#jowji

I’m glad replies are back on so we can keep up the indignant feed of dragging your shitty anons like…. who has the Time In Their Day

it’s like 1 in twenty for me but when it’s that one in like SHIT MOTHERFUCKER THATS TRUE AS FUCK HOLY FUCKING BALLS

ahhh unfortunately self love is a very internalized thing and its hard to convince other ppl because a lot of it has to do with the self

but personally, i think learning to love yourself and your body is a really really important thing. it makes it so where you can wear it like an armor.

when i was really little i remember watching this animal planet special about antivenom. basically, the only way to counter a lot of really venomous snake bites is by making antivenom. and the antivenom is actually made by milking venom from the snakes, and then going through a process of cooling and filtration until it can be used as a medicine to counteract venomous snake bites. and i think that loving yourself is a bit like that: taking the venom that ppl have used against you and using it as an antidote.

like, people can say whatever they want to you but as long as you love yourself, it doesn't matter what they say. it used to crush me when people called me fat but now that i've learned to love my body, it makes me laugh. like, yes, i am fat. that is a true and correct statement. but i own it. i know i'm fat and i love myself for it. and as soon as you learn to do that, words like that won't hurt anymore. people can call you a whale and you can laugh it off. yes, you're fat! it's okay! and if you love yourself none of that will hurt anymore. it's really important to take the words that people have used against you and use them like armor. now you can't hurt me with them.

learning to love my body was a long process, and honestly, i still struggle. the thing about self-love is that it's not something that you go through once and never have to worry about again. self-love is a lifestyle. some days i look in my mirror and i think that i look great. i think that i'm beautiful and i love my body and all the rolls and stretch marks and everything that comes with it. but then there are other days where looking in the mirror makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out. there are other days where i just want to hide under the covers because i don't want anyone to see me. 

some days you are gonna hate yourself. that's inevitable. people have taught you to hate yourself, people have taught you that you're not pretty or sexy or desirable, so it's not a stretch to say that some days you're going to believe them. and this is true for everyone. 

but the process is worth it for those days that you like yourself. looking in the mirror and saying, "i am beautiful, i look great, and i'm gonna conquer the world today" is part of the work. and i'm not gonna say that it's totally easy. you're going to have bad days. everyone does. but those bad days become few and far in between once you've started to learn to love yourself.

think me, 5 years ago: i thought i was ugly. i didn't like looking in the mirror or going clothes shopping (that was my worst nightmare) or looking at myself naked. if someone called me fat, it would horrify me and stick with me for weeks. some days i didn't go to school because people made fun of me so much. i was paranoid that all my friends were making fun of me behind my back. i didn't have a small personality -- i've always been loud, opinionated, and (to put it nicely) abrasive -- but i kept myself small because i didn't want to attract attention to myself. and every time i would try to diet, i would fail. and it would make me hate myself more.

and the thing is, there are so many fat girls in this world that have gone through exactly that. just feeling totally worthless and ugly and undesirable. if a boy didn't like me, i knew it was because i was fat. if people made fun of me, it was because i was fat. i was lonely and sad and i kept myself away from other people out of fear of rejection. this is something that fat girls go through. every fat girl has gone through those feelings of rejection and humiliation and self-hatred.

but then one day, someone tells you it's ok to love yourself. or maybe you just learn it yourself. the idea that i was allowed to love my body never occurred to me. but then i decided to love myself. i decided that my body was beautiful and it didn't matter what other people said.

if people started getting on my case about my weight, i learned to tell them to shut up. if someone called me fat, i learned to tell them that i didn't care. if my mom said "are you sure you need seconds?" i learned to tell her that it's none of her business what i weigh and how i eat and what my body looks like. you learn to tell people to shut up because it's not their life. it's yours. and it's your body. and it's your decision. 

your body is a vessel for your soul. you are here to do so many things and experience a lifetime and make friends and accomplish and pet dogs and go on rollercoasters and follow your aspirations and it is literally no one else's business what your vessel looks like. if you love yourself, you know that's not the point. that you look great because you are living your life and you are doing what you want to and if eating a slice of cake makes you happy, who the fuck cares? who's business is it but yours? if your body has stretch marks or rolls or excess fat or scars, who's business is it but yours? they are beautiful. and you are beautiful. and if you love yourself, you'll learn to tell people to shut the fuck up.

so fast forward, me now: i still have bad days. some days i look in the mirror and really wish i hadn't. but those days are becoming fewer and the time between them stretches longer. most days i can look in the mirror and say that i look great. i can take a selfie and like the way i look in it. i can kiss the excess fat on my arm and poke my jiggly thighs and clutch the rolls on my tummy and love all of it. i can make ugly faces and still think i look cute. and when someone tells me to hate myself, i can tell them to shut up.