trouxe aqui sĂł por bondade? Que presentes e noites em claro conversando foram por acaso? NĂŁo. Eu quero vocĂŞ. Sempre quis.
Sua respiração falhava, a mente lutando contra a enxurrada de sensaçþes. Ele se aproximou ainda mais, a boca roçando Ă sua, mas sem beijar. Apenas torturando a distância mĂnima.
â Sabe o que ĂŠ melhor?! â ele continuou, os olhos fixos nos seus. â VocĂŞ ainda ĂŠ ingĂŞnua o bastante pra acreditar que consegue me dizer nĂŁo.
Junho soltou lentamente seus pulsos, apenas para deslizar os dedos pelo contorno da sua mão, subindo pelo braço, atÊ chegar ao seu pescoço. Ele apertou de leve, sem machucar, mas com pressão o bastante para sentir seu corpo estremecer.
â Eu vou te provar que nĂŁo existe nada mais certo do que isso. â ele sorriu de canto, sussurrando contra seus lĂĄbios, quase um beijo, quase um pecado consumado.
O calor do corpo dele queimava contra o seu, o toque dominador lhe arrancava reaçþes que não queria admitir. Você ofegava pesado sobre a pressão da palma dele em sua garganta, o coração disparado contra o peito, os pulsos formigando depois de terem sido libertados da mão dele. Junho não desviava o olhar, era como se estivesse devorando cada traço seu apenas com os olhos.
â A gente nĂŁo deveria... â tentou argumenta, e ele inclinou a cabeça, afastado o corpo levemente.
â Por que nĂŁo deveria? â uma risada rouca escapou da garganta dele. â Eu nĂŁo penso em outra coisa desde o dia que vocĂŞ entrou por essa porta. E vocĂŞ tem coragem de falar isso? Me diz, por que nĂŁo deverĂamos?
Você abriu a boca para responder, mas a voz simplesmente não saiu. O olhar dele pesava sobre você como um peso denso e esmagador, carregado de algo que não permitia fuga. Seu peito subia e descia em um ritmo irregular, tentando organizar um pensamento, mas Junho não lhe deu tempo. Ele avançou mais uma vez, o corpo decidido, como se tivesse chegado ao limite da própria paciência.
A mão em sua garganta deslizou para sua nuca, os dedos se enroscando nos fios do seu cabelo, puxando você para frente com uma posse silenciosa. A outra mão permaneceu em sua cintura, apertando com tanta força que você sentiu a pressão atravessar o tecido da roupa, colando cada linha do seu corpo ao dele. O calor que emanava do peito de Junho contra o seu era sufocante, quase tão intenso quanto o ritmo do coração dele, que você podia sentir latejando em sua pele.
O primeiro beijo nĂŁo teve nada de delicado. Foi bruto e urgente, quase selvagem, o tipo de contato que fala mais de desejo reprimido do que de carinho. A boca dele tomou a sua sem permissĂŁo, a lĂngua invadindo com intensidade, exigindo espaço ali dentro. O choque do gesto arrancou de vocĂŞ um gemido baixo e surpreso, abafado entre os lĂĄbios dele, e Junho sorriu contra sua boca, um sorriso torto e cheio de triunfo.
Ele se afastou devagar, apenas o suficiente para que o ar voltasse a entrar em seus pulmþes. A respiração dele roçava seu rosto, quente e irregular, impregnada do gosto de tudo o que ele não disse atÊ agora.
â TĂĄ vendo?! â ele sussurrou, a voz rouca, carregada de algo perigoso. â Isso... ĂŠ mais do que apropriado.
VocĂŞ tentou virar o rosto, ainda confusa, o corpo vibrando como se cada nervo estivesse em chamas, mas Junho nĂŁo se importou. A boca dele deslizou imediatamente para seu pescoço, roçando de leve antes de sugar com força a pele sensĂvel. O contraste da sucção e da respiração quente fez seu corpo arquear, um arrepio involuntĂĄrio correndo por sua espinha.
O som que escapou de vocĂŞ foi baixo, quase inaudĂvel, mas suficiente para que Junho pressionasse os lĂĄbios ainda mais, como se tivesse acabado de provar algo que nĂŁo pretendia abandonar.
â Eu nĂŁo sei se consigo... â vocĂŞ murmurou, as mĂŁos tremendo sobre o peito dele. Ele ergueu o rosto, os olhos escuros queimando os seus.
â Consegue sim. â disse baixo.
Ele te ergueu pelas coxas com uma facilidade quase selvagem, depositando seu corpo sobre a mesa da sala. O som seco da madeira contra seu peso ecoou no silêncio do apartamento. Junho puxou a camisa dele que você vestia para cima, revelando seus seios, te arrancando um suspiro ofegante com a exposição.
Ele se colocou entre suas pernas abertas, sem pedir, sem hesitar, prensando seu corpo com o peso do dele, como se finalmente tivesse dado razĂŁo a algo que reprimiu por tempo demais.
â VocĂŞ passou meses aqui... â ele disse, em desabafo, beliscando um de seus mamilos. â Andando pela casa com essas pernas nuas, cuidando de mim... sem imaginar o que eu fazia com vocĂŞ na minha cabeça, todas as malditas noites.
A voz dele saiu grave, arranhada de desejo, a boca deslizou atĂŠ sua mandĂbula, os dentes arranhando de leve a pele sensĂvel antes de morder. Os dedos foram para seus joelhos, acariciando, o hĂĄlito quente dele roçava sua orelha, cada palavra vibrando fundo em seu ventre como uma promessa perigosa.
â Eu te assistia de longe... â continuou, a respiração entrecortada. â Me torturava imaginando como seria te ter assim, presa entre minhas mĂŁos.
Cada sĂlaba que escapava da boca dele vinha acompanhada de um impulso firme de quadril contra o seu. VocĂŞ pĂ´de sentir, sem espaço para dĂşvidas, o quanto ele jĂĄ estava duro e ansioso, pressionando-se contra vocĂŞ como se implorasse para ser recebido. O calor que emanava dele queimava sua pele, incendiando cada parte sua que tocava.
â Cada vez que vocĂŞ me chamava de senhor... â ele mordeu seu lĂĄbio inferior, puxando-o. â ...eu sĂł pensava em te calar assim, com a minha boca, atĂŠ vocĂŞ gemer o meu nome.
â Isso... isso nĂŁo ĂŠ apropriado... â vocĂŞ ainda insistiu, os olhos marejados pela intensidade. Ele agarrou seu rosto com uma das mĂŁos, te obrigando a encarĂĄ-lo.
â Para de dizer essa merda. â o tom foi rĂspido, mas o olhar ardia em desejo. â O que eu vou fazer com vocĂŞ ĂŠ tudo, menos errado.
Sem esperar resposta, voltou a beijå-la, mais profundo e mais desesperado. As mãos percorreram lentamente a curva da sua coxa, subindo devagar, apertando a pele macia atÊ alcançar a barra do short. Seu corpo arrepiou, tentando segurar o avanço dele. Mas Junho apenas riu contra sua boca, sentindo sua resistência moral vacilar.
â VocĂŞ tenta me convencer que ĂŠ errado, mas seu corpo me implora pra continuar. â murmurou, a voz dele soava rouca, quebrada pela luxĂşria.
Ele deslizou o polegar pela sua buceta coberta pelo short. Um gemido escapou da sua garganta antes mesmo que pudesse se calar. Junho fechou os olhos, satisfeito, roçando os låbios no seu pescoço.
A boca dele percorreu lenta e torturante, cada centĂmetro da sua garganta atĂŠ o ombro, sugando e deixando marcas quentes, enquanto a mĂŁo continuava firme entre suas pernas, pressionando em cĂrculos lentos que faziam sua respiração falhar.
Sua pele parecia arder sob cada toque, e você se via arqueando involuntariamente, buscando mais, mesmo quando a mente ainda tentava negar. Junho ergueu o rosto, observando a forma como você estremecia só de sentir os dedos dele deslizando sobre o tecido úmido do short. O sorriso dele era triunfante, como se estivesse saboreando sua rendição pouco a pouco.
â Agora me diz... â a mĂŁo dele abriu ainda mais suas pernas, a respiração dele quente sobre a sua. â Ainda acha que isso ĂŠ inapropriado?
VocĂŞ mal tinha tempo de respirar. O corpo inteiro ardia sob o toque dele, cada nervo em alerta. Junho parecia saber exatamente onde encostar, onde pressionar, como provocar para arrancar sons que vocĂŞ nunca tinha ouvido de si mesma.
â Junho... â vocĂŞ gemeu, jĂĄ incapaz de manter sobriedade na voz.
â Isso... â ele sussurrou contra a sua boca, mordendo de leve o lĂĄbio inferior. â Me chama assim. SĂł assim.
VocĂŞ hesitante, deixou os dedos subirem atĂŠ o peito dele, sentindo os mĂşsculos rĂgidos sob a camiseta. Era a primeira vez que ousava tocar de verdade, e Junho fechou os olhos, como se aquele simples gesto tivesse acendido mais do que qualquer palavra.
