#jpaw2020

“Now, have fun alright? We’ll see you in a month, Jordan.”

“Bye mom, dad, I’ll send you letters.”

His parents waved to Jordan as he walked in, other kids were lining up and camp counselors were running like ants. Jordan walks closer to a camp counselor.

“Uhh, hi?”

“Hey there, kid, just got here right? Let’s get you set up,” she said, holding Jordan by the shoulder and guiding him to a crowd of kids.

“You over there, green cap, what’s your name?” another camp counselor points at Jordan.

“Jordan Parrish.”

“Okie Dokie,” he checks the list, “yeah, you’re in this cabin.”

Jordan nods and he pushes through the crowd to get into the cabin. Inside, two other kids were there unpacking. Jordan walks to a bunk bed and puts his duffle bag on the bottom bunk.

“Uh, that’s my bunk,” someone on the other side said.

Jordan looked at him, he looked the same age but was slightly taller than him. Jordan looked down at his duffel bag, he had been staring at them for more than he should’ve.

“Oh, uh, my bad,” Jordan took his duffle bag and turned around, dropping it back on a hopefully empty bed.

“Do you need help? Unpacking?” The other asked from behind him.

Jordan looks over his shoulder, nodding, “yeah, that would be very… helpful.”

They come over and help Jordan unpack, putting his clothes in the drawers under the bed and keeping him company mainly.

“I’m Derek by the way, and you are?”

“Jordan, nice to meet you, Derek.”

A camp counselor walks in and whistles with his whistle, “alright, lunch is in 15 minutes, so y’all can roam around here, don’t go too far though,” he turns around to walk back out but then stops, “and use the buddy system.”

Everyone walks out of the cabin, and Jordan walks over to Derek.

“Buddies?”

“Sure, wanna head to the lakeside?”

“Do you know the way there?”

“Yeah, I come to this camp every summer, the third year in a row now.”

“Oh, wow, you must really like camping.”

“No, I just come here cause then I don’t have to get annoyed by my uncle who’s a few years older than me.”

“Well, my mom and dad thought it’d be good for me, like remind me of home since I miss Iowa once I moved over here to California.”

“Oh, well, did Iowa have camps like this?”

“We had summer work on farms, I went to one once, I didn’t go back after I got lost in a cornfield.”

“Scaredy-cat.”

“I was 9 then!”

“How old are you now?”

“16, you?”

“I’m 17 and I was not expecting you to say 16, you look younger than that.”

Jordan laughs, “I get that a lot.”

“Anyways, this is the lakeside, we’ll probably go swimming later today, it’s pretty much always the first thing they let us do.”

“I look forward to it, I remember swimming in creeks in hot Iowa summers.”

Derek picks up a smooth pebble from the ground and throws it, skipping 2 times on the surface of the lake before plopping down under the surface. Jordan picks a pebble up and tries to skip it as well, miserably failing as it sank to the surface.

“I never know how to skip rocks.”

“Here, I’ll teach you, use this rock and hold it like this,” Derek holds an oblong smooth pebble with his thumb and index finger, he hands it to Jordan who holds it, “and stands like this, not facing toward the water.”

Jordan stands like how Derek was standing but he hears Derek tut before walking closer, he moves Jordan to the correct position and holds his hand, the warm touch making Jordan’s mind flooded with a lot of feelings and thoughts.

“And throw it just like this,” Derek’s hands guided Jordan’s, and the stone flew through the air and skipped thrice on the water before sinking in the fourth.

“Just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that.”

Jordan picks up a smooth pebble just like the one he had in his hand before and he tries, the rock skips twice and Jordan raises his arms in joy, turning to face Derek with a big grin on his face.

“I did it!”

Derek grins and nods, a whistle is blown, signaling lunch, “c’mon, it’s lunch.”

Derek runs to the mess hall, Jordan could barely keep up with Derek. In the mess hall, the camp counselors hand him a tray just like in school, pasta, apple slices, and french fries as well as a Capri sun.

