#jti

I look up as I feel a presence, turning my head to see Jungkook leaning up against the doorway, his sleeves rolled up and his arms crossed over his chest. 

Hottest grandpa I've ever seen.

The thought makes me smile, trying to keep it relatively pure while the baby is present.

"How are my girls doing?" he asks, his tone deep and grounded, making my face heat up from the look in his eye, his expression softening when he hears his granddaughter babble.

"Is my little rosebud having fun with grandma?" he coos, poking fun just like I had done to him. At least I didn't say it out loud.

"I'm not her grandma," I roll my eyes, turning my vision back towards her and smiling when he sits behind me. His legs rest on either side of my lap, his arms wrapping around my waist, chin resting on my shoulder as he admires how she's getting stronger, being able to sit up and play on her own. 

"You're a natural with her," he mumbles, placing a kiss under the shell of my ear, humming happily at his touch.

"She's a really easy baby," I mumble, bringing one of her toys a little closer when she reaches for it.

"Do you want one? Children of your own?" he asks, his voice breathy, meek, unsure as to whether I'd want something like this for myself...with him.

"Yes," my voice in contrast is steady. "I've always wanted children. Maybe one or two," he nods, tightening his hold around me. "Is that something that you'd want?" My voice is the timid one now, whereas his movements are sure when he turns my face to the side so I can look back at him.

"I want everything with you." 

His response isn't something grand, or poetic, or special, but it's all of those things and more to me. It shows that, even if our commitment to each other is strong, our desire for a future together is that much stronger.

He places a gentle kiss on my lips, one that promises everything and more.

Jangmi's gurgles break up our little moment, making him kiss the smile that had broken on my lips.

"You ready for that part of parenthood?" I chuckle, turning my focus back to Jangmi, scooping her up and cradling her in my arms, him clinging to me again as if he wanted to fuse and become one.

"Not until I've had my way with you."

I gulp at that, the rocking of my arms stuttering for a moment before they continue their rhythm.

"You can't say things like that in front of her," I scold, but all she does is look up at us curiously, smiling and reaching up for her grandpa.

"She's so little still," he says softly, one of his arms leaving my waist in favor of coming up to hold her little hand, her fingers wrapping around one of his. 

"She's got your eyes," I say, smiling as I see how full of wonder they are, "and your chubby cheeks," I tease, his response is a poke in my side.

"My cheeks are not chubby," he grumbles, "if anything, yours are." He pinches mine, swatting his hand away, making Jangmi giggle.

"I've seen your baby pictures, mister; those cheeks of yours were ginormous," my eyes light up, remembering how my heart practically melted when I first saw them.

"Well if you love them so much then I hope our children's faces are chubby too," he nuzzles his nose into my neck, making me laugh at the feeling while Jangmi coos up at us.

"I hope you won't mind having an aunt that's younger than you," Jungkook teases, poking her little cheek and she smiles."See, even she likes the idea."

"Honey, she has no idea what we're talking about," I sigh, a half smile spreading across my lips as I get up and place her down in her crib.

"Well, she'll know soon enough," he says, leaning over and placing a kiss on her forehead. "Na night angel. Have a good nap," he says softly, turning on her mobile and tucking her in. 

Before leaving he turns the lights off, her music box in the corner playing a soft melody while emitting a warm pink glow, keeping her from getting too scared.

"I have a proposition for you," he says all matter o factly after closing the door to Jangmi's nursery.

"Okay?" I smile, my expression still a bit wary. "Let's hear it."

"I was thinking that maybe you could go have a spa day with your sister," he says, clearly hiding his motives.

"A spa day? That's a very random proposition. What's the occasion?" crossing my arms over my chest, paying closer attention to the way he's acting.

"No occasion. It's just that you've been so helpful taking care of Jangmi and never really ask for anything in return so I wanted to treat you. Plus, I know you wouldn't want to go alone so I figured taking your sister would be a good motivation," he says, rubbing the back of his neck and next thing I know it I'm getting an incoming call.

"Speak of the devil," I mumble before answering it.

"Hey Ana,"

"Hey! Has Jungkook told you about the spa day yet?" 

"Just did," Jungkook says loud enough for her to hear, not even bothering to hide that he's eavesdropping. 

"Perfect! So I'll pick up up at two," she states and says goodbye without another word.

"That was...weird," I look at the screen and furrow my brows before locking it and sticking it back in my pocket.

"What's weird is the fact that you don't even seem excited about it," he huffs, his hopes for a good reaction to it clearly shattered.

"Sorry, I really am excited I just can't help but think you're plotting something," my eyes narrowing to see if I can somehow intimidate the answer out of him.

"Plotting? Aren't I a little too old to be plotting?"

"No." 

"Well...you didn't hesitate on that one," he chuckles but I finally smile in response.

"Fine, keep your secrets. But I've got my eye on you mister," I look him up and down for dramatic effect before turning to go get ready.

What I don't notice is the dopey smile on his face as I walk away...definetly planning something.

~~~~

"I guess he was right," I sigh, the masseuse working the knots in my back just right. 

"Who was right?" Ana mumbles, practically half asleep, having told me before we even set foot in here that she calls dibs on the woman with the 'magic hands'.

"Jungkook. I guess I haven't been putting myself first for a while," I hum, melting under the firm pressure.

"I agree. You've practically become a second mom to little Jangmi," and before I can protest she shushes me. "No fighting, just enjoy."

I grumble but let out a calming breath and focus on the tension that's slowly leaving my body.

"Okay ladies, we're going to finish up here soon but feel free to take some time to recover before leaving," the woman with the 'magic hands' says, Ana practically pouting.

"Thank you," I say, I poking Ana in her arm when she doesn't follow suit.

"Ouch! Let me enjoy this tranquility," she protests leaving both the masseuses chuckling.

"Ana," I scold and she sighs and says thank you, both of the women making themselves scarce shortly after.

"Spill!" I demand once the coast is clear.

"Didn't I just tell you I'm trying to enjoy this floaty feeling?"

"I don't care. Tell me what he's plotting."

She sighs and turns her head to face me, still very much horizontal.

"You know what he's doing," she says, pretty much confirming my suspicions.

"But you didn't hear that from me! I don't want to be snubbed next time because of it," she grumbles and goes back to resting but I hardly hear her.

This is it. 

This is really it.

~~~

I go through the motions after that.

Hair, nails and even an outfit is waiting for me, a simple yet beautiful summery dress, with shoes to match.

"I picked out the dress," she whispers and urges me to go try it on, a perfect fit.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Do I have your blessing?" I ask, my hands unconsciously holding onto the dress, leaving my sister taking both and squeezing them in hopes of calming my nerves.