â VocĂŞ nĂŁo sabe o que tĂĄ fazendo comigo... â ele sussurrou, segurando seu pulso e guiando uma de suas mĂŁos para baixo, pressionando contra a ereção jĂĄ dolorosa sob a calça. â Sente isso?! Ă tudo por sua causa.
A vergonha percorreu seu corpo, você tentou recuar, mas a mão dele não deixou, pressionando sua palma contra seu pau vestido com mais força. Junho observava cada expressão sua, fascinado com a mistura de timidez e excitação.
â Eu deveria me controlar. â ele admitiu, inclinando o rosto, a respiração pesada contra seu ouvido. â Mas vocĂŞ me olhando desse jeito, me tocando assim... Eu esqueço qualquer noção de certo ou errado.
Os låbios dele deslizaram pelo seu pescoço novamente. Junho mordiscava e sugava, marcando ainda mais a pele, sem nenhuma preocupação. Você soltou um suspiro trêmulo, os dedos da outra mão se fechando no tecido da camiseta dele.
A mão dele invadiu sem cerimônia a barra do seu short, deslizando atÊ encontrar a fina barreira de tecido que mal escondia sua excitação. O toque veio firme, a ponta dos dedos pressionou sobre a calcinha úmida, e você arfou alto, arqueando contra ele.
â JĂĄ tĂĄ toda molhada... â a risada baixa vibrou contra seu ouvido, carregada de triunfo.
Você gemeu, apertando as coxas contra a mão dele, tentando conter o avanço. Mas Junho apenas as afastou com mais força, prendendo seu olhar no dele.
â Abre as pernas. â a ordem veio baixa, cortante.
Seu peito subia e descia råpido, hesitante. Mas então você cedeu, relaxando as pernas, permitindo que ele explorasse. Junho soltou um gemido rouco ao perceber sua rendição, os olhos escuros cravados nos seus.
â Isso... linda. â ele suspirou, a respiração falhando. â VocĂŞ nĂŁo faz ideia do quanto eu sonhei com isso.
O dedo roçou mais firme sobre o tecido encharcado, e um gemido trêmulo escapou de sua garganta. Junho não tinha pressa, não depois de tanto tempo se controlando. Ele queria saborear cada detalhe, cada tremor do seu corpo, cada olhar implorando por mais.
O dedo pressionava forte contra sua buceta por cima da calcinha, em movimentos circulares lentos e calculados, como uma tortura deliciosa. Você se remexia sobre a mesa, arfando, tentando buscar mais fricção, mas os dedos dele seguravam seus quadris com brutalidade, mantendo você imóvel.
â NĂŁo, princesa... â a voz grave dele reverberou, os lĂĄbios quase tocando sua pele. â Quem manda aqui sou eu.
Seu gemido frustrado foi engolido pelo riso rouco dele. Junho deslizou a mĂŁo para dentro da calcinha, e quando os dedos encontraram sua buceta quente e escandalosamente molhada, ele prendeu o ar, como se tivesse sido atingido no peito.
â Porra... vocĂŞ tĂĄ pingando. â disse, mordendo os lĂĄbios com força.
VocĂŞ tentou desviar o rosto, mas ele segurou seu queixo, obrigando-a a encarĂĄ-lo.
â Olha pra mim. â a ordem saiu grave, faminta. â NĂŁo esconde nada. Quero ver cada reação sua.
O polegar dele começou a massagear seu clitĂłris em cĂrculos intensos, enquanto um dedo invadia sua entrada, deslizando fundo, arrancando de vocĂŞ um gemido alto e desesperado. Junho observava fascinado, o maxilar rĂgido, como se lutasse contra o prĂłprio controle.
â TĂŁo apertadinha... â murmurou, afundando o dedo mais fundo, antes de recuar lentamente, e penetrar de novo. VocĂŞ agarrou a camiseta dele com mais força, as unhas cravando no tecido.
â J-Junho... mais rĂĄpido... â implorou, a voz falhando.
Um sorriso cruel desenhou-se nos lĂĄbios dele, seguido de um gemido grave. Ver vocĂŞ implorar era gasolina em seu fogo.
â Isso, amor... implora por mim, geme meu nome. â ele sussurrou, acelerando de repente, o polegar castigando seu clitĂłris enquanto os dedos se moviam mais fundo e mais rĂĄpido, arrancando de vocĂŞ sons viscerais.
VocĂŞ mordeu o lĂĄbio com força, tentando conter o gemido rasgado que ameaçava escapar, enquanto o dedo dele se curvava dentro de vocĂŞ em ângulos certeiros, arrancando ondas de prazer que reverberavam por todo o seu corpo. Cada investida lenta fazia seu ventre pulsar, e o nome dele saĂa em suspiros trĂŞmulos na sua boca.
O ritmo aumentava, a pressĂŁo crescia, e seu corpo estremecia em espasmos cada vez mais intensos. O clĂmax se aproximava, sufocante, mas antes que vocĂŞ chegasse lĂĄ, Junho parou. Retirou os dedos devagar, sem pressa, levando-os Ă prĂłpria boca. VocĂŞ o observou, sem fĂ´lego, quando ele lambeu cada gota sua, os olhos fixos nos seus, um sorriso perverso curvando os lĂĄbios.
â Hm... doce demais. â ele gemeu baixo, a voz rouca de fome. â Mas eu quero provar direto da fonte.
Sem aviso, ele puxou seu short para baixo e abaixou a cabeça entre suas pernas. Você arfou, o corpo inteiro em chamas, um protesto frustrado escapando de seus låbios.
â Isso nĂŁo ĂŠ justo... â murmurou, a voz falhando pelo orgasmo roubado.
Junho apoiou o rosto contra sua coxa, a lateral da cabeça encostada na pele quente, enquanto respirava fundo contra sua buceta coberta apenas pela calcinha encharcada. Os dedos dele abriram suas pernas com força, como se garantissem que você não teria como fugir. O olhar dele era escuro, intenso e faminto.
â NĂŁo tĂ´ aqui pra ser justo, princesa. â sussurrou, os lĂĄbios roçando a pele sensĂvel da coxa, sugando forte, deixando uma marca, mordendo em seguida. â TĂ´ aqui pra te ensinar o quanto ser fudida pode ser delicioso.
Seu corpo estremeceu quando sentiu a ponta da lĂngua dele deslizar lentamente sobre o tecido Ăşmido, pressionando contra vocĂŞ como se o gosto que escapava fosse suficiente para enlouquecĂŞ-lo. Um gemido grave escapou da garganta de Junho.
â Porra... eu sabia que seria viciante. â murmurou, puxando a calcinha de uma vez, jogando-a no chĂŁo, expondo vocĂŞ inteira ao olhar faminto.
O silĂŞncio denso foi quebrado apenas pela respiração pesada dele. EntĂŁo veio o primeiro toque, um beijo molhado direto sobre sua buceta exposta. VocĂŞ arfou alto, surpresa, agarrando o tampo da mesa com tanta força que os dedos doĂam.
A lĂngua dele se movia devagar, explorando cada dobra, cada contorno, como se quisesse memorizar seu sabor. Junho fechou os olhos e sugou com força, a barba rala roçando contra sua pele sensĂvel, fazendo vocĂŞ arrepiar inteira.
â TĂŁo doce... â gemeu contra vocĂŞ, a voz abafada pela prĂłpria boca colada na sua buceta. â NĂŁo tem nada melhor do que isso.
Os lĂĄbios se fecharam em volta do seu clitĂłris, sugando com intensidade. VocĂŞ deixou escapar um grito baixo, os quadris tentando recuar, mas Junho segurou suas coxas com brutalidade, obrigando vocĂŞ a receber cada movimento. A lĂngua dele alternava ritmos, ora lenta e torturante, ora rĂĄpida e voraz, arrancando gemidos descontrolados da sua garganta.
â Isso... geme pra mim. â ele murmurava enquanto te chupava, os olhos negros presos nos seus. â Quero ouvir meu nome quando vocĂŞ gozar.
Envergonhada, vocĂŞ tentou cobrir o rosto, mas Junho largou uma das coxas para segurar seu punho, puxando-o para longe.
â Eu disse pra nĂŁo esconder. â murmurou impaciente, antes de voltar a devorar vocĂŞ.
Cada lambida era mais profunda e intensa. Ele enfiava a lĂngua dentro de vocĂŞ, fodendo sua entrada com ela, enquanto massageava seu clitĂłris com o polegar, implacĂĄvel. O som molhado ecoava pela sala, misturando-se ao eco dos seus gemidos cada vez mais altos.
Seu corpo tremia, as pernas contraĂam involuntariamente, mas Junho nĂŁo parava. Sugava, mordiscava, lambia, alternando velocidades atĂŠ deixĂĄ-la Ă beira da loucura.