Jordan goes over to sit with Derek, Jordan digs into his french fries first, then his pasta, apple slices, and then drinks his Capri sun. He looks up at Derek who has already finished his lunch in less than 10 minutes.

“Did you even have any lunch?”

“I was hungry, I only had a sandwich for breakfast cause I slept through my alarm.”

“Do we need to put this anywhere?”

“Yeah, we have to wash it ourselves, I was just waiting for you to finish.”

“I’m done now, let’s go.”

Derek gets up with his tray and Jordan does too, following Derek to an outdoor sink where they wash the trays and plates. Derek shows Jordan the place where the trays and plates are put to dry and they walk out to the main campground.

Derek talks to another camp counselor, joking around and catching up while Jordan looks around, he walks into a larger, open cabin, it has pictures old and new hung up on the walls, Jordan could hear chatter outside and a whistle blows, he jogs outside and joins the crowd.

A camp counselor, the same one who assigned bunks climbs on top of a fallen tree trunk.

“Alright, listen up everyone! Since all of you would probably be weary from the car trip here, this evening is about winding down and getting adjusted to the camp. The events are as follows, we’ll be going to take a dip at the lakeside, then once the sun starts to go down, it’s smores at the campfire and ice-breaking.”

Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement.

“Now, into the cabins, get changing, you don’t have to swim in the lake if you don’t want to.”

Jordan, Derek, and the four others sharing the cabin run in. Jordan changed into his swimming trunks and he was essentially ready. He turns around to see if Derek was ready and was taken aback by the muscle he had. He had to mentally slap himself to look away.

“Are you ready?” Derek asked, his eyes moving up and down Jordan’s body.

“Yeah, um, let’s go.” Jordan was totally losing his cool and he had exactly no reason to, other than the fact that Derek Hale was making him feel unexplainable emotions and thoughts.

Jordan follows Derek out to the lakeside, switching his sneakers for a pair of flip flops while Derek went barefoot.

At the lake, Derek dives in first, while Jordan wades in, stopping when the water reaches his waist. Derek was a good five or four feet away when he called Jordan to come over.

Jordan slowly walks closer to Derek, the water creeping up from his waist to his chest. Jordan began doggy paddling towards Derek which made Derek laugh.

“Don’t you know how to swim?”

“No, not really?” Jordan said, trying hard to keep himself up, splashing water at Derek as he does so.

“Just relax, trying too hard doesn’t help, straighten yourself and do kicks with your feet and swish your hands around like this,” Derek swayed his hands back and forth in the water in front of him.

Jordan’s head bops as he does so but he remains afloat. Derek splashes some water at Jordan's face before diving in. Jordan’s eyes follow the wavy silhouette as Derek swims under the crystal turquoise-colored water, Derek pops back above the surface a little far away.

“Show off.”

“Not impressed?”

Jordan nods, “Yup.”

“Well, this should then,” Derek said before swimming towards the dock, Jordan follows, taking another route to the dock, closer to the shore where he hoists himself up on the dock. Derek climbs up the dock as well and Jordan watches as Derek runs and dives in, not before making a flashy front flip.

Jordan waits at the edge for Derek to rise and he does a while later, his black hair stuck to his forehead. He raises an eyebrow to ask if Jordan was impressed now.

“A little,” Jordan said, he had to admit, the flip was cool.

Derek swims up to the dock, “just a little?”

“Ok, a lot,” Jordan said as he sat down near the dock end, cross-legged.

Derek grins, resting his arms on the dock, his eyes looking up at Parrish, the green color of his eyes glinting in the light of the evening sun.

“What?” Jordan asked, noticing how hard Derek was observing him.

“Your eyes, they are nice.”

Jordan could feel his face heat up with the compliment, “I could say the same about yours.”

Derek’s cheeks got dusted by a pink tinge of color as a small smile crept upon his face. Jordan bends down, pressing a small kiss on Derek’s lips, he didn’t know why he did it, but he followed his heart and kissed him. Derek made a small sound of surprise that felt like a bucket of cold water being thrown at Jordan who quickly pulled away.

