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Okay, Dave, we need to talk. I didn’t say anything on the way back from the stadium, because I was collecting my thoughts. But now, I think it’s time we clear the air. Look, you know I’ve always loved and supported you. I believe you are, at heart, sweet, romantic, intelligent, capable, and wise. But something happens when the eyes of an entire stadium are on you, and it makes me wonder whether I even know you. Dave, I don’t like the person you become when you’re on the Jumbotron.
The Dave I know is polite, modest, and content. Jumbotron Dave is crass and loud. The Dave I know has a sweet, gentle smile. Jumbotron Dave has a tongue that waggles and undulates lasciviously. Accompanied by your red cheeks, your bulging eyes, and that “metal” gesture you do with your hands—it’s horrifying. What comes over you, Dave?
No but. Sam and Dean going to an event (concert or a sports game?) with a fuckin jumbotron. And suddenly it’s those Kiss Cams segment and it lands on them. Sam was about to shake his head and say that’s his brother but Dean just pulls him in unexpectedly and made out with him on live fucking television in front of hundreds of people
the crowd cheers snd whistles and Dean is so proud of himself that he doesnt notice Sam gaping like a fish, beet red from head to toe
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20 beloved heated rivalry fanfictions I've come across in the wild and thoroughly enjoyed compiled in a list for the sake of sharing them, enjoy !!! bear with my summaries. listed in no particular order except the last 3
rozanov – not on hockey / vDud' - 20k, 4/4, written by gotthesunshinex, translated by werevolche, original in russian
rozanoz interviewed by yuri dud, russian journalist who's YouTube channel you can find here. it's a very exciting read that gives us ilya as all the more charming and how his personality shines a lot more in his native language
2. good on my own accord - 145k, 18/18, written by impetuous
THE hollander goalie fic. love thy goalie. one of those fics where hollanov do actually play hockey, and by god are those scenes written so well. author has poured vested research in goalie gear and most of the end notes have links for further info. just a big beautiful buffet of a fic if you: like hockey, have suspected autism, or just like it when ao3 writers compile their research for you. #42 Shane Hollander the GOAT.
3. two makes a pair - 2k, 1/1, written by zuesue
5+1 fic where shane & Ilya pair up on the ice, and the one time they didn't. silly and fun and, again, they play hockey in this one!
4. corner of the world -- 1k, 1/1, written by berrycluv
study of shane's undiagnosed autism and the loadbearing arthur pike
5. the shane hollander debacle -- 1k, social media 1/1, written by nineteenohtwo
Jonah @rozanderluvr
Replying to @rozanderluvr @tarantulaaa
Cannot stop laughing at the idea that Shane Hollander’s homosexual allyship ends where the faceoff percentage begins
hollander is criticized for not using the rainbow tape. honestly nineteenohtwo's whole series is really fun, all social media fics during TLG. very entertaining stuff had me cracking up at 3am. and one of those genuinely well written and well made socmed fics
6. vibes are not data -- 18k, 1/1, written by glittercity
a look at ilya & wyatt's friendship, a little glance at the dynamics in ottawa, and some much needed love and appreciation for lisa. SUCH a fun read, very feel-good. the ballad of ilya and wyatt's bromance
7. of duty and love -- 42k, 19/19, written by myrcella_schroder
THE hollanov titanic au. time accurate dialogue and historically rich, featuring shane as a prosperous cambridge student and ilya as a heir. the night i found this fic i greened out hard and needed some comfort by way of inducing more fear in myself, and i was delightfully let down by this story because it was just so GOOD i read all 42k in a trance until early morning, shed some tears at the ending. really sweet and tastefully dramatic and its like, a motherfucking titanic au dude, the staple of all fandoms. if you haven't read one yet let THIS one be your guiding light.
8. you're so pretty when you take control -- 12k, 1/1, written by little_white_lie
golden smut find of a fic MAMA MIA licking my fingers clean of all the delicious delicious sauce just nabbed from the boiling pot MAMA MIAAAAA shane mauls his man yes YES. sypnosis:
Ilya stared at Shane in bemusement. “Sounds… complicated for just sex. What, you going to spank me, tie me down?”
Shane was silent at that. His eyes were steady on Ilya, his face determined.
Ilya’s heart thumped in his chest. “Are you?”
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Shane said. “I mean. I might bite and scratch at you a little, but no more than I normally do.”
9. ottawa strong -- 4k, 5/5, written by strawhat_star
how shane's defended the centaur rookies as observed by the rest of his team. they love him and he loves them back and i LOVE this. that former captain is always gonna be looking out for the younger guys
10. ilya the hockey player (sammy the driver) -- 6k, 1/1, written by ellanica
one of the funniest montreal team dynamics i've ever read, and i fuck with comeau so hard in here, something about the characterizations just delight me, they're all hilarious. shane's team gives him a headache upon coming out as gay; personally find this one a tad more realistic in the sense that, with a player as priceless as hollander, montreal maybe should not have been so quick to cast him out.
“Alright, I’ll say it if no one will.” Couillard stood up, eyes hard. He looked disgusted. “I can’t believe this. You babysit Gabby and Micky. Do I have to expose Rozanov to them? My own kids, Hollander?”
Shane felt cold. Couillard’s parents were old friends of his family, they visited during holidays, and right now his glare pierced through him.
“Just the thought of it is sickening.” Coulliard spat. “What if they become Bears fans?”