â Junho... eu vou... â vocĂŞ gemeu alto, arqueando as costas, prestes a perder o controle. Ele riu contra sua pele, chupando mais forte.
â Isso, amor. Goza na minha boca. Quero sentir tudo.
Você gozou, o orgasmo a atingiu como um choque elÊtrico, percorrendo seu corpo inteiro. Um gemido engasgado escapou sem que pudesse controlar, puxando os cabelos dele com força. Junho gemeu contra sua buceta, bebendo cada gota, lambendo sem descanso atÊ sentir você tremer de sensibilidade.
Mas ele nĂŁo parou. Continuou sugando e chupando, ignorando seus protestos trĂŞmulos.
â NĂŁo ĂŠ suficiente... â murmurou contra sua pele, a voz carregada de desejo. â Esperei meses por isso. SĂł vou parar quando vocĂŞ implorar.
A boca dele voltou ao seu clitĂłris, sugando mais forte, a lĂngua vibrando contra o ponto sensĂvel. VocĂŞ soltou um gemido agudo, tentando fechar as pernas, mas ele cravou os dedos em sua carne, mantendo-as abertas, sem dar espaço para recuar.
O prazer retornou em ondas violentas, mais fortes e mais rĂĄpidas, vocĂŞ sentiu lĂĄgrimas escorrerem dos seus olhos. O corpo arqueava contra a boca dele, o orgasmo crescendo de novo, implacĂĄvel.
â Junho... eu nĂŁo aguento... â sua voz saiu quase como um choro.
Ele ergueu os olhos para vocĂŞ, a boca ainda colada em sua buceta.
â Aguenta sim, princesa. â ele afundou a lĂngua dentro de vocĂŞ outra vez, fodendo sua entrada atĂŠ fazĂŞ-la gozar de novo, ainda mais desesperada.
Ele gemeu junto, como se fosse ele quem perdesse o controle. Quando finalmente se afastou, devagar, o rosto estava molhado, os lĂĄbios brilhando com seu gozo. Junho passou a lĂngua pelos prĂłprios dedos, lambendo de modo obsceno, sem tirar os olhos dos seus.
â TĂŁo linda... toda aberta, tremendo... â murmurou, a voz grave, rouca de luxĂşria.
Você tentou responder, mas sua respiração falhava, o corpo ainda tremia em ondas de prazer. Junho sorriu devasso, passando a mão pelas suas coxas, acariciando devagar, um contraste erótico com a selvageria de segundos atrås.
â Ă isso que eu gosto... â murmurou, o polegar roçando preguiçoso sobre o seu clitĂłris jĂĄ inchado e sensĂvel.
O toque suave demais fez você gemer baixo, se contorcendo. Era tortura. O corpo implorava mais, porÊm ele parecia saborear cada reação sua.
â Shh... calma. â Junho levou dois dedos aos seus lĂĄbios, roçando-os. â Abre.
Hesitante, vocĂŞ obedeceu. Ele deslizou os dedos pela sua lĂngua, deixando vocĂŞ chupar. O olhar dele escureceu, a respiração pesada, imaginando-os em outro lugar.
Ele retirou os dedos da sua boca, agora molhados de saliva, e os levou direto para dentro de vocĂŞ mais uma vez. O movimento foi lento e profundo, arrancando um gemido agudo da sua garganta.
Junho começou a mover os dedos em ritmo devagar e calculado, apenas para provocar. Cada vez que vocĂŞ arqueava pedindo mais, ele diminuĂa o ritmo, roçando o polegar no clitĂłris em cĂrculos preguiçosos.
â VocĂŞ nĂŁo vai gozar tĂŁo rĂĄpido dessa vez. â murmurou contra sua pele, os dentes mordiscando seu pescoço. â Eu decido quando.
Você choramingou contra o peito dele, os punhos fechados em desespero. O contraste entre prazer e frustração era insuportåvel, e Junho percebia cada detalhe, como se saboreasse sua agonia. Ele riu baixo contra sua pele, um som grave e cruel, antes de acelerar de repente. Os dedos entrando e saindo de você em estocadas råpidas e molhadas, que faziam seu corpo estremecer inteiro.
O som obsceno do atrito ecoava pelo ambiente, acompanhado dos seus gemidos cada vez mais altos. O prazer crescia rĂĄpido e intenso. Mas, como um carrasco que conhece bem a prĂłpria arma, Junho desacelerou outra vez, reduzindo o ritmo atĂŠ quase parar.
Você soltou um suspiro alto, um soluço de frustração, e lågrimas começaram a se acumular nos cantos dos olhos.
â NĂŁo... por favor... nĂŁo para... â sua voz saiu fraca, suplicante.
Junho ergueu o rosto, os olhos ardendo de desejo e perversidade. O sorriso curvou seus lĂĄbios de um jeito que fez seu ventre tremer ainda mais.
â Agora sim... â murmurou, mordendo de leve seu queixo. â JĂĄ que vocĂŞ estĂĄ me implorando, vou te dar o que tanto quer.
A mĂŁo voltou a se moveu dentro de vocĂŞ, mas lenta e provocativa, quase uma carĂcia. Ao mesmo tempo, a boca dele sugava seu peito, deixando marcas roxas que queimariam depois. Ele sabia exatamente o que estava fazendo, prendendo vocĂŞ entre a agonia da demora e o ĂŞxtase da rendição, atĂŠ nĂŁo restar nada alĂŠm de desejo puro.
Seu corpo tremia, cada músculo implorando pela liberação que ele insistia em negar. Os olhos dele voltaram a encarar os seus, como se estivesse hipnotizado pela sua agonia, pela forma como você se contorcia para obter mais.
A palma dele desceu pela sua barriga, pressionando com força, e os dedos enterraram-se fundo de novo, bem devagar, fazendo você gemer alto. O contraste entre a pressão firme no estômago e a invasão lenta dentro da sua buceta fazia cada estocada parecer mais intensa, mais profunda, como se ele pudesse sentir cada pulsar do seu interior.
VocĂŞ arfava, perdida, a mente em branco, implorando por mais, atĂŠ que Junho cedeu ao prĂłprio desejo. Os dedos aceleraram de repente em estocadas rĂĄpidas, enquanto o polegar pressionava forte e preciso o seu clitĂłris.
â Por favor, vai devagar... â sua voz saiu mais alta do que pretendia, o corpo arqueando sem controle.
â Isso... implora mais. â murmurou, a respiração falhando enquanto te observava.
Quando seu corpo desabou contra a mesa, sem forças para lutar contra as próprias reaçþes, Junho retirou os dedos, lambendo-os devagar diante dos seus olhos, os låbios brilhando do seu gosto. O queixo molhado denunciava a devoção selvagem com que havia se entregado a você segundos atrås.
Com um gesto urgente, abriu a calça e libertou o pau duro, latejando, jå marcado pelas horas de contenção. A glande ruborizada brilhava com a antecipação, e o ar entre vocês pareceu ganhar peso.
â Agora acabou a brincadeira, princesa. â a voz saiu quase em um rosnado, carregada de luxĂşria crua. â Eu vou te foder atĂŠ vocĂŞ esquecer seu prĂłprio nome.
Ele se inclinou sobre vocĂŞ, a respiração curta, a pele escorrendo suor. Posicionou-se, vocĂŞ sentiu a ponta grossa roçar contra sua buceta ainda sensĂvel, o corpo reagindo com espasmos involuntĂĄrios.
Junho passou a glande pela sua entrada, apenas brincando, sentindo o quanto você estava visivelmente molhada e aberta depois de tantos orgasmos arrancados à força. O corpo dele tremia de desejo, os olhos fixos nos seus, como um predador faminto, prestes a devorar sua presa.
Sem aviso, afundou em vocĂŞ num sĂł movimento brutal. O ar escapou dos seus pulmĂľes em um grito agudo, o pau dele abrindo caminho fundo, preenchendo atĂŠ o limite. Junho gemeu junto, rouco, colando a testa Ă sua, como se perder o controle fosse inevitĂĄvel.
Os dedos dele cravaram na sua cintura, mantendo você presa sob ele. E antes que tivesse tempo de se acostumar ao esticamento delicioso e doloroso, ele começou a se mover. Estocadas fundas, råpidas e brutais.
â Junho... â seu gemido saiu entre choro e prazer.
Ele segurou sua perna, erguendo-a sobre o ombro dele para entrar ainda mais fundo, batendo no ponto mais sensĂvel sem misericĂłrdia. O gemido que escapou da sua garganta foi tĂŁo alto que ele riu, ofegante.
â Isso, geme pra todo mundo ouvir quem te fode assim... â ele murmurou, a voz rouca, os olhos semicerrados em pura obsessĂŁo.
O som dos corpos se chocando ecoava pelo cĂ´modo, misturado ao ranger da mesa e aos seus gemidos altos, desesperados. VocĂŞ se agarrava aos ombros dele com unhas afiadas, sem conseguir acompanhar o ritmo que ele impunha. Junho gemia contra sua boca, fodendo vocĂŞ com uma fome acumulada por meses.