“Oh god, I’m- I’m-” Jordan sputtered as he crawled backward, quickly standing up and running away, he heard Derek call out his name, but he kept running. From the dock, the lakeside, he ran to the cabin.

He leaned against the door, his chest rising and falling as he panted. Water dripped down from him, soaking into the wood-planked floor. He couldn’t tell if it was tears going down his face or just water.

He hears the wood boards creak as someone walks up to the door from the other side. They knocked twice and there was a moment of silence, Jordan could hear them take a breath.

“Jordan? Are you- Are you there?” Derek’s voice came from the other side, it was lower and soft than his usual confident, slightly arrogant tone.

Jordan sniffed, he was definitely crying.

“Jordan, open the door,” Derek said, slowly moving the doorknob from the other side, but he couldn’t open it since Jordan was leaning against it unless he pushed it open.

Jordan steps forward, to which Derek slowly opened the door. Jordan didn’t turn around as he wiped his face with his hands, rubbing the water, tears, and snot onto his hands.

“Are you okay?” Derek’s voice was laced with uncertainty, he didn’t know how to handle this situation either Jordan guesses.

“No, I’m not,” Jordan choked out, he went over to his bunk and sat down, he couldn’t care if he made it wet or not.

“You don’t have to be sorry for the kiss, it’s fine, actually I liked the kiss.”

“It’s not about you, it’s me. I liked it too and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t like boys.”

Derek didn’t say anything, he froze where he stood while Jordan buried his head in his hands.

“It’s wrong.”

“Jordan, don’t say that it’s- it’s not wrong to love.”

“It is if it’s the same gender. It’s a sin.”

“It’s not,” Derek placed a hand on Jordan’s shoulder from behind.

“Stay away for me,” Jordan urged, as he moved away from Derek’s hand.

“Jor-”

“No, I just- I just need some space,” Jordan got up again, his mind ran a million miles, mostly going over the words ‘sin’, ‘wrong’, and ‘bad’. He begins walking towards the cabin door, brushing past Derek when Derek stops him, holding him by the wrist.

“Let me go.”

Derek opens his mouth to say something but he closes it, he slowly lets go of Jordan’s wrist.

“Don’t go,” Derek muttered as Jordan walked out the door.

Jordan didn’t know how to react, he only had one other situation like this when he kissed a boy in a theatre bathroom in Iowa. He ran home, and he never went to the theatre ever again.

He couldn’t run home here. His home was the cabin that he shared with Derek. So he walked into the woods, it was darker since the sun was setting but he couldn’t think about that right now.

He walks further into the forest, before turning around. He was deep in the forest, the light of the campground far away but still visible.

He looks up at the sky, the trees, and possibly at Him.

“Why did you punish me this way? What did I do to deserve this?” He whispered.

He asked those questions a lot. On Sundays, before bed, every single second of his life after he found out, it wallowed in the back of his mind. He just needed an answer but nothing came except cricket chirps and the rustling of leaves in the wind.

“Answer me!” he said, tears pooling in his eyes, “WHY AM I LIKE THIS?”

He fell to his knees, hanging his head low and closing his eyes.

“It’s because it’s who you are.” A soft murmur, he could recognize, came from behind him, “you can’t change who you are.”

“Why? Why do I have to be born a sinner? Why do I have to be born with a disease?”

“It’s not a sin, it’s not a disease, loving someone is not any of those things.”

“It is, Derek. It is.”

“People might have said that, but it’s not. Jordan, love is love, you can’t change what your heart wants.”

“Then love can be damned,” he choked out with sobs, he hated himself for liking boys, he hated that it was going to be a part of him forever.

“Jordan, I only met you today but, you don’t need to beat yourself up because you like boys. You deserve love, and the love you need the most is the love from within you. It’s hard because everyone around you says that it’s a sin, but it’s not.”

