#journeysofajournalist

DMR

I never really broke up with you. You just want those girls who wont love you at all. The ones who dont care that you ignore them. They have no problem initiating calls. You need those girls who aren't really giving. But you keep them around because they're physically appealing You know, an entourage of some sort. And then there's me, one in a million. I'm the woman who won't agree to that. A form of stubbornness, I take heed in that. Maybe you're used to the women without standards.. that could never fly with me. Cause my level above where you creepin at. Not in a sneaky sense, but using your drugs and fingerprints plastered on bottles drinking tens and twenties of forties. And shortly you'll be placed in outter space not realizing it's been a couple of days since you've even checked on the one face that you claim you could never erase. I'm "nagging" cause I'm the only one whose really braaaave enough to tell you Your problems don't go awayyyy just because you shut up about them for a few dayyyys and expect for them to disappear just cause you tried an escaaaaape route. I am not a Great Debator. Conversation about anything unfitting to your ears is considered nagging. Not once thinking, "Maybe we should talk about this just to let growth in. To keep growing. Cause this the only shoulder that's molding...to me. Maybe I shouldn't push her away and get when she cannot stay because anything she chooses to say to me, I just say ok like it's nothing to me." I never really broke up with you. Because after all, we are in a relationship, right? Wrong. A relationship is consistent. A relationship is a job. A relationship is a responsibility, and a relationship takes development, mutuality, and respect for feelings, time and hearts. A relationship is selfless, it is giving, it is intimate. A relationship is looking in the mirror and seeing my personality staring at you. A relationship is being fully aware of your imperfections, insecurities, being the busiest person in the world and still finding time to see about one of the only people that truly loves you the most before you close your eyes. I never really broke up with you. So go ahead, tell your friends and the world the parts you want them to know. It's not that you weren't ever ready to change. You just were never willing to adjust. You couldn't give what you were getting, but still expected to receive in abundance And that, made all the difference. I never really broke up with you. I love myself so much. Enough to take a piece of me to share with my best friend. Not the kinds that lag around now, my TRUE best friend. But how could you let me go? Run off, push me away, then come back with 'I love you' like its the only form of passion I'll accept. How could you be so selfish and inconsiderate? You wouldn't know what love is if it hit you in the face. ITS SACRIFICE! How come you really didn't try? Why'd you ask me to stay when things got rough if you knew you would push me away? How could you look me in my face and tell me everything you've done then tell me I'm different, but still manage a way to treat me the exact same? I should've listened to everyone around me, but instead I took a chance with you. The biggest chance I've ever taken in my life! I thought that what I was seeing was someone different than what they said you were, but I was so wrong. You're the worst. I never really broke up with you. The one night I needed you the most, you were nowhere to be found. Except for where you always are.. checking for the things you always are. And still, to this day, I have yet to let you know what was wrong. I never let you know why I needed you so much. I never broke up with you for the broad reason you thought. It was a lot more to it than the reason you assumed. But the confusion is a result from a lack of communication. I can secure myself. I can handle myself. I can love myself. I can console myself. I wanted you around because you made my life exciting. I wanted you around because for the first time ever, I felt myself really being able to LOVE, unconditionally. I wanted you around because I saw us growing, changing, evolving, working, building, expanding. I wanted you around because you just being yourself made me comfortable to be myself. I wanted you around because no one wanted me to have you around. I wanted you around because in my heart I felt like I deserved someone who really touched my soul without feeling on me. Someone who really knew my mind without words. Someone who opened my heart without trying. What's that saying, "give a man a fish you feed him for a day. teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime." But what if I'm out here just as afraid to fish as you are? I can't swim, but I'm not staying on the bank. As afraid as I am, I'm jumping in the boat with you.. No hesitation of falling out and drowning. You were the one who suggested fishing in the first place, so when the water gets to your knees you're suddenly hydrophobic? What if I told you that you're the hardest person to teach and that my major in school isn't elementary education? You claim you want simplicity, but yet you complicate the smallest things. So now I'm stuck with the choice to either break the fishing rod and force you into it or just fish alone. Do I just let you die of starvation... because you weren't there when I was pulling up on the smallest things you gave me to hold on to? I don't know the first thing about fishing. But at least I tried. At least, I tried. I never really broke up with you, But I have to move on.

DMR

DMR

DMR

DMR