O pau dele entrava e saĂa com força, cada estocada profunda fazia seu corpo inteiro tremer, como se quisesse te quebrar e te reconstruir sĂł para ele. VocĂŞ sentia a glande tocar o colo seu Ăştero a cada investida, e o choque dos quadris ecoava em estalos Ăşmidos e lascivos.
â Caralho... parece que sua buceta me engole. â ele arfou, mordendo seu ombro com força, como se nĂŁo fosse capaz de se conter.
VocĂŞ choramingou, a voz embargada, tentando respirar entre os gemidos descontrolados. Junho voltou a cravar os dedos em sua cintura, te erguendo de leve contra a mesa para afundar mais fundo, arrancando de vocĂŞ um gemido estrangulado. O som obsceno da pele contra pele preenchia todo o ambiente, misturado ao barulho molhado de dentro de vocĂŞ.
Ele recuou quase por completo, deixando apenas a ponta latejante dentro, voltando a meter fundo de uma vez, como se quisesse marcar cada centĂmetro seu. VocĂŞ arqueou as costas, a cabeça caindo para trĂĄs, e ele aproveitou para abocanhar sua garganta, sugando atĂŠ deixar roxo.
â Junho... p-por favor... â sua voz saiu falha e implorativa, enquanto o corpo tentava acompanhar sem sucesso, os movimentos dele.
Ele riu baixo contra sua pele, a respiração quente arrepiando cada nervo. O quadril não parava, acelerando e mergulhando em você com uma cadência feroz, mas calculada para te levar à beira do abismo e não deixar você cair.
Cada vez que ele enterrava fundo, você sentia o impacto reverberar em seu estômago, como se ele fosse te abrir em duas. Seus olhos marejavam pela intensidade esmagadora dos movimentos, pela sensação de ser tomada por inteira.
Junho afastou apenas o suficiente para olhar seu rosto, os olhos escuros e incendiados, o maxilar trincado de tanto se conter. Ele segurou seu queixo com força, obrigando você a encarå-lo, mesmo enquanto o pau dele castigava seu interior sem piedade.
â Olha pra mim, â ele sussurrou, com a voz carregada de ordem e desejo. â Quero ver cada maldito segundo que vocĂŞ goza no meu pau.
Você gemeu alto, obedecendo, os olhos fixos nos dele, atÊ sentir o aperto no ventre começar a crescer de forma incontrolåvel. Junho percebeu, o sorriso torto surgindo em seus låbios suados, e intensificou ainda mais as estocadas, agora råpidas e certeiras, o quadril batendo com estalos violentos contra o seu.
Seu corpo se arqueava inteiro, seus seios pressionados no peito dele, os mamilos duros roçando contra o tecido úmido da camiseta que ele ainda usava. A fricção, a pressão, o ritmo alucinante, tudo se juntava em uma onda insuportåvel que te consumia de dentro pra fora.
VocĂŞ sentia o orgasmo subir de novo, tĂŁo intenso que sentia seu estĂ´mago queimar. VocĂŞ tentou avisar, mas ele beijou sua boca com uma fome desesperada, enquanto continuava a meter fundo, sem pausa.
Junho deslizou a mĂŁo entre vocĂŞs, o polegar encontrando seu clitĂłris latejante. O toque foi certeiro e cruel, em movimentos circulares que te fizeram soltar um gemido abafado contra a boca dele.
Ele se afastou de seus lĂĄbios, um fio de saliva conectado vocĂŞs, respirando ofegante, o gemido grave e quebrado, como se tambĂŠm estivesse Ă beira do limite.
â Goza pra mim... â ele pediu contra seus lĂĄbios, a voz grave, arfante. â Eu quero sentir sua buceta me apertando... quero tudo.
Seu corpo nĂŁo suportou a intensidade. O orgasmo nĂŁo veio suave, ele te arrancou do prĂłprio eixo, atravessando vocĂŞ com um Ămpeto avassalador. Sua coluna se arqueou em desespero, os mĂşsculos contraindo-se sob o peso dele, e como uma represa que se rompe, vocĂŞ esguichou, jorrando entre vocĂŞs com força, um fluxo quente e incontrolĂĄvel que o encharcou.
Sua buceta pulsava e sugava o pau dele com ainda mais força, apertando como se quisesse prendê-lo dentro de você para sempre. O som molhado se tornou ensurdecedor e obsceno, ainda mais intensos pela umidade que se espalhava. Misturado aos seus gemidos quebrados.
Ele ficou imĂłvel por um segundo, como se nĂŁo acreditasse no que estava presenciando. Os olhos escureceram ainda mais, fixos na cena de vocĂŞ se desfazendo daquela forma sĂł para ele. Um riso baixo, incrĂŠdulo e faminto escapou de seus lĂĄbios.
â Porra, vocĂŞ... â ele sussurrou, a voz carregada de tesĂŁo e orgulho.
Ele perdeu o Ăşltimo resquĂcio de controle, dominado pela visĂŁo da cena, voltando a meter com violĂŞncia, ainda mais fundo, como se quisesse arrancar mais de vocĂŞ. O quadril dele batia contra o seu com força bruta, cada estocada espalhando ainda mais o lĂquido quente pelo corpo dele. O peito descia pesado contra o seu, a respiração descontrolada, os dentes roçando em sua garganta como se fosse marcĂĄ-la.
Quando ele finalmente gozou, foi como se tivesse sido levado pelo mesmo abismo que vocĂŞ. O gemido dele ecoou grave, o calor espesso inundou seu interior em jatos quentes, sentindo o prĂłprio gozo se misturando ao lĂquido que vocĂŞ ainda derramava. E isso o deixava ainda mais embriagado, por ter destruĂdo e te possuĂdo por inteira.
Ele não parou de se mover de imediato. Continuou socando fundo, como se quisesse gravar em sua memória o som, o cheiro e a sensação de você se abrindo e esguichando só para ele. O olhar dele ardia, selvagem e orgulhoso, quase viciado naquela imagem de você entregue, molhada e marcada por ele.
Junho agarrava sua cintura com tanta força que você sabia que ficaria marcada. Mas quando colou a testa à sua, arfando contra seus låbios, não havia apenas brutalidade ali; havia necessidade, um desejo que queimava alÊm do corpo.
O silĂŞncio pesado caiu por alguns segundos, quebrado apenas pelos suspiros curtos e entrecortados dos dois. O pau dele ainda pulsava dentro de vocĂŞ, prolongando o contato, cada pequeno movimento arrancando suspiros baixos.
Junho deslizou a boca atÊ seu pescoço, mordendo de leve a pele jå marcada antes de lamber devagar, como se quisesse apagar a selvageria com cuidado. Ele permaneceu ali, enterrado fundo, como se não tivesse qualquer intenção de sair.
â Eu devia me afastar... â sussurrou rouco, mas nĂŁo moveu um mĂşsculo. â ...Mas nĂŁo consigo. Ă como se vocĂŞ fosse feita pra mim.
Junho sorriu, beijando minha testa, depois meus låbios devagar, como se cada beijo fosse a confirmação do que finalmente eram.
â Mas agora ĂŠ oficial. â disse, apertando sua cintura. â VocĂŞ nĂŁo ĂŠ mais uma hĂłspede aqui. VocĂŞ ĂŠ minha mulher. Dona da casa tambĂŠm.
VocĂŞ riu baixo, ainda ofegante, escondendo o rosto no peito dele. Junho passou a mĂŁo devagar pelos seus cabelos, acariciando como se fosse a coisa mais natural do mundo. A intensidade que havia pouco se transformava em ternura, e a forma como ele te olhava agora nĂŁo deixava dĂşvidas.
â Sua mulher? â vocĂŞ repetiu, ainda trĂŞmula.
â Minha. â ele confirmou, beijando sua boca devagar. â NĂŁo apenas porque eu quero... Mas porque vocĂŞ ĂŠ a Ăşnica que eu esperei esse tempo todo.
O olhar dele suavizou, e um sorriso pequeno surgiu nos lĂĄbios ainda inchados. Ele encostou a testa na sua novamente, como se quisesse selar a promessa de que, a partir dali, nada mais poderia separĂĄ-los.