“How do you know that it’s not?”

“How do you know that it is?” Derek asked.

That question left Jordan speechless, he didn’t know if he did. He knew it was a sin just because the church priest said so, quoting verses and shouting into the microphone that it was a sin. His ear is filled with the words, ‘sin’, ‘wrong’, and ‘bad’ at almost every church session that they talked about homosexuality in.

“My family is quite religious too, but my mother taught us that He loves love and everyone. He knows no difference from one another like we’re all equals.”

Jordan didn’t say anything, he slowly turned himself, Derek stood behind, he was still in his swim shorts, well so was Jordan.

The sun had gone down, the sky going darker by the second, the forest green turning to a dark, closer to black shade.

“You shouldn’t hate yourself, because I know you don’t deserve it. I like you Jordan and I know you won- can’t say it back yet, but I know you like me too.”

He nods, part of him inside him, denying his schoolboy crush for Derek while part of him was dying to throw himself into Derek’s arms. It was deeply conflicting and all he could do was just stay there, kneeling on the forest floor.

A whistle sounds, and Derek’s head jerks towards camp.

“They’re looking for us, we should go back.”

Jordan sniffs, nodding as he tries to dry his face with his hands. He stood up, his knees were dirty, and wobbled from keeping him up for that long, it reminded him of times when he’d kneel by his bed and pray so hard after the theatre incident that his knees would be red and numb.

Derek keeps a safe distance between them both as they walk back to the camp. Two counselors ran to them as they emerged from the trees and shrubbery.

“Where did you both go?”

“Derek, you know very well the camp rules say not to go out of campgrounds near sunset.”

“Are you alright? You look ill, kiddo?”

“I’m fine, but, erm- Jordan needs some time to himself.”

“Ok, alright, Jordan, come walk with me, you can take a shower in the counselor cabins. The bathrooms are bigger there.”

Jordan nods and he walks with the counselor.

“What the hell did you do this time, Derek?”

“Nothing, it wasn’t me. I swear, sis.”

“Then what happened?”

“He’s um, he has a crush on me and you could guess the rest because I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh, it’s that sorta thing, right?”

“Yeah, I feel bad for him, I like him, and he, the same.”

“I just wish it was easy for them to accept it like it was easy for them to deny it.”

“It’s hard and when I was talking to him, I could sense the deep hatred, it was different though, it didn’t have that smell. It smells different.”

“Yeah, it’s because the hate is towards themselves. It’s stronger and deeper.”

“I just wish people didn’t hate themselves so much,” Derek felt pain bubble inside him, it pained him to see so many people like that, like how he was.

Laura hugs him, shushing him softly, “me too, Derek. Me too.”

Derek hugged his sister back, he felt like he could cry, his eyes were stinging but no tears sprung up. He could tell that Laura was taking pain from him as a sense of relief came after Laura’s hug.

“Thanks, I- I needed that.”

“Jordan does too, but give him some space for some while, that’s physically only. I want you to be there for him, mentally and even though it’s going to be hard for you, you need to be emotionally available as well. Speak from your heart. Like you would with mom.”

“I’ll try,” Derek promised, he had a hard time emotionally opening himself, usually hiding behind a confident and arrogant self to stray away from emotional topics, but he had a feeling this would be a month of stepping out his shell and helping Jordan do that too.

Hopefully.

Derek slumps back into the bunk, he had to change before the starting bonfire began. He took a quick shower, just washing dirt and sweat off his skin and hair. He wears a comfortable shirt and jeans, wearing a hoodie jacket over it, knowing how cold some summer nights can be.

He sits down at the bonfire, across from Jordan who sits across, his face illuminated by the flames.

The counselor begins the night, introducing themselves and other counselors as well, going over the ground rules and codewords that can be used in an emergency. Then they passed around the conch shell that’s been used for years to each kid, for them to introduce themselves. When the conch shell was handed to Jordan is when Derek perked up, finely tuning into what Jordan was going to say.