11. the great pretender -- 31k, 6/6, written by lady_st4rdus7
5 times the centaurs assumed ilya has, like, a dead wife :(, and has been mourning her in secret the whole time. and the 1 time they meet his husband
12. good bones -- 7k, 1/1, written by anon
multimedia snippets of the hollander family throughout the years. LOVED IT love this it's a nice little read into the family and how shane's childhood played out, and the relationship between yuna & david
13. the interview -- 15k, 11/?, written by ticketybooOO
although incomplete, it's a really nifty fic on ilya doing another interview in russian, partly inspired by the look on NBA star nikola jokić’s face when he was asked a question in his native Serbian. goes a bit more in-depth on ilya's post-soviet upbringing, politics in the NHL, the politics and consequences lurking around the corner regarding russian athletes talking about russia. the beating heart of the fic will resonate with anyone who's bilingual, the throes of learning and operating in a second language. i really liked this
although incomplete, it's a really nifty fic on ilya doing another interview in russian, partly inspired by the look on NBA star nikola jokić’s face when he was asked a question in his native Serbian. goes a bit more in-depth on ilya's post-soviet upbringing, politics in the NHL, the politics and consequences lurking around the corner regarding russian athletes talking about russia. the beating heart of the fic will resonate with anyone who's bilingual, the throes of learning and operating in a second language. i really liked this
14. it's brave to be nothing to no one at all -- 23k, 1/1, written by hollano_ov
shane and ilya are going to break up. but first, a roadtrip. and after that, the zoo, then a date, then one night at the hotel, and then the drive back, and finally, the airport. THEN they'll break up. this comes up as one of my favorite hollanovs ever written. they're so sad and so loving and in love
15. deny, deny, deny -- 11k, 2/3, written by myshangel
really beautifully written and visceral in the way only a situation gone wrong and a (leaked online) police phone call can be. ilya is shot after a home invasion. insane humanization of shane and ilya by way of fear and care for one another and again, one of my favorite characterizations entirely found in their brief actions
16. into your earthly hands -- 88k, 20/?, written by scarlettroses
ilya takes a puck to the back of the head. realistic injury recovery timeline, shane is so supportive and meets ilya at the tenderness of care that he requires. i forget exactly but also im pretty sure the author either studies/works in the medical field or something adjacent, very knowledgeable and on top of their shit, which makes this read all the more worthwhile
17. hit the ground -- 3k, 1/1, written by freakshaped
in which hollander has a stutter when he's upset. short and sweet and broke my heart a little, also felt very significant to ME on behalf of having a stutter and anxiety. shane is kind of the people's princess
18. dig two graves -- 28k, 6/6, written by devovitsuasartes
THE shane hollander fic, i think. THE centaurs vs montreal fic. they play some nasty fucking hockey in this and someone gets their throat sliced. emotionally poignant and genuinely one of my favorite shane hollanders ever. no sypnosis no notes no spoilers no NOTHING just get a snack and read this. if you're into shameless, author was immediately recognizable to me as a fellow gallavich so you KNOW the writing's gonna be good as fuck
19. the soviet montage -- 79k, 6/6, written by pressuretoparty
the one where superstar athlete rozanov defects from the soviet union to play in the nhl. this is one of those fics ive fallen in love with hard. the dialogue, the cold war era, the hollanov dynamic, it's one big crockpot of meth and beef broth (to ME.) it scratches a really big itch when it comes to writing ilya and shane getting on each other's nerves and being snarky and taking bites at each other and wanting the other so bad. read on the russian five and piestany if this sorta stuff interests you in general. author talks about these events more thoughtfully in their fic & notes. just an enjoyable niche read overall, we have the pleasure of reading hollanov through a different period of time in hockey. all of it is just so yummy and tasteful and ARTFUL. i read this over the course of two nights because i had to keep taking breaks i was getting so excited and giddy reading it. HIGHLY recommend. pressuretoparty is one of my favorite authors in the fandom and their winners verse series is equally as good and contains more of my favorite fics EVER. and their hollanov is just sooooo fucking delightful. seriously you can't miss out on this
20. home economics -- 38k, 4/4, written by anon
hollander and rozanov play on a swiss team together and share a house during a lockout. it ruins them for the better.
home economics is emotionally poignant and really brings you into their longing for one another. i'm not sure what it is about the story that totally ruined my brain chemistry, the mirth of storytelling here just has a way of imprinting on you. if you are to choose one fanfic from this list PLEASE let it be this one. it's beautiful, it's cute, it's sad, it's happy, where you can just see yourself in that shitty little yellow kitchen and let yourself be destroyed by an all consuming desire to love and be loved. so atmospheric and the writing has a manner of feeling calm, almost, it will leave you very content.
home economics is the #1 fic i've ever read just because of how attached i've gotten to it. home economics is one of those staple fics that everybody reads upon their first arrival to a new fandom. your favorite author's favorite author is probably home economics anon. your favorite author might be home economics anon (seriously, read the rest of their fics). i respect the anonymity and at the same time i don't. if i had one wish in life it would entirely go to giving home economics anon the ass-eating of their life. i would lay my life down for home economics anon and soon you will too
no spoilers or notes to give you other than the author's own thesis: i just wanted to write a fic that provides an answer to the no-doubt burning question on everyone's minds rn: how would hollanov handle it if they were forced into emotional intimacy via domestic proximity before they were ready for it and For Reasons Beyond Their Control (hockey) while already sorta in love, and THEN were forced OUT of that same domestic habitual intimacy and separated For Reasons Beyond Their Control (still hockey)?
the short answer is: not well.