WHO WANTS TO BE A DADDY! | MEN OF SQUID GAME HEADCANONS
pairing: squid game men x f!reader
includes: sang-woo (218), junho (police officer), dae-ho (388), the salesman, gihun (456)
warnings: pregnancy, guilt, manipulation, psychopathy, absence of self-worth, societal pressure.
wc: 1.9k
a/n: all are set pre-game/no game except for gihun's, who is based after the first games are complete. also daeho's is so cute i just need him. enjoy! <3
SANGWOO
the subject of starting a family is one that sangwoo, like every other high-risk decision heâs used to making in work, has gone over a hundred times. he's considered every angle extensively to come up with every pro and con for creating life with you, and yet no matter how great the positives are, they will never outweigh the negatives for him. he likes his routine, his work-life balance, his relationship with you which he treasures so deeply. but a baby? it demands sacrifice. one heâs not just unwilling to make, but afraid to.Â
it hits him, sometimes. the guilt. always late at night when youâre sleeping on his chest, or when his mother asks about grandchildren. itâs something he never voices, but the thought of being responsible for a living, breathing extension of you both frightens him. just like the thought of sharing your time, affection, and love with someone else does, too. that part he can barely admit to himself. it brings shame, thinking so selfishly. maybe thatâs another reason why he shouldnât be a father. he puts it off for some time, but he knows it isnât an issue that will resolve itself. it wonât go away. he knows it best when you look fondly at mothers pushing prams, or cradling fussing children in cafes. it takes the guilt falling from his chest to deep in his gut for him to be honest, to offer you the opportunity to leave and find a man who will give you what you need if you canât find it in him. but choosing him lifts all the weight heâs been carrying, untwists his gut, makes him grateful to have found someone who loves him anyway. it bonds you more than a child ever could.Â
no children, because you bring him a kind of wholeness he never thought he could be lucky enough to find.Â
JUNHO
if thereâs one thing about junho, itâs that heâs decisive. itâs no surprise that after some time, when heâs certain youâre the one for him, that thoughts of starting a family begin to float around his mind. he starts wondering how life would change. when he comes home after a dayâs work, would you still be the first to welcome him home? would your cuddling spot on the sofa be claimed by little ones that would squeeze between the pressing of your bodies? it makes him smile subconsciously, and youâll always catch it and ask whatâs causing it, but he never tells. he just lets himself dream.Â
but dreams arenât enough for him. he has to make it his reality, your reality. at work, he finds himself taking on more responsibilities, impressing the boss, trying and achieving promotions. better pay, better hours, all so he can be an active parent with you, so he never misses a milestone or a family meal. only after this will he start trying for a baby with you, and when you eventually fall pregnant, there isnât a drug on the street that could replicate the overwhelming joy it brings him. but joy quickly competes with proactivity, because evenings and lunch breaks are now spent with his nose in a parental book, while the rest of his free time consists of him fussing over keeping you healthy and comfortable during your pregnancy. this includes the moment you give birth, too. heâs prepared, emotionally more than anything else. doesnât let go of your hands, feeds you praise and endless encouragement, and it goes without saying that the first thing he does when your baby is born is check in on you.Â
years down the line, when the kids are nearly as tall as you, he sometimes finds himself sat at the dinner table alone when the rest of you are fast asleep. he thinks back to the days where you and he would eat your dinners here, plan vacations to japan sometimes. now itâs the home of family dinners, where game nights are held on friday nights, where each of you help with homework. sometimes he has to sit here alone to let it really sink in. all those things he imagined, wished for, worked for... his dreams. they all came true.Â
DAEHO
it starts early. too early to ever admit to. maybe from the moment he first lays eyes on you, or maybe itâs when he hears you speak for the first time. even better when itâs to him. all these thoughts flooding his brain, some curious, some embarrassingly smitten already. but itâs the fantasy of a future with you that brings the most shame. barely a conversation into your relationship, and heâs already pictured what side of the bed you preferâaway from the door, he thinks, decidesâif youâre more of a cat or dog person, and it doesnât end there. he thinks of wedding dresses, matching rings, whether you prefer an apartment or house, and of course, how many kids you want to have in your life. with him, he dreams so early but doesnât dare voice at risk of sounding insane. maybe he is, because within a few months of your relationship, heâs frequently adding suggestions to a list of baby names heâs preparing to show you one day.Â
this is how you find out about his dreams for the future. the list starts with girl names, and itâs so extensive that you donât reach the section for boy names, and immediately you worry that heâs secretly keeping track of every girl heâs ever slept with. daeho wonât realise the look of horror on your face isnât because youâve figured out he wants kids, until he starts rambling about how he doesnât want to start trying right away or anything, âbut when the timeâs right, we could...â and itâs the look of confusion that stops him from blushing about baby making. he blinks, mirroring your expression. âare we talking about the same thing?â he asks slowly, and itâll take a moment for you to pick up his phone and scroll further down to the boy names section for everything to click.Â
being on the same page about having a big family doesnât meaning rushing into it, and itâll take a few years before any attempts at trying for a baby begins. when it does, itâs heavily researched by daeho with the use of google, and some strange strategies are applied under his guidance. like him rolling you back on the bed after sex with your legs and hips in the air for ten minutes to âlet it all get to where it needs to be.â but itâs part of the fun, just like the late-night pregnancy cravings that daeho always joins in on.Â
heâs silly and a little clueless at times, but he makes up for it with the overwhelming warmth and love he showers you and your kids with. heâs your best friend through the whole process, does the dirty work of changing diapers and tidying up toys with a smile on his face, because this is what he was made for. being your husband and the best father to your kids. the only issue youâll ever have with daeho is when your kids are begging for fast food from the backseat, and daeho joins in when they relentlessly start chanting âwendyâs, wendyâs, wendyâs!â Â
THE SALESMAN
there is no man better suited as the father of your children than him. he makes sure you know it, think it, feel it. heâs the kind of man whoâd read stories to your kids every night, help them tie their shoes, take them to all their after-school activities. he would show up. be present, patient. you wouldnât ever have to worry with him around to protect the family. he would be firm, but fun. take them out for ice cream behind your back, but step in if they ever gave you attitude or a hard time. he would be everything you could ever dream of, ever ask for. and perfect is what he would be, if it werenât for the fact that hiding behind all that charm and irresistible beauty is a psychopath.Â
he shows you sides of him that make you dream, lulls you into the fantasy with honeyed words and sweet promises of a future. but you canât trust it. itâs just another web of lies he spins to bind you to him. a fantasy of what could be, but never will. nothing that will ever manifest, because in his perfect smile and his perfect promises, youâll notice just the tiniest edge in his eyes as he sells you the world. amusement. he dangles that dream like a carrot on a stick, lets your fingers graze but not grasp, before yanking it from your reach. over and over. and youâll fall for it every time, because heâs infected you like a cancer that spreads until it kills you. all for his own pleasure.Â
GIHUN
he thinks about you a lot. what kind of person you are, the things you value, how you possess such a potent sense of good that it makes him believe in his own potential. that he can be good, too. good enough to be someone you could call husband, and one day your kids could call dad. he pictures it. your family. it falls so close to perfect. he sees a loving marriage his kids could look up to, one they would strive to achieve later in their own futures. he sees you cooking dinner with a little version of him on your hip, while he helps a little version of you with her homework. he sees himself hosting sleepovers for your kids and their friends, ordering pizza and dishing out ice cream, stealing a bowl for the both of you to share in a rare moment of alone time in your room. he thinks your kids would be set up for a good life in your home like this, with the two of you showing them love, safety, peace. setting them up for success by reading to them every night, helping them with homework, so that maybe one day they could achieve incredible futures like sangwoo had for a while.Â
but thatâs when the picture fades. just like the light in his eyes, the warmth in his soul, because he knows he can never have that. not when his own flesh and blood has become so secondary to his selfishness over her short life. second to him, second to pleasure, second to everything and anything. he isnât what you need, what you should want. he canât fulfil the fantasy. that picket white fence he dreams of catches fire, burns down with the house you will never live in. ignited by his distrust in himself, in the absence of faith he has in himself.Â
it can be restored, his hope. it will take time, and a lot of healing, too. but he can be reached. he can be saved from his lack of self-worth. he just needs to be exposed to that sense of goodness you carry with you like a second skin, to believe there is light in the world, to believe that light can shine on him. and when it finally does, that fantasy of a family isnât so far away, it isnât just a dream. itâs something he can see manifesting with his daughter, with you, his family.Â
can't decide if daeho or junho as baby daddies is cuter. guess i'll just take both. like, comment, reblog. love <33
Honestly everybody be talking shit about Jun-Hoâs role in seasons 2&3 but I couldnât get over just how good that man looks when his face is all wet just wanted to write a non-committal drabble of Jun-Ho being a lil dom, taking initiative and fucking you in a cave
A/N: quick, dirty and unedited just like your author
Jun Ho looks so, so sooo good when he pops out of the water, dripping wet with his peach fuzz perfectly framing his pouty lips. He just looks so inviting, itâs painfulâŚ
âNow, the stairwell is just along the shore right there, just a fewâ- are you alright, Y/N?â
Jun Ho stands inches from your person, trying to make eye contact through your goggles in the dimly lit cave. His face is so angelic you hadnât realized that your uncomfortably tight diving gear was still fastened to your face. Maybe youâre grateful for that.
âYes, Iâm all good, Detective Hwang. Sorry, just adjusting to the light. You were saying, just a few feet ahead?â
He smiles and nods, turning to remove his tank. You stood entranced once again, unable to take your eyes off of how beautifully defined his back is.