“Hi, my name is Jordan, and um, this is my first time here.”

Derek was hoping he’d say a bit more, but after what happened tonight, he wasn’t expecting it, he wasn’t expecting Jordan to join the bonfire either.

After everyone introduces themselves, it was half an hour of chatting and relaxing before dinner. Derek slowly makes his way over to Jordan, sitting next to him on the log.

“Hey, um, if you need anyone to talk to, about anything. Just know, I’m here for you. Always, even in the middle of the night, wake me up and I’ll listen.”

“Thanks, that’s um, very kind of you... Derek,” Jordan tapped his fingers on the water bottle he was holding, “I’m sorry, to have kissed you. You’re probably not into me or boys at all and this was all just a big-”

Derek cut him off, “Jordan, there’s no need to apologize because I am, actually into you.”

“Wait, really?”

“I mean, I would’ve probably kissed you.”

“Oh.”

Both Jordan and Derek stare at the flames. Jordan’s light taps on the water bottle were echoing in Derek’s ears.

“Are your…” Derek said after a while, Jordan looks back at Derek, “Are your parents homophobic?”

“No, they’re not. Even though they aren’t, I can’t stop thinking about how it’s wrong. I know it isn’t, but I don’t know. I just feel like a horrible person, like I would belong in hell.”

“I know, I was like that, before and a little while after I came out. I know what you’re going through, I know how hard it is but you got me, and all the counselors here. Jordan, you are not a horrible person, you do not belong in hell.”

“Thank you, Derek. Thank you,” Jordan’s small smile brought flutters in Derek’s heart.

Derek walks away, and Jordan watches him disappear through the crowd. The fire seemed to die down and he walked back to the cabin. Derek was sitting on his bed, writing on a book while the others were asleep.

Jordan changes into his sleep shorts and lies down on his bed. He tried sleeping but the light from Derek’s lamp was bright and unintentionally pointed in a way that it was shining at him.

“What are you doing?”

“Writing a letter to my mom.”

“Momma’s boy, huh?”

“Well, I love my mom a lot. She’s been here for me all my life, in a different way that is indescribable.”

“My mom has been with me most of my life, both of them were in the military, my dad spending deployment in other countries and cities, my mom is a recruiter, working in boot camps and stuff. My grandparents took care of me when they both weren’t home.”

“Huh, would you work in the military like them?”

“Yeah, I want to. It’s something I’ve always wanted to, be in the army that is,” Jordan lied down on his side, looking at Derek.

Derek nods, softly humming in response. He closes the book and turns the light off, putting them in the drawer under the bed. He lies down, facing Jordan, his face illuminated by the moonlight streaking in from the window.

Jordan shuffles in bed for a while, he didn’t feel sleepy, even though he’d love to sleep today off.

“Can’t sleep?” Derek mumbled.

“Yeah,” Jordan sighed, “usually I would sleep with my dog, Moose, but he’s not here.”

“Is moose like one of those big dogs?”

“He’s a Newfoundland dog.”

“Oh, those are big, right?”

“Yeah, he takes up half the bed,” Jordan laughs softly, “and he grew up with me, he was there for me when my mom and dad were out on work.”

“You must miss Moose when you’ll be spending the month here.”

“Yeah, I already am.”

“Wait here,” Derek said as he crawled out of bed, Jordan watched him slowly walk out of the cabin without any context or space for Jordan to ask questions.

Derek pokes his head in a while later, “come out here since we can’t let him in the cabins.”

Jordan climbs out of his bed, curious as to what Derek was referring to. He walks out to the small porch area to find Derek and a counselor, she was holding a leash of a dalmatian dog.

“Meet Georgie, the camp’s emotional dog,” Derek said as the counselor took the leash off for which the dog trotted up to Jordan.

Jordan bent down and hugged Georgie, it licked Jordan on the cheeks and Jordan laughed at the tickly sensation.