"I wouldn't be here if you didn't."

~~~~

My sister drops me off and Jungkook sent me instructions requesting I knock on the front door instead of using my key.

He's making me nervous with each and every step but I'll humor him because I know this is something that he's been planning for a while now. I'm just surprised I hadn't noticed until now.

I let out a deep breath before lifting my hand up to knock but he opens the door before I even have a chance to.

"Sorry...you were taking too long...I couldn't wait," the sheepish expression on his face is priceless. Gosh I wish I could capture this moment.

His eyes rake over my form and I watch his throat work.

"That bad, huh?" I tease and his eyes snap back up to mine.

"No! No, of course not! You look incredible! Better than I could've even imagined," his words trailing off at the end, admiring me for another second, laughing at the lovestruck look on his face.

"So...are you going to let me in?" I ask, the notion amusing of requesting to be let into our home but it has him fumbling, taking a few steps back and opening the door a bit wider. 

Once I set foot inside a hand goes to my lips, a quiet gasp being the only audible sound that comes out.

The house is lit up only by candlelight.

Little tea lights make a pathway leading to the back yard, a table for two surrounded by fairy lights can be seen through the sliding glass door.

I look at him, eyes pleading, wanting to explore, and his response is a smile, encouraging me to look over each and every detail.

I walk out onto the patio, the table setting was set with me in mind.

The tablecloth being my favorite color. The plates the ones I've eyed more than once that are set aside for special occasions. The wine glasses being a perfect set with each of our respective initials engraved on them.

There's even a little stuffed bunny sitting in front of a bouquet of my favorite flowers.

I turn to face him, my eyes wide and a bright smile on my face.

"You did this for me?" I ask, as if the answer wasn't obvious.

"Who else would it be for, Bun?" he smiles and walks closer. "You like it?"

"Like it? It's beautiful!" I place a chased kiss on his lips before pulling back. "So what are we celebrating?"

"Us," he answers simply and walks around to pull out my chair.

"Us?" I ask, his answer vague but adorable since we both know he's hiding something. 

"Yeah, you and me. Us," he says pushing in my chair once I sit down, placing a kiss on my temple before coming back around to offer me a glass of wine.

"Anything else we're celebrating?" I ask, trying to coax it out of him and he smiles.

"Patience, darling," he mumbles while pouring me a glass, the wine bottle set aside as only water is in his...interesting.

"Where are you going?" I ask when he turns to go back inside.

"To bring out our dinner," he says and I try to stand up to help but he gives me a look, practically telling me to sit back down so I do as I'm not so verbally told.

Once he's disappeared inside I take out my phone and check my reflection, making sure that every hair is perfectly in place and that the lip color I reluctantly put on is still in place. 

It's a color I haven't dared to wear before but I wanted to try something new...just like this new chapter I hope we'll be starting tonight.

He comes back with two plates in hand, one of my favorite dishes along with a basket of bread from my favorite bakery balances in the crook of his arm.

"I could've helped," I tease, taking the basket before he drops it.

"I know, but I wanted to do this for you," his tone is soft, nervous even.

I feel my face heat up but he doesn't comment or my shy response, a small smile gracing his lips when he sets the plate in front of me.

He finally sits down and urges me to take a bite, the flavors dancing all over my taste buds.

"This is amazing! Did you do something different?"

"I just added a few more spices...and a whole lot of love," he drags out the last word, rolling my eyes in response.

"I'll let that slide because it really is amazing," I hum and take another bite.

"Did you enjoy yourself today?" he asks, setting his napkin in his lap before he starts eating, having even brought out cloth napkins to match the table, a nice touch.

"I did! I didn't know how much I really needed a 'me day' and my sister thoroughly enjoyed it as well," I say, emphasizing how much she liked being given the opportunity to come along.

"I'm glad. You look relaxed...and gorgeous," he hums, his eyes having been scanning me head to toe since I got here, shamelessly might I add.

"Thank you, for everything, truly."

"It was well deserved," he says, taking one of my hands in his, letting his thumb run along my knuckles, the action so simple yet has my heart skipping a beat.

We continue the rest of the night talking about this and that. How he ran himself ragged chasing after Jangmi when she woke up from her nap and how relieved he was when Jina came to pick her up.

"I really don't know how you do it Bun," he shakes his head.

"I guess she's just more well behaved around me," I shrug smiling at the image of him trying to keep her entertained and content. She's almost one but she's got a personality on her...and everyone needs to know it.

As the night goes on I can't help but hope that with every passing second he's going to do it.

He has to...right?

Once he starts to clean up though I get nervous, taking away the plates and going back into the kitchen for a while, coming out empty handed.

"Why don't we go for a walk?"

"A walk?" I ask, brows raised at that. "I just had two glasses of wine and going for a walk is the last thing on my mind."

"You'll like this one," he says, holding his hand out.

I smile and shake my head before walking over to him and taking his hand.

He helps me put a coat on and slips on one as well before he leads me out to his car.

"I thought you said we were going for a walk?"

"We are."

"In a car?"

"Just get in," he chuckles and opens the passenger door for me.

Fine...I'll bite.

He smiles when he sees I've decided to come with little to no more protest and kisses my forehead before I get in.

"You're being weird."

"I am not."

"You are," I argue and he smiles and shakes his head.

"Get in Bun." 

I huff in response and do just that, him closing the door and walking over to the driver's side.

"Ready?"

"What is it that I should be ready for?" I ask, a smirk being his response before buckling in and backing out of the driveway.

~~~

"Lunar Falls?" I ask, watching as we drive past the sign, the memory of the hike we went on plays in my head.

"I never got the chance to show you why they call it Lunar Falls," he says and parks the car.

"Well I don't think either of us are dressed for a hike right now," I point out and he smiles.

"There's a shortcut through there that leads us right to the falls," he points to a paved path not too far from where we've parked.

"And yet you made me take the long way around to get there?" I ask, betrayed by the fact that he didn't take it easy on our first trip here.

"I told you we were going for a hike that time. This time it's just a walk," he says, unbuckling his seatbelt and mine before getting out and walking around to open my door.

He leads me down the path hand in hand, lacing our fingers together and taking a few deep breaths in and out.

"You okay?" I ask and he nods and moments later my attention is now drawn towards a glow up ahead.

"What's that?" I ask, the whole wooded area growing brighter and brighter with each step.

"You'll see," and moments later we're met with the three waterfalls I had fallen in love with before but are now shimmering in the moonlight, iridescent colors emanating from the  scene makes it seem otherworldly.

He lets my hand go as I take a few steps further, utterly mesmerized by it all.

"Jungkook this is-" my words stop dead in their tracks when I turn around, seeing him behind me, down on one knee.

My hands immediately go to my lips again, eyes welling up with tears as if on queue.

"I haven't been this nervous for something in a really long time so I'm sorry if this isn't the most eloquent thing I've ever said to you," he starts and I shake my head, a choked back laugh being all the encouragement he needs.

"Meeting you was unexpected. It was something that happened on a random Tuesday when you stood on my doorstep, bright eyes and a beautiful smile," he says and I take my hands down unconsciously so he can see it better.

"There she is," he coos and I take a step closer.

"Falling for you was something I had no intention of doing, but something deep down told me that you were the one, even if I didn't want to acknowledge it," I nod along with his words, knowing that feeling.

This relationship wasn't supposed to happen...this love wasn't supposed to blossom...but I couldn't be more thankful that it did.

"You are someone that has become irreplaceable in my life. The little things you do no matter if it's just the way that you talk or make me smile have all become something I can no longer live without," he says, letting out a deep breath before reaching into his pocket. 