He turns to face you once again, this time catching your gaze and chuckling. âDo you need help with your tank, Y/N?â
âUmmm⌠uhhhmmm, yes, yes please, Detective. Thank you. It seems I am quite out of it at this point. Maybe this last push really took it out of me.â
He smiles and nods again, gently pulling the straps of your tank down and off of your shoulders. Your nipples sprung to life the second his fingers made contact, inciting a flash fantasy of him removing more than just those straps.
He stood beside you, studying your expression just as you anxiously backed into the cave wall, startling you right into him. âMy god, I apologize, Detective. Iâm never this jumpy. I donât know whatâs gotten into me!â
He scoffed, catching you and standing you on your feet. âThereâs no way that little swim wore you out to the point that youâre unable to keep your balance or handle your gearâŚâ he leans in closer, warmly looking you up and down with his trademark smirk. âWhatâs the matter, am I distracting you in some way?â
âUm⌠yes? Wait⌠what do you mean by that? Your instructions were more than sufficient, Iâm listening. I just need a sec to get my bearings, I promiseâŚâ
He slides his arm down so that itâs pressed against the cave wall, between the two of you, allowing him to slump ever more casually toward you. âI know youâre listening. Intently, if anything. But⌠your body betrays you, and I can see very clearly whatâs on your mind.â
A cold sweat erupted across your face before you could even try to form an expression. Why be coy? Yes, you want his cock so badly it hurts. You may not know whatâs gotten into you but you know what youâd like to be having get into you so, fuck it.
âReally? Then please tell me whatâs on my mind.â
In one smooth motion he cups your ass with both hands and pins you to the wall, attacking your lips with âyes, as you suspectedâ his, soft and juicy and an addictive roll of his tongue. No surprise, your body is on fire and you want nothing but more. The teasing prick of his stubble only further undoes you as you wrap your legs around his waist, begging for more contact.
He rubs his lips and chin up and down your throat, licking up to your earlobe so he can taunt you even further. âIâve known all along but itâs been so fun to watch you struggle under my gaze. Youâre so cute thinking I didnât notice.â
âYou never reciprocated my looks, so I didnât think you were interestedâŚâ
âOh, Iâve been interested the entire time. I just wanted to get you alone completely so I wouldnât have to hold back⌠and neither would you. Scream as loud as you want, no one can hear us down here.â He yanks the zipper of your wetsuit down and sinks beneath the surface, just for a minute to further torment you with those very lips heâs caught you staring at for who knows how long. With an eager grip on each of your thighs, he pries them wide to deliver a hard, deliberate swipe of his tongue up the center of you. He pauses before latching, sucking with precision and pinning you to the cave wall just as your hips bucked into his face. Your body feels paralyzed, how long can he possibly stay down there?
He slides two fingers into you and curls his way up and further into you, planting kisses up your thighs as he comes up for air. âJun Ho, good god please donât drown on me,â you groaned breathlessly as he grips your chin and pecks your lips slowly with an urgent pressure. His face dripping water all over yours made the kiss even hotter. He pulls away with a suck as he presses himself against you with his trademark scoff-into-smirk. âDonât you worry about me, I just had to get a taste. Thereâll be plenty more where that came from.â He leans forward to unzip his own suit, which you help him do immediately. He picks you up again and lands you on his cock, such a deliciously perfect squeeze as you bounce on it, the two of you standing in the middle of the water, creating every wave and motion within the otherwise deathly still and silent cave.
His eyes are blown wide, a cute rosy tint streaking his face as he watches you bounce up and down on his painfully hard cock. Heâs in heaven, doesnât even remember the last time he got off. Heâs such a good, good boy with his mind fixated on his sole goal. Almost innocent and all too wholesome but for the fact that he could easily crack a good joke or snicker at one before him. But the smartassedness wore right off the second he impaled you onto him, heâs at a loss for words, his mind is blank, he has no answers and there are no questions. Your seraphic curves are like the smooth and languid dance of flames on a dark night, he swears he can see embers and beams emitting from your very form as you fuck stars into his beautiful, otherwise quiet eyes.
Itâs so easy for him to hold you while you work, not just because of the water but because you seem to know just how to move in tandem with him, like you know exactly what he needs, better than he does. Youâre longing for more contact so you still for a second to card your fingers through his satisfyingly thick hair, cupping his face so you can come closer. He runs his hand behind your neck and meets you, sliding his tongue between your lips again. After several seconds that couldâve been hours and still not long enough, you speak against his lips, not wanting to stop a thing. âI wish we had a solid surface, I want to be underneath you so, so badly⌠I just want to feel the pressure of your bodyâŚâ
Your pining sends him, heâs never heard such a delicious confession made to him about him. He wants nothing more than what you just described, heâs nearing his limit at the almost involuntary vision of it. He has nothing to say, but an all consuming and emergent need to give you everything you want without giving it away. With the shore just a couple of feet away, he leans in to kiss you again, to distract you as he walks you over while pawing up your back. âFor now, this will have to do, I want to give you exactly what you want⌠and ill make up for it later.â
Youâre so excited, overstimulated by every physical sensation and now the fact that heâs honoring your first brain rotted thought that slipped out of you while youâre fucking is the cherry on top of an endless decadent dessert bar. He places you flat on the damp sand with such smooth agility it felt like you were locked in a trance, like you slowly floated down to rest like a feather. âThis is perfect, I justââ he grabs your throat and slams into you with a viciousness you were not expecting but were even more all the fuck about. âThis was a great suggestion, now I can actually give you what Iâd had in mind all along.â He leans in further and weighs you into the sand, pressing firmly as he ruts into you, smirking at the blissed out look on your face. âItâs so funny to me that you thought I didnât know how badly you wanted me⌠I am a detective after allâŚâ you laugh as you strain to speak against his throat âoh? Alright Detective, tell me what Iâm going to say next.â
He smirks again and pins your wrists above your head, marveling at the way your body bounces to the snap of his hips. He takes a thoughtful moment to look you up and down as he tightens his grip, certain youâd enjoy it and feel no discomfort from a little bruising. As he nears his edge, he shoots you a pointed look, prepared to make his offer. âYouâre going to beg me to come inside you, and Iâm going to happily oblige.â
You choke and bite your lip, he feels the gush that shot right through your body, echoing in the spot that unites the two of you. âYouâre absolutely right, sir.â
A/N2: Iâd write more Jun Ho if yall can pump the brakes on my affair with his hyung đĽş
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you're upset and isolating because of something he did, and he just has to find a way to fix it...
includes: junho, sangwoo, gihun, daeho
warnings: sfw. themes of guilt and regret, yearning, loneliness, unpleasant memories, tension.
wc: 0.9k
note: yeah, daeho's version made me a little emosh ngl. he's just a sweet boy who deserves the world. also, gihun's is based on season 1, where he's a little whiney and pathetic (just the way i like him). let me know if you agree/disagree. enjoy! <3
ââ ⌠JUNHO (THE DETECTIVE)
he isnât too proud to admit when heâs wrong, but when you arenât ready to talk or willing to accept a verbal apology yet, heâll show up for you in other ways. the kitchen will be subtly reorganised, and those dishes by the sink from breakfast are washed, dried, and stored away neatly. heâll throw out the old vegetables in the fridge, change that one lightbulb that flickers sometimes, might even take a look at fixing that barstool that squeaks. all little things you might not notice, but ones youâll appreciate, even if only subconsciously. he doesnât do any of it for recognition, or even to encourage you to warm back up to him. he does it because heâs sorry, and he wants to bring you happiness in any little way he can.
he won't let himself dwell in his regret, but it doesn't mean it doesn't kill him when the only thing he needs after a long day at work is a hug that you won't give him.
ââ ⌠SANGWOO (PLAYER 218)
it's the distance that eats at him. returning to a silent home after work, eating dinner at the table alone, falling asleep on separate ends of the bed without a goodnight. it's worse than physical pain, because at least then he'd have a wound to clean and bandage. but instead, there's just guilt. and it gnaws. he'll try working late at the dining table, go for a run when the thought of walking into the silence of your shared bedroom is too unbearable, but it isn't distracting enough. it isn't good enough.
on his way home from a run, he'll stop by the market to pick up some ingredients to use for dinner. he isn't normally one to cook, not alone at least, but he'll make you something that he finds comforting. a warm broth, something nostalgic that his mother might've made him as a child. he won't force you to eat with him, but he will wordlessly bring you a bowl and cutlery, hoping that you'll accept his peace offering. if not to reconcile, then to at least make sure you're fed and spared the burden of cooking or starving for the evening.