He pets the dalmatian fondly as he sits down on the porch, the dalmatian wags its tail while it sniffs Jordan. Derek leans against a wooden beam while he watches Jordan.

“Can I sleep with him?”

The counselor shakes her head, “sorry kid, camp rules. Plus we don't know if some kids in there are allergic to pet dander.”

“Aw, well, ok,” Jordan said before going back to give Georgie a plethora of kisses.

“Bring him to the main cabin once you’re done with him, alright?”

“Yeah, sure sis.”

The counselor walks away, Jordan assumes she went to the main cabin, “Is she your sister?”

Derek nods, “A few years older than me.”

“Oh, just her?”

“I have one more sister, younger than me. You?”

“Me? I’m just alone, I don’t think my parents planned for more.”

“It must feel lonely a lot of times.”

“It’s outweighed by the amount of attention I get when my parents are home. Like a lot that it’s overbearing a lot.”

“Well, that says that they love you a lot.”

“Yeah,” Jordan leaned against the wooden wall as Derek sat on the fence, keeping his balance.

They sit in silence, Jordan softly petting the dalmatian as he listens to the forest ambiance, staring at Derek. Derek had his eyes focused on the lakeside, peeking through the trees. He doesn’t notice when Jordan stands up, coming closer to him.

“It’s alright if I sit here right?”

Derek jerks and he loses his balance, Jordan holds his hands and catches Derek before he falls backward. Jordan pulled him forward and Derek’s face was millimeters away. They stayed like that for a while before Derek moved back.

“Yeah, yeah, you can sit here,” Derek said, moving to the side to give Jordan some space to sit on the fence.

Jordan jumps up and sits next to Derek on the fence. He stares at the lake, the moonlight’s reflection softly waving on the lake. Jordan yawns, his body was sleepy but his mind didn’t want to go to sleep. He was going to try anyway.

“Should I walk Georgie back to the main cabin?”

“I can do it, you can go to sleep.”

“Ok, night, Derek.”

Derek jumped down and motioned Georgie to stand up, the dog followed him side by side as if it was his own.

Jordan walks back into the room and climbs in bed, his eyes feeling dreary as he looks at the ceiling.

The camp goes on, different activities every day, Derek often stuck by his side, talking to him until Jordan fell asleep, as the end of camp neared, he felt like a new person almost. He learned to accept himself, he learned to love himself, and more importantly, Derek walked with him through all of it.

It was the last bonfire of the camp, everyone was feeling bittersweet, talking about their favorite times, and all Jordan could think about was how much he was going to miss Derek.

He wasn’t going to lie, he was glad he was going to go home tomorrow but he also didn’t want to say goodbye to Derek forever.

That night, he lay awake, waiting for Derek to finish writing in his journal, he wrote on it every night.

“You know what I’m going to miss most?” Derek asked, turning the lamp off.

“What?”

“Talking to you.”

“Yeah, I’m going to miss this too.”

The next day, everyone was hugging and saying goodbye, Jordan could see his parent’s car roll up and he stood up, slinging his duffle bag over his shoulder.

“Parents here?”

“Yeah, thanks Derek, for everything. I’ll miss you,” Jordan hugs Derek, tightly.

“Bye Jordan, we’ll meet again, probably.”

“Bye Derek,” Jordan slowly moved away from the hug, staring at Derek’s eyes once more before turning to walk to his parents who were waiting in front of their car.

His father helps him put the bags in the trunk and he gets in the back, he sees Derek wave at him as the car rolls away.

***

9 years later

Jordan was a deputy at Beacon Hills Sheriff’s Station and he was called on a trespasser at an old broken down site.

As he and Deputy Haigh drive up to the site, he sees a boy sitting there near the ruins of a burnt-down house. He looked familiar, Jordan couldn’t pinpoint why.

“Hey, kid, ever heard of trespassing?

“Really Haigh? Are you okay, kid?”

“Where are my parents? Where is my family?” The boy turned around and Jordan couldn’t understand why someone who looked like Derek was in front of a burnt down house.