He pulls out a box, revealing the most gorgeous ring I've ever seen, shining just as brightly as the moon and falls that are illuminating the world around us...but despite it all, my eyes are only on him.

He's nervous, his smile is easy and one that I've grown to love just as much but his brows are pinched together. His position on the floor is solid but the hand that holds the ring box is shaking. His shoulders are squared but his eyes are glistening in the moonlight.

"Would you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?" he asks, the whole world fading in an instant. This moment in time and those words will forever hold a special place in my heart and when I realize I haven't responded I nod my head.

"Yes. Yes!" I say, my voice cracking and tears falling, walking over to him and bypassing the ring in favor of holding him as tight as I can.

"Yes!" I say again, his arms wrapping around me just as tightly. "I can't wait to marry you," I say through a choked back sob, still emotional and caught off guard despite all roads leading here.

His laugh rumbles against my chest, pressed against him so close that it's a wonder how my ribs hadn't broken yet.

He pulls back after a while and kisses me over and over again, my only coherent thoughts being him, and once we've lost our breath he smiles and pulls away again, just enough to slip the ring on my finger.

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Jason stood at the bar, staring at the mess he made. Blood stains decorated the walls like they were paintings and dead bodies decorated the floor like they were carpets. Unfortunately, most people among the dead were innocents caught in the crossfire. It had to be done.

Jason was tracking down a very important drug dealer. He made a  promise upon his wife’s grave that he would kill the man responsible for her death . His wife would not have approved of killing but it was his nature.

He took a bottle of bourbon from the dead bartender’s hand and slide onto a chair that wasn’t filled with a dead body before sipping on the bottle. He pulled out a photo from his pocket and stared at the woman and child as memories started to flood back.

—

“Hey Octavia, are you ready for the football game?” Jason walked to the living room to meet his daughter. “Dad just a few more minutes!” The thirteen year old hushed her father as her attention was focused on the cartoon she was watching. He gave a small smile and walked back to the bedroom. His eyebrows furrowed when he saw a sealed package on the side table near the bed. Before he could open it, his wife walked into the room. With a swift action he threw the package under the bed.

“Aren’t you suppose to get ready?” You asked your husband who was standing in front of you with just his tank top and boxers on. “Oh, yeah.. Don’t worry.” He gave a small smile before walking to the closet to take out his clothes. The usual black shirt with black pants and a red leather jacket. You slide onto the bed as you watched your husband dress up however you felt curiosity taking over you as you saw a something strange on Jason’s thigh. “Honey, what’s that?” you pointed to this thigh. “Um, my gun..” He mumbled. “You are not bringing that to the game. You promised me that the gun was used as house protection.” You stood on your feet with your arms crossed. “Fine.” he took out his gun holster then punched in the numbers of the safe box before throwing the gun in and locking it. “Happy?” he threw his hands up in frustration.

You rolled your eyes in response to your hot-tempered husband. “I am gonna check on Octavia.” You simply said before exiting the bedroom. Jason peeked out to see if you were gone before proceeding to retrieve the package he threw under the bed earlier. It was not his place to open the package but he did it anyways. He always had a suspicion on his wife ever since they got back together. To his dismay he saw packets of drugs in the package. “damn it, Y/N” he mumbled in frustration.

“Y/N come over here i have to speak with you.” Jay called out. “Go take your jacket let me see what your father wants.” you told Octavia. You were never as close to her as Jason was. Well, it was your fault anyways. You walked into the bedroom “yeah?” you asked. “What the fuck are these?” Jason tried to control his anger but you could see him shake lightly. “You don’t have the permission to open that!” you defended yourself. “I-what?” he scoffed “i trusted you. When did you start falling off the rails huh?” Jason clenched the packet of drugs in his hands. You were sure if he didn’t control his anger he might swing a punch to the wall. “I-I don’t know.” you whispered, looking down in shame.

“Look at me.” he cupped your face with his free right hand “i did not bring Octavia back just so that she can see her mother fall of the rails again. You hear me?” he said through gritted teeth. “Daddy” you heard a small voice. You shoved Jason away and looked away from him. “Hey sweetie-” Jason was interrupted by his  daughter “were you and mommy fighting?” she asked with a small pout. “No, no. We were not. We were just talking.” Jason forced a smile “go on, put on your shoes. Daddy will be right behind you.” he gently planted a kiss on her head. “Alright!” she skipped off to did what her father told.

Jay turned to face you. Disapproval and anger painted his face. “Either the drugs are out of the house or you are.” He gave a stern command before walking off to bring his daughter to the football game. You sank to the floor crying. This was your fault. You fucked up… again. The first time, Jason left you in rehab and took Octavia away from you. It’s been 10 years since you lived together with your husband and daughter. These past 3 years were a blessing, you lived as a family. Fortunately during the 10 years Jason allowed you to visit your daughter but nothing more than that. Within 3 years you managed to earn his trust but now you knew you broke it just because you couldn’t control your thirst for a stupid drug.

—

“Was it a mistaken that I took her back into my life buddy?” Jason was talking to the deadman across the seat “I mean, I wanted Octavia to grow up with her mom that was why I decided to patch things up and she was showing improvements. I was so stupid to not see the signs that she was falling back to her old habits.” Jason gulped down on bourbon. “Maybe if i wasn’t so blind I would still have Octavia.” He bit his lips as tears fell from his eyes “I would still have her.” he couldn’t help but breakdown. It didn’t affect his ego much as he was sobbing in a bar full of deadman.

—

“Did you like the game, sweetie?” Jason asked his daughter whom he was carrying since she was too tired to walk. “Yeah! It was awesome!” she giggled. Jason smiled and kissed her cheek before setting her down. He pulled the keys out from his pocket and unlocked the door. He walked in, holding Octativa’s hand but stopped in his tracks as he saw the broken glasses and the chairs turned upside down. Someone had broken in. Jason heard a scream and quickly ran towards the voice. A man was holding a gun towards his wife’s head. “Octative, go to your room sweetie. Daddy will be right back.” He called out and she did just that without questioning.

“Hey, why don’t you put down the gun and we can talk about this.” Jason said slowly as he raised his hands up in surrender mood. You were shaking and tears were rolling down your face. You were in fear. “No! This bitch owes me money!” The guy with a gun yelled as he forced the tip of the gun closer to your head. You tried to escape the man but his grip on you was so tight, you knew you already had bruises. “Alright, alright. I will pay you. The safe box is right in the closet. I will go get it.” Jason slowly walked towards the closet and punched the numbers to the safebox. He pulled out the gun from the safebox and quickly aimed at the guy, shooting at his arm. The guy groaned in pain and let you go. You coughed then gasped for air as you was released from his grip. You fell to the floor and stayed down so that you will not get caught in the crossfire.