ââ ⌠GIHUN (PLAYER 456)
it's not so much your absence that hurts. instead, it's the crushing weight of being responsible for it. it's a hard pill to swallow, and one he can't face for a little while. he sets up in the empty living room. puts on the tv just a little too loud like he usually does, but this time it's so you hear him. hear when he laughs at a sitcom, when he guesses the answers to a quiz show. all so you can't ignore his presence. and if he's feeling especially guilty, he'll self-soothe with a bottle of beer, maybe two. it looks like sulking because it is.
but at the bottom of that second bottle, he'll find the courage to face the fact that he's to blame for it all. it's something he has to sit with before he can think of ways to make it up to you, but when he's processed it, accepted responsibility for causing your hurt, he gets busy. the dishes you've been nagging him about are washed, the laundry is folded, the trash is emptied and disposed of. heck, even the couch cushions are neatly tidied, just how you like them to be. it's nothing that shouldn't have already been done, but he hopes you'll see him trying to be better. it is performative to an extent, he wants you to see it and be grateful, but it is wholeheartedly an admission that he acknowledges his wrongdoings and cares about you enough to express his regret to you.
ââ ⌠DAEHO (PLAYER 388)
distance between you frightens him more than a loud noise in the middle of the night. at least there's a procedure to follow there. barricade the door, hide under the bed, arm himself with a lamp if he has to. but with you hiding from in the bedroom, the shoe feels like it's on the other foot. he feels like the late-night intruder, shut out by the barricade that is your closed bedroom door. Sure, he could open it, it's not like itâs locked, and he won't find you under the bed or holding a lamp. but what he will find is worse. because there is nothing worse than your cold shoulder.Â
he desperately struggles with being shut out. it brings him back to those times where his sisters would be gone for weekend sleepovers, and he'd be all by himself. forgotten. watching cartoons alone, eating cereal alone, trying to enjoy the silence around him but feeling just so helplessly alone. it feels just the same, only he feels ashamed when he cries about it now. he can only pull a blanket that smells like you over his shoulders, hug a couch cushion like itâs you heâs holding. look at your smile in picture frames and long for you to come back to him.Â
but he will try to speed up the process, in his own way. he lights candles in the apartment, just so when you leave the bedroom you might smell them. he puts toothpaste on your toothbrush after you've gone to sleep, so that when you wake up you won't need to. he even lays out fuzzy socks and fresh pyjamas on the bed for when you get home from work, just so you can find comfort sooner. they're only little things, but he prays you recognise the love and longing behind them, and he hopes it's enough to bring you back to him.Â
sorry for the image of poor daeho all alone and upset, there's tears in my eyes too i promise. like, comment, reblog. love <3
Summary: Jun-ho raises a baby left from the Games and finds unexpected love and healing with you.
Word count: 2,984
You first see him on a rainy Wednesday.
The windâs mean, biting through your coat as you walk home from your shift at the community clinic. You nearly miss him at firstâjust a figure tucked under the overhang outside your apartment complex, hood pulled low, body curled around something wrapped in a strawberry blanket. You slow when the bundle shifts and lets out a soft whimper.
A baby. Thatâs a baby.
You stop walking.
He notices you watching and tenses. His hand instinctively moves toward the blanket, shielding the infant with his body. Not aggressivelyâbut protectively, like someone whoâs already decided heâd take the fall if anything went wrong.
You should walk away. You know better. But the baby starts crying, and your feet betray you.
âIs she okay?â you ask, voice soft.
He looks up. His face is pale, gaunt, and his eyes flick over you like heâs measuring every possible threat. He doesnât answer.
You crouch. âIâm not going to take her from you. I just want to help.â
Another pause. Then, reluctantly, he shifts enough for you to see herâround cheeks, tiny fists waving, tears running silently. Her skin is clammy.
âSheâs burning up,â you say. âI work at the clinic down the street. Let me help. Please.â
He looks down at the baby, jaw tight. Then back at you. Finally, he nods.
You donât ask questions that night. You give him your kettle, a space heater, and some leftover soup. He wonât go to the hospitalâmakes that clear right awayâbut he lets you clean her up, bring her fever down, and hold her when she cries.
He doesnât tell you their names.
But when he falls asleep sitting upright on your couch, the baby tucked against his chest, you notice something strange.
Thereâs a police badge tucked in his back pocket.
You donât see him for five days.
Then, on the sixth morning, he knocks on your door.
âIâm sorry,â he says. His voice is rough, but sincere. âI panicked. Sheâs okay now, but she⌠cries less when youâre around.â
You open the door wider. âThen you should both come in.â
He hesitates. âJust for a few minutes.â
It becomes a pattern.
He never stays longâjust long enough to warm the bottle, rest his eyes for ten minutes, let you check her over. He still hasnât told you his name. You still havenât asked. You donât want to scare him off.
But the babyâs smile is brighter now. Her little body stronger. And heâs starting to look less like a man on the verge of collapse and more like someone learning how to breathe again.
One night, after she falls asleep in your arms, he finally speaks.
âI didnât know her mother. Not really. She was⌠part of something. Something I thought I could stop.â
You glance up at him. His hands are clenched. His jaw, set.
âI couldnât. Everyone died. Except the baby.â
You swallow. âSo you took her.â
He nods. âSomeone left her for me. Along with the money.â
âWhat money?â
He hesitates, then says, âPrize money. It doesnât matter.â
âSure it does.â
He shakes his head. âShe didnât ask for any of this. But if I walk away, sheâll have no one. And I donât think I could live with that.â
You look at himâreally look. Heâs not just tired. Heâs devastated. Grieving something too big to carry alone.
So you say, âYouâre not walking away. Youâre here. And that matters.â
He nods once, quietly.
And when you reach out to cover his hand with yours, he doesnât pull away.
Weeks pass.
You learn his name is Jun-ho.
You learn the babyâs name is Hana. He gave it to her.
âShe needed something good,â he says one morning, gently bouncing her in your living room. âSo I gave her a name that means flower. Even if the rest of the world is ash.â
You donât ask more questions about the Games, the money, the people he lost. Not yet. Not unless he brings it up.
But you notice the scar one afternoon while heâs changing his shirtâright at the curve of his shoulder. Itâs jagged and raised, unmistakably a bullet wound. He moves quickly, tugging the fabric back over it before you can say anything, brushing off your worried look with a half-muttered, âOld injury.â
You donât press. But your heart sinks all the same.
Instead, you focus on how far heâs come. You watch the way he holds Hana nowâwithout hesitation. He starts humming to her when she fusses. He learns how to swaddle, how to sterilize bottles, how to make her giggle.
He still wonât sleep unless youâre close. On the nights you offer your bed, he stays on the couchâbut closer and closer to your room. Until, one night, you wake to find him curled in the armchair beside you, Hana asleep in his lap, your name whispered in his sleep.
One evening, while she naps, he finally talks.
âPeople think heroes look like me,â he says quietly. âGun, badge, silent stare. But they never see the part where you lose people. Where you fail.â
You donât interrupt.
âI thought I was doing the right thing. I tried to stop it. But all I did was expose something no one wants to believe exists. Now thereâs no trial, no justice. Just silence. And her.â
You take his hand. âMaybe sheâs the justice.â
He looks at you then, something raw in his eyes.
And then he kisses you.
Itâs tentativeâmore question than declaration. When he pulls back, you chase his mouth with yours.
You donât rush things. But from that night on, your home becomes the home.
For all three of you.
Hana says your name before she says âappa.â Jun-ho pretends not to be offended.
But when she falls and cries, she runs to him first.
âSheâs a traitor,â you joke.
âShe knows who keeps her fed.â
He kisses your temple when he says it. And your stomach flips like it always does now.
One day, a man in a dark coat shows up outside your building. Doesnât come in, doesnât say anything. Just watches.
You spot him first.
Jun-ho sees the fear in your eyes before you even speak.
He doesnât panicâbut he acts. Pulls you inside. Locks the door. Checks the windows.
You realize then that heâs never stopped running. That maybe he never will.
He holds you that night like it could be the last time.
But morning comes, and the man is gone. No note. No message.
Just a reminder: the world doesnât forget.
You ask him if he wants to leave.
âNo,â he says. âNot unless you come with me.â
You do.
You move out of the city. A small place by the water.
Jun-ho plants flowers outside, even though heâs never gardened before. He tells Hana theyâre all named after people heâs lost. That way, something beautiful can grow from the pain.
You get a job at a local clinic. He works construction under a different name, but still carries the badgeâkept safe in a box beside Hanaâs baby shoes.
Youâre never rich. Youâre never totally safe.
But youâre loved.
Hana grows up calling you both home.
And sometimes, when Jun-ho thinks youâre asleep, he whispers, âThank you for saving us.â
You never tell him youâre awake. You just pull him closer and whisper, âYou saved me first.â
I need more Hwang Jun-ho fluff like with wife!reader PLEASE đ
the weight of small things - Hwang Jun-ho
Hwang Jun-ho x pregnant wife!reader
word count: 2k
warnings: bits of ptsd, otherwise nothing
thank u for the request! took a long while to get into but i love how it turned out :)
requests are open!
There is a pulse under your skin long before you know why. A hush in your body, a tension that sits behind your ribs like a held breath. It starts as a passing question - small, fleeting, one of those thoughts that brushes the edge of your mind like a mothâs wing and disappears before you can name it. But it returns again. The next morning, and the next. You catch yourself cradling your stomach without realizing it, your hand resting low and tentative, like your body knows something it hasnât yet told you.