“You’re trespassing, kid, on government property.”

“Haigh, stand down. We can help you find your family.”

“What happened to my house?”

"This isn't your house kid, no one's lived here in 7 years."

High surges towards the boy and he twists Haigh's hand around and before Jordan could do anything, Haigh tased the boy.

"Haigh, what the hell?!"

"That runt assaulted me."

"Yeah, because you lunged at him."

"Shut up, Parrish."

"We gotta take the kid to the station."

At the station, Jordan crouches down in front of the boy to ask a few questions.

"So, what's your name?"

"Derek Hale."

'Derek Hale? It can't be, how could he look younger than he did?'

Jordan nods and walks away, he needs to find the sheriff.

"So, you're telling me that that's Derek Hale?" the sheriff asked.

"Yeah, he claims he is."

The sheriff was as confused as he was, Jordan didn't even have a grasp of sanity and he barely was in a month working in the station.

The sheriff takes the case for here and he never heard of the boy again, that was until someone unfamiliar showed up while he was working reception.

"Hi, um, Jordan?"

"Yes, do I know you?"

"I'm, Derek. From the camp, remember?"

"Wait, you're Derek Derek?!"

Derek nods, "yeah."

"God, I was so confused when you were shifted back to child form by what the sheriff only told was by a tomb in a church in an abandoned town in Mexico," Jordan said in one breath, "I can't believe I'm seeing you, after a long time."

Seeing Derek again, reignited the small spark inside, the same schoolboy crush Jordan had on him.

"So, how are you doing?"

"Better, I mean, not much in the love department, but I'm pretty comfortable and so much better in my own skin than I was 9 years ago."

"And you still have a crush on me."

"Yeah, oh and new news, I'm apparently a Hellhound? I was possessed by one while I was serving time in Afghanistan as an I.E.D."

Derek was surprised, "you stuck to your thing, of joining the army."

"I did… And, you are here right now because?"

"I know our meeting each other together after a long time was not the best, but I'm here to ask if you'd like to hang out, or go out for a coffee?"

"Like a date?"

"Yeah, like a date."

"Sure, how about this evening, I'm free for some coffee."

"Ok, I'll need your number," Jordan handed his phone to Derek, to which he saved his number.

"Great, I'll call you once I'm off work."

Derek smiles, his smile was still the same smile he remembered it to be, "see you later, Jordan."

Jordan smiles, he could barely contain his excitement and happiness as he paced behind the reception counter after Derek walked out.

"Deputy, you alright?" The sheriff asks as he walks in from his lunch break.

"Better than ever."

♡♡♡

Jordan sighs tiredly as he steps out of the bathroom. He'd had a long day and all he wanted was to sleep, however, when he gets to his bedroom he finds his favorite redhead sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Lydia?" He questions. "What are you doing here?"

Lydia smiles at him, but there's something off about it.  "Well you did give me a key in case of emergencies."

Jordan slumps inward, not thrilled at the possibility of more fighting, but resigned to helping anyways. "What, did the Loch Ness monster stop by for a visit while I took a shower?"

Lydia rolls her eyes. "You must be tired," she comments, then, "It's nothing supernatural I promise."

Jordan nods, relief shooting through him briefly before concern flares up. Lydia wouldn't have come over, especially at 3.A.M., if it wasn't important. "What's the matter?" He asks, taking a step towards her. "You're not hurt are you? Are you having trouble with your abilities?"

Lydia shakes her head, and she can't quite look at him.

He thinks it's odd until he realizes he's not wearing a shirt. He immediately goes to his closet to grab one.

"I just have something I need to tell you," Lydia says. "And I don't know how you'll react."

Jordan turns to face her as he quickly pulls a shirt on. She looks nervous, and if he didn't know any better, shy. He doesn't think he's ever met a woman as confident as Lydia before and it unnerves him to see her like this.

He sits next to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, whatever you need to tell me, I promise I won't react badly, even if I find it upsetting."

"If you find it upsetting I'm going to feel like such an idiot..."

He offers his hand out to her, trying his best to come across as sincere as he says, "You can trust me, Lydia."

She stares at his hand for a moment, then slips her hand into his, squeezing lightly with an appreciative smile.

He gives a small one of his own and it seems to encourage her more.

"I had this whole speech in my head," Lydia starts after a moment. "I was going to tell you about Stiles, and what I felt when I remembered him. How I felt when I saw him again and how it wasn't what I thought it was, but all of it would just be me delaying what I really want to say...which is that I love you - I'm in love with you."

Jordan tenses, completely caught off guard.

No, he thinks. That isn't right.

It wasn't as if he didn't feel the same as she did, but despite her being of age, he was still six years older than her and at a different point in his life. She was barely about to graduate high school and he was a Deputy in a small town struggling to get his boss to give him more responsibility.

She was smarter than anyone he's ever met, full of life, and ambitions greater than his own. And she deserved to experience college life without anything tying her down. To not have to think of anyone besides herself and what she wanted as she worked towards everything she ever dreamed of, including her Fields Medal.

She couldn't have that freedom if they got together now.

"Jordan?" Lydia asks, pulling him from his thoughts.

He blinks at her, then looks away. "Lydia I...you shouldn't love me."

"I disagree," she says stubbornly. "I think for the first time in my life I love the right person."

His heart stutters. "You've got your whole life ahead of you. You don't need me. "

"I do need you. You're the one who taught me how to fight, who saved me, and fought for me when I was at Eichen House...you're the only guy I trust more than Scott and believe me that's almost impossible at this point." Lydia says, sounding a little hysterical. "I mean, I've had...bad relationships with men and I've tried being colder, and hiding my vulnerabilities but when it comes to you I don't want to. I want you to see me and it should terrify me but it doesn't!"

Jordan stares at her, stunned.

Lydia reaches forward to caress his cheek, she's got tears in her eyes, and a soft smile on her face. "You've seen me be impatient and bratty, and you've seen me when I've been stuck in a trance, and even from the beginning when I was barely functioning as a person you never called me crazy. You were just nice. You're always nice. Sassy sometimes, but nice. And good. And strong, and sexy and brave."

Jordan smiles, hit with a wave emotion that brings tears to his eyes too because he can't believe someone really thinks of him this way - feels this way about him.

Lydia strokes his cheek with her thumb, staring deeply into his eyes as she says. "If you don't love me, that's okay, but don't ever say I don't need you because that's just not true."

And it should be enough to make him say it back, but it's not. He has to lay all the cards out on the table and know without a doubt this is what she really wants.

"But you're about to go off to college," he starts, "don't you want a fresh start away from all of this?"

Lydia tilts her chin slightly as if she's just realized something. She shakes her head. "I want a fresh start, but that doesn't mean I want to leave behind everything or that I won't come back for the things that matter to me."

She uses her other hand to gently stroke his hair and he leans into her touch.

"So it doesn't bother you we won't get to see each other much, or that I'm a Deputy who does more paperwork than field work? That all I might want is to be the Sheriff of a small town?"

"The first one yes, the others no," she answers confidently. "Look, we'll figure it all out like we've done everything else - together...if you want to."

It was. He wants it more than he's ever wanted anything and it's terrifying and maybe it won't work, but he can't find it in himself not to try.

Jordan wraps two fingers lightly around her wrist and turns his head to kiss her palm before he says, "It is what I want. You're what I want. Of course you are."

She kisses him passionately, and he returns it fervently, loving the feel of her hand curling in his hair and her nails scratching into his scalp. He's thought about this so many times before, hallucinated it, and none of it compared to the real thing.

He pulls away when he realizes he forgot the most important thing, Lydia trying to chase after his mouth. He pushes their foreheads together so he can say, "I love you."

Lydia nuzzles into him, smiling. She closes her eyes. "I think I got the hint," she teases.