The guy attempted to shoot Jason but missed as Jay dodged the bullet. Jason pulled the trigger sending, another bullet to the guy’s leg. The guy dropped to his knees but before he passed out he managed to pull the trigger once again as his body fell to the ground. The bullet went flying straight to your chest. You gasped and held on to dear life. “Y/N!” Jason dropped to his knees and took you in his arms “H-hey, stay with me alright.” He said in desperation. He felt his world turning upside down. How could he not protect his own wife? “This is all my fault.” He shook his head in disbelief. “H-hey.. Shh, you did the best to save me.” you gently placed a hand on his cheek, your voice cracking as you spoke. “At least..” You caught your breath. You knew you were at your last straw. At least you got to see your husband’s face before you left. You deserved this. He was a loving man but you were too obsessed with drugs to see his worth. “You won’t have a drug addict wife to look after..” You gave him a small smile before shutting your eyes, you hand sliding down his face as it hits the floor with a thud. “No, no, no!” Jason shook your body as tears flooded his eyes. “C’mon, wake up. I told you to stay with me!” At this point he was shouting at your lifeless body. “You were never a burden.” he kissed your head before he rest his forehead against yours as tears rolled down his cheeks. Your last words felt like a sting to his heart. He didn’t know he made you feel that way. A burden.

“Daddy? Are you alright?” a small voice creeped to the room. She can’t see this. Jason gently rest your body down and stood up. He felt his legs were too weak to move but he summon all the energy he could. “Hey sweetie.” He greeted his daughter with tears rolling down his cheeks. He gently carried her and hid the horrific scene away from her sight “Is mommy alright?” she asked. He felt his heart clenched when she asked that. What was he going to say? “Y-yes,” he held back the sob, his eyes stinging as he pushed back the feeling down his burning throat “s-she’s just asleep.” he lied.

—

“They took her away from me. I was not in the right state of mind to raise her.” His words were full of hurt. “But i will get her back, buddy. I still remember how she begged for me to fight for her as they took her away but all i did was face my back to her.” He shook his head. “She doesn’t deserve a father like me. I am a monster.” he looked around at the dead bodies. “Maybe everything will change when i kill your boss.” He pats the dead man’s shoulder then frowned slight as he heard his phone ring. ‘Shipment @ 12am near the docks.’ the message read. “Looks like I will be on my way. Nice chat.” he placed the bottle of bourbon down and exited the bar, shoving the picture down his pocket.

This is why I use guns. It could save a life. Maybe I would be back home with my wife and daughter having dinner together.

"You weren't supposed to find that," I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh? Is this for a special occasion? I don't believe my birthday is coming up anytime soon...and it's not our anniversary...right?" he gulps, worried that he may have forgotten it.

"No...it's nothing like that," I look down at the floor, my cheeks burning up.

"Then what is it, bun?" he asks, bringing the envelope within my reach and handing it back, leaving me taking it, thankful he didn't try to open it. 

"I wrote you a letter," my tone is soft, wavering, so he doesn't push. "I just...I had some things I wanted to say to you but I couldn't bring myself to say them out loud. So I decided to write them down."

"Were you planning on giving it to me?" he asks, resting a hand on my arm, a silent form of comfort, encouraging me to continue, his hand trailing down to hold my hand. 

"I hadn't decided yet."

He let out a breath and I can tell that despite his curiosity he'll respect that he may never read the words that lie inside that envelope but before I lose my nerve I hand it back to him.

"Just...please don't read it in front of me," I say softly and turn to go but he stops me.

"You don't have to give this to me just because I found it. If it's private and you don't want to share or aren't ready to share that's fine bun. I don't need to know unless you'd like me to" a small squeeze is transferred from his hand to mine and he holds the envelope out to me again but I shake my head.

"No, I'd like you to have it," I assure, slipping my hand out of his. "I'll be upstairs" I murmur, slowly ascending and closing our bedroom door.

~~~~

I look the envelope over the front and back, sitting down on the living room couch and contemplating if I should open it. She gave me permission but something is gnawing at the back of my mind, telling me I shouldn't.

I know I won't rest until I do so I take one deep breath in and out before breaking the seal.

Pulling out it's contents I find two pieces of notebook paper tucked inside, both of which are written on, front and back in her adorable handwriting I love so much. 

The one she says is messy but I just find it so uniquely her's.

I trace over the letters, how they connect and swirl around each other before I realize I haven't even begun to read. 

'My dearest Jungkook,

I thought that would be romantic but honestly it just sounds cheesy. I don't feel like starting over again though as this is my fourth attempt at writing this...

Something has been on my mind recently and maybe it's just the cold weather that making me sentimental but I don't think I've ever told you how truly grateful I am to have you in my life. 

And not only do I have you in my life but I have the privilege of calling you my partner. The only man that I have truly loved...and loves me back.

The way you didn't hesitate to take me under your wing when my life imploded in front of my eyes. 

How you've dealt with my mood swings, insecurities, and just the mess of a person I am in general is something I don't think I'll ever be able to repay.

Honestly I'm not sure as to why you love me so much but I am not going to discourage you from doing so because I would be very upset if you stopped :(

You've held back where I've pushed and helped me keep my promise that I would only give myself to my husband...and I hope that'll be you someday.

No pressure at all but you've talked about it and hinted at it more times than once and...okay...okay I'm going to stop before I spiral...'

I can't help but smile, my cheeks hurting because I can't stop. Her adorable way of writing makes me fall in love with her even more...and I never thought that could be possible.

'I don't know why things had to happen the way that they did...but I'm glad they did.

I wouldn't have you if they didn't.

Forever yours'

I let out a contented sigh once I've finished, my fingers tracing over her signature, the name I've come to love so so much.

I fold up the letter and tuck it back inside the envelope, handling it with care as I walk over to my study and place it in a small memory box that I've put together piece by piece ever since she started living here.

A movie ticket from the first one we had ever seen together, a key chain from that ropes course park I took her to on our first date, a napkin from a special café she has been dying to go to. 

She had written a simple 'I love you' and passed it to me as if she would get in trouble if anyone else saw. Simple little things that remind me of wonderful moments we've spent together. 

They weren't monumental moments...but they were ours.

I turn a bit when I hear my office door open, her footsteps padding across the floor as she walks over and wraps her arms around my waist from behind, her face buried into my back. 

I close up the box and put it back in it's place before turning around and letting burry her face in the crook of my neck instead.

"That was a beautiful letter darling," my tone warm and rich, placing a kiss on her temple and she hums. 

"I wish I could've just told you instead," she mumbles, a smile tugging at my lips.

"That letter is special because I can go back and read it as many times as I want to now," she groans in response.

"It's so embarrassing though"

"Well," I tilt her chin up "I think it's adorable. You've made my day, hell my whole week with that letter so please, write me as many as you'd like."

I place a kiss on her forehead and she closes her eyes and smile softly.

"Who knows, maybe I'll write you a letter or two," I peck her cheek, which really makes her smile.

"I will be expecting one of similar or greater length than mine then," she teases, poking me in the chest. 

"Yes ma'am," I salute and she hums before pecking my lips.

"You could literally write my name on a sticky note and stick it to my forehead and I'd be happy," she laughs, the image amusing to us both.

"I'd write you love letters everyday if it meant that I could see you smile like that again," I mumble, placing a kiss on her palm.

"Well, then you better get started"

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I'm sad that Jangmi's father is someone who should never have had any title such as that attached to his name, but I know that, despite our differences and the wedge he put between us, Jina is going to be an incredible mom.

I can tell that Jungkook feels the same, seeing her coo and take care of his granddaughter, him turning into a puddle of tears when he first held her. 

Jangmi will always hold a special place in my heart, and some might think I should want nothing to do with her or that I should hate her because of what she caused, but that is simply not the case.

My...well...whatever title seems fitting and feels comfortable to Jina when the time comes, is something I will be proud to claim her as.

Jangmi...Rose, such a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl. 

As cheesy as it is, I can't wait to watch her bloom and grow.

~~~~

 Halloween strolls by, and Jangmi fittingly dresses up as a rose. 

Her green-sleeved onesie and white headband with an obnoxiously large white rose partially painted red make for an infant-friendly costume, as she is only a little over two weeks old. Her birthday having been on the 15th.

Jangmi's official costume is one of the white roses being painted red from Alice in Wonderland, so I roped Jungkook into dressing up as the Mad Hatter. With me being the White Rabbit, Jina then takes on the role of Alice. A family group costume that would go down in history.

We decided, as Jangmi was still so little, we would stay close to home and take on the role of handing out candy to the line of neighbor kids that seemed to never end. 

"People always bring their kids here since it's the 'Rich Neighborhood'" Jina puts in air quotes while she sits in front of Jangmi, a gentle swaying motion keeping her content while in her swing.

I let out a huff of air as I plop down on the couch, Jungkook taking on the role of candy dispenser with a chuckle as we hear another knock on the door.

"I guess that makes sense considering the size of the houses," I nod, and she shrugs. 

"My dad works hard for his money, so I don't think there's anything wrong with it," and I agree.

"I can't even count how many sleepless nights he's had poring over case files before court the next morning," I sigh and watch his side profile as he interacts with the children, making every one of them feel special while telling him what their costume is.

There's a flip of a switch that happens when a little girl dressed as a princess steps forward, her eyes sparkling, and his doing the same. 

I want to see that look on his face more often. 

The amount of love he has is undeniable, and if there's a way that I can give him that chance to show it, I will. 

He comes and sits next to me, a few minutes later, the thought still swirling in my mind, and apparently, a dreamy expression is planted on my face as he waves a hand in front of it.

"What's on your mind, Bun?" he sits back, leaving me leaning against him.

"Just thinking about how great a man you are," I hum, and his expression softens; meanwhile, Jina dry heaves as a response.

"Please, not while I'm in the room," she cringes, and he settles with a kiss on my temple in thanks.

As the night settles down and the kids come fewer and fewer, we decide to put a bucket out with the last of the candy and call it a night, flipping the porch lamp off and drawing the blinds.

Jina and Jangmi went home a few hours ago. Jangmi, having slept through almost the entire evening, her rose headband only staying on long enough for a few family photos, her rosy cheeks being its replacement.

"Pretty successful first Halloween, don't you think?"

"An evening with my girls with no drama is always a success," he agrees, placing a kiss on my forehead once he's done cleaning the dishes. 

I hum and look up at him, the thought of our future together still playing on the slight smile on my lips.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" he asks, helping me slip off my bunny ears, gently caressing my cheeks.

"Just thinking about what our life might look like with a little one of our own. Dressing her up as a princess for Halloween and you her knight in shining armor," I say, and he smiles, the idea warming his heart as well.

"And what would you be then?" he questions, and I think for a second.

"Maybe I can be the evil queen? There can only be so many princesses, and Jangmi no doubt would want to be one as well," I say, and rest my hands on his shoulders when he pulls me in by my waist.

"You would look pretty sexy as Maleficent," he rasps, and I shiver.

"Angelina Jolie, Maleficent, or animated Maleficent? I don't think I can pull off green that well," I chuckle, and he plants a kiss on my lips. 

"Angelina Maleficent, although we may need to work on those cheekbones to get the full effect," he lightly pinches one of my cheeks, leaving me swatting his hand away.

"I don't think anyone can come close to those, so I'll just stick to contouring," I roll my eyes, and he hums.

"Come on, my little white rabbit, it's getting late. No time to say hello, goodbye, remember?" he jokes, the movie reference, however perfectly timed, is still a little cringe.

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late," I play into it, making both of us smile.

Instead of watching a scary movie that night, we settled on watching Alice in Wonderland, having forgotten to suggest watching it while handing out candy. 

"Jungkook," I say, him humming and pulling me closer.

"I think I'm ready," I say, and he looks down at me, a confused but focused look on his face.

"I think I'm ready to talk to my parents about us," I say, and he nods.

"They still don't know?" he asks, feeling a little disheartened but having suspected it.

"I wanted to tell them together and with the way your family responded...well, I needed some time to recover".

His parents and siblings were very tentative and judgmental about it all, but as time passed by and they saw how we were with each other, they understood that this wasn't just a passing fancy or a midlife crisis. 

This was love.

Is love.

The only person in my family who knows about us is my sister. 

She came to visit a few months ago, and I got to reintroduce Jungkook as my boyfriend.

She was tentative at first, as all people are with considerable age gap relationships, but she was supportive as long as he treats me right, and she knows now that he really does. She sees how happy I am with him and has actually felt comfortable enough to agree to bring her husband and my niece over to spend New Year's with us.

 He understands why it took me longer to come around to the idea of telling my parents. Something like this, although looks bad on his side, is something that I will not allow myself to get persuaded out of by my family...so I needed to know that this was real. That we were real.

I care about my family, I really do. 

They've noticed how happy I am and how much more life I have in me now that I'm with someone else, and they have been dying to meet him, not even realizing that they know him almost too well.

My father and Jungkook had gotten to know each other throughout my college years and had become casual friends. They'd watch games together and go on fishing trips, but their relationship fizzled out once everything came to light with Jina and Jared. 

I know that Jungkook misses having him as a friend. 

My parents are about ten years older than Jungkook. 

They waited a little bit later in life to have my sister and me, so Jungkook has always really respected them, so I know he wants their approval just as much as I do. This adds another layer to it all.

"You know we'll always go at your pace, but I feel like we can't truly start thinking about our future until we make your family a part of it," he says, and I nod, knowing he's right.

"I know how much they mean to you, and I know how hard it's been hiding all of this from them, so I think you're right. I think it's time"

~~~~

We pull up to my parents' house the next day, and it's almost like I don't belong here anymore.

I've been away for so long, and have hardly spoken to either of them for fear of them figuring it out that I've lost sight of how much they really do mean to me.

"You okay?" Jungkook asks, his fingers tracing soothing circles on my inner thigh, and I nod.

"Just nervous," I breathe out, but unbuckle my seatbelt despite the nerves.

He comes around to open my door, and when I get out, I can already see my mother's confused expression at seeing him here with me, but she opens the door with a smile nonetheless.

"My baby," my mom coos, and I sigh.

"Hi Mom," I pat her back a few times, my greeting not as warm due to the stress of this reveal.

"Jungkook, what a lovely surprise. Come in," she says, not questioning things just yet, inviting us to sit down in the living room while waiting for my father to come downstairs.

"How nice of you to give her a ride, Jungkook. How have things been?" my mom asks, clearly confused as to why I would even want to associate with him after what his daughter had done to me. 

She doesn't seem to hold a grudge against him for that, so that's a good sign at the very least.

"Things have been going well, thank you. And you? How have things been here?" he asks, not giving any details at all, which is good. It's best to hold back the detonation on the bomb we're about to drop until my father gets here.

"Honey, I thought you said you were going to bring your boyfriend over so we could finally meet him?" she asks after a few exchanges of polite small talk.

"Where's dad?" I ask, clearly deflecting.

"He'll be down in a few. Is there something wrong with your car?" she continues to question.

"Why would there be something wrong with my car?" I ask, my brows furrowed.

"Well, that's my only real explanation as to why Jungkook would've brought you here himself instead of..." she starts, but when she sees the looks on our faces, she gets the confirmation she needs.

"Right, well, I guess we will wait until your father comes down. Honey?" she calls out, getting up to go get him, no doubt using it as an excuse to get her initial shocked expressions out while somewhat warning my father.

"She knows," I whisper to him, and he nods.

"It's pretty easy to put together after getting over the initial confusion, Bun," he replies just as softly, his fingers drumming on his thigh, from the looks of it, wishing he could use it to pull me closer.

I've kept a cushion's worth of distance between us, a safe amount I would think to ease into the idea.

Although if Jungkook had it his way, I would've been tucked into his side if not on his lap. 

But then again, he's always like that.

I hold my breath as I hear two sets of footsteps come down the stairs.

It's now or never. 

I've avoided this for long enough. 

I can't keep hurting him and treating him like he's my dirty little secret.

I want to love him out loud, and this is the final step.

The only one that matters.

"Jungkook," my dad says as a greeting, both of us standing up when he comes into the room, him shaking his hand before coming over to give me a hug and a kiss on my temple.

"Not that it isn't good to see you...but why is it that you're here?" my father says to him after pulling back from our hug.

"Dad, I think it's best if you sit down." Placing a hand on his forearm, I led him to sit next to my mother on the couch, facing us. 

"Just please...keep an open mind," I start once I've sat back down across from him. My father's face goes from confusion to shock to furious in seconds, my mother's face pales.

"He's the new boy you've been seeing? Excuse me, not boy, man you've been seeing?"

"I told you he was older-"

"Not twice your age older," my father scoffs and gets up, pacing back and forth, no doubt to keep himself from strangling Jungkook.

"What your father means is-"

"No! What I mean is exactly that! He's twice your age and has a daughter your age, for God's sake. You can't actually think that he loves you," he spits out, jumping over top of my mother, who tries to smooth out the conversation.

"I do," Jungkook jumps in, but I place my hand on the cushion between us to tell him to keep quiet for now.

"I'm not finished," my father says through gritted teeth.

"You are still young and impressionable and have your whole life ahead of you. You should be looking for someone you can grow with and start a life together. Not get tied down and made to fit into a box of his liking"

"Dad, that's not what thi-" 

"You will listen to me until I'm finished. You both will," he practically barks.

"Did you groom her? Is that it? Did you groom her and make a young, bright, beautiful girl fall for you? All under the guise of being her best friend's father. Someone she should've been able to trust. I thought you were better than that," he scoffs and shakes his head.

"You know," he sighs and looks at the ceiling. "Most respectable men, when they hit their mid-forties, buy a sports car or a motorcycle. Not trap a young girl to be your pretty little plaything to use until you've had your fun." 

"That's enough!" I yell over the top of him, making him take a step back from the impact.

"Sit. Down." I growl.

"If you say one more word before sitting down and listening to me, then I will never forgive you," I seethe, and he can see that this is more than just a temper tantrum that he was expecting I would throw, leaving him listening without another word.

"I brought him here because I wanted to share a part of my life and the person that I love with some of the most important people in my life." My voice breaks, and my mother grabs my father's hand to keep him from reaching out, knowing that I need to get it all out.

"Sure, our relationship isn't the most conventional, and it didn't have the best of timing, but I can assure you that this is not lust or infatuation or a midlife crisis or anything like that," I say, my stare aimed at my father, icy and unwavering.

"Love isn't butterflies and rainbows, and it doesn't always make sense at first. Sometimes it's rushed or dramatic or messy, but that doesn't mean it's not love," I continue, but I know my father is far from convinced.

"I've been living with Jungkook since the engagement party."

"That's nine months," my mother says softly.

"And we've been together for eight. I know that's fast to move on from being engaged to getting into another relationship, but..." I trail off and look back at him, a soft smile on his face.

We've both stood up for our relationship. Taken lashes from our families, but that's just the thing...we did it together.

Did it throw us for a loop?

Yes.

Did it take a second to recover?

Of course.

But neither of us even contemplated breaking up because of the harsh things they said to us.

"I know what I want out of life...and it's a life with him," I say, my eyes turned to focus on him, and him alone.

After the weight of my words settles, my mom is the first to speak up.

"How are things between you and Jina?"

"Civil. Her daughter Jangmi was born on the 15th of last month."

She nods and stays quiet, the sperm donor clearly being someone that shouldn't be brought up as a topic of conversation unless we want my father to have an aneurysm.

"You don't have to accept our relationship, all I ask is that you at least respect it," I say as my final word, the room left silent, all of us waiting to see if my father plans to say anything else.

"Just treat her right," he breathes out, the only thing he can bring himself to say. Not encouraging or discouraging us, but at the very least, still showing us he cares.

"Always," Jungkook responds, his tone a bit stronger than my father's, showing he has no intention of doing anything less than that.

My father nods and leaves the room, heading to his study and closing the door behind him.

"Would you like a cup of coffee or tea?" my mother asks as a way to tell me she doesn't want us to go despite my father's outburst.

"No, we should probably get going. I think we've all had enough excitement for the day," I hum and stand up, walking over to hug her goodbye.

She returns it with a strength that catches me off guard, making me smile and rest my head on her shoulder, holding onto her tighter.

"Love you too, mom." 

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They both hear a soft click from the camera I've been carrying around to take pictures of the flower themed bridal shower for Jina and her little one.

"I'm sorry, I just had to" I give them both a soft smile and show them the image on the digital screen. "Thank you" Jina says and mirrors my smile and I nod. "Of course" I respond but before either of us can say anything else the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it" I say and head to the front door where I can already hear the buzz of conversation on the other side. 

"Hi! Oh my gosh it's been so long since we've seen you!" a group of girls we had gone to college with come piling in, each of them saying something to that effect to me while they walk in, giving me a short hug while I direct them to the backyard where most of the party decorations have been put up.

Seems from their reactions that Jina hasn't poisoned them against me which is comforting. Although I can see a hint of confusion along with pity laced in their greetings, seeing as though the last time they had been here was for my engagement party.

I hover near the door, ready to greet everyone for Jina so she can enjoy being outside and mingling instead and soon Jungkook has found his way back over to me.

"You're a pretty good host" he says, placing a hand on my waist from behind before pressing a quick kiss to my temple. "I haven't hosted many parties before but I'm glad you think so" I turn back to look up at him, opening the door for the next couple of girls that walk in.

"Who are they?" he whispers in my ear, faces he doesn't recognize in the slightest. "Either friends she's made since we graduated or coworkers" I whisper back, giving them a welcoming smile and gesturing towards the backdoor where a mix of many different excitable conversations are coming from. 

It seems as though after a final trio has walked in the guest list has been completed since Jina sticks her head in and waves for us to come back outside. 

The backyard is now full of friends, old and new as well as a few members of Jungkook's side of the family, namely his mom and a few of his aunts.

Yes it was awkward to be reintroduced to them as his girlfriend. Yes they're still glancing over at us anytime we get close to one another. And yes I can tell there are mixed reviews.

Something in me though tells me that his mom can see that we're happy together although I'm sure the age gap is going to be a hurdle for anyone to jump over.

"Seeing how your family reacted makes me worried to tell mine" yes, we still haven't told anyone in my family about us.

"It might be a bit of a shock to them but they'll come around" he says softly and kisses the top of my head, hoping to ease my nerves but as long as his family and mine are uncertain about us I don't think I'll be able to truly relax. 

Or at least until we tell them.

Jina claps her hands together a few times to get everyone's attention and announces that the baby shower games are about to begin and I walk over to help her but he pulls me back and cups my face. 

"I love you" those three words from him are the thing that makes all this uncertainty worth it. This mess of emotions, heartbreak and betrayal have all lead up to this. Having him say those three words to me are something I never knew I needed so much.

"I love you" I reply shyly, closing my eyes when he places a kiss on my forehead before he nods towards Jina. "She needs you" he says softly and I look back and see how she's trying to decide on which game to go with first, a deep frown on her face and so I head over to help her sort things out. Essentially taking on the master of ceremonies role so she can enjoy herself.

~~~~

After the games are done and everyone has eaten to their heart's content we sit down to watch Jina open her presents.

Cooing and cheering are the reactions that come out as the various baby items are revealed, each one even cuter than the last. 

Moments later I hear a rather loud car pull up with music blaring, giving me a pit in my stomach making me immediately turn towards Jungkook, my hands slightly shaking.

He can tell who it is right away but luckily with the 'ooos' and 'awws' from the group of girls Jina hasn't noticed. 

"I'll take care of it" he says softly but I shake my head, "I'm coming with you" I say and before he's able to convince me otherwise I'm already halfway out the door, faced with the devil himself walking up our driveway.

"Heard my ex girl is throwing a baby shower for my baby mama. How quaint" Jared says, his cocky, smug smile is one I wish I could claw off of his face. I can feel how Jungkook is poised to step in whenever I deem fit but he knows I can handle him myself. 

"Ah, so I see she got you on a leash" he chuckles but Jungkook shrugs in response. "At least she cared enough to put a collar on me" he replies, his heir of giving zero fucks about whatever insults Jared might try to throw his way has me turned on a lot more than I'd like to admit.

Jared catches the shine that the delicate 'JK' charm  on my necklace casts and I can see a muscle feather in his jaw.

"What are you even doing here Jared?" his name tasting like poison on my lips.

"This is a baby shower for my baby mama and my little baby girl so I have every right to be here" he says, his try at staking his claim just makes him sound like a little boy, crying to his mom about getting a toy that he wants.

"Baby showers aren't for men. You weren't invited" I say and he clearly glances up at Jungkook to counter my argument but he knows it's pitiful at best and the look I give him is response enough. 

"Look, can I just talk to you? Alone?" Jared asks, revealing his true motive for being here since he's cracked under pressure within minutes of being here. 

"I have nothing I want to say to you and I have even less of an interest of being alone with you. Ever" giving emphasis to the last word, backing up a few steps to where Jungkook is, him placing a possessive hand on my waist.

"You know, I always thought you were naïve but I never thought you'd whore yourself out to the first man who gave you even a single shred of sympathy when you had your heart broken" he spits out and Jungkook snaps, his fist clashing with Jared's jaw. 

"Fuck!" Jared chokes out, coughing and on all fours, his world spinning with a single punch. I walk up to him and lean down, tilting my head an catching his furious glare. 

"What was that you said about a leash?" I chuckle and when he tries to say something else Jungkook kicks him in the stomach, the wind knocked out of him as he gasps for breath. 

"Try it" Jungkook says, egging Jared on but he quickly scrambles to his feet and spits off to the side to get rid of the blood in his mouth. "I could sue you!" Jared says but Jungkook scoffs, "I know the full extent of the law boy" he says, talking down to him and Jared's brows furrow, having forgotten the fact that he is an attorney.

"Then you know that means I could get you thrown in jail for this" he counters, practically shaking in his boots. "Which further proves that I know how to get around it" Jungkook says, shaking out his hand for a second. 

Jared winces as he tries to grind his teeth, cradling one side of his face with his hand, his fiery glare poised to kill if possible, aimed straight at Jungkook. 

"Go home" I say to Jared, his eyes coming back to me where again Jungkook is standing by my side, Jungkook's eyes in contrast are cool, calm but sharp, one wrong move ending with Jarred tied up in so much legal litigation he might as well take a plea bargain before even getting caught. 

When he tries to open his mouth again to say some thing I repeat myself, emphasizing both words until Jared realizes he's lost this round. 

But let's face it...he's never going to win. 

We'll just have to wait and see how stupid he is and how long it's going to take him to figure that out.

Once Jared speeds away in his shitty car that matches his equally shitty personality I turn to Jungkook and grab his right hand immediately.

"You're hurt" I mutter, assessing the bruising, swollen fist that he stretching out, a couple of the knuckles busted. 

"I'm fine darling, nothing a little ice can't fix" he says, cupping my face with his other hand after smoothing out the crease between my brows. He tilts my chin up to get my attention off fussing over him, distracting me from what Jared had said.

"Are you okay?" he says softly, looking in my eyes and showing that what Jared said couldn't be remotely true and I know that, deep down and at surface level I do but it doesn't make it hurt any less. 

I haven't let Jina or Jared's words get to me ever since everything happened but if I don't process it all soon I feel like I might snap, and the person I would snap at would probably be Jungkook.

"I'm sorry" I say, looking to the side and blinking back the angry tears that I feel are starting to fall. Angry at them, at myself, at everything. 

"I wanted this to be a day about Jina and I'm trying really hard to compartmentalize it so I can be happy for her but-" I cut myself off with a sob, covering my mouth to muffle the next.

Jungkook pulls me in, not telling me to stop crying, not saying anything at all. He knows I need time to ride this out since I usually stop it as soon as it starts.

I'm trying to mend the bridge between Jina and I and although things will never be the same I don't want him to feel like he has to choose between me or his daughter. Having her around more, seeing her pregnant and happy again has hit something in me that I didn't realize I had been missing. 

If things had been different maybe that would've been me.

If Jared was a different man, a man of respect and integrity then maybe I would've been the one expecting. Happily married and bringing a life into this world that was a symbol of the love I shared with my husband.

I don't want Jared. 

Not in the slightest but I guess I truly haven't morned the life that I thought I was going to have. 

One where I was happy and ready to share my relationship with everyone I know. 

One that people wouldn't judge at a moment's glance. 

One that would be accepted, celebrated even. 

One I didn't feel the need to hide from the ones that I love.

"Hey" Jungkook says softly, pulling back and cupping my face, feeling a shift in my cries, the tears I'm shedding different now. 

"You know I love you right?" he says, cupping my face again with both hands, wiping away the tears that haven't stopped but I nod weakly, my bottom lip jutting out as I try to choke back the sobs.

"And you know that no matter what I want you to be happy" I nod again and look up at him this time. 

"If this is too much for you I understand" he says, his eyes now changing, the way his brows are pinched together as if what he's saying pains him but he's forcing it out for my wellbeing. 

"No. No don't you say things like that!" I shake my head and pull away from him. "You don't get to say things like that because you think you know what's best for me"

"I was just-"

"No! If you can't handle this then fine but you do not get to make this decision for me" I say, my tears going from angry, to sorrowful, to heartbroken again. 

He takes a step closer but I take one back. 

"Tell Jina I'm sorry" I say and walk into the backyard, hiding away from the guests inside and going to that same clearing I had found months ago to process, not thinking that this time he would be one of the reasons for my tears.

~~~

The background noise of laughter and conversation soon dies down and I'm left alone with my thoughts, but when I hear a twig snap behind me I know my time of solitude has ran out.

"I don't want to hear it Jungkook" I say over my shoulder. 

"He told me what happened" Jina says, her voice catching me off guard, making me jump.

I wipe the now dried up tears off my face as though it would make me more presentable, my eyes no doubt a bloodshot red.

"I'm sorry" I mumble, hugging myself foolishly trying to keep the summer night chill away but a warmth is draped around my shoulders, her having brought out one of Jungkook's oversized coats for me which I accept, his scent bringing me comfort even if at this point I'm too scared to face him. 

"The girls were all raving about the party. Saying you did an amazing job with the theme and everything" she says, distracting from the true reason she came out here. 

"I hope I didn't distract you from the party" I apologize, feeling as though my dramatic exit from the short lived argument might've been observed from the inside.

"You didn't. I mean we were wondering where you had disappeared to but my dad just said you weren't feeling well and wanted the rest of us to keep having fun" she says, making me feel a little bad but I know that wasn't her intention.

"I know I fucked up...and I know you'll probably never trust me again. But if you ever need anything or want to talk...?" she trails off and I nod and utter a quiet thanks under my breath. 

"Maybe we shouldn't host parties here anymore...seems like this house is cursed" she makes a weak attempt at a joke and I hum, not really reachable at the moment. 

"My dad and I took care of cleaning up so if you want to go back inside now the place is back to normal" I nod again and she lets out a bit of a disheartened sigh.

"Thank you for the party, it really meant a lot to me" she says the last part a little bit softer and I turn around to look at her, not wanting her to think that I'm angry at her because truthfully I'm not.

"I'm glad you had a good time" I say and give her a sad smile which she takes as a small win. "Get home safe" I add and she says a quick thanks as well and takes her leave moments later but pauses just at the edge of the clearing and turns back.

"You guys are good together, and I can tell you really love him" she says, words I never thought I'd hear from her. 

"I do" my voice breaking and she nods, returning the sad smile I had given her just moments ago.

"I'm never calling you mom though" she jokes making me let out a halfhearted chuckle. 

"My dad says stupid stuff sometimes thinking he knows best but don't let it get to you" she says and when I try to say something she gives me a knowing look. 

"That's something you're gonna have to deal with while being with an older man" she chuckles and walks off, leaving me alone again with my thoughts.

~~~~

Ten or so minutes pass by before I decide it's cold enough to face going back inside.

When I walk in through the sliding glass door I see him sitting on the couch, waiting up for me. 

"If you stayed out there much longer I probably would've sent out a search party" his tone playful and I hum, sitting on one of the armchairs facing the couch.

"I shouldn't have sprung that on you while you were already feeling vulnerable. That was a bad call on my side" he admits, getting straight to the point. 

"It just hurts that you think my love for you is so fickle" I say softly and he immediately kneels in front of me, taking my hands in his. 

"I don't doubt your love for me. I see it every time you look at me. Your eyes, your smile, your body language are all very honest and show me just how much you care but I just feel as though being with me is a burden to you" he says softly and at that I'm starting to understand where he's coming from. 

He's doubting himself. He thinks he's holding me back. He thinks that he's hurting me.

I cup his face in both of my hands and make him look at me, seeing how his eyes have gone glossy, his furrowed brow now the one I'm smoothing out.

"Being with you is not a burden. You've shown me what true love is. Selfless, kind, passionate and unapologetic. Our love might not be the most conventional but there are so many things in life that aren't either and they're praised for that fact" I say and he smiles a bit. 

"In another life if we find each other again maybe things will be easier but I am very happy with the life we're living now" I say and wipe away a stray tear that had fallen from the corner of his eye.

"Are you?" I ask and he nods, sniffling a little and leans forward to kiss me. "So so happy" he whispers, a soft smile spreading on my lips. 

"Now no more sadness and no more trying to push me away otherwise I'll start to think you don't like me anymore" he tilts his head at that, acting as if he was contemplating my statement and I push on one of his shoulders making him lose his balance. 

He grabs my wrist and pulls me down with him as he falls on his ass from his knelt down position which mind you isn't a far fall but he makes it worse by pulling me with him, pushing him onto his back while toppling onto him.

"What'd you do that for?" I chuckle as he groans, acting as if it was such a hard fall. "You're the one who pushed me" and I roll my eyes, "You're fine, now come on" I say and hold my hand out to help him up. 

Once he's standing though he tosses me down onto the couch, making me squeal at the surprise attack, him hovering over me. 

"I think I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look today Bunny" he says, cupping my cheek and wiping away some of the smudged mascara off my cheek. "I probably look like a hot mess" I roll my eyes and he chuckles and shrugs, "Still hot" he counters as he peppers kisses along my neck.

"What's gotten into you?" my voice breathless making him smile against my skin. "Can't I make out with my girlfriend?" he pulls back and my nose crinkles.

"Don't say it like that" I cringe and he lets out a scoff. "Say it like what? You are my girlfriend still right? Or are you looking to change that already?" he asks, sliding his hand under my dress and up my thigh. 

"Girlfriend is okay for now" I shiver, goosebumps rising wherever he's touched. 

"So are you still protesting?" he hums, kisses more deliberate, more sensual. 

He knows what he's doing.

"No" I squeak out and he lets out a cocky chuckle.

"That's my girl. You did such a good job today, hosting and acting like the woman of the house" he hums, his hand now resting on my hip, grinding against me, my eyes fluttering shut. 

"Acting?" I breathe out, calling him on his bullshit.

"My mistake" he says and trails his kisses back up my neck, placing soft but lingering kisses on my lips. "You are the woman of the house. My perfect girl always taking care of me" he hums and I smile, wrapping a leg around his thigh, pulling him closer. 

"Needy tonight are we?" he says, his hips having more space now, grinding down harder, pressing against me so I can feel how much he wants me. 

"Fuck I can't wait to make you my wife" he mumbles out, my breath hitching at that. "You like that? Want to be my pretty little wife?" he taunts, his tone making me dizzy, whining when he bites my shoulder as a reminder to respond. 

"Yes" I breathe out and although this isn't a real proposal his true intentions show me he wants a future together, although he's always made that very clear.

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