You take the test alone. The apartment is dim, the early hour still clinging to the walls, and the quiet feels like a held note. The results come quickly, too quickly. Two pink lines. Soft but unmistakable. You sit down on the floor, the cold tiles pressing through the thin cotton of your pajama pants, and stare at the test resting on the rim of the sink like it might change if you look at it long enough. It doesnât.
You imagine telling him. Imagine his face. The way he looks when heâs trying not to feel something too hard. The way he swallows his breath before it can become a sound.
But you donât tell him. Not yet. Not while his sleep is still haunted, while he startles at doors opening too quickly, while he stands in the shower too long with the water running too hot and his palms braced against the wall like heâs waiting for it to wash something off him that doesnât live on his skin.
You wait.
Not out of fear, but out of reverence - for him, for the thing growing inside you, for the future that has been quiet and unlived for far too long.
***
The morning you choose to speak, the sky is grey and soft with clouds. Rain breathes against the windows. You are curled into the corner of the couch with a blanket tucked around your legs, watching the steam curl from your tea when he returns from the market, damp at the collar, umbrella folded under his arm.
There is something about him thatâs settling again; bit by bit, like dust resettling after a storm. He kicks off his shoes, glances over at you, and the ghost of a smile flickers at the edge of his mouth. You watch him set the bags on the counter, move with unconscious efficiency, but when your voice calls him over - gently, quietly - he comes without question.
He drops down beside you, body angled toward yours, eyes still searching. You take his hand. You press it flat over the softness of your belly - not rounded yet, not changed - but already sacred.
âThereâs something,â you say, and your voice doesnât tremble, though you feel the weight of the moment like gravity rearranging itself.
He studies your face. He always does this; watches you like thereâs an answer hidden in the slope of your cheek or the blink of your eyes.
âIâm pregnant,â you tell him.
And you donât need to say anything else.
You watch him still - his breath caught somewhere in the space between ribs, his fingers tightening minutely against your skin. His lips part, close, open again. But no words come. Just his hand rising and falling with your breath. Just his gaze locked on yours like the ground has shifted beneath him and youâre the only solid thing left.
When he finally speaks, itâs not a question. Itâs a whisper shaped more by awe than fear.
âYouâre sure?â
You nod once. His hand curls, instinctive and tender, the touch shifting into something more intimate than even before - like heâs just now realizing thereâs more than you beneath his palm.
And then he folds into you - not with urgency, not with panic, but with a quietness thatâs full of everything he hasnât been able to say since he came back. His forehead finds your shoulder, his breath a slow exhale against your collarbone, and you feel the soft tremble in his arms, in the way he holds you like you are holding him up in return.
âI want this,â he murmurs, and it breaks open something warm and fragile in your chest. âGod, I want this so much.â
***
The heartbeat sounds like something ancient - like thunder deep underground or the wings of a bird mid-flight. You lie on the exam table with cold gel slick across your stomach and his hand wrapped tightly around yours, and for a moment the world stops moving.
The screen shows a flicker of motion, the soft pulse of something just beginning to become real. And beside you, he sits frozen, eyes locked on the monitor, his knuckles bone-white from how tightly heâs gripping your fingers. You feel the shift happen in him the moment he hears it. Something falls away. Or maybe something roots itself in.
His breath shudders. You donât look at him. You donât need to.
But then he laughs - a single, broken sound that crumbles into silence as he presses his forehead to your hand and hides the moisture in his eyes behind the warmth of your skin.
âI didnât expect that,â he says, voice rough. âI didnât expect it to sound so⌠alive.â
You thread your fingers through his hair and let the sound of your childâs heart fill the room.
***
He swaddles the plastic baby like heâs trying to defuse a bomb.
Itâs been ten minutes since the instructor handed them out, and his has gone from moderately secure to a vaguely horrifying interpretation of a burrito with limbs. You watch him turn it over with careful hands and a furrowed brow, analyzing it like a witness.
âI followed the folds exactly,â he mutters.
You lean over to inspect his work. âI think you gave it a chokehold.â
âImpossible. I was gentle.â
âYou forgot the head.â
âThe head?â His face shifts into something nearly scandalized. âThey said support the head. I supported it with the blanket.â
You raise an eyebrow. âItâs upside down.â
He stares at it.
Thereâs a pause.
ââŚItâs still fine,â he says with impressive confidence, and you burst out laughing, nearly knocking your own doll off your lap.
The instructor walks past and lets out a polite, amused hum before silently rescuing the poor synthetic newborn from Jun-hoâs questionable care.
He looks sheepish, a little pink in the ears, but when you press a kiss to his cheek and call him Appa under your breath, you feel the tension ease from his shoulders like mist.
You make him promise to come back for the baby bath demo next week. If only so you can see if he ends up soaked or broken.
You suspect both.
***
The nursery starts with a single onesie.
He buys it on the way home one afternoon, doesnât even tell you heâs gone to the baby store. Itâs plain - white cotton, tiny collar, little snap buttons shaped like stars - and when he pulls it from the paper bag and lays it across your lap, you swear you feel the world tilt slightly beneath you.
After that, it becomes a quiet obsession.
He spends three evenings researching crib safety, watches four different videos on wall paint toxicity, makes you promise not to lift anything heavier than a throw pillow. You catch him late at night smoothing the sheets on the tiny mattress like heâs expecting someone to show up early. He reorganizes the changing table drawer three times. The socks. The hats. The pacifiers in their neat plastic cases. Itâs almost scientific. But the love in it is unmistakable.
He talks to the baby while he paints. Holds a roller in one hand and a small speaker in the other, playing old Korean ballads and explaining, in perfect seriousness, why certain shades of blue are âemotionally riskyâ and how bears are objectively superior to ducks as stuffed animals.
You watch him from the doorway, arms crossed, your belly rounding out beneath your shirt, and marvel at this man - this man who once vanished into shadows and silence, who now stands barefoot in a room full of sunlight, humming and painting and measuring tiny hangers for clothes that havenât even been worn yet.
âThis is the happiest Iâve ever seen you,â you say.
He turns, paintbrush in hand, and smiles in that rare, open way you never get tired of.
âItâs the first time Iâve been allowed to imagine after.â
***
The pain builds slowly and relentlessly, curling in your lower back like fire and tightening through your abdomen in long, aching waves. You time them with one hand and brace yourself with the other, sitting on the edge of the bed while the rain drums softly against the window.
You wait to wake him.
You wait because you know what happens when heâs startled out of sleep - how his body forgets itâs home, how his eyes sharpen too fast. But when the hour passes and the contractions grow closer, steadier, you reach for him and whisper his name.
His eyes open immediately.
You barely need to speak. Heâs already sitting up, one hand cupping your cheek, the other moving to your stomach as if by instinct.
âItâs time?â he asks.
You nod.
And thatâs when he panics.
Youâve seen him calm during interrogations, composed in the aftermath of violence - but now, as he fumbles with bags and car keys and for some reason your passport, you realize this is the first time youâve ever seen him truly unraveled by love.
You are doubled over with laughter between contractions, watching him try to lace your sneakers onto his own feet.
âYouâre the one in labor,â he says, bewildered, âwhy are you the calm one?â
You grin through the next wave of pain. âYouâre adorable when youâre terrified.â
And he is. Utterly, completely, heartbreakingly human.
***
The hospital blurs into noise and light and too much fabric. He never lets go of your hand, not even when the nurses usher him to the side, not even when you scream through the agony and the room floods with urgency. He murmurs things into your ear that you canât process, kisses your temple like itâs the only thing anchoring him.
When they tell you to push, you feel the whole world gather into the space behind your teeth. And when it happens - when the air shifts and everything is suddenly, permanently different - he is there with his face crumpling and his fingers trembling and the sound of your daughterâs cry filling the room like wind through open windows.
***
Time folds in strange ways after she arrives.
The days stretch and blur, marked not by clocks but by the rhythm of her breath, by the soft creak of the rocking chair, by the fragile miracle of a life so small and fierce she seems to glow when the light hits her skin.
Jun-ho carries her like a secret heâs afraid to wake. He hums to her in the hallways, sings lullabies slightly off-key while washing bottles in the sink. He falls asleep with her on his chest and wakes up before her cries even reach the baby monitor.
She laughs for the first time on a Tuesday.
Youâre elbows-deep in dishwater, and heâs blowing a ridiculous sound onto her belly, just playing. And then - like music - you hear it: bright and sharp and wild. The sound hits him like a punch to the chest. His hands go still. His eyes widen.
And then he does it again, and again she laughs.
You watch him fall in love all over again.
That night, you lie in the dark, her sleeping breath between you, and you feel his fingers trace yours under the blanket.
âI didnât know it could feel like this,â he says. âThank you for this miracle, Y/N.â
You donât say anything, just hold his hand tighter, and hold your daughter between you, and let the silence mean what